Chapter 19
Chapter Nineteen
DALILA
“ H e wants to talk?” My throat feels tight and my mouth is dry.
“Yes. Do you want to?” Nevio asks me, letting me decide.
“We kind of have to. We need to know what is going on. I have — I want to ask him so many questions — but, it won’t change what he did.” I sigh, a heavy ache building in my heart at the thought of my father.
“I will arrange for them to come to the house tomorrow.” Nevio says, running his hand over my back reassuringly. “If you change your mind, we can cancel. And don’t worry about any of it, baby girl, no matter what happens - I will always be here for you. I will always take care of you. I won’t let anyone hurt you, Lila.”
I like it when he calls me Lila.
I like it more when he says I’m his baby girl.
I nod at his words and snuggle back against him. “I’ll worry about that tomorrow. Right now, I’m - happy.” I say, feeling Nevio tense beneath me. He feels rigid for a moment, then his hand drifts up my back, caressing me.
“You’re happy?” he asks, tentative.
“I’m happy.” I whisper, smiling, not knowing how to explain how or why I feel that way if he asks me, but knowing that for the first time in a very long time, I really feel genuinely happy.
I keep glancing at my watch.
The diamond bracelet glittering on the same wrist whenever I move my arm.
I can’t stop pacing, up and down, up and down, nervous to see my father.
“When are they coming?” I ask for the hundredth time.
“They are about five minutes away.” Nevio has endless patience. I have no idea how he hasn’t screamed at me to shut the hell up yet because I am at the point where I’m annoying myself, so I must be annoying him too.
I continue to pace until I hear the door chime - security letting us know our guests have arrived.
I sit in the living room, tense and awkward, with my father sitting opposite me and my brother’s on either side of him. Only Masaccio and Red have come with.
“Rufino, Mas, Vincenzo - thank you for coming.” Nevio greets them as he sits down next to me, wrapping his hand over my thigh, not caring about the look my father throws in his direction. I thread my fingers through his and press his hand tighter against my leg.
I take a deep breath. Rufino looks pissed off, and I wonder if they all had a fight on the way here or something. Mas is sitting tense and quiet.
“Red? Are you ok?” I ask. He nods, his bright red hair and the shadow of fire colored stubble growing across his jaw is the reason we all call him red. He’s a good-looking guy. But of course, that didn’t stop my other brothers from tearing into him for having red hair while we were growing up.
It’s been a long time since they taunted him, though. Now that he is a head taller than even my oldest brother, his height, and bulk are an imposing threat to anyone who wants to mock him. The jagged scar above his eye adding to his Viking sort of look.
Red nods. “I’m good.” He says, throwing an angry look at my father.
Oh. I see. He’s angry at my father.
My dad clears his throat. “Lila, I wanted to come and talk to you.”
I turn my eyes towards him, and my fighters tighten over Nevio’s.
He squeezes my thigh, a wordless gesture to let me know he’s right here with me. My heart constricts. I smile, because he makes me feel safe.
“Talk then.” I say with confidence that Nevio has given me.
“I came to explain why — what happened. You’ll understand. I know you will.” He is falling over his words, perhaps nervous, perhaps unsure where to start. I wait patiently.
“A few months ago, one of our allies turned into a rat. The fucker got caught for something and in exchange for not going to prison, instead of just serving his own fucking time like a man, he started spitting out names to the cops. My name. He gave the cops my name and a lengthy list of shit I have done - with evidence. None of my own rivals could help because they would be in just as much trouble as me if their names got mentioned.”
I stare at my father, waiting to find out what this has to do with me and Lenny Malone.
He shifts in his seat.
“I was in a dangerous position because I was going to jail. I started asking around, looking for any way I could get out of it. That’s when Malone approached me. We’ve never seen eye to eye. We’ve never gotten on or even done business together. But he said that he would make that fucking rat disappear if—”
He coughs, rubbing his hand across his throat.
“If I gave you to him.”
I stare in total disbelief.
I don’t think my father can hear the irony in his own words.
I stare until I can’t hold back my anger for another second. “So, you made the deal. You gave me to Malone, the most monstrous man on the planet, so that you didn’t have to go to jail?”
“Yes, sweetheart, you have to understand—”
I stand up, fuming. Fire flaring in my eyes are I shoot my anger towards him. “Oh, I understand . Do you want to know what I understand? I understand Malone would have killed me. Perhaps not right away, but he would have. It would have been painful and torturous.” My father opens his mouth to interrupt me. “Shut up and listen. Don’t say a word.” I warn him. “I understand something else, dad. I understand you want to call your alley a rat for rolling over to the police to save his own ass from jail - yet you are a hypocrite. Because you rolled over to Malone to save your own ass from jail . You rolled over so badly that you were willing to sell your own daughter’s life. ” I am shouting at him, losing my voice, losing control, shaking and furious.
Nevio stands up and pulls me into his arms, trying to calm my shaking body.
I push him away and turn back towards me, father. “What makes your life any better than your own child’s? What kind of father sacrifices his own daughter to save himself some time in jail? Time you would have paid to have shortened. Time you would have spent in privacy, protected luxury. Not in the general prison population. I know how it works.” The more I talk, the more I hate him for what he tried to do.
Tears are streaming down my face.
Was stands up, Red stands too, they both turn towards my father. Red grabs his arm and pulls him to his feet. “It’s time to go,” He says, his deep voice rumbling through the room.
“Dalila, I just - “ My father tries to reason with me.
Mas shakes his head. “No, dad, it’s time to go.”
They pull him out of the room, and he walks with his shoulders slumped forward.
I stare after him and realize that he never saw the reality of the choice he made. He never said that he had also thrown someone one else under the bus - me.
He seems to only have just come to that understanding now as he slinks away from me, walking out of the house that my brother got me into.
I turn to look at Nevio, suddenly so grateful for him, so happy that he fought so hard in that poker game for me. I step close to him and he holds me tight against his body.
I lean my face into his chest, soaking up the warmth and feelings of security.
“I’m so happy it was you.” I whisper, fighting fresh tears.
“Me too.” He responds, stroking my back. “I thank God for it every day.”
For the rest of the day, I walk around the house in a daze. Still angry, feeling lost, like someone has ripped the ground out from beneath my feet and I’m drifting in space.
My childhood, all the memories of my father, are flooding my thoughts.
I can’t seem to see him in the same way I used to.
I used to look up to him. He was this giant, this unbreakable man who could do anything. He was strong and scary and commanding.
But now, after today, all I see is a weak man who will throw his own daughter to the wolves to save his own skin.
And even scarier than that is that he didn’t even realize what he was doing. What choice he was making. He was so hellbent on survival that he only saw what he wanted to see.
How many times in my life have I thought he would die for me?
I sigh.
Why am I even letting these thoughts go on a loop like this? I need to shake this horrible feeling off. I need to let go.
“Come to bed, baby girl.” Nevio says, pulling me from my mind. He reaches out and grabs my arm. “Come to bed,” He says again, when I don’t respond.
I nod. “That’s probably a good idea.” I say, feeling distracted.