1. Chapter 1 #2
“Well, you’re not doing a very good job of being undercover,” he muttered, giggling. “Undercover cops are supposed to blend in.”
“No, I’m not a real cop; it’s my costume. Undercover cop.” Why was I trying to explain my costume to some idiot in a giant panda head? “Better than dressing as an embarrassment of pandas.”
“We’re not embarrassing; we’re awesome!” one of the girls yelled.
“No, a group of pandas is an embarrassment,” the giggling guy said.
“In more ways than one,” I muttered.
“Do you have a lot of panda facts memorized? I’m Cody.” He stuck out his hand. Or cartoonish panda paw, as it were.
I blew out a breath and shook it. “Jian. And I meant you were being embarrassing. All dressed as chubby pandas.”
“It was Cody’s idea!” the drunk girl said. “I wanted to go as slutty cats, but he said it was his turn to pick the group costume.”
“And pandas are so silly and cute. We couldn’t say no to Cody. It’s his favorite animal,” another of the pandas added.
“Not sexy though,” the first girl said, patting her fat panda belly and shaking her butt.
“Pandas aren’t silly. They’re misunderstood!” Cody said. “They’re not at all dumb; they just enjoy a good time. And they’re super strong. They have the bite force of a lion!”
“Super fierce,” the girl said, giggling.
“Their jaws can crush bamboo stalks like toothpicks. That’s not lazy—that’s metal.” Cody pushed his panda head up, balanced it on his head as he glared at her, and holy crap. He was pretty. For a guy.
His face was flushed and dewy in the neon light, with only a smudge of mascara under his right eye marring his masculine beauty. His mouth was plush, soft pink lips parted on a breathy, “What?” “Why do you have so many panda facts memorized?”
“You might ask why he can still say panda facts while drunk. He’s obsessed,” the girl said, giggling. “Pandas are my favorite animals, I’ve done my research. Their jaws are incredible. You don’t fuck with a panda unless you’ve got a death wish—”
The words sent a weird rush of pride through my chest.
“You’re that into pandas?” I asked, voice rougher than I meant.
Cody tilted his head. “Obsessed. They’re super smart, they’ve demonstrated the ability to learn complex tasks, and they have strong problem-solving skills. Honestly, I think their goofy reputation is because they’re bored in captivity and smart enough to entertain themselves.”
One of the other pandas tapped him on the back. “Good luck wooing the hottie with your panda knowledge. We’re headed to the club!”
As his friends wandered off, Cody turned back to me, visibly flustered. “He didn’t mean… I mean, I realize you’re not hitting on me. Sorry about my friends. We’ve all been hitting the bars.”
And just like that, I had my plan. I leaned in, crowding his space. “Have you ever petted a real panda?”
“No. I don’t think there’s anywhere you can do that.”
“What if I have access to a place? Would you go?”
“Hell yes!” he said, laughing. “Who wouldn’t? It’s a panda!”
“I have a proposition for you.” Shit, that sounded a little creepy. He didn’t seem to notice, so I cleared my throat and faked a laugh. “This is going to sound crazy, but I need someone to pretend to be my boyfriend. For a day.”
He swayed a little, staring up at me with wide, glassy eyes. “What?”
“I told a girl I was gay to get out of a date—long story—and now my family is going to think I have a boyfriend, and if I don’t show up with someone tomorrow, I’m screwed.” The words rushed out in a jumble. “I can pay you cash, or… you know, panda pets.”
“A real panda?”
“My family runs an, er... panda sanctuary,” I lied.
He tilted his head, then swayed a little, as if the motion had thrown him off balance. “There’s not a panda sanctuary around here. I would know.”
“It’s private, not open to the public, for, um… panda breeding?” Fuck, I hoped he didn’t Google that.
Cody’s face split into a wide grin. “Dude, are you serious? I would pretend to be your husband for a chance to pet a real panda. When do we start?” He was so drunk.
“Um, well. I suppose I could pick you up tomorrow morning? Where are you headed next?”
He blinked, spinning around. Then around again, looking completely confused. “I think I’m supposed to go somewhere with my friends. Where did they go?”
“They said they’d meet you at the club. Which club?”
“I have no idea! This whole street is clubs!” he said, giggling. “How am I supposed to find out which one they meant?” “You seem really drunk.”
“I am!” he cheered. “Right, so why don’t I call you a rideshare. What’s your address?” I pulled out my phone and swiped open the app.
“Ooh! Or, you could take me to your home. Where the pandas are!” He clapped his fake panda paws together, bouncing up and down a little.
“Come on, Cody. You’re drunk. What’s your address? Do you have your phone?”
“I’m not telling you! I want pandas! I demand pandas right now!”
Fuck, this guy would be easy to kidnap. I had the sudden urge to give him a stern talking-to about the dangers of the world.
Mine, my panda echoed, with a surge of possessive energy.
Well, that was weird. But clearly nothing to be concerned about.