Chapter 22
I watch her pale, probably because of the first part of what I said about her being trafficked if she fell into my enemies’ hands.
I’m not moved by her shock. She asked me for the truth. We may have gone years without speaking, but Jackie knows enough about the world we grew up in—where being around criminals since childhood was normal—to understand that what I told her is a very real possibility.
“Is there no other way?”
“Unless I could take down my enemy or enemies tomorrow, no. We need to deal with this immediately.”
She gets up from the table, walks toward the living room, and I follow her.
“You asked me for the truth.”
“I know,” she says, her back to me.
I move closer, but I don’t touch her.
“We’re compatible. You just came in my mouth and wanted more.”
She turns, and I see her start to deny it, but she doesn’t, because that would make her a liar.
“If I agreed, how would that affect my life?”
I don’t repeat that she doesn’t have a choice. Jackie is smart, and she knows me well enough to understand I’ll do whatever it takes to protect her, even if it means forcing her to marry me.
“In every way. Until it’s safe, you’ll have to stop the volunteer work. You only go once a week anyway.”
“How do you know that?”
“Are you seriously asking me that? I know everything about you.”
“You told me that once, when I was fifteen.”
“What?”
“You were leaving our house. I followed you to the gate because something told me you wouldn’t be back. I was wearing only my pajamas, and the night was cold. I called you, but you didn’t turn around to look at me.”
“And I told you to go back inside because you weren’t dressed for the weather,” I finish for her.
“Yes, and I asked how you could know that without even looking at me.”
“I told you I know everything about you. And it’s still true, Jackie. It’ll always be true.”
“If you like me, why have you never let me get close before?”
“First, because being with me is a risk. Unless you marry me.”
“And what else?”
I shake my head.
“There are a lot of things about our past you have no idea about.”
“Like what?”
I don’t say another word, and she understands it’s pointless to push.
“What changed?”
“What?”
“You just said there are things from our past I don’t know, and that was one of the reasons you stayed away from me. What’s changed so you’d let me get close now?”
“Besides the fact that your life’s at risk? Nothing.”
Except for the fact that I’m a selfish bastard who wants to spend some time with you, even knowing that at some point, I’ll have to let her go.
“We could just get married on paper, without any physical contact.”
“I want you.”
I see her shiver, and my cock, which had only just started to harden from her nearness, turns to steel again.
“Even though you think we shouldn’t be together?”
“Yes. There’s something you should never forget, Jackie. No matter how precious you are to me, I’m a monster. And monsters don’t have a conscience.”
“There’s nothing you’ve done that you regret?”
“No. Except not getting closer to you sooner.”
She takes a step back, but I can see a vein pulsing in her neck, telling me she’s turned on too.
“What do you mean by that?”
I walk over to her and grip her jaw, my face hovering over hers.
“I’ve tasted your pussy. I’m kind of addicted to it. If I’d known you were that sweet, I’d have taken you for myself a long time ago.”
“You don’t want me for me, you want my body.”
“Yes, that’s right. For five years.”
Jackie
I want to have the courage to push him away, torn between loving him more for not selling me a fantasy or hitting him for refusing to lie, even a little.
“I need to think.”
He slides an arm around my waist and nips at my jaw, making my skin prickle.
“There’s nothing to think about. I’m trying to handle this without treating you like the bastard I am, but I’m not letting you die just because you’re stubborn as hell.”
“If I agree…”
He lifts an eyebrow with irony.
“When we get married,” I correct, and I practically have to smack myself in the face to remember the marriage will be a sham, because I like how that sounds way too much, “I don’t want to be obligated to sleep with you. I’d feel horrible if it happened.”
He looks so shocked that he lets go of me and takes a step back.
“I’d never force you.”
“I know. It never even crossed my mind that you would. But you’re a master at seduction.
You make me forget my own name. I’m accepting this absurd marriage deal, Lucifer, but my body is non-negotiable.
I’m not having sex with you just because we’ll be husband and wife and that would give you easy access to me. ”
“Isn’t that what happens in most marriages?”
“I don’t work that way. I need the connection.”
“Believe me, very few couples who claim to be in love have a connection like ours.”
He smiles when he says it, but I see it doesn’t reach his eyes. I know he’s irritated, and I suspect it’s because he’s used to having women throw themselves at him with a snap of his fingers.
“I wouldn’t know.”
“What do you mean?”
No one’s ever made me feel this way, I say in my head, because I’d rather die than let my guard down that much.
I see he is still waiting for an answer.
Because while being with someone else, Lucifer, I was always waiting for the day you’d stop seeing me as a sister and see me as a woman.
“What we have…” he blurts out.
“It’s perfect. But I need more. I need intimacy. I’m not going to go against what I believe just because I’ll be your wife. If you want me in the literal sense, you’re going to have to meet me halfway and build a bond between us.”