4. Coen #2
If someone would have told me a year ago that I’d be burying my face in her, I never would have believed them. But here I am, ready to suffocate myself with her pussy.
June scrapes her nails against my scalp and tugs me toward her, moaning and pivoting toward me. “Fuck,” she breathes—her tautness telling me just how close she is.
I wiggle my fingers exactly how I know she likes it, and a second later, she pulsates around me, her body quivering under my touch. I stay there after she’s finished, lapping up the sweetness dripping out of her, wishing like hell I could survive solely on her alone.
Finally, she scoots back and nudges me upward, pressing her lips against mine. “What was that for?”
I kiss her back and stand, holding out my hand to help her up. “Had to start the night on a good note.”
“That wasn’t good, Co. That was fucking great.” She smooths out the wrinkles that have formed on her dress and reaches for her cup, draining the contents of it into her mouth.
“Don’t give me that much credit.” Having forgotten I had even poured myself a drink, I down it in one gulp, the warmth coating my mouth and trickling down my throat.
“Where are we going?” she asks while latching onto her clutch and shoving her phone inside.
“It’s a surprise.” I reach into the pocket of my pressed slacks. “Speaking of…” I pull out a silk tie. “Turn around.”
June raises a brow but complies. “Kinky.”
I wrap the thing around her eyes and secure it behind her head, ignoring the rampant thoughts that come to mind. Like I need any more ideas of the things I’d like to do to her.
I guide her through the garage, help her into the passenger seat of my car, and shut her in. Verifying the gun in my waistband holster is loaded, I shove it back in its home and climb into the driver's side.
A soft melody plays over the speakers, and June quietly hums along.
I’m transformed to a time long ago, when things were simple, untainted.
When it was just a boy and a girl, falling in love one day at a time.
I loved her from that first moment, but it was all the little ones that made it something truly powerful.
Something I never thought I’d find again after I had lost her.
I knew my feelings would always remain, but didn’t expect them to be reciprocated.
There were times over the years when I’d sneak away, when I would track her down, just to catch a glimpse of her.
I watched her from a distance, my heart aching to be near her, but knowing it was impossible.
That I missed my window of opportunity once all those years had passed.
I told myself she was happy, better off without me, and that she would never understand what I had been through in our time apart.
I fucked up the moment I got into that truck with my father, and I continued to ruin things with each life I took trying to get back to her.
I just didn’t fully realize that until I stood in the bloodied aftermath of the massacre I created, and Dominic told me that there was no turning back.
That I had two choices: death, or embrace the darkness.
I should have chosen the former, but I was too much of a coward. I took his hand and let him guide me further into the abyss, fully accepting the man I had become—reborn in blood.
He warned me that no one was safe. Anyone I cared for should be left in the past. So that’s what I did. I left her where I thought she would never be harmed by the life that had taken its hold of me.
Eventually, the desire to see her overcame me, and that’s when I finally tracked her down.
I needed a glimpse of her, something to confirm that the decision I made was not in vain.
She was having coffee with a friend at a café we used to go to.
I watched her through the window, my heart being ripped to shreds at the sight of her.
But when I saw her smile, could hear her laughter float through the space and to me, I knew I had done the right thing.
That I had given her an opportunity at a better life than what I could have given her.
That she could be happy without me, and that my presence would have done nothing but bring her down.
I was proud of her for moving on, even though it was like losing her all over again.
I would suffer through that loss over and over if it meant she would be okay.
And so I did, over the years, rip my heart to shreds to verify she was safe…happy.
Because at the end of the day, that’s all I really cared about.
I almost spoke to her once, the urge nearly overtaking me.
She was a freshman in college, wandering around the campus of the local university, her gaze darting from a map in her hands to the area around her.
She was lost, unsure of where to go. My feet betrayed me, inching out from behind the building I was concealed by.
But I was halted by another guy who approached her, mumbling what I can only guess was a question of whether she needed assistance.
The tall man pointed to a nearby building and she nodded, a soft smile of gratitude appearing on her face.
