Chapter 18
Cruz
It was going to be strange having a bunch of humans in my house, unmated males at that. I wasn’t comfortable walking away and leaving Daisy alone with them, but this was her band. They were important to her, and I had a suspicion they weren’t going anywhere. I was just going to have to accept that.
They seemed like a good group of guys. And more importantly, they were nothing like how her manager had been described. The fact that none of them liked him either made them feel like allies.
I’d listened in to them talking and teasing.
They really did have more of a sibling dynamic than a threat to my bond, or at least from what I’d seen with Thomas and his sisters because I had no firsthand experience of family or siblings of my own.
But I did know that if I stayed, I was going to obsessively eavesdrop and drive myself insane.
The studio had been a good idea, a sign of how serious I was about protecting her and making my house her home as well.
From the way she was talking to her band, I could tell she was thrilled with it.
It made me happy to do something like that for her.
It was a huge space that I had zero need for, so if Daisy can use it and turn it into a place of solace for her, then all the better.
I didn’t really have anything to do or anywhere to go, which was weird. I’d told them I had to run to the ranch, but it was bullshit. While I checked in often, the fact was everything was running smoothly without me.
Maybe that should have bothered me, like I wasn’t really needed, but I was cocky enough to believe it was running that smoothly because of me and the policies I’d implemented over the last few years.
I was proud of how things were going and that I could step away for a few days or even weeks and trust that my team had everything under control.
Still, knowing I needed to give Daisy her space and time to catch up with her friends, I did the only thing I knew to do—I drove to the ranch anyway.
When I pulled up and Ruby saw me, she scowled and shook her head.
“Where is my girl?” she demanded.
I grinned at how possessive she sounded. My friends and Pack were accepting my mate. This meant they would help me keep her safe from the industry that had been harming her.
Maybe it wasn’t the industry but more specifically her manager.
I needed to learn more about her world to fully understand.
But I also fully acknowledged that I was biased and my wolf influenced my emotions and decisions far more than I cared to admit.
All he wanted was to shield her from it all and anytime Ronnie’s name was mentioned, I had the strong urge to hunt him down and rip his throat out.
It probably wasn’t healthy, but I was blaming it on the mating bond.
Ruby crossed her arms over her chest and tapped her boot on the ground waiting.
“Well?” she demanded.
“Relax. She’s fine. Her band arrived for the concert and she’s catching up with them.”
Her jaw dropped. “You left her alone in the house with four currently single men?”
“What do you mean currently single?”
“Well, Jonny is engaged but not yet married. But Knox is freshly divorced, and Cash has at least two kids out there, rumored to be more, yet he’s never actually settled down—if you know what I mean. Jed is suspected to be gay, though that’s never been confirmed, but you are probably safe there.”
“How do you know all of this?”
“It’s called the internet. Most people living in the twenty-first century know how to use it, old man.”
“I’m not old,” I protested.
“Maybe not in age, but in lifestyle, you’re the oldest man I know. Have you really not looked her up yet?”
“I did—briefly.”
“When?”
“When Lily and the girls, hell even Thomas, all knew who she was and I didn’t.”
She burst out laughing. “That’s hysterical. You’re like the only American in existence who doesn’t know who Daisy Brooks is. Even people who don’t like country music still love her.”
“I get it. I’m an idiot. I’ll likely never live that down.”
“So, the concert is tomorrow and shortly after she’ll be heading back to the stage. Are you ready for this?”
“Hell no.”
“Are you at least going to seal the deal before she leaves?”
I sighed. We were nowhere close to that yet.
“I can see from the look on your face that you haven’t even thought about this stuff.”
“Of course I’ve thought about it. But what am I supposed to do?”
“That girl is crazy about you. Just seal the deal. And don’t make me explain what that means.”
I rolled my eyes. “I’m not a complete idiot, Ruby. I know what that means.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
I didn’t like discussing personal things with anyone, but especially not intimate details about my mate.
“I can help, but you have to talk to me,” she stubbornly persisted.
Huffing, I started telling her what was going on.
“She’s been so sheltered, Ruby. I have to go slow with this for fear I’m going to freak her out or something.”
