15. Ava
AVA
T wo days. Two fucking days since we infiltrated the adoption agency, and Ciaran was still gone. Still not answering his phone.
I at least knew he was alive. My messages had all been read, the small “seen” indicator glaring back at me like a taunt. But no response. Nothing.
The professor’s voice filled the Nevermore lecture hall, sharp and deliberate, cutting through the air as he launched into the intricacies of Investigative Journalism and Ethical Boundaries.
I sat in one of the back rows of the vintage wooden desks. The ornate gothic chandeliers above cast a warm glow over the lecture hall, their intricate ironwork dripping with tiny lights.
My gaze wandered past the charcoal walls to the tall arched windows overlooking the green.
Last term, I’d looked out those same windows and spotted my stalker against that giant oak—Scáth.
Or at least, I’d thought it was him .
The memory of that moment felt sharp and raw now, like a wound I’d only half acknowledged.
I yearned to see my Scáth there again, his figure blending into the shadows, watching me with those piercing blue eyes.
I wanted to explain. To tell him the kiss at the agency had been nothing. A ruse. A way to save him from being seen.
But even as the thought crossed my mind, something deep inside me whispered a bitter truth: the kiss hadn’t entirely been a lie.
But Scáth wasn’t there now.
I remembered how I’d thought Scáth had left me when Lisa and I were in Paris, only to discover he’d been there all along, hidden completely out of sight. Was he doing the same now? Watching from the shadows, just beyond reach?
A nudge broke my thoughts. Lisa, sitting to my left, leaned in, her long red hair falling over her face, her nose wrinkling. “Is he actually studying journalism now?”
I followed her pointed glance.
To my right, Ty sat with one hand poised over his notebook, taking meticulous notes, and the other absently twirling a strand of my hair around his finger. He didn’t even look at me as he did it, so casual it was maddening.
My lips pressed into a thin line as I caught a group of girls sitting a few rows ahead. They weren’t exactly subtle, their stares darting from Ty to me, their jealousy so palpable it felt like another presence in the room.
“If he’s going to follow me to every single one of my classes,” I murmured to Lisa, my voice heavy with sarcasm, “the least he can do is take notes for me. ”
Lisa straightened. “Can he take notes for me, too?”
I leaned toward Ty, lowering my voice. “Can you make sure Lisa gets a copy of my notes, too?”
Ty finally looked up from his notebook, the faintest smile playing at the corners of his mouth. “For you, anything.”
He punctuated the statement by tapping the tip of my nose with his finger.
I leaned back quickly, a flush creeping over my cheeks. I tried to mask it by turning my attention to my notebook, but my thoughts betrayed me.
It had been… nice. Too nice. Having Ty by my side all day, every day, since Ciaran disappeared.
And the last two nights… they were a mirror of how it used to be when we were younger.
Drowsy, half-asleep, I felt the familiar dip of my mattress and the warmth of Ty settling in beside me. Even in the haze of near-dreaming, I knew it was him.
A small shiver ran down my spine as his breath brushed against my hair, and his scent, that familiar sandalwood and musk, wrapped around me like a cocoon.
“If he finds you here, you’ll get into trouble,” I mumbled, my voice thick with sleep.
“Worth it,” he murmured, his arm slipping around me, pulling me into his chest.
“Ty…” I protested again, even as I sank into the comfort of him. “He’ll literally kill you.”
He shrugged, his movement pulling me tighter against him. “I can take him.”
It wasn’t right. It wasn’t fair. I had chosen Ciaran. I loved Ciaran. But he had just fucking left me .
And Ty wasn’t making it easy to push him away. Not in the way he moved around me, anticipating what I needed with open doors or a fresh coffee, exactly the way I liked it, pushed into my hand.
He made me feel like I wasn’t fighting this battle alone. Like I could rely on him for anything. Like he’d always be there.
Even now, as he sat beside me, his fingers brushing over the ends of my hair, he felt steady. Unyielding.
I forced my focus back to the lecture, but the weight of Ty’s presence was impossible to ignore. And as much as I hated to admit it, I liked having him by my side.
The lecture hall door banged open with a thunderous crack, jolting everyone.
My heart leaped into my throat, and I turned sharply toward the noise.
There he was.
Ciaran stormed in, his eyes blazing, his jaw set like stone. Gasps and whispers erupted throughout the hall.
“Oh my God, there’s two of them!” someone hissed, audible over the rising chatter.
Heat flooded my face as conflicting emotions swirled through me: relief at seeing him, guilt for the kiss with Ty, embarrassment at the scene he was causing, and something else—something primal—at how his presence commanded the entire room.
