Chapter 4 #2
His words were sharp and precise, spoken in a way that was meant to cut me down. But he was also giving me the opportunity to retract the statement and bow out gracefully. Instead, I opened my big mouth once more.
“You heard me.”
I didn’t know what was empowering me to talk to him like that. Perhaps it was the fact that my head was still in a fog, making it feel more like a dream than reality. And I wasn’t convinced it wasn’t a dream. Ronnie often starred as the lead in my nightmares.
“I’m going to give you one last chance to reconsider,” he warned.
“And then what?” I asked.
The words were barely out of my mouth when I felt the sting of his hand across my upper cheek and left eye.
I howled in surprise and grabbed my eye.
“I think that’s enough out of you today. And don’t worry, it’ll heal before you need to be seen again.”
My mouth dropped open to say something else, but I quickly pulled it back in and submitted, hating that I still didn’t have the courage to stand up to him.
Knox had jumped from his bed and walked into the front living space. He got up in Ronnie’s face, and I could see the anger clouding his judgement. He was always trying to come to my defense, but I knew it wasn’t going to help my situation any.
“Reconsider your actions. You can sit your ass down right now, or the second we stop in Cheyenne, you’ll be put on a plane home, and you will not be coming back.”
The lethal tone of Ronnie’s voice made the hair on my arms stand up. I felt cold and empty inside even though I was wearing a thick sweatshirt.
I grabbed Knox by the shoulder and pulled him back and then down to sit next to me on the couch.
Ronnie stared at him until he looked away. Then, with a satisfied smirk, Ronnie turned and walked to his room, letting the door slam behind him.
“I hate him so much,” Knox told me.
When he turned to look at me, he saw clearly the evidence of what happened.
“He hit you. We could have him arrested for assault.”
“No,” I replied.
“But Daisy . . .”
“No,” I said a little more firmly.
He shook his head sadly.
“Don’t you realize you don’t need him?”
“Yes, I do.”
“No. He needs you. Why else do you think he works so hard to keep you in line or keep you drugged?”
Knox didn’t know I was a shifter. He had no idea what could happen if I shifted on this bus. Those drugs were necessary to keep everyone safe. Ronnie had told me that time and time again.
I frowned.
But Ronnie had said it. Everything I was going by were his words. Could it be possible that Knox was right? That he really did need me more than I needed him?
I considered that for a moment while Knox quietly got out a first aid kit and cleaned up my eye. I cringed as the sting of the wipe hit me.
“It’s a small cut, and you are definitely going to have a hell of a black eye.”
I doubted that would happen. Even though it was often hard to remember the last time I was allowed to shift, I could still channel my inner wolf.
I saw better, my hearing was better, and my healing was far superior to that of a human.
This cut and bruise wouldn’t last long. And I knew that if I could shift for even a moment, it would magically disappear in seconds.
I couldn’t stop thinking about what Knox had said, though.
We didn’t discuss it again. It was like the unspoken elephant in the room. Even I understood there was nothing normal about my life, but it was the life I had, the only thing I knew.
Knox kept me company for a while. The others even joined us after we stopped for food. Of course, I wasn’t allowed to get off the bus, and at this point the boys weren’t either because my fame had grown to the point that even they were recognized now.
None of them really realized that even when I was half comatose, I listened and heard everything. I knew the guys thought it was cool the first time one of them had been spotted in public without me. And it hadn’t been long after that they all started experiencing it.
I could still remember my first time, too. I was fifteen years old. It had been amazing, indescribable really. But the second time it occurred, I’d nearly started a mob in a mall. I hadn’t been allowed in a place like that again
Sometimes I thought that maybe it would be nice to just be normal. I could hardly remember what that was like.
Food arrived and everyone ate with me, just me and my band for once.
It was great. Ronnie stayed in his room, so there was no awkward tension or anything.
After dinner we all sat around singing. Cash brought out his guitar, Knox kept beat while banging on the table.
It was a fun, easygoing night, and I wished every night could be like that.
But before long, Ronnie reappeared and announced it was lights-out.
This was a normal part of our daily routine. Everyone would grab their earbuds and head to their assigned beds, where only a curtain provided a small amount of privacy.
Even I had my own earbuds, but they only connected to an old iPod with music I’d downloaded as a kid. Every now and then Ronnie would update it with my own songs so I could practice with it.
I wasn’t allowed a phone or a tablet, no computer or anything that connected to the internet. He said I didn’t need the outside corruption, or to read the negative comments made about me online.
“Your head should stay in the music. I’ll take care of everything else.”
Of course, this also meant I had grown up extremely sheltered. I had zero life experience. I interacted with my manager and band. That was it. I wasn’t even supposed to talk to the bus driver escorting me from city to city.
Outside the bus I met fans only in controlled situations.
I was told how to respond to them and what to say.
I was also told what to wear and how to move on stage.
When we arrived in a new place, I did get to interact with a choreographer.
It wasn’t always the same person. And the roadies were always around.
Beyond that there really wasn’t much to speak of.
I sang love songs but had never kissed a boy before.
One of my songs talked about drinking at a bar, but I’d never had a drop of alcohol in my life.
