Episode 146
EPISODE 146
LOVE AND LOSS
Sienna
I gulp as I walk swiftly out of the room, the door closing behind me. My heart drums as I lean against the wall in the hallway, sliding down onto the cold floor.
I should call Leroy. I fumble with my phone and it slips out of my grasp.
I pick it up just as it starts buzzing with a call. I don’t recognize the number. It could be Leroy calling from a hospital phone.
“Hello?” I say, breathless. “Leroy?”
“No, Sienna,” a deep voice says. “This is Brett. From the island. I miss you, dancing queen.”
I blink, the distraction of Brett’s call cutting through the panic choke-holding me.
Dancing Queen.
The first night on the island. Mere days ago, but it almost seems like a lifetime.
But it comes back to me in technicolor.
Heather and I hit the dancefloor, and Brett took notice. He grabbed me, twirled me around, and we danced to “Love Man” by Otis Redding—the Dirty Dancing song. We were in complete sync, our bodies moving as one. All eyes were on us, and when the song ended, applause rang out.
Heather asked me to teach her my moves—moves I learned from Leroy, no less. He’s a fabulous dancer. But Brett—and I recall his exact words—said, “Later. She’s mine for now.”
We danced to a slow song. He held me close, and I smelled his crisp, citrusy scent...and felt his hardness against me. My body... It reacted...
And I was no longer a wallflower.
After that song ended, Misty tried to cut in, but Brett didn’t let her. I let myself go, felt free in his arms...until that song ended as well.
He kissed my cheek and said, “Thanks, Sienna. You’re a beautiful dancer.”
Then he moved on...toward Heather. And I moved on to some bourbon, standing on the sidelines once again, until I gathered some courage and asked Alex to dance.
And we...
Well, we ended up on the beach having sex.
I didn’t give Brett any more thought until the next day when he gave me a hell of an orgasm on the catamaran, and again during our date.
Then, of course, there was our frantic fuck in the limo before I got on my flight.
But what truly drew me to him was our kiss on the beach yesterday morning when he told me to go to Leroy, to try to work things out if I still had feelings.
And I do.
Or did .
Confusion. Such confusion! I love Leroy. I do. When I saw him again this morning, all I wanted to do was to fall into his arms.
But hearing Brett’s voice...
“You there?” he asks.
“Yeah. I’m sorry. This isn’t a good time.”
“I understand,” he replies, his rich timbre an odd comfort against the chaos in Lavonne’s room. “I just...wanted to hear your voice.”
“Why?” I ask.
“I’d like to tell you in person,” he says.
“I can’t leave here. Lavonne is... She’s...” I gulp. “I don’t know what’s going on. I should go. Leroy and his dad went somewhere to get a bite to eat. And Lavonne is... It’s a code blue or something. It’s doesn’t look good, Brett.” I choke back a sob. “It doesn’t look good.”
“Oh, baby... I’m sorry.” His voice soothes me. “Yeah. You do what you need to do. But I need you to know something. I want you to come back, Sienna. I really want you to come back.”
Before I can decipher the implications of his words, Leroy and Bob appear from around the corner.
“I’m sorry. I have to go.” I end the call abruptly.
Leroy and Bob rush toward me, their expressions frantic.
“Sienna, what happened?” Leroy asks, his brown eyes wide with panic.
“There was... They...” I struggle to find the words, nearly stumbling. How do you tell someone his mother—his wife—might be dying? “They told me to leave the room.”
Bob’s hands shake as he rubs them over his face. “Is she...”
I shake my head. “I don’t know. They didn’t tell me anything before they made me leave. ”
Leroy turns to his father. “Dad, you need to sit down.”
“No. They need to let me in there. Your mother needs me.”
Leroy grips his father’s shoulder. “Dad, we have to let them work. They’ll tell us something when they can.”
The firmness of Leroy’s voice strikes me. Despite his fear, he’s taking charge—just like Lavonne would want him to. I reach out and squeeze his hand, offering what comfort I can.
All we can do now is wait.
The minutes seem to stretch into hours as the frantic activity in Lavonne’s room subsides. Nurses pass by, glancing our way with guarded expressions. I watch them all through the small window in the door, wishing someone would give us a sign—any indication of what’s happening.
After an agonizing stretch of time, the door opens and a doctor strides out, pulling off his gloves with a tired sigh. His face is drawn and lined with exhaustion.
“Mr. Robinson?”
Bob nods. “Yes? Is she okay?”
“I’m so sorry. We did all we could.”
His words hang in the air like a specter. Bob’s knees buckle under him as the doctor’s words sink in. Leroy catches his father just in time.
“No, no, no...” Bob folds in on himself and he sinks farther into Leroy’s embrace. His shoulders shudder.
“Leroy,” I say quietly, reaching out to touch his arm.
His eyes meet mine, and within them I see a reflection of my own grief—only it’s so much worse for him. This is his mother. The woman who carried him, raised him, loved him as no one else could.
“You may go in to say goodbye,” the doctor says to me.
I nod to Leroy. “You and Bob go in. I’ll wait here. ”
Leroy shakes his head. “You go first, See. He’s not ready yet.”
I swallow down the lump in my throat. Should I go in? I already saw her. How do I say goodbye?
I brace myself and walk in. Nurses are still crowded around, but the machines are no longer lit.
One of the nurses smiles sympathetically at me. “We’ll give you a moment.”
I nod, tears welling in my eyes as I sit down where I was only moments before, when Lavonne was trying to tell me something. “Take care... of...” she said.
Of Leroy, of course. That’s what she wanted. She wanted us back together. I reach to take her hand. It’s already so cold.
“I love you, Lavonne,” I say. “I’m so sorry this happened. You were so full of life. You didn’t deserve this.” I wipe back a tear. “I know you want Leroy and me together. I...I’ll try, I guess. For you. But I can’t promise. I would if I could, but I can’t.”
A spark flicks into me, seemingly from her hand. I widen my eyes, but then a sense of ethereal calm settles over me. Lavonne is here, in some ghostly way. She wants me happy as much as she wants Leroy happy. That’s what was important to her. Leroy. And me. Not necessarily us together.
She’s here, and she understands.
And I know.
I know that my future is not with Leroy, and Lavonne understands.