Ty visibly stiffened beside me. And I fought the urge to reach out and squeeze his knee in comfort.
Lisa elbowed me, her eyes wide as she glanced between Me, Ty, and Ciaran, her expression screaming, What in the fucking fuck are you going to do ?
“Excuse me, sir,” the professor said, his voice laced with irritation as he gestured toward the door. “This is a closed lecture.”
Ciaran didn’t even look at him.
“You’re excused,” he shot back, his tone dismissive, making the professor’s face flush with indignation. Ciaran’s gaze locked on mine, piercing through the distance between us. “I’m here for her .”
The entire class collectively sucked in a breath, and I froze, mortified.
Crap.
“So sorry, Professor,” I called as I grabbed my bag and stood. “I’ll just…”
I muttered hasty apologies as I squeezed past whispering classmates. The soft hum of gossip followed me, buzzing in my ears. My face burned hotter with every step, their stares practically boring holes into me.
As I reached Ciaran at the doorway, half angry, half embarrassed, I hissed, “You have a set of stones on you, I’ll give you that.”
I pushed past him, determined to get outside before he said or did anything else that would make me want to curl up and die.
Ciaran stopped abruptly, holding out an arm like a barrier.
“Not you,” he said coldly.
I turned, confused, and found Ty right behind me, his expression calm but his eyes dark and unyielding.
“Where she goes, I go,” Ty said smoothly, shoving off Ciaran’s hand as if it were nothing .
His voice carried across the room, and the students collectively gasped.
Ciaran’s fists clenched at his sides, his face hardening. “You forget your place, brother.”
Now Ciaran and Ty were locked in a silent standoff, their glares sharp enough to cut through steel. Their postures mirrored each other—broad shoulders squared, jaws clenched tight, fists curling and uncurling at their sides as if testing their restraint.
The air between them crackled with tension, and I swore they were one breath away from tearing into each other.
“Stop it, both of you,” I hissed, stepping between them.
I turned to Ty, my voice sharp and commanding. “You. Stay.”
His eyes flickered with something unreadable, but he took a step back, his hands raised in mock surrender.
Then I turned to Ciaran. My tone softened slightly, yet giving no room to argue. “You. Come.”
Ciaran’s fists relaxed at his sides, and with a curt nod, he stepped aside to hold the door open for me.
Before we could make it out, a guy sitting near the front broke the tension with a joking comment, loud enough for everyone to hear. “Are they like your dogs or something?”
Ty and Ciaran both whipped their heads toward him in unison, their teeth bared and barked .
Twin fucking growly woofs.
The room burst into laughter, but I groaned inwardly, pressing a hand to my forehead.
Lord help me .
“Come on.” I grabbed Ciaran’s arm and tugged him away. “We need to talk.”
I stormed into our dorm apartment, the door slamming hard against the wall as my frustration boiled over. “Two days, Ciaran. Two days of silence!”
My voice cracked as I marched toward my bedroom, my chest tight with anger and hurt. “I didn’t know where you were or if you were okay. You just fucked off and didn’t even give me a chance to explain.”
The door behind me slammed shut behind Ciaran, the force of it making me flinch.
“What was there to explain?” His voice was sharp, cutting, as he followed me through the apartment. “I saw enough.”
I pushed open the broken door to my room, the creak of the damaged hinge grating on my nerves.
Of course, the door still wouldn’t close properly. Thanks to the two of them.
I stepped inside, yanked my backpack off my shoulder, and tossed it onto my desk.
“You think you saw enough, but you didn’t,” I snapped, whirling around to face him, my chest heaving with emotion. “You’re so quick to assume the worst.”
“You were kissing him, Ava!” His voice rose, bristling with frustration. “You promised me—”
“To save you, you idiot!” I shot back, my voice shaking as my hands clenched into fists at my sides even as guilt threaded through me. “She was about to turn around and see you standing there!”
“And yet,” he said, his tone dropping low, his jaw tightening, “it didn’t look like saving me. It looked like…”
He stopped himself, his teeth clenching as if the words were too painful to say aloud.
“What?” I said, my voice hardening even as my chest ached. “It looked like what, Scáth? Say it, for fuck’s sake.”
He ran a hand through his hair, his pacing making the bedroom feel suffocating. “Like it wasn’t the first time.”
“Jesus Christ,” I said, exhaling sharply as I turned back to my desk. My hands shook as I began pulling out my books, arranging them on the shelf to distract myself from the rawness of his accusation. “Whatever happened between me and Ty is…”
Over. I swallowed down that lie.