It all seemed quite hypocritical when I really stopped to think about it and not at all like the life I had dreamed I’d have as a little girl.
Ronnie came back into the common area, though I’d thought he’d gone to bed with the others.
“What are you doing out here?”
I shrugged. “Just wasn’t ready to go to bed yet.”
It didn’t really seem that out of the ordinary to me.
“Well, take your meds and don’t stay up long.”
There was an evil gleam in his eyes. He knew damn well that once I took the pills, I would fall fast to sleep in a matter of minutes.
“Thanks,” I muttered, taking them from him.
He shoved a bottle of water my way and waited to ensure I took them.
“Good night,” he said. “And try to make it to your own bed this time.”
I nodded without a word.
The second I heard his door shut, I spit out the pills and buried them in a napkin at the bottom of the trash bin.
I sat there looking around, waiting for him to come storming out as if he somehow knew I’d just rebelled against him.
I’d never done something like this before.
But after the events of the evening, I wanted to think straight and consider what Knox had said.
I couldn’t do that when my head was always in a fog from the pills.
I’d just defied Ronnie.
I wanted to jump up and do a happy dance knowing I’d gotten one over on him, but I didn’t dare.
It wasn’t like I could go anywhere or do anything.
I just laid down and stared at the ceiling, praying the fog would finally lift and I could really consider my options and what I wanted out of life.
I was sick and tired of being his puppet.
Still, that small voice in the back of my mind reminded me that I would be nothing without him.
Then his door opened.
I fought back a gasp.
How was he not asleep already? And I knew he’d be wondering the same thing about me.
I rolled to my side and pretended to be asleep, praying he wouldn’t look close enough to notice.
My heart raced.
He was on the phone talking to someone.
“Yeah, it was a bit of a tough day. Stupid bitch thought she could talk back to me, so I had to put her in her place.”
Was he talking about me?
“Don’t worry. I’ve got Daisy exactly where I want her. She won’t dare cross me again, at least not anytime soon.”
I went on to listen as he discussed my next tour, even though I’d asked for a break.
“This one ends in April. We’ll kick off the next in June. I’ll bring her back for a little studio time in between.”
He paused, but my heartbeat was thrumming in my ears so loud that I couldn’t make out the voice through the phone. I had no idea who he was talking to.
“Trust me. That bitch is mine to control.”
He walked away still talking. I hadn’t realized I was holding my breath until his door closed and I let it out in one whoosh.
So that’s what he thinks of me? Stupid bitch?
Was I really that na?ve?
What was I supposed to do about it? He controlled every aspect of my life. If I tried to walk away, I had nothing. I was halfway across the country from my Pack, and he made me believe they wanted nothing to do with me.
Was it true?
Was I willing to risk everything to get there and find out he was actually telling the truth?
I didn’t know what to do.
Was this to be the entirety of my life?
The bus rolled to a stop a short time later. Everything was pitch black around us.
When the driver opened the door, a whiff of fresh air hit me. It was tinted with something familiar that I couldn’t quite place. That scent called to me though.
The driver stepped off the bus and walked a few steps away before I heard him peeing.
He yawned and stretched while sort of mumbling to himself, though I couldn’t make out what he was actually saying.
I didn’t know what came over me, but I found myself getting up and moving toward the front of the bus.
Sniffing the air, that scent just seemed to pull me toward it.
Quietly, I crept down the stairs. As I looked around, I had to channel my wolf sight to even see the driver several yards away with his back toward me.
I slipped off the bus without a sound. That first step tasted of freedom. My heart was racing. My palms were sweating. I knew I was going to be caught at any second.
When I looked up, the bus was dark. My surroundings were dark. The only signs of human civilization were coming from the front lights of the bus.
The driver jostled and I knew he would be heading back any second.
“Whew. Okay, fresh air is good. Pee, stretch, then grab a fresh cup of coffee and we can do this,” the driver said, clearly pep talking himself for the next round of driving.
I never really considered the toll it took on him to get us from point A to point B all the time. But his need for a break and some fresh air gave me options.
Two paths presented themselves. I could turn around and step back up onto the bus and live my life as usual. It was the known route, the one I didn’t necessarily like but understood my place in. And nothing would change.
Stupid bitch, Ronnie’s words echoed in my mind.
I looked out into the darkness, my second path.
It was unknown, wild. I had no food, water, or supplies of any kind.
I had no way to even know which direction the closest town was, and if I got there, what would happen?
Would they recognize me? Would someone call the media or put up a viral video of me?
If I took one more step away from the bus, would my career and life as I knew it be over forever?
Would that be such a bad thing?
The sound of his zipper closing told me I didn’t have much time to think.
I took a deep breath of fresh air. It helped clear my mind. And in that breath, I knew—I couldn’t live like this any longer.
As quiet as a mouse, I tip-toed away from the bus. I was standing not even ten feet away from the driver as he passed by without even noticing. That’s how dark it was to the human eye.
He got back on the bus, closed the door, and started the engine.
I stood there in shock as I watched it pull away, the lights radiating through the dark, disappearing until all that was left was me and utter darkness.
I looked up to the sky to see a million stars overhead, and somehow, I knew I was going to be okay.