Chapter 48
“Your daughter is the most beautiful child in the world,” I say, wiping my eyes, overwhelmed, as I watch my friend nursing her baby girl in the hospital bed.
After months of only talking on the phone, we both cried in each other’s arms for several minutes.
Taylor knows almost everything about my life now. I told her about the wedding and even about the supposed deadline we had agreed upon at the time, which is now out of the question. I just left out the part about the man who wants to kill Lucifer, because I know she’d panic.
Betina’s birth feels like the crowning glory of Taylor’s happiness, finally erasing the painful past she endured. Not only the kidnapping she suffered, the time she lost during that period, but also everything she had to overcome after losing both her parents.
They say like attracts like, and maybe it’s true, because both my friend and I long to build our own families. It’s probably a result of what we went through in childhood.
Today was one of the rare moments I left home for a social event. Since we came back from the Caribbean, I’ve been inside a prison made of golden bars.
A prison where the jailer is the love of my life, but still, a prison.
The house he bought for us is beautiful, by a lake, and I’ve spent the past months decorating it to pass the time. I believed the man who wanted Lucifer dead would be caught soon, but there’s still no sign of him.
The situation wakes me up several times during the night. I think I’m getting paranoid, because I wake up every hour just to check that Lucifer is alive, sleeping beside me.
I glance again at mother and daughter. Taylor seems to glow with her baby in her arms. She’s always been beautiful, but she’s become radiant with motherhood.
The sight of the two of them together, like an extension of each other, overwhelms my heart with love.
And then, just a second later, that same heart tightens with apprehension when I remember that today, I got confirmation that I’m pregnant.
I don’t know how it happened.
Maybe it was during those few days when I had a stomach issue and threw up a lot. I take the pill religiously, and I can only imagine that either the illness, or the sheer amount of sex we have, ended up putting us in that small percentage of contraceptive failure.
To me, the child I’m carrying is a little miracle, but I don’t think Lucifer will see it that way. I had planned to talk about having kids again, but I wanted to do it after his enemy was caught and the tension at home eased.
Our life together is far better than I ever imagined it could be, but like a stain on a blank canvas, that enemy is always there, haunting us.
For Lucifer, I think it’s because he fears something might happen to me. For me, it’s because I don’t know how I’ll go on if I lose him forever.
“You look really serious, Jackie. I know you can’t tell me everything about your life, but it hurts me to think you might not be okay.”
“I’m pregnant.”
“What?”
It’s like opening a floodgate. Tears begin streaming uncontrollably down my cheeks. “I’m sorry, Taylor. This isn’t why I came here.”
“Come here.” She pats the mattress, still nursing the baby.
“Betina was just born and you’re already multitasking,” I say between sobs. I sit on the edge of the bed and let her hold my hand.
“Why would your pregnancy be a reason for sadness?”
“He doesn’t want children.”
“He told you that?”
I nod, confirming.
“Bastard!”
“An honest bastard, though.”
“And what are you planning to do?”
“I’m working up the courage to tell him. I only found out for sure this morning with a pregnancy test.”
“And what if he says he really doesn’t want it?”
I bite the inside of my cheek to keep more tears from falling. “Then I’ll leave. I won’t stay in a house where my child isn’t welcome.”
“You can stay with us. You know that, right?”
“I know, and I’m grateful, Taylor. But you just became a mother—you have your own life to live. I’ll manage.”
“But I’ll always be around.”
“I never doubted that.”
An hour later, I leave the hospital room feeling much calmer.
I take a deep breath when I reach the hallway.
I see the two bodyguards who are like my shadows at the far end, but instead of heading toward them, I walk the other way to the bathroom, because I don’t want them reporting to the boss that I’ve been crying.
If they do, Lucifer will want to know why, and I need a few more days before I can bring myself to tell him about the baby.
I step into the bathroom and choose a stall. I take longer than usual; I’m so anxious that the quiet of the place soothes me.
There’s a sound in the stall next to mine as someone occupies it, and I finally realize I need to leave.
I head to the sink to wash my hands and startle when one of the stall doors opens. Instead of a woman stepping out, it’s a man.
My mouth opens to scream, panicked, but before I can, the voice I haven’t heard in almost a decade says:
“Don’t scream, Jackie. It’s me, Martin.”