17. Grace
Chapter 17
Grace
I don’t wake up as hungover as I feared, but I still have a headache and my tongue still feels fuzzy.
Ugh.
I bury my face into the pillow and groan. I really regret drinking so much. It could be a lot worse, but I still don’t want to get out of bed.
God, I can barely even remember last night. I remember I was blurting out just about everything to the bartender, although not the fact that the courtship I’m in is fake, thank goodness. I remember that Cade came to get me. He looked so hot in his leather jacket and standing next to his motorcycle.
And then we… we walked? Yes, we walked. I didn’t want to get on the bike, so Cade walked me all the way back to the ranch.
Well, that explains why my feet hurt so much.
I remember, vaguely, that we talked, but I don’t remember what we discussed. Actually, I think I did most of the talking, but that’s pretty typical. Cade’s always been a man of few words.
I’m so embarrassed. I ran out and got drunk and Cade had to get me to come back. He even had to walk all that way with me. What a mess.
As I get ready for the day, shame settles in the pit of my stomach. Now that I’ve gotten it all out and gotten royally drunk over it. I can see the other side of the issue. Jesse was right, I think. It was unfair of me to ask them to be my sex tutors on top of everything else.
They’ve let me into their home, and they’ve agreed to pretend to court me. That’s already so, so much. To ask for them to basically teach me to have sex on top of it, something so intimate, is just too much.
I’m such a mess. I can’t believe I’ve done all the things that I did yesterday. I must have been insane. These damn hormones.
When I finally drag myself downstairs to the kitchen, I’m hoping that the others will already be up and out on the ranch, working and finished with breakfast.
Unfortunately, fate is not kind.
“Morning, sleeping beauty,” Hendrix says. He’s clearly trying to be buoyant, but it’s not quite working.
Jesse won’t look at me. Cade glances at me out of the corner of his eye and gives a gruff nod, and that’s it.
Easton clears his throat. “Here. Some aspirin and water, for the hangover.”
“Oh, thank you. How did you know I was hungover?”
“The amount you drank, you were bound to be,” Jesse mutters.
I’m guessing that Cade told them about last night. I can’t expect him to have kept it a total secret, but I still feel even more embarrassed. I never should’ve gotten so plastered. I’m twenty-five. I’m not an irresponsible college freshman. I should be able to handle all of this better.
Easton passes me some food and we eat quietly. The men discuss some things around the ranch, but everyone’s a bit quiet and a bit stiff. I’m relieved when they all get up and start their day around the ranch. I insist on doing the dishes. I need something to distract me.
Besides, aside from my embarrassment this morning, I’m appreciating the physical work and doing things with my hands. It’s helping me to feel a bit more at home in my body, more settled. Not as much as it would for me to… well… but it helps and it’s certainly better than nothing.
I spend the day as far away from the men as I can, and I can feel they’re doing likewise. I don’t feel any judgment, just an awkwardness. Like they don’t know what to do with me. I suppose that’s fair. I’m not sure what to do with myself.
I try to cook a really nice dinner as a silent thank-you for everything they’re doing. An olive branch. I don’t think any of them would be comfortable if I tried to make a speech. I just hope they understand what I’m trying to tell them.
I’ve just gotten everything underway, the men washing up, when I hear the ring of the doorbell. That’s odd.
“Who is it?” I call, wiping my hands off.
There’s no answer.
I walk over to the front door and peer through the peephole.
There’s no one there, but there are several packages. Huh. Delivery.
“Deliveries!” I yell, opening the front door. It’s too small to be farm equipment, or at least I think it is, I’m sure some of the machines have smaller parts.
I get all the packages in and on the kitchen table, and that’s when I see it: they’re all addressed to me.
That’s odd. I didn’t order anything.
“What’s all this?” Hendrix asks as I hear the clomp of boots behind me.
All four men crowd around as I grab scissors and open the packages. “I don’t know, I didn’t order anything. Maybe my work sent me something, it could be they want me to work… remote…”
My voice trails off as I open the first package and see what’s inside. It’s a bright pink dildo, with an inflatable knot at the end. It’s clearly meant for Omegas.
I stare. I can feel the other men staring too.
“I—I didn’t order these,” I stutter out.
The other packages are all the same. Sex toys. Sex toys specifically for Omegas.
My face is on fire. I can feel all four men looking at me and I feel like I’m going to combust with the weight of their gazes.
“I, uh, I’m the one who got these,” Cade says gruffly. He’s flushed, and his scent is strong, filling my nose.
“What?” I squeak out. The other three Alphas stare at Cade like he’s lost his mind.
“Since we’re not going to, uh, help you learn how to explore your body, I thought that it might be helpful for you to know how to do it on your own. So I got you some toys. To help.”
I flush even harder, but my body goes stiff. “That’s—that’s very thoughtful, Cade, thank you.”
I don’t want to make him feel bad when he was clearly thinking of making my life easier. But there’s no way I’m using these toys.
The part that William didn’t bring up in our fight, the part that I was almost hoping he would so I could really get into a good fight with him, the secret I’ve kept all these years out of sheer embarrassment… is that I’ve never had sex.
I’m still a virgin.
It wasn’t something that had ever felt quite right with William and I never knew how to push myself past whatever feeling was holding me back. We did plenty of other stuff, but we hadn’t been together long enough for me to want to take that step with him—and considering how things ended, I’m eternally grateful that we never had sex.
I had thought it was sweet that an Alpha could be so respectful of my desire to go slow in that department, but of course, now I know better. It turns out he just went and got his rocks off in other places. No wonder he was so accommodating about not having sex with me. He was running around having sex with other women instead.
But as silly as it might seem, I want my first time having sex to be intimate. I don’t want it to be fumbling around with a toy. I asked Jesse to take my virginity all those years ago for a reason, and it wasn’t just because I had a wild crush on him. I’d known that as someone older, he would have experience. He’d make sure it wasn’t some horrible awkward embarrassment.
I’m not losing my virginity to a damn sex toy. Especially not when there are four Alphas staring at me with hunger in their eyes like they want to see me use the toys on myself right here on the kitchen table.
And boy, if that isn’t a fantasy. Maybe they could even use the toys on me…
I mentally slap myself. Knock it off, Grace, for the love of god.
“Seriously, Cade,” I say out loud. “It’s very sweet of you to think of me like that. I appreciate it, and I’m sorry I was such trouble last night. It won’t happen again.”
Then I take the toys up to my room and then stuff them in the back of the closet.
Out of sight, out of mind.