Chapter 2
Daisy
I stared out the window, watching the world pass by in a blur. My head was foggy and my stomach hurt. I even thought I might puke.
It was just another day on the road.
People looked at my life and saw something so glamorous and perfect that they all wanted to be me—Daisy Brooks, country music star and the sweetheart of America.
What bullshit.
I scratched at my arms, almost to the point of bleeding. This happened a lot on the road when I wasn’t allowed to shift into my wolf form.
The world would turn upside down if they knew what I really was. It meant a lot of secrets and never letting anyone close. I was terrified of what it would mean if anyone ever found out and exposed me.
I knew there were others like me out there, but I wasn’t even certain I’d know it if one walked right up to me for an autograph.
The only other shifter I had regularly in my life was my manager, Ronnie.
He was a wolf from back home. He talked a lot, and he was very protective of me.
He never let anyone get close, he handled all of my business, and he’d been with me since the very beginning.
I was still permitted to talk to my family back home once a year, but that was usually all I was allowed.
Ronnie shoved some pills my way. “Take ‘em, it’ll help with the hives.”
Desperate for the itching to stop, I obeyed. I hated that I did. He pretty much ran every second of my life. I knew I should be grateful to him. Without Ronnie, I wouldn’t be here today. Hell, no one would even know my name. And he reminded me of that fact every chance he got.
“Maybe we should stop and see a doctor while we’re in Cheyenne. She’s going to scar up her arms if we don’t get that itching under control. It’s not normal, and the Benadryl you’re giving her isn’t helping anything, it just makes her even more tired,” Knox said.
“She’s fine,” Ronnie insisted.
I knew if I could just shift for even a few minutes that the cuts on my arms would disappear like magic.
But it had been months since I last shifted.
Would I even remember how? I’d never been this long without shifting.
I didn’t even know if it was safe, but Ronnie seemed to think so.
Instead of just letting me have a reprieve for just a little while, he continued to drug me.
While I appreciated Knox for trying to stand up for me, I knew that whatever Ronnie was giving me now was not Benadryl. It was something stronger. After I admitted to him that the Benadryl wasn’t helping me anymore, he started giving me whatever this was.
I chastised myself for ever mentioning it.
The bus swirled around me as voices echoed in the distance.
“Daisy? Daisy, are you okay?” Jed asked. I was honestly surprised he even noticed me. Usually, he lived inside his own mind and paid little attention to anyone, or at least that’s how it always appeared.
Ronnie didn’t always allow the band members to ride on the same bus as me, but we were down a driver, so everyone was scrunching into one this time.
It didn’t happen often, but I was always grateful for it when it did.
I loved having my band around. They were the only true friends I had in my life. More than that, they were family.
Knox was my drummer. He was a cool guy, a little intense though. I liked that about him. He made me feel safe. And he was always watching out for me and questioning Ronnie. That was probably why Ronnie insisted on two buses instead of just one most of the time.
Jed was the keyboardist. He was really good and helped write a lot of my songs. He was super creative, but his tendency to daydream left him oblivious to the things around him.
To complete the group we had Jonny and Cash.
Completely coincidental, but they got a lot of shit about it, being in country music and all.
Jonny was my bassist. He was like a giant golden retriever puppy, always ready to do whatever was asked of him, but also had the attention span of one.
Then Cash rounded out the band as lead guitarist. He was cool, sharp-tongued with a comeback to everything.
Sometimes I wished I could be as sarcastic as him.
I had a feeling that Ronnie didn’t like me spending too much time with the band, but he didn’t have much choice over that. We collaborated too much for him to keep us apart, plus we had to practice.
Cash was already pulling out his guitar, which he seemed to always keep by his side. “Jonny had an idea we wanted to run by you.”
“She needs to rest,” Ronnie insisted.
The meds he’d given me were trying to pull me under, and it was hard to concentrate, but I pushed back, determined not to fall asleep yet.
“You’ll have plenty of time once we reach the hotel,” he tried to say.
I knew that wasn’t true. We had an unusual break between concerts. There was no real reason the guys couldn’t have flown home at our last stop, yet for some reason they’d insisted on riding the bus to our next stop.
We had ten days before the concert in Cheyenne. I highly doubted they would all hang around for that. If I could, I knew I wouldn’t. I’d be on the first flight home to visit my family. But when I brought up the idea, Ronnie insisted it wasn’t safe for me to fly commercial.
That made no sense to me, because I knew I made enough to book a hired plane to get me there.
Actually, I didn’t know that for sure, but I had a feeling.
Ronnie controlled my money, too. He managed every single part of my life. There was no escaping it. But as much as I adored singing and being on stage, I would leave it all behind in a heartbeat if given the chance.
“Daisy, do you feel up to working on this?” Knox asked.
“Yes,” I stubbornly told him.
“Alright then. Cash, do your thing.”
Knox left no room for Ronnie to interject. I really did love that about him.
I smiled appreciatively.
Did they know how he treated me? Did they understand how he’d broken me down?
