Chapter 16
Sixteen
By the time we got back to Edinburgh, I almost wished I hadn’t demanded to know a thing.
As Iain’s car pulled up in front of the terraced apartment I shared with Tara, I thought wistfully of how innocent I’d been the last time I’d walked through my front door.
Back then, I’d thought Iain was just an extremely difficult boss. Last Wednesday, I hadn’t understood what he was, or how much he’d risked to save my life.
But now I knew. And though I got out of the car with Tara, I only did so to give my best friend another hug, and to thank her for coming with me to Faoltairn. “I’m really sorry for all those bad thoughts I had about you and Brian. If I’d known ‘Brian’ was really your full moon cover story …”
Tara laughed. “Girl, stop! Seriously, having a human best friend has been one of the highlights of my life so far. Thanks for putting up with me. And you know, whatever happens after this, I’ve got you.
I’m on your side. Now that I don’t have to worry about you finding out what I really am, I give zero birds about this country’s crazy-ass laws. I will ride or die if called upon.”
I laughed and hugged Tara again. It all made so much sense now. Insane sense, sure. But sense nonetheless.
However, all too soon the goodbye was over, and I watched Tara disappear into the apartment I already knew I’d never live in again.
When I turned back around, I found Iain standing below on the curb. As close as he could get without invading my private time with Tara.
With a deep breath, I walked down the steps to stand in front of him.
Iain. My mate. The father of my child. The man who’d saved my life, only to have me ruin his in return.
“Dinnae cry. You know I cannae bear it,” he said when my shoulders began to shake.
But this time instead of handing me a tissue, Iain drew my trembling body into his arms. “You’re wrong. None of this is your fault, chridhe.”
“Can you read my mind, too?” I asked, sniffling into his shoulder.
“Aye, but only the stronger thoughts. It’s the mate bond. Normally, we’d be able to read each other’s minds, and you’d be able to control what I do, and dinnae hear. That’s the wolf way when it comes to mates. But from what I understand so far, turned wolves don’t have the capacity for it.”
“In the pub, it was like I could feel your anger. Like it was my own. Was that the bond?”
“Aye, and that’s just the start of it. Over time it deepens until you don’t even fight anymore because you understand exactly how your mate feels. But in my parents’ case …”
Now he sighed. “… I reckon it must have been incredibly hard on them both toward the end. My da understanding exactly how unhappy my mother was. My mother unable to abide life in the Highlands.”
He shook his head mournfully. “Wolves mate for life—at least we’re supposed to.
But my mother left, which is why it’s been so hard for me to forgive her all these years.
It nearly tore Da apart when she ran off—that’s the main reason Magnus got the throne so young.
But in most cases, the bond is a good thing, meant to keep two wolves happy and mated for all of our lives. ”
Another point of guilt for me. By impregnating me, he’d never get that soul connection. He’d given up his chance to mate with someone like him. A born wolf who he could communicate back and forth with—
“Don’t be daft, Millicent.” Iain pulled back to peer down at me with an irritated expression. “It’s just a feature. Like the Bluetooth in my car. I don’t really need it, do I? And the USB cable’s more dependable anyway.”
I smiled sadly and shook my head. “But Bluetooth’s standard in most luxury vehicles.”
“I’m just as happy with talking,” he answered, a tender smile in his voice.
“But why did you do this?” I asked. “Give up so much to help me?”
He blinked down at me as if my question had taken him by surprise. Then with a tight-jawed shake of his head, he said, “Ach, I’ve really gitted this up, haven’t I? Kept so many secrets that I’ve confused you at every turn. Well, let me tell you the all of it, Millicent.”
He cupped the back of my neck, stroking it with his thumb in a now familiar way.
“That first day you came into my office to interview for the position, I knew you were mine. Knew you were the woman I was meant to mate with at first sniff. Felt it so powerful, I assumed you were a wolf. But then I noticed the scent that was missing from you. The wolf pheromone, and then I realized …”
Iain let out a shaky breath as if the memory still pained him.
“I knew I couldn’t have you. Not even as a girlfriend.
That’s fine in the States where they’ve plenty of werewolves running about.
But here in Scotland, my village isn’t the only one suffering.
The number of new births has dropped dramatically all over, and after our first zero birth year, the Council of Alphas strictly forbade long-term relationships with humans.
So though I wanted you from the moment I saw you, I knew I couldn’t have you.
But I couldn’t just let you go, could I?
So I hired you on anyway, and vowed to my brother I’d keep my hands off you. ”
One side of Iain’s mouth lifted in an apologetic smile.
“And even though I made you wear that ridiculous fragrance to cover up your intoxicating scent, that vow’s put me in a right terrible mood for nearly three years on.
You see, my heart still knew what my nose could no longer smell.
I think that was why Magnus was so keen to flirt with you.
