Chapter 12
Julian
I told Poppy we could work from home and that I didn ’ t need to be in the office.
It was a lie, one she knew to be true. She was probably worried we would never leave my bed after the morning we had.So she forced me to come to the office as if that could stop me from touching her.
Now I ’ m kicking myself because I didn ’ t expect my dad to be waiting for me when we arrived.
“ I ’ ve got a meeting in twenty,” I tell my dad. Am I shocked he ’ d show face? No. Uncle Dan and Dad don ’ t keep secrets when it comes to my brothers and me.
“ I ’ m sorry,” my dad says, his hand rubbing his jaw. He does this when he ’ s angry.
“ I ’ m going to handle it. ” ‘ It ’ as in Andrew. He ’ s scum, no longer deserving to be called a human.
Dad gives a nod of understanding. "Just make sure you listen to your uncle. He's got a way with discreet resolutions."
My brow raises. Clearly, there is a library of untold stories written by him and Uncle Dan.
I don ’ t want to be discreet. I want a worldwide spectacle to make other men who dare to hurt women tremble.
Dad's tone carries a deep sense of regret as his eyes wander over the space that used to be his office. Now fully retired, he spends most of his time on his ranch. I don't really know what he does there, and only now do I feel like I should care.
"When I said I was sorry, I didn ’ t just mean about what happened to Poppy. I meant I was sorry for pushing you boys away." His deep exhale sounds like bullets aimed right at me.
What's he getting at?
"Theo is my son, and we have a lot more in common than you think. I did something, something I tried to hide because I feared it would hurt you, boys."
I feel a bead of sweat on my brow. Dad's eyes look at me, and I nod for him to continue. We said we wanted to build a bridge in our relationship. I just didn't think he'd try when the dams broke and I felt the flood waters rushing all around me.
"I was trying to protect you boys from more pain and anger. I thought the distance would help. I was wrong. Your uncle filled my shoes, and I want those shoes back, but I know I can ’ t have them. I don ’ t want to wear them because I know I can't replace your uncle, but I ’ m asking for the chance to walk beside you again, son.”
I might be a grown man, but in my dad's eyes, I'm always going to be a boy, and a part of me will always feel like a child when I'm talking to my dad. As this child, it's hard for me to see my parents, who are always supposed to be brave.
"What did you do?" I ask, leaning my elbows on the desk that separates us. His desk, his legacy. He still wants my brothers to be his legacy, too.
"I fell in love again," he confesses, the weight of his words heavy in the air.
What!
What?
The shock of his words swallows all the reactions I have.
"For a long time, I couldn't forgive myself for doing so." He hangs his head.
I think of my mother. "Why?"
"Why did I fall in love, or why did I try to stop myself from tasting it again?"
"Both," I reply.
My mother. The memory of her and my father plays like a loop in my mind. How could he love after my mother?
The child in me wants to stand and throw a fit; the man wants to as well, but unlike the child, the man sits and listens.
"I believed moving on was an insult to your mother's memory." It was...it is. "Admitting I fell in love again felt like it would drive the final nail into our relationship's coffin. So, I kept her hidden," he reveals; his shame is thick in the air.
"Is that why we were sent away to boarding school?"
"No," he corrects quickly, "I met her years after your mother passed. I sent you boys away because I couldn't handle my grief. I didn't know how to be a father without your mother. It was wrong, and if your mom were alive today, she'd kill me. Slowly." Dad smirks. Mom was the only woman who could make my dad apologize. They were so in love.
"When mom died, you did too."
He nods.
"Why are you telling me this now?"
Dad looks up, but his eyes remain on my shoulder. "I want us to start over. You are my son, but she's in my life too. Our family is never going to be whole again. I'm getting older, and I want all the time I have left to be with my sons." He gulps, "When I got the call, you had been shot," he shakes his head, "it was my wake-up call. I could have lost you. I don't even know you anymore, son. I want to know you and your brothers."
"I want that, too," I whisper. The child in me wants to stand and run to him. The man stands, closing the distance slowly. I reach out my palm, and he grasps it; I pull him up and hug him. He's smaller than me now; I've got a good two inches and fifty pounds of muscle on him. It feels wrong that my father is smaller. I used to hug his knee and beg him not to go to work so he could stay home with us.
"I love you, son. You've made me so proud, and I want you to have the love I had with your mom. If Poppy is this for you, then I promise you, your uncle, and I will do everything in our power to make sure she is safe."
I pat his back, "I love you too, Dad."
We pull away, and I have to ask, "Are you happy?"
"I'm a different kind of happy, but yes, she makes me happy.” He replies.
That ’ s carefully crafted to make sure he knows this new woman won't replace the memory or love he had for my mother.
"Are you happy?" Dad shoots back, his gaze lingering on his old office.
I shrug, "It's not bad," I admit. I still miss the days of being a soldier. Nothing will replace that, not a fancy office or the title of CEO. "I get to see Theo, Kent, and Poppy every day." Saying her name makes me smile.
He pats my shoulder, "I know this job wasn't one you wanted. Once all this is settled, if you still don't want it, then let's open up that discussion."
I jerk back slightly, shocked he'd even offer this. After Theo turned out to be an engineering genius, it was almost a given that I'd have to take over the role of CEO. That's why I ran and joined the army. I hoped that if I were successful in another career, then my dad would let go of the idea that the CEO of Sterling Defense had to remain a Sterling.
"I want you to be happy," Dad reassures me.
No matter the gap, the break, or the shift, you can rebuild things. Two sides just have to be willing to.
Just when it seemed like the floodwaters were creeping up to my shoulders—my role as CEO, navigating a new relationship, mending fractured ones, wrestling with secrets and lies, and dealing with Andrew and his father—I managed to add another member to my army.