Chapter 7 Dawson
SEVEN
DAWSON
The hot chocolate was a mistake.
Not because I didn't have the ingredients. I did, tucked away in the back of my pantry. But because making it felt too intimate. Like I was trying to take care of Parker instead of just offering a colleague a place to crash.
My wolf helpfully reminded me that was exactly what I was doing.
I heard his footsteps on the old hardwood. When he appeared in the kitchen doorway wearing my clothes, my wolf preened with satisfaction. Our mate was wearing our scent.
I shoved that thought away.
"Hot chocolate's almost ready." I kept my tone even. "But I was thinking we should probably eat something real first. When's the last time either of us had actual food?"
Parker considered. "A handful of chips doesn't count?"
"Definitely not."
"Then... yesterday morning? Maybe?" He looked exhausted with dark circles under his eyes and his hair was still damp from the shower with the streaks of studio makeup having been washed away
"Soup and toast?" I pulled open the pantry. "Nothing fancy, but it's food."
"Sounds good"
We fell into an easy rhythm with me heating up cans of chicken noodle soup while Parker made toast. The kitchen was small enough that we had to move around each other, and every time he got close and brushed against one another, my wolf whined, saying I should mark our mate.
Gods no. We were nothing to one another other than colleagues and that relationship was strained after my behavior.
The citrus-sweet scent was stronger now, mixing with my own scent from the borrowed clothes.
"Your house is nice," Parker said, breaking the comfortable silence. "How long have you lived here?"
"About five years. I bought it when I took the job at the station." I stirred the soup. "It needed work, but it's quiet and private."
"I can see that." His forearms flexed as he buttered the toast. "My apartment is the opposite. It has thin walls and noisy neighbors. But it was available immediately when I moved here, so I took it."
There it was again, the hint that the quick move had been necessary rather than convenient.
"You said earlier you left your last city for a fresh start." I poured soup into bowls. "Were you unhappy at work?"
"Bad relationship." He set the toast on plates. "I found out my partner was cheating and had been for months. Everyone knew except me."
My wolf growled at the thought of someone hurting Parker. He wanted to claw the guy. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be. Callan was an asshole, and I'm better off without him." But there was a trace of pain in his voice. "I needed to get out, you know and start over somewhere no one knew about the failed relationship or the wedding that didn't happen."
We sat at the small kitchen table, and for a while, we just ate. The soup was nothing special, but after nearly two days of terrible coffee and things masquerading as food, it tasted like the best meal I'd ever had.
"This was a good idea," Parker said. "The food, I mean. And the hot chocolate for after."
"Basic host duties."
"You didn't have to offer me a place to stay."
"Yes, I did." The words came out before I could stop them.
He looked at me with a question in his eyes, but I focused on my soup. I wasn't ready to explain why the thought of Parker staying with Mike or anyone else had made my wolf agitated.
We finished eating in silence, cleaned up together, and I made the hot chocolate. Real hot chocolate, with cocoa powder and sugar and milk heated on the stove. Parker watched me work, and I tried not to think about how right this was. The two of us in my kitchen eating and chatting.
"Here." I handed him a mug. "Careful, it's hot."
"Thanks." He wrapped both hands around it. "I should probably try to get some sleep. We have to be back at the station in a few hours."
"Yeah. Me too."
But neither of us moved. We stood there in my small kitchen, drinking hot chocolate, and I wanted to explain why I'd reacted the way I had and how seeing him fall into that water had wrecked me.
"Dawson."
"Parker."
He smiled. "You first."
But the words stuck in my throat. "Just... I really am sorry. For earlier."
"I know." He set down his empty mug and turned to face me.
We were standing close enough that I could see the exhaustion written on his face. His body swayed, I reached out to steady him. My hands landed on his hips, and we both froze.
"Sorry." But I didn't let go.
His hands came up to rest on my forearms, and I felt the warmth of his palms through my shirt.
I swayed forward as if drawn by gravity, and for a moment, I thought he might close the distance between us and I wanted him to so badly my wolf was practically howling.
The tension crackled between us and goosebumps sprawled over my arms.
But then he stepped back, and my hands fell away.
"I should try to sleep," he told me.
"Yeah," I managed. "Me too."
I watched him go upstairs, then stood alone in my kitchen with my wolf whining at the distance between us and our mate.