And tried again. “I chose you, Scáth. You .”
Suddenly, his hand was on my shoulder, spinning me around to face him.
His blue eyes burned with a mixture of pain and anger. “You have to send him away.”
I flinched at the weight of his words, the finality in them.
Logic whispered that he was right. That sending Ty away would be the cleanest solution. No more temptation. No more… confusion.
And Ty would do it—if I asked. I knew that. He wasn’t lying in the lecture hall when he said he’d do anything for me. If I begged him to leave, to do it for me, he’d go. And I’d never see him again.
But the thought of telling Ty that I never wanted to see him again—after all he’d done for me, after the sacrifices he made, after how he suffered so I could be free—it tore my soul into pieces. I’d no sooner send myself away.
“No,” I said, voice firm. “Ty is staying. He’s my best frie—”
“Your best friend doesn’t look at you like that.” Ciaran’s voice rose, his frustration bubbling over. “He doesn’t touch you like that.”
“And boyfriends don’t leave for two fucking days without saying a single word!” I shot back, my voice rising as my chest tightened with anger.
His silence was heavy, his jaw tightening as he wrestled with whatever storm raged inside him.
Finally, he spoke, his voice quieter but no less intense. “I left because seeing you with him… It broke me. And I didn’t know how to put the pieces back together without… hurting someone.”
“You mean hurting Ty,” I said, my voice softening just enough to make my point clear.
He looked away, his anger dimming into something rawer, something heavier. “I needed time, Ava. To cool off. You don’t know what it felt like to see you… him… that .”
“I get that you needed space, but you can’t just abandon me without a word,” I said, my voice cracking. “You need to tell me. God, send me a fucking text, leave a note on my bed, something, anything to let me know what’s going on. If you keep pushing me away every time things get hard, you’ll lose me, Scáth.”
“I’m not pushing you away. I’m trying to hold on.” Ciaran grabbed my arms, his hands clutching me so tightly it bordered on pain. “It’s killing me, Ava, watching him try to take you. ”
“No one is taking me.” I exhaled slowly, my anger morphing into need, though the hurt still lingered. “But you have to let me in. You have to be with me.”
I studied my Scáth, his handsome features contorted with anger, his expression blazing with fire and wrath. But beneath the fury, I glimpsed something deeper—raw, unguarded pain, fragile and aching, hidden behind the storm.
In that moment, I realized Ty and Ciaran weren’t so different after all. They both wore masks.
Ty’s was made of ice, cold and impenetrable. Ciaran’s was forged in flames. But beneath their masks, they were the same—fragile, wounded, and desperate to protect the parts of themselves they feared the world would destroy.
That I might destroy.
“I chose you,” I said as I reached for him, my hands pulling at his shirt, trying to get at the smooth skin underneath.
With a snarl, Ciaran wrapped his hand around my throat, walking me back until I slammed into the wall.
“Tell me you don’t feel anything for him,” he hissed.
“I want you.”
“You’re going to leave me,” Ciaran said with so much agony in his voice that my heart split right in two.
“I love you .”
His lips smashed against mine, his hands pulling my thighs around his waist, pressing my aching pussy against his hard cock.
I moaned with need mixed with anger and guilt, a heady poison .
Ciaran staggered as if drunk toward my bed, falling on me and knocking the air from my lungs.
“I love you,” I said breathlessly when Ciaran pulled away from our kiss to pull my shirt roughly over my head.
“Little liar,” he growled, fresh anger clouding his eyes and painting his cheeks a deep red.
He shoved me back to the bed, yanking my skirt and panties off, before diving onto me, preying on my nipples with his teeth, scraping and nipping violently. “Is he a better kisser than me? Huh?”
I reached for his pants, unzipping and kicking them off. I wrapped my hands around his hard cock and stroked him, spreading his pre-cum, my fists squeezing him with frustration.
“Does he touch you the way you like?” His hands were at my throat with the speed of a viper. Above me his eyes were blown out so wide they were almost consumed by black, by lust, by revenge. “Does he?”
Gasping for breath, I moved his cock to my entrance, desperate for him, for oblivion. “P-please…”
He choked me, cutting off my air as he slammed into me.
I cried out in pain, in pleasure, the feelings so intense, washing away all my thoughts, my confusion, my guilt. It was only his fingers around my throat that kept my scream from rattling the walls of my bedroom.
He began to fuck me, hard, bordering on violence, hurting me, punishing me.
