Chapter 20 #2
Alex and Finn are up there.
And something else.
Something enormous in the shadows at the back of the porch. A shape that doesn't resolve into a person immediately. It’s too big. Too still. Like a predator goes very still when it's deciding.
Then it moves forward into the light and I see him properly.
I've seen large alphas before. I thought I knew what that meant.
I don't think I knew what it meant.
This alpha is different in kind, not just degree.
Massive in a way that makes the other alpha on the porch look regular-sized.
Long hair. Scars running through his face in pale, raised lines that I can somehow make out over the distance.
His eyes are fixed on me with an intensity that stops being a look and becomes something closer to a physical force.
Alex has one hand on the alpha's arm. Finn has the other.
Not restraining him, exactly. More like two people maintaining contact with something they want to keep close to them. How you put a hand on a door in a high wind.
The alpha's chest is moving. Slow and deliberate. Like someone who is working very hard at something that isn't coming naturally.
Breathing.
He's working to breathe.
His eyes don't move off me.
I am, in some animal part of my brain, terrified.
Malcolm's hand tightens on Vee's shoulder. A low growl works out of his chest. Warning me. Back off, don't come closer.
From the porch, the big alpha responds.
The sound that comes out of him is nothing like Malcolm's warning.
It starts low and builds. Deep and resonant and vast in a way that doesn't seem like it should be able to come from a living thing. A sound like something tectonic. Like the earth deciding it has a preference.
It goes through me like current.
Every nerve ending fires at once. My legs go weak. My spine wants to curve. Every instinct I have, alpha instincts I've carried my whole life, is screaming at me that this is something I cannot fight. Something I shouldn’t attempt to challenge. Something I should be very small in front of.
I fight through it.
For Vee.
I force my eyes to stay on her face and not drop to the mud in submission.
My hands are shaking. My breath is coming in short pulls. Fever and fear and the residue of grief doing terrible things to my already wrecked body.
On the porch, Alex says something low. His hand on the alpha's arm applies the faintest pressure. Not a command, just contact.
Finn's hand tightens on the other arm. He turns his head slightly and says something I can't hear over the rain.
The sound cuts off.
Not all at once. It tapers like something being reeled back in on a very long line.
The alpha on the porch is still watching me. His jaw is set. Every muscle in his body is doing something. But he stays where he is.
I breathe.
Then try to walk toward Vee.
My legs don't cooperate. I make it three steps before my knees give out completely.
I hit the mud hard.
Pain shoots through my kneecaps but I barely feel it. Everything is pain. What's a little more?
Rain pours down. All of us are soaked now.
"Drake, are you okay?" Vee's voice. Closer now.
Malcolm moves with her. His hand tightens on her shoulder, ready to pull her back.
From me.
From the thing she needs protecting from.
I'm on my knees in the rain and mud, looking up at my girl.
And the words start pouring out.
"I'm sorry." My voice breaks on the first syllable. "Vee, I'm so sorry."
She stares at me, rain running down her face. She doesn't say anything.
"I let Marie's scent warp my brain into something I didn't recognize." The words tumble over each other. Desperate. "I let it turn me into someone who could leave you alone when you needed me most."
I choke on the words. Sob through them.
My whole body is shaking. Fever. Chills. Sickness. Grief.
"I stood down when he told me no. I followed his lead even when I knew it was wrong."
Rain mixes with tears I can't stop.
"You deserved to be chosen." My throat closes. "To be protected. To be loved like you needed to be loved. And I failed you."
I'm sobbing now. Full body sobs that shake my already wrecked frame.
I don't care that I'm doing this in front of other alphas.
This is how I feel and I'm too raw to hide it.
On the porch, I hear something. A sound from the big alpha. Not the growl this time. Something lower. Something that sounds less like a threat and more like an animal in pain. Like something that wants very badly to move and is not moving.
I don't look at him.
I keep my eyes on Vee.
"I know you can't forgive me. But I needed you to know that I see it. All of it."
My hands sink into the mud.
"And I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry, Vee."
She steps closer.
Malcolm's hand tightens on her shoulder but she shrugs it off.
She kneels in the mud in front of me.
Her hand comes up to my face. She cups my jaw and lifts my eyes to hers.
"You broke your pack bond?" she asks.
I nod. Can't speak past the lump in my throat.
"Why?"
"I couldn't follow him anymore." The words come out broken. Raw. "He's not the man I used to love. Maybe he never was. I don't know anymore."
Her face changes.
Grief. Understanding. Things I can’t name.
I hear movement on the porch.
A sound. Low. Not aggressive but present.
Finn's voice. Quiet, urgent, saying something. And then Alex's voice under it, steadier.
The movement stops.
Vee glances toward the porch. Something passes across her face. Something soft and complicated.
Then she looks back at me.
"Come inside, Drake,” she says. "You're sick. I don't forgive you, but I'm not going to let you kill yourself out of guilt."
Malcolm appears at my side.
His hand slides under my arm, supporting most of my weight.
I can feel the tension radiating off him. Every muscle coiled tight. He doesn't want to help me. Every line of his body says he'd rather throw me back in my car and send me away.
But he's doing it for her.
I understand why he hates me.
I would too.
He hauls me up. My legs are jelly. I lean on him heavily as we make it to the porch steps.
I have to pass the big alpha to get inside.
He's stepped back from the doorway. Not far. A few feet. Alex is still beside him. Finn has moved to open the door.
I don't look directly at him.
I can feel him anyway. The same way you can feel a fire without looking at it. The heat and the presence of something that could do significant damage but choosing, in this moment, not to.
Choosing it because of her.
I make it through the door.
The warmth hits me like a wall. I start shivering harder.
Malcolm and Vee strip me out of my soaked clothes. I'm shaking too hard to help. My fingers won't cooperate.
Vee brings a towel and dries me off with gentle hands that I don't deserve. She wipes off as much mud as she can.
Alex appears with dry clothes. Sweatpants and a t-shirt. They help me into them like I'm a child.
I can smell something cooking. Finn must be in the kitchen.
They get me to the couch and I collapse onto it. Every muscle gives up at once.
Vee covers me with blankets. Tucks them around me.
"Stop worrying about anything but getting better right now," she says. "We'll deal with the rest after."
I nod, too tired to do anything else.
Malcolm stands across the room, arms crossed over his chest. He’s watching me like I'm a threat he hasn't decided how to neutralize yet.
Alex sits in a chair nearby, steady and calm but his eyes never leave me.
The big alpha is in the far corner of the room.
He's standing with his back against the wall holding back aggression by what feels like a thread.
His eyes move from me to Vee. From Vee to me. Back and forth. Measuring. Monitoring.
Every time they land on her, he settles slightly.
Every time they land on me, it unsettles again.
I don't blame him.
Finn brings broth and sets it on the coffee table.
"Small sips," he says, clipped. "Your stomach won't handle much."
Vee helps me sit up enough to drink.
The broth is warm and salty and my body accepts it gratefully. It’s the first thing I've kept down besides sips of water in days.
"Thank you," I manage.
She doesn't respond. Just takes the mug when I'm done and sets it aside.
I lie back down. The blankets are heavy and warm.
My eyes won't stay open.
From the far corner the big alpha makes a sound. Very quiet. Not directed at me. Something between a rumble and a sigh. Like he's settled part of himself that was unresolved.
"Sleep, Drake," Vee says. "You're safe here."
Safe.
I'm not sure that's entirely true.
But I'm with Vee.
And the giant in the corner has decided, for now at least, to stand down.
That's enough.
I let the darkness take me.