I used to be vibrant and fearless. Now, I barely recognized myself when I looked in the mirror.
The only people left in my life that I was truly comfortable with were on this bus, and even then, I couldn’t completely be myself.
I couldn’t let them get that close because I still had secrets they weren’t in on, and Ronnie never let me forget that.
Just one look from him and I cowered into myself.
Cash saw the second it happened too, and he looked away from me to glare at Ronnie.
“I thought maybe we could start with something about true love, the kind of love that lasts forever,” Cash said, as he began playing a new melody line.
Jonny nodded his head eagerly.
“Cheesy,” Jed insisted. “But cheese does sell albums.”
“It’s not cheesy,” Jonny insisted. “It’s timeless and beautiful.
And damn well better be true because I am not getting married twice.
I already told Cassidy that this is it. She’s stuck with me for life, because I am not doing this wedding thing again.
We aren’t even getting married for another eight months, yet she calls me at least once a day to discuss some new detail about the wedding.
Damn it woman, doesn’t she know I don’t give a shit about that crap?
I just want to be with her for the rest of my life. ”
“Now there’s some song lyrics for you,” Cash said with a snort. “Talk about romantic.”
He changed up the pattern he was strumming on his guitar and added lyrics to it this time.
Doesn’t she know?
Doesn’t she understand?
Doesn’t she realize I don’t give a shit about this crap?
I just want to love her for the rest of my life.
We all burst out laughing.
“Keep it up and I’ll have Daisy singing that for my wedding.”
A melancholy silence fell over us. They knew and I knew that Ronnie would never let me attend that wedding.
Knox cleared his throat. “Um, let’s get back to work. You know, that was a nice riff you had going. And I really did like the last line, though the rest could use some work.”
I smiled appreciatively. Maybe he really did just want to get this over with, knowing I’d be sleeping soon. Or perhaps he really was looking out for me as I liked to imagine.
There was a time when I’d written all my own songs, but the last two albums had been created mostly by the band.
They were good musicians and always tried to include me.
But what we were performing was more their stuff than mine now.
I didn’t mind that so much. They were great, and a part of me still loved just performing.
Being on stage in front of thousands of people was like an otherworldly experience.
Even though I had to walk through the choreography and smile at the crowd, it somehow felt removed from everything, as if I were there all alone singing in front of a mirror in my childhood bedroom and life was good.
I held onto that feeling tightly. There was a time that I lived a normal life with a normal family, or at least normal to me. I’d been part of a Pack that was even bigger than just me, my mom and dad, and my little sister.
My sister Chloe and I hadn’t always been super close. We fought and teased each other relentlessly, but we also had some really great times together. I liked to remember the good times. She’d been my friend, my confidante, and the first one I’d confessed my dream of being a country music singer to.
She was five years younger than me, but in many ways, she always felt like more of a big sister than the little one. It was weird to think about. Chloe was just born with attitude and bossed everyone around. She definitely ruled the house from the moment she arrived into this world.
Once we had been playing in the Pack house with all the other kids while all our parents ran under a full moon as one wolf pack.
They didn’t do that often, but a few times each year they would get together and go on Pack runs.
They were always fun, special nights. Us kids got to stay up late with minimal, if any, supervision.
We’d watch everyone shift at the same time, and then our Alpha would lead them off into the fields.
It was beautiful. But then we’d usually go into the Pack House and just play.
It was one of my favorite nights of the year.
Then there was a time when I was about nine years old, when I was coloring while a Pack run was going on.
There was a stage where the Alpha spoke from during Pack meetings and I walked up onto it.
No one was really paying attention to me, but I was entranced as I looked out at the room.
Suddenly, I burst out into song as if I had to just sing.
It was like my little body couldn’t keep it inside any longer.
The whole room stopped and stared, and then a few boys had laughed at me. Chloe had gotten up in their business, with her little finger wagging in their faces.
“Don’t you dare laugh at my sister. She’s going to be a famous country singer some day and then who will be laughing? She’s gonna be bigger than Reba McEntire herself. You’ll see.”
Our mother was a huge Reba fan and used to play her music through the house on cleaning days.
There was still something so warm and comforting when I heard her songs.
I clearly remembered the first time I’d met Reba.
I’d been in such awe being in her presence, but it brought a lot of sadness because my mom hadn’t been there with me. She would have loved that.
I realized I had no idea where Chloe was now or what she was doing with her life.
We’d had a falling out a few years back when I wasn’t able to make it home for her high school graduation.
She’s refused to talk to me since. I didn’t know anything about her anymore.
It felt like it was easier to just not ask, and my parents no longer kept me up to date on her life during our one limited call each year.
“You okay, Daise?” Knox asked.
I gave him a sad smile. “I’m good.”
Jed was helping Jonny and Cash work on new lyrics around the silly song he’d come up with on the fly, but it wasn’t quite working for them, and the meds were starting to hit harder than I could fight.
“I think I’m going to go lay down now,” I told Knox.
He frowned but nodded. “Sweet dreams, sweet Daisy.”