It could have been me but I was too weak, or maybe too strong, to give in.
The two of them shook hands, no doubt exchanging formalities, and went their separate ways.
I left town that day and didn't come back for a while, busying myself with whatever task I could to distract myself from the sad reality that she would never be mine.
Pathetically trying to find comfort in someone else, I slept around, but I never felt anything more than a mild attraction to the strangers I occasionally fucked.
I convinced myself I didn't have feelings—that they disappeared the same day she did from my life, but still, I was drawn back to this town and the brown-eyed girl who stole my heart.
I was a fool to tiptoe so close to the fire when I stepped foot in a bar I knew she sometimes went to.
I just wanted another glance, another morsel of her to tide me over until the next time I couldn’t stand to be away from her any longer.
I never meant to bump into her, to talk to her, to hear the sadness—the anger—in her voice.
She was bitter, and honestly, I deserved that.
I deserved much more. I didn’t expect to feel so much though.
Her touch was electric, her presence like a defibrillator to my heart.
I had told myself over the years that I could handle it, but it wasn’t until that moment that I realized I was sorely mistaken.
Everything I thought I had shut away came rushing back in, and my love for her overflowed like it had never stopped in the first place.
But just as I had all those other times, I swallowed down the painful reality that the June I fell in love with was no more, and that the version of me that once existed died along with the men I slaughtered in my feeble attempt to get back to her.
I had doomed us without even knowing.
June reaches blindly over toward me, nudging the shifter in her attempt to locate me. “Where’s your damn hand?”
I chuckle and place my palm on hers, resting them both on her leg. “I’m right here.” I always have been, June, even when you thought I wasn’t. I’ll never go anywhere—not as long as I live.
“How much longer?” She glances over, despite having a blindfold still wrapped around her eyes.
“No peeking,” I tell her. “We’re almost there.”
“I was trying to track where we were but I got lost after Seventh Avenue.”
“We’ll have to practice that sometime. It’s a good skill to have.” Just in case…because in our world, you’ll never know when it’s the difference between life and death.
I disregard the buzz of my phone in my pocket and pull into the parking lot.
“Hmm,” June mumbles, no doubt trying to figure out where I’m taking her.
I hop out, rushing over to open her door and help her from the passenger seat.
Her cool hand fits perfectly in mine and manages to calm my anxious heart.
No amount of time will ever make those nervous jitters go away.
It’s like every time I’m with her, I’m transported back to that self-conscious pre-teen who’s bubbling with insecurities.
What if I do the wrong thing? What if she doesn’t like me? What if I mess something up?
But the worst damage has already been done.
I broke her trust. I left her—the worst crime of all, especially knowing how that was the ultimate offense.
She had abandonment issues, and all I did was exacerbate them.
Even if it was against my will, I hurt her either way. And I'll forever be paying the price.
“What’s that smell?” June sniffs at the air.
I guide her through the front door of the place and once we’re inside, I tug the fabric of my tie to release it from shielding her eyes.
She squints, blinks a few times, and brings her hand to cover her mouth. “You didn’t.”
I don't take my gaze off of her as she breaks out into a huge smile and throws her arms around my neck, hugging me tightly.
“Co, are you kidding me?”
I still don’t look away when she releases me and takes in the candlelit pizza shop that we spent many evenings in when we were kids.
The shop is empty aside from us and a couple workers in the back. A lone table sits in the center of the room, decked with more candles and a chilled bottle of champagne.
“This…” She strolls back toward me and pulls me into her. “This is perfect.”
“Yeah?” I tuck a strand of her black hair behind her ear.
“Yeah.” June stands taller and presses her lips on mine.
The single kiss melts the tension from my shoulders.
“I didn’t think you remembered,” she tells me, her face just an inch from mine.
“I could never forget. Not a single detail of us.”
“Oh my god.” June holds me at an arm’s length and laughs. “That fucking pizza challenge.”
I shake my head, the recollection of that day coming to me in an instant. “Can we not?”
“Co.” She continues to giggle. “That was brutal. We ate so much pizza I thought we were both going to die.”