“Explain.”
I glared at her. Was she going to make me spell it out for her?
“I’m pretty sure I’m the first man she’s ever kissed. And until very recently, she’s been jumpy anytime I touch her, even casually. I’m not going to just force myself on her.”
“Why not? She’s your mate. Claim her already. I never understand why people hesitate. Being true mates is like it’s ordained by God. Just do it.”
“Some of us prefer to at least know our mate before diving in. It’s an epic, permanent decision.”
Her mating story had been retold so many times around campfires, and Ruby had been endlessly teased about it over the years. She hadn’t hesitated when she met her mate. She didn’t even stop to ask his name. All she cared about was that he was her true mate, sealing their bond immediately.
It wasn’t that I didn’t want to do that. As far as I was concerned Daisy was already mine and always would be. I could be patient. But I also saw the benefit of just taking control and claiming her on the spot.
Too late for that. And now it felt like the longer I waited, the more complicated things were getting.
Besides, she was Daisy freaking Brooks, and I was quickly learning that meant something.
She was famous, and I was a nobody. But I couldn’t let my mind wander to those dark places telling me that I don’t deserve her.
That little voice was too easy to believe.
Mine, my wolf growled.
“You’ll have plenty of time to get to know each other. A lifetime of time.”
I didn’t respond. Not everyone was so free-spirited to just dive into something so big and permanent.
Still, I knew enough about my mate to know I was never going to reject her.
She was mine and that was that. If our bond was to be broken, she’d have to be the one to do it. I prayed it never came to that.
I couldn’t give her the glamorous life she was used to, but I could stand in the shadows and allow her to continue shining. And when the lights went out, I could give her a sense of normalcy, a safe haven from all the craziness, and unconditional love.
That last thought surprised me. Was I falling in love with Daisy?
I wasn’t sure.
Acceptance? Definitely.
Care? Yup.
Security and protection? Absolutely.
But love?
There hadn’t been some big boom moment like in the movies. It wasn’t love at first sight, but there had been something. I couldn’t deny that.
From the first moment I found her, I felt uncharacteristically protective of her. I still wouldn’t call it love, cherished was probably a better word. I cherished her like the most perfect and precious thing in the entire world and she was mine.
But that wasn’t the same as love. Was it?
The truth was, I’d never been in love before. I’d never felt love. I didn’t grow up in a loving environment. Basically, I knew shit about love. How the hell was I supposed to know what that felt like now?
“You look like a man weighed down by a million thoughts,” Brady said as he walked over to join us.
“Doesn’t he? Things must be getting serious with a certain superstar,” she teased before being called away.
“Is everything okay?” Brady asked me.
“How did you know you were in love with Tricia?” I blurted out.
He shrugged, “I just knew.”
Brady had grown up with love, though. It might have just been him and his brothers on their own, but it had been more than I’d ever had. Plus, Oliver had made sure the younger boys always knew they had him there to support and love them. They were a family, a pack of sorts.
I hadn’t even understood what that meant until coming to Collier.
Now, I sort of got it. Pack was more than myself.
It was a responsibility to others. I watched after them and they watched after me.
We cared about one another, and we counted on each other.
It bonded us in a unique way that I didn’t think the humans could ever fully understand. We were connected.
In a way, the mating bond was forcing a connection between Daisy and me. It was nice and felt right. But was it love?
“But what does love feel like?” I asked.
I appreciated that he didn’t laugh in my face and prayed he didn’t share this with Ollie.
“You know . . . love. Love feels like love. I don’t know how to explain it.”
I stared at him blankly.
His face showed a moment of shock before he hid his surprise.
“You don’t know what love feels like, do you?”
I shook my head. This was too important to me to pretend otherwise. I needed to know. Was I in love with my mate? Would I be someday? Was I even capable of love? That was the harder question to confront.
My life had been so screwed up as a kid. Was I too broken to love? Was I too broken for her to love me?
Those were hard questions to swallow.
Brady put his hand on my shoulder and really looked at me.
“You know love, man.”
“I’m not sure I do.”