He was most likely hoping if he turned your head and got you into bed, I’d lose interest. But you never gave him a second look, did you?
Which left me to love you from afar, trying to forget you with other human women—but it never worked.
The more time we spent together, the more I discovered how smart you are, how clever.
My brother thinks you’re a mouse, but to have survived what you did and put up with a cranky bastard like me—well, I know what strong mettle you’re made of, Millicent.
Which is why I nearly lost it when I smelled how sick you were last week.
As I said, we wolves can’t contract human diseases, but humans … ”
“Humans are so fragile,” I quoted, remembering what he’d said in the waiting room of the ECCC. “It makes it hard to form connections.”
He gave me a sad nod of agreement. “I couldnae do it, Millicent. Couldnae let you die when I knew turning you would solve everything. I suppose it also didn’t hurt that if you became a were like me, then I’d be allowed to mate you.”
“You can only mate with another wolf, but you live in an island nation. That’s probably why your fertility rates have dropped so drastically,” I pointed out. “If you can only mate with each other, your gene pool has got to be majorly compromised.”
He nodded. “Our numbers had been reducing for a while before we hit null. Back when my father was a young prince, the Council of Kings started encouraging our young wolves to leave the villages and head to the cities and even outside Scotland and the U.K. That’s why my Da decided to attend university in Italy.
And the plan worked at first, but not for long.
As times changed and she-wolves became more independent, many of the wolves we sent out didn’t return with wives as my father did.
But as you can see, it’s become a severe problem, which is why we finally created the Rule of Succession back in the 90s. ”
I nodded, understanding if not liking the rule Iain had told me about in the car.
The one that declared if a king’s sibling brought forth an heir before the king successfully mated a she-wolf, then the king would be deposed and the sibling—regardless of gender—would take over as the rightful ruler of the specific kingdom towns.
“How many kingdom towns are there in Scotland?” I asked.
Iain shook his head. “There used to be at least two hundred or more, but now we only have nine left in the entire British Isles.”
“Oh …”
My breath caught. I’d guessed the answer would be bad, but not that bad.
The memory of all those villagers reaching out to touch me came back in a new light.
Banrigh! Banrigh! Banrigh!
Queen.
That’s what Iain had said the word meant during the long car ride back into Edinburgh.
I had to ask, “So when you turned me …”
But he started shaking his head before I could finish.
“Impregnating you wasn’t my intention at all.
My plan from the start was to bring you back to Faoltairn when the full moon came round.
I would’ve kept you safe while you changed.
Trust me, Millicent, I wanted to do right by you.
Get you through your first transition without burdening you with my notion of us being together.
But then you went into heat, and I couldnae keep my hands off you.
But I also couldnae tell you what I really was. ”
“But me becoming queen won’t solve anything,” I insisted. “This is just one baby. And you don’t even want the throne.”
“I dinnae desire it, that’s true.” Iain lowered his head. “Magnus was born to the role, and I’ve never had an interest in ruling like he has. But I cannae just turn my back on it, and on my people. Also, what else am I to do if I can’t live in my city of business?”
I shook my head. “I don’t understand. Why would you have to leave Edinburgh?”
Iain’s face became grave. “The punishment for revealing yourself to a human is banishment. That’s precisely why I chose to bite you as a wolf: wolves are not held responsible for things that happen while we are in wolf form.
So the only thing I did wrong was to invite you to Faoltairn.
But that rule is frequently broken by our kind—especially with the rise in popularity of Prime. ”
He gave me a sheepish look. “Now, any wolf can pay a penalty fee of three hundred pounds and voila, we qualify for a year’s worth of Prime two-day delivery. Low price to pay for saving the woman you love at any rate.”
He smiled down at me. But I could only look back up at him, beyond stunned. “You truly love me? I mean, you’re not just with me because I went into heat before you were able to tell me you turned me into a werewolf?”
“Of course, I love you, you daft woman! Like I said, my nose knew you as soon as you walked through my door. And though I never would’ve wished that diagnosis on you, I hope you eventually come to see it as I do: as the thing that allowed us to be together.
Without it, I would’ve spent the rest of my life pining away for the woman I couldn’t have. ”
“Oh, Iain …” I breathed out his name like a prayer. “You don’t need to wait for me to realize how lucky I am, I already know. Thank you. Thank you so much for loving me enough to save my life.”
I kissed him then. Sealing in the gratitude.
Making the kind of apologies that cannot be conveyed by mere words.
I’m sorry for not falling in love with you sooner, my kisses told him.
I’m sorry I wasted nearly three years not knowing you for who you really are.
I’m sorry I only have one life to make it up to you.
We kissed, and then drew back to smile at each other. And for the first time since my long-ago interview with Iain, I felt like we were on the exact same page.
But then he became serious once more and said, “Now we need to talk about New Zealand …”