13. June #3
“Watch out, love, it almost sounds like you care about me.”
Almost? Does he really think I don’t? Just because we can be nothing more than what we are doesn’t mean I don’t care about him.
He might be my boyfriends’ enemy but that doesn’t mean he isn’t my friend.
I refuse to still acknowledge him as my enemy when he’s done everything in his power to make me feel anything but alone.
“Who’s going to protect me if you get splattered across the road?” I tell him while doing my best to avert the focus from my feelings for him.
“Touché.”
We hit the outskirts of town and traffic dies down. The overhead lights from the street start to fade and we’re left with only a few cars and the headlight of the bike. Salty air, a cool breeze, and the warmth of Simon’s body. His touch is forbidden, but right now, it’s a complete necessity.
"Hold on, love. Things might get bumpy." He steers us off the road and into a parking lot. He continues through the entire length of it, and when I'm certain he might finally stop, he maneuvers us onto the grass and goes around the no-trespassing signs.
I don't ask questions because I'm confident I won't get answers.
Instead, I wrap my arms around him and wait for whatever he has in store for us.
My ass thuds on the seat, and I hold on tighter as we traverse the rockier terrain.
I close my eyes, not out of fear, but more out of trust. I lay my helmet-covered head against his back and savor this thing that will not last. The closeness I've dreamed about but never allowed to happen.
The bike crawls to a stop, and Simon cuts the engine.
“We made it.” He runs his hand along the arms that are gripped around his torso.
I peel myself off of him, holding onto his shoulder to hop off the bike. “Where are we?” I glance around at the cityscape in the distance, the ocean in sight, and the night sky that’s visible. It’s nearly impossible to see the stars from home, but from here, holy shit it’s mesmerizing.
“Come here, love.” Simon motions for me as he approaches. He weaves his fingers along the strap under my chin and unbuckles the restraints.
Plucking the helmet off my head, I give it to him to set on the foot peg of the bike.
He laughs and pats down the side of my head. “Your hair is fucking wild.”
“You’re one to talk.” I reach up and shuffle his hair around to match mine. “There, twins.”
Simon rolls his eyes. “Thanks, I appreciate you.”
I turn my attention from him to the place he brought me, scanning the horizon. “This is…”
“Something else, isn’t it?” He steps beside me. “I come here, sometimes, when I need to clear my head. Like the park, for you.”
“The park has nothing on this.” I crane my head up to take in the night sky. “Holy shit, there’s the big dipper. It’s so much brighter than down there.”
He points his long hand at a big bright star. "See that reddish-orange-looking one?"
“Mmhm.” I stare right at the one he’s referring to.
“That’s Mars.”
“No fucking way.” I glance over at him.
"I swear." He shifts his arm in another direction. "And I'm pretty sure that's Saturn."
“Shut up, you’re fucking with me.”
“You’re going to make me prove it to you, aren’t you?”
“Maybe,” I smirk at him but look back up into the sky.
Simon pulls his phone out of his pocket and pushes a few buttons, pulling up an app with every star imaginable on it. “See for yourself, love.” He puts the device in my line of sight and points it toward the glowing orange thing. Sure enough, he was right.
I take the thing from him and hover it over the other one—Saturn. My eyes widen with disbelief. “You’re a freaking astronomer and didn’t tell me?”
Simon grins. “There’s a lot you don’t know about me, love.”
“I’d say so.” I spin and continue directing the thing at the sky. “Look at that one.”
"That's Vega, the fifth brightest star in the sky. Twice the mass of the Sun."
“How the fuck do you know that?” I gawk at him but turn back to the app, clicking the star and confirming that he was correct. The thing explains something about the northern constellation Lyra.
“By doing what you just did. Every time I see something interesting, I click it to read more. After a while you just sort of retain the information.” Simon shrugs. “Plus, I’ve spent enough time up here to have a general idea of where things are.”
"Is this where you bring all your hot dates?" I side-eye him.
“Are you saying this is a hot date?” Simon tilts his head to the side.
“You know what I mean.”
The smile melts away from his face. “I’ve never brought anyone up here.”
“Why?”
“I’ve never wanted to.”
“Oh.” I focus back on his phone, scanning the sky and distracting myself from what he just told me.
A notification pops across the top of the screen.
I don’t mean to, but I glance at the message, the name Sarah with some hearts in the text.
Immediately, I give him his phone. “Uh, I think your girlfriend just text you.”
