Chapter 22 #2
I wrapped her more tightly in my arms and folded my wing over us. “My love, what is wrong?”
“Ardruc.” She took a ragged breath. “What do you mean, my love?”
I had said it twice now without thinking, but I had meant it and all the gods above and below knew it was true.
Whether this was the right moment to tell her this I was not sure, but I had sworn to myself that above all else I would be a good, honest man for my mate.
“I have loved you almost from the moment you arrived,” I said. “I was simply too much of an idiot and an asshole to admit it to either of us.”
She laughed, and then it turned into a sob. I cradled her and stroked her hair and cooed while she cried.
Why did my song not comfort her if she was sad or hurting? I did not smell or sense physical pain, which eased some of my fear and worry, but I could not bear for her to weep. She was trembling so hard that she shook us both.
“Elena, please,” I pleaded.
“I wasn’t ready,” she rasped, and I thought she meant I had given her my knot before she was ready for it and I had hurt her. My guts felt as if I had been sliced clean through. I whined. I had never made that sound before.
“I wanted your knot, but I wasn’t ready to feel so much,” she choked out, and I started breathing again. “It was like I felt how much you need and want me…and love me.” She sniffled. “No one’s ever felt that way about me. You big, dumb, lovesick dragon.”
My brain, still reeling from the abject terror caused by thinking I had hurt her, skipped completely over big, dumb, lovesick dragon and focused on the fact our knotted coupling had overwhelmed her.
While I had lost myself in need and desire and pleasure—and the fantasy of having a child with her—my beautiful Elena had been swept away by emotions that left her raw and hurting.
I had not caused this pain, but I must find a way to ease it.
My coo was not enough. She needed something else from me.
She had requested that I explain my need to hide behind masks and erect walls between myself and others, but I felt quite certain I was not the only one in this bed who built walls and kept old hurts hidden away.
“Elena.” I nestled her in my arms and tucked her head under my chin so she would feel as safe and warm as I could make her.
“You deserve all my love and devotion, and that is what I intend to give you. Whoever offered you less when you wanted and deserved more, I would like to know.” I nuzzled her shoulder. “Let me help you heal, my love.”
“Oh, you…you…dragon,” she huffed, sniffling and indignant. “I asked you first.”
“I will trade a story for a story, then.” I smoothed damp, sweaty hair back from her lovely face and gently wiped away her tears. “If you are not too uncomfortable, and if you are willing to tell me what weighs heavily on your heart.”
“Given the size of your cock and knot, I probably should be uncomfortable, but I am actually incredibly, unbelievably comfortable.” Her mouth quirked and she managed a wobbly smile. “I suspect pheromones, hormones, and endorphins are playing a role in how good I feel right now.”
“Regardless of the cause, I am very glad to know you feel good. I have never felt anything better than being inside you.” I kissed her temple. “Are you willing to share a story?” I asked, my lips pressed to her sex-warmed skin.
“I am.” Her smile faded as she laced her fingers through mine.
“But don’t worry; it’s not a long one. My mother stopped liking me and started mocking my interests when I was seven and I told her I wanted to study fungi instead of being a physicist. I often think she never really loved me—just tolerated me until I decided I didn’t want to grow up to be her.
We haven’t spoken in two years. I haven’t seen my father in person in five years.
He does love me, which is something, but he’s very busy being a distinguished and celebrated artist. Last I heard, he was creating an art installation on Tivor, but that was before I arrived on Hyderia, so he might be anywhere by now. And that’s the whole story.”
She’d spoken so matter-of-factly and so quickly, as if she wanted to not only get the words out as fast as possible but distance herself from them. Now she was quiet again, her head resting on my arm, lips pressed tightly together and eyes closed. She did not weep, but she trembled.
My hearts ached and my anger simmered toward these people who had dared treat Elena so callously. But I did not believe grief and rage would ease her hurt, so I set those emotions aside—no easy task—to focus on comforting her.
I held her quietly, my lips on her temple, and waited for her to continue, enjoying all the little movements her body made around me and listening to her heartbeat.
“It was hard growing up as the daughter of Dr. Hilda Disen,” she said finally.
She sounded more like herself now, but the hollowness in her voice made me ache anew.
“I had a lot of privileges, but I also dealt with a lot of very high expectations. That’s rough on a child.
I thought excelling in my studies would make things better, but instead the kinds of stress and pain just changed.
I quickly learned a lot of people assumed every opportunity or award I earned was somehow influenced by my mother. ”
Did she suspect I had believed that too? I thought back to when I had first been notified about her impending arrival and discovered her familial connection to Dr. Disen. I did not recall thinking her mother had somehow helped Elena obtain approval from the Ministry.
“I did everything I could to separate my life from hers,” Elena continued.
“I used my father’s surname. I attended universities on different planets.
I never mentioned her and never worked with anyone with professional or personal connections to the university on Fyloria where my mother is chair of the heliophysics department.
In fact, I avoided connections to my home planet completely until I needed a research position with a reliable source of funding.