I clawed at his back, digging my nails into his skin as I tried to keep up with the pace he set.
“Does he fuck you like I fuck you?”
His eyes were wild and uncontrolled, consumed by lust and anger. Every thrust was forceful, his body slamming into mine with a fury that bordered on violence.
His fingers tightened around my throat, cutting off my air supply and making my vision darken at the edges.
But I didn’t care. All I could focus on was the pleasure coursing through me, blurring the lines between pain and ecstasy.
My whole body erupted into goosebumps even as gray dots appeared on the high vaulted ceilings. I clenched around his cock as he battered me.
“Do you come just as hard for him?”
I pawed at his back, at the damp bedsheets beneath us.
A heady mix of sweat, adrenaline, and the musky scent of sex filled the air around us, overpowering and intoxicating.
“Fucking answer me,” Ciaran growled, clenching my throat until I saw stars before he released me with a noise of disgust.
I let out a guttural cry, a mixture of pleasure, pain, and anger. Anger that he was still punishing me. Anger at myself for letting my feelings for Ty cloud me. Confuse me. Tempt me.
I shoved Ciaran off me and rolled on top of him, sinking back down onto him with a groan.
“I want you both,” I hissed as I rode him, hard, unleashing my own fury, anger that he fucking left , rage that he just might not be everything I need. “Is that what you fucking want to hear? Huh?”
The bed creaked and groaned beneath us. The sound of skin slapping against skin echoed through the room, our grunts and moans mixing together .
“Fuck.” He tugged at a fistful of my hair, making me bare the side of my neck to his teeth. He sucked and nipped, pleasure mixing with pain.
Nails and teeth and open palms. We were brutalizing one another. Our pants grew frantic as we desperately bucked against each other like we hated each other.
Ciaran groaned and the tortured words he forced between thrusts stung me like acid. “I’d hate you if I didn’t love you so fucking much.”
I kissed him and bit his top lip where Ty’s scar would have been till I tasted blood.
“I hate that I love you so fucking much,” I said, driving my hips back onto his cock harder and faster.
“Say it again,” he said, nipping at my chin, my jaw, my throat.
“I love you,” I repeated.
“Again.”
“I fucking love you.”
He grabbed my hips, pulling me down on his dick while bucking his own hips up.
Stars dazzled in front of my face, the whole bedroom fading into a haze.
I couldn’t make out anything in the room with any clarity.
But I saw Ty.
Standing in the dark slit of the ajar bedroom door.
He was as sharply defined as a knife’s edge.
I kept grinding onto Ciaran as I stared at Ty with a mix of fear and embarrassment and… most unwanted of all, arousal .
This wasn’t an accident. Ty had returned so quietly that neither of us realized.
How long had he been watching us? Listening. Unflinching as I rode his brother’s cock.
I should have screamed. Alerted Ciaran. Rushed over to slam the door, to bar it closed with a chair.
But the thrill of me watching Ty watching us, of the threat of Ciaran catching us, lashed down my spine. Sordid and dirty. Wrong but it felt so good at the same time.
In the end, I couldn’t open my mouth to say a word even if I’d wanted to.
And I didn’t want to.
My pussy ached, gushing all over Ciaran as he fucked me with his cock and Ty fucked me with his eyes. I felt the ghost of his hands on my breasts and I arched back, moaning.
I felt the muscles of my inner thighs twitching uncontrollably as Ty unzipped his pants and released his fully hard erection.
My nipples hardened to the point of agony over my voyeuristic crime.
But I couldn’t look away.
Ty stroked himself with an infuriating ease. He didn’t act like the criminal I felt I was. He was calm, sure, steady.
I took my pleasure like a thief. He took his like a god, like masturbating to the sight of me getting fucked by his twin was his birthright.
I dug my nails into Ciaran’s shoulders and I moaned like a whore as the pressure in my lower belly reached its breaking point.
I shuddered and Ciaran groaned beneath me .
“That’s it, baby,” Ciaran said. “ Come .”
I didn’t care if I was going to burn for this. I needed it. I came with a throat-slicing scream and my back arched like I was possessed as waves of pleasure slammed through me.
I felt Ciaran come inside of me, hot jets of cum filling me as he shuddered beneath me.
I collapsed with a strangled moan against Ciaran’s shoulder and he hugged me tight to his chest.
As I lay there, still reeling from the pain and pleasure, I looked back to the doorway.
“I love you,” Ciaran whispered.
“I love you, too,” I whispered back.
I watched Ty come over his hand in silence as he mouthed, “I love you more.”