“What? No, I don’t have a?—”
I cut him off. "You don't have to lie, Simon. You're allowed to have a life outside of this." I motion between us. "And you don't owe me an explanation." I cross my arms over my chest and walk away while looking up at the sky.
Simon stalks after me. “Are you jealous?”
“What? No. That’s ridiculous.” I roll my eyes and continue to move away from him, anything to get some space between us.
“You’re acting jealous, love.”
I turn toward him, my cheeks flushing hot. “I’m not jealous.”
Simon throws up his arms. “If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck.”
“I’m going to punch the duck in its face.”
“What did the duck do?”
“You know what the duck did.” I lean against a large boulder and stare at the sky to distract myself from him and his accusations.
Jealousy. Is that what this is? But why…Simon and I aren’t dating, and the possibility of that ever happening is zero. Still, I can’t shake this strange feeling coursing through me, and the more it festers, the more it pisses me off.
“June…”
“Simon…”
“Sarah is just?—”
“Nope.” I hold my hand out in front of him. “I don’t need to know. Don’t tell me.”
“Fine.” He huffs. “Make things more difficult than they need to be.”
“Don’t you dare sass me.”
Simon steps forward, pressing me harder into the giant rock I’m already pinned against. “You want to talk about sass?” His gaze trails mine, drops to my lips, and then back up. His chest rises and falls, his breath ragged. He places both hands beside my head, caging me in.
My heart races, and I grow uncertain about how far he's going to take this, and how far I want him to.
What's wrong with me? I shouldn't be thinking, or feeling, any of this.
I have a boyfriend—three of them. I am satisfied with my relationships.
But am I really? When they keep pushing me away, practically shoving me into the arms of this man in front of me.
Still, that's no excuse for straying, and even though my body practically begs me to stop teasing this forbidden line between us, my mind knows this isn't right.
I might be in an open relationship with three men, but Simon is their enemy, and that means he's off-limits.
That whatever he's about to do next is off-limits.
“Simon…” I warn him.
He lowers his voice. “You should have been mine.”
A chill rolls down my spine. “But I’m not. And I never will be.”
Not as long as I’m with my men. They would never tolerate it. They’ve made that much clear from the second they found out I knew who Simon was. They may insist that he be my bodyguard, but they would never be okay with anything more. Even if, lately, he is proving to be better for me than them.
They had warned me that they’d kill us both if we entertained it. And either way, whether Simon means something to me or not, how could I allow him to get hurt if I decided to be selfish?
Because of my feelings for him, I’d never risk it.
I guess at the end of the day, we both care about each other’s safety more than anything.
“You think I don’t know that, love?” Simon’s breath touches my cheek. “That no matter what, you will always be out of reach…”
“I’m—”
Simon interrupts, “Don’t you dare say it.”
Lights flicker up the hill, and the sound of motorcycles alerts us that Simon isn't the only one who knows about this place.
“God damn it.” He shoves off the rock and puts distance between us.
Distance that I am grateful for, because if he hadn’t, I don’t know what would have transpired. I don’t want to be wrong, but how can I resist something that feels so fucking right?
“Simon…”
“We need to leave, love.” He stalks over to his bike, latching onto the helmet he let me borrow and holding it out toward me.
I take it into my hands and wonder who else has worn this thing before.
Sarah. Heart emojis.
I clench my jaw and shove the thing over my head.
Simon reaches for the straps, but I shrug him off.
“I’m fine, I’ll get it myself.”
But after a few failed attempts and the sound of the bikes getting closer, Simon insists that he secure it. “I shouldn’t have snapped at you,” he tells me and meets my gaze through the visor. “I’m not being fair.”
“None of this is fair.”
The headlights of the bikes crest the ridge of the hill and point directly at us.
“Get on the bike. Now.” Simon throws his leg over and immediately reaches for my hand while using his other to turn the thing on. He repositions the gun at his waist as he puts the bike into gear.
One of the bikes cuts us off and blocks our path. The dude without a helmet seems pretty fucking harmless, but with Simon and the guys, you can never be too cautious.
“Sick bike dude,” he says to Simon.
Simon lifts up his visor. “Thanks. We were just leaving. The cliff is all yours, man.” Simon walks the bike back to clear a path but another bike approaches from our rear.
A few more come up the hill, dust and dirt filling the air.
“Do you know another way down, dude?” the guy asks Simon. “We’ve got a moto cop on our asses.”
Simon sighs and glances toward the group of bikers. “Yeah, follow me.”