All the best opportunities were on Fyloria and I felt I had no choice.
So I applied for a position in the xenobotany department at a university that’s on the opposite side of the planet from my mother’s university.
But no matter what I did, the specter of nepotism hung over me. ”
My own experiences differed mightily from hers, but I understood the insidiousness of specters. I cooed very softly and stroked her hair.
“You know what’s worse than being suspected of nepotism?
” she asked. “I could never be certain I was accomplishing things entirely through my own hard work. I doubt my mother ever lifted a finger to help me in my career. But it wasn’t as if I could keep her identity a secret, so it was always possible committees took it into consideration whether I wanted them to or not. ”
She swallowed audibly. “That insecurity is so deeply ingrained in me that when I got the message from Minister Ganna saying the Ministry had approved my application to work here, a little voice in the back of my head said my mother must have pulled some strings because it’s damn near impossible to get permission to live and work on Hyderia.
And try as I might, I can’t talk myself into believing otherwise. ”
Elena took a deep, shaky breath and met my gaze with red-rimmed eyes.
Her expression looked bruised. “This isn’t a woe-is-me speech, Ardruc.
I know I benefited from where I come from and my life is good…
and now it’s getting even better.” She caressed my face.
“But I would have given a lot, once upon a time, for my mother to love me and be proud of me regardless of what career path I took. Once I figured out love wasn’t really her thing and even how much she liked me was conditional, and that my father’s obsession with his art outweighed his love for me, I had to start trying to let go of those needs.
It’s taken me this long to mostly find peace, but it still stings.
” She took a deep breath and let it out.
“I’ve never said any of that to anyone.”
I tucked her head under my chin once again. “Thank you for trusting me with this, Elena. I am sorry you carried this burden alone for so long.”
“Thank you for listening.” She snuggled deeper into my embrace. The sharp, metallic scent of her pain and grief faded. “I feel so much better.”
“I am glad.” I kissed her hair. “It matters little, I am sure, but I never thought your arrival here was due to anything other than your own hard work.”
“It actually does matter. It matters a lot. You believed in me even before you met me. Not many people give me that chance.” She moved to look at me, her brow furrowed. “Wait…do you think your instincts played a role in that? Did you get insights into who I am because I’m your true mate?”
I could not help but chuckle. “Ever the inquisitive scientist.” I rested my forehead on hers.
“I do not know. I am tempted to say it would be impossible for me to know anything instinctively about you until we met in person, but I recall very clearly standing in my lab and watching your message and feeling quite uncharacteristically…interested…in everything you had to say.”
“Feeling quite interested.” She chuckled. “What an Ardruc way of describing—”
My cock slipped a bit. Startled, I twitched. A rivulet of hot cum trickled between us. She gasped.
“My knot is easing,” I said, pulling her tightly to my chest. “Does it hurt?”
“No, not at all.” Her fingers tightened on my arm. “But I’m not ready to let you go.”
“Little mate, I am going nowhere.” I rested my head on hers. “I do not need a knot to remain inside you. As long as you want me to keep you filled, I will stay right here.”
“Keep me filled, then.” She wrapped her arms over mine. “I feel so good when you’re inside me. And I don’t care if it’s dragon pheromones or true mate magic or just plain old human hormones and sensory receptors.”
I started to object that there was no magic to being true mates, but closed my mouth. There was indeed magic in everything we had together. To claim otherwise would be untrue.
“I just want to feel like I belong with you,” she said softly.
“You do,” I said, equally quietly. “And I belong with you.”
As my knot eased, I held my sweet mate and told her how beautiful and perfect she was, how much I loved her, and how much I needed and wanted her.
And when I pressed my lips to her ear to tell her all those things again and again while circling her clit, she whimpered and moaned and came in my arms in a soft orgasm that rippled along my sensitive cock and made me rumble.
“Perfect,” I murmured into her ear as she trembled and panted.
My knot was gone now, but my cock remained comfortably sheathed in her sweet, fluttering pussy.
“You come perfectly every time, little mate.” Unwilling to waste a drop of her release, I licked my fingers.
“I know you enjoyed being taught a lesson in your lab, but I think my little mate likes to be praised most of all.”
“Yes, I do.” She bit my arm lightly. “Gods above, Ardruc. I had no idea how much I liked it until today.”
I kissed the tip of her ear. “It is lucky, then, that there is so much about you that is worthy of praise.”
Her chuckle turned into a yawn. “No, I’m not tired,” she said paradoxically. “I’m completely awake and ready to hear your story.” She yawned again.
“Little mate, you are exhausted,” I scolded.
“My story will keep.” I rubbed the crown of her head with my chin and settled my wing over us.
“You need your sleep. In the morning—in just a few hours, in fact—we must learn to talk to plasma tendrils. I need my Elena at her best and most brilliant, not half-asleep and unable to tell lichen from…from…” I floundered.
She chuckled sleepily. “Empiriosporium,” she murmured. “Stick to atmospheric science, dragon. Leave the fungi to me.”