Sleep didn't come.
I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, knowing Parker was just down the hall.
He was so close and wearing my clothes, but he was still too far away.
The storm had passed, but the real chaos was inside me.
My wolf wanted to go to him and make sure he was really okay.
But he also wanted to claim him and I couldn't allow that.
Parker was human, and he didn't know shifters existed, and I had no idea how to tell him that my wolf had recognized him as my fated mate. Besides, he got a choice in whether he wanted to be with me and wear my mark for life. It was a huge ask and we were on the first rung of a very long ladder.
In the early hours of the morning, I gave up on sleep. I pulled on sweatpants and a t-shirt and padded downstairs, thinking I'd make coffee or stare at the weather models on my laptop. Anything to quiet my mind.
The kitchen light was already on.
Parker stood at the counter in my borrowed clothes, a mug of something in his hands. He gasped as I entered. Shoot, he'd been through a lot and I'd scared him.
"I didn't hear you come in."
My wolf demanded I comfort him but I couldn't rush over and hug him.
"Couldn't sleep either?"
"No." I moved to fill the kettle.
He leaned against the counter. "Every time I close my eyes, I see that water and feel it pulling me under and smothering me."
My wolf whined at the fear in his voice and demanded I comfort our mate.
"It must have been terrifying." And I'd made it worse. I'd never forgive myself for the pain I'd caused him.
"I'm here because of that wolf." He shook his head. "I still can't believe it. Where did it come from and why would a wolf be out in a hurricane?"
Guilt twisted in my gut. "Animals do strange things in storms. It's their survival instinct."
"I guess." He was quiet for a moment. "I keep thinking about what you said. About how I could have died. You were right. It was reckless."
"I shouldn't have said it like that. Not right after it happened." I ran a hand through my hair. "I was terrified, Parker. Watching you fall, not knowing if you'd survive. I've never been that scared in my life."
"Why?" He jerked his head up and stared at me.
This was the moment where I could tell him the truth, or some version of it, where I could explain why my reaction had been so extreme.
"Because," The words caught in my throat. My wolf pushed at me, needing Parker to know. "Because I care about you, more than I should. And not just as a colleague."
Parker didn't say anything though spots of pink appeared on his cheeks. Instead, he studied what was in his cup. His fingers white-knuckled the hard ceramic and I couldn't tell if that was a hard no or if he felt even a smidgen of what I did.
"I've been trying not to," I continued, the words coming faster now. "We work together so it's complicated, and I didn't think you'd be interested. But then you fell, and all I could think was that I couldn't lose you. That the thought of you getting hurt was worse than anything else."
He didn't speak. He stood there, making me work for every word.
"I like you, Parker. Not as a colleague.
I have feelings for you as in romantic feelings.
" The admission was similar to jumping off a cliff.
"And I know the timing is terrible, and you probably don't feel the same way, but I needed you to know.
That's why I reacted the way I did. That's why I can't stand the thought of you being in danger. "
The words tumbled out but I couldn't read Parker's expression. If he turned me down, I couldn't work at the station and I'd have to look for another job on the other side of the country. My wolf was expecting Parker to reject me.
Finally, he spoke. "I need time to process this." He glanced up and the pink from his cheeks had spread downward.
It wasn't a rejection but neither was it an acceptance.
"Okay."
"It's not that I don't ummm care for you." He shook his head. "I recently got out of a relationship where someone lied to me for months. I nearly died today and we had a huge fight. And now you're telling me you have feelings for me." He set down his mug. "It's a lot, Dawson."
"I understand."
"Do you?" There was something almost pleading in his voice. "Because I don't. I need to think and to figure out what I'm feeling without the adrenaline and the exhaustion and everything else clouding it."
"Take all the time you need." I meant it, even as my wolf whined in protest. "I'm not going anywhere."
He nodded slowly. "I should try to sleep. We have to be back at the station in a few hours."
"Yeah."
He moved toward the doorway. "For what it's worth? I'm glad you told me. Even if I don't know what to do with it yet."
Then he was gone, and I was alone in my kitchen, having just confessed my affection to my fated mate who needed time to think about what I'd said.
My wolf wasn't happy we hadn't mated and marked Parker but he was glad we'd been honest. Now I had to wait and hope that when Parker gave me his answer, it matched mine.