Tara #2
“But that’s just it, don’t you see? I never cared if any woman was jealous.
With me, it was always one night, show myself to the loo, and then sod off.
I never wanted to linger. To spend days on end exploring one woman’s body.
To spend the rest of my life knowing every aspect of the she-wolf in front of me.
Cos’ you’re not just any woman, are ye? You’re not just my unexpected mate … ”
Magnus squeezed me even more tightly and said, “What I was trying to tell you is you’re the only female, human or she-wolf, I’ve ever truly desired.
The only one I have ever wanted to be with again and again—as many times as you’ll let me over the course of a lifetime.
It has only been four days but I already ken there will be no other for me.
I will never desire another female the way I desire you.
And all I’ve wanted is a sign you felt the same way about me. ”
I stilled, all sorts of alarms going off inside me. Magnus had trapped me again, and now he was pushing me further than I was ready to go after only four days of really knowing him.
I waited for the claustrophobia, for the metallic thunk of the pack alpha’s basement cage, for the usual punching rage. But it never came …
And eventually, my body softened inside his arms.
“My wolf likes you, too,” I admitted. They were only five small words, but I expelled the same breath after speaking them as I would have after bungee jumping off the tallest bridge.
A moment of silence. Then he asked, “And your human? How does she feel about me?”
I stiffened, feeling “caught out” as my Scottish friends often said. I had no idea how to answer that question … or how Magnus figured out I’d been purposefully holding that part of me back during our days together.
He exhaled, his arms loosening a bit. “You said you dinnae want to be trapped, and I dunnae desire that for you either. I’m aware you’re only here with me now because your wolf put your human in a poor position.
I know that, but I still want all of you, banrigh, and I won’t settle for anything less. ”
Banrigh …
I twitched inside his loosened hold, wanting to say something sarcastic or cutting. Wanting to protect myself, just like I’d been tirelessly doing for nine years. But, in that moment I realized there is a thin line between angry and scared. At least for me. And I’d stepped over that line.
Magnus frightened me.
And that realization made me admit, “Magnus, I’ve been a lone she-wolf for a very long time.
But after Milly and Iain got together … they seemed so happy.
I began to think maybe I should do that.
Maybe I should be … I don’t know—more social with other wolves again.
Maybe try to find a mate and settle down … ”
And here came the hold again. His strong arms seemed to tighten reflexively around me. “You think you were jealous of my past women? Do you ken how jealous I get at the thought of you settling down with a wolf who isnae me?”
“Magnus, listen! The point is I like you!” I rushed out, cutting him off before his oversized pride could hijack the conversation. “But I don’t like liking you.”
I lowered my eyes, and I focused all my attention on his heavily muscled forearm as I blurted, “I don’t like feeling tongue-tied every time I look at you too long.
I don’t like this ‘but why me?’ feeling I get when I’m in your arms. Like, I’ve won the lottery, and someone is going to come take it away any minute.
Being with you … staying with you means I’ll have to give up everything I’ve ever wanted, everything I have ever worked for in the human world. That scares me. Like, a lot.”
I sighed. “The thing is, me being pregnant with twins and taking over as queen of Faoiltiarn isn’t going to remotely solve all your kingdom’s problems. I want you, Magnus …
I do. We want to be your mate—my wolf and my human.
My wolf would do anything to be with you, but my human knows I am not capable of being your queen—not with my background. I just … can’t.”
Magnus was silent. For a very long time.
And then, gently, oh-so-gently, as if I were made of glass, he turned me around and pulled me to him, cupping my face to his chest and completely enfolding me in his large arms.
His unexpected hug made me shudder—then instantly melt.
When he held me like this it made me feel treasured … and protected. From everything, including myself.
His arms felt like a safe harbor from the storm of “I can’t! I can’t! I can’t!” raging inside my mind.
“Is that what you need from me?” he asked, his breath warm on top of my head. “Me with you here in Edinburgh instead of you coming to me in Faoiltiarn? Is this the only way you’ll let me have all of you?”
I pulled back out of his hug because no, that wasn’t what I was saying at all. I knew how much his kingdom meant to him and I’d never give him that kind of ultimatum.
But before I could tell him that, the sound of bagpipes cut into the moment—electronic and tinny.
Magnus frowned and glanced toward the kitchen sideboard where his phone had been sitting since he tossed it there sometime on Wednesday.
“Sorry, mo leannan. That would be the head coach. He designated the ‘Flower of Scotland’ as his own special ringtone and had us program it into our phones, so we know when he calls. That should tell you how much he thinks of himself. But he wouldn’t be calling on game day if it wasn’t important. Hold on …”
My eyes widened as I watched Magnus pick up his phone. Today was a game day? He was skipping a game to be with me? I couldn’t believe a guy as tied up in his career and title as Magnus would do that just for me.
“Nae, not so far away. We decided to stay in the city, actually, but—” Magnus broke off, his face pulling into a heavy frown. “Ach, poor sod. Does he have a concussion then?”
He gave a painful wince that made me suspect the answer was a big yes.
“I see. Aye, that is too bad. But you still dinnae need me for … ah, aye … their captain does have a dirty goose-step. But—”
Even with my powerful wolf hearing, I couldn’t understand what the head coach said next. But in the end, Magnus nodded with a terse, “Aye, alright then. Give us an hour.”
Then he hung up and turned to me, his jaw tightly clenched underneath his beard. “Looks like you’re going to get a taste of the kind of life I can provide you a little sooner than expected, mo leannan.”