Chapter 12 Delilah #2
I thought I’d feel relief. Instead, a fresh wave of numb heaviness sweeps through me.
I know the feeling well. For the first few months after Jagger left, I struggled through the agonizing heartbreak until my body couldn’t take any more suffering.
My grief turned to numbness as my way of coping.
I thought I had finally gotten used to living with the hollow emptiness in my chest, but seeing Jagger again made all the emotions come flooding back.
Despite how much he hurt me, I couldn’t help feeling drawn to him.
“I’m so proud of you, Del,” Sabs drops a kiss on the top of my head. “You don’t need any of those jerks in your life.”
I feign a smile, my traitorous mind instantly returning to thoughts of Jagger.
How is it fair that he looked even more gorgeous than the last time I saw him?
Why did my body react like it was struck by lightning when he grabbed my wrist to pull me back?
It shouldn’t be fair that someone who hurt me so much is still allowed to have that effect on me.
My body shouldn’t allow it! There should be a self-defense mechanism in my brain that’ll stop me from wanting to throw myself into his inked arms. At least I got out of there before I did something stupid.
“Why don’t we have a Stella Saturday?” Kady suggests. “I’ll see if Faye is free, and we can all head down to Forestville to visit that sexy bookstore, The Pleasure Pages? I’m sure they have lots of new stock after the holidays.”
The Pleasure Pages is a new store that’s opened in Forestville that sells both smutty books and sex toys. An unusual yet winning combination.
“I thought you had plans with Hale?” I ask. “Weren’t you going to visit a donkey sanctuary?”
“Hale will be fine going to see the donkeys on his own.” Kady waves her hand dismissively. “Without me around, he’ll probably volunteer to work there and stay for hours. He’ll be fine.”
Since Kady spoke to Hale’s parents and they all surprised him on his birthday, Hale has returned to vet school. From what she says, he’s absolutely thriving. Although Larry wasn’t too pleased when he brought a rescue kitten home for a few days, hating having to share Hale’s attention.
“Vibrators and books!” Sabs cheers, taking a bite of a muffin. “You’ll forget about that pesky barista in no time.”
I grin, a real one this time. “I guess that could be fun.”
“It will be!” She yanks me out of my chair. “Now go shower. You’re covered in flour, and you have sprinkles in your hair.” She swipes her finger across my cheek then licks the sticky red jam off her finger. “Mm, strawberry.”
“While you de-cake yourself, I’ll start boxing up some of these treats, since we won’t be able to eat them all ourselves.” Her gaze sweeps over the surfaces. “Whatever we don’t want, we can leave at the gate for Margie to share with the rest of the houses?”
Sabs smirks. “Leave the salty cupcakes for Persephone House.”
She’s still angry at them for winning the pumpkin contest on Halloween and suspects that they were the ones who reported her singing loudly in the party golf cart at 3am.
“We’ll see you back down here soon,” Kady calls out as I head upstairs. “Today will be just what you need.”
I drag myself upstairs. While I appreciate my best friends, I doubt they or some kinky books will be able to help me shake off this swarm of feelings.
After soaking in the tub and treating myself to one of Faye’s gram’s lavender bath bombs, I feel half-presentable. I put on my mustard-colored coat and a teal beret.
I hadn’t thought I’d taken that long, but by the time I head downstairs, Faye is already here.
“Delilah!” Faye waits at the bottom of the staircase with a bunch of fresh flowers in her hands. “I thought these would brighten up the kitchen. Ezra said they needed to be trimmed back before they took over an entire section of the greenhouse.”
When I reach her, she pulls me into a tight hug.
Faye wears her heart on her sleeve, so I can feel her concern in the way she holds onto me a little tighter than usual.
I’m guessing the others have filled her in on what happened as she doesn’t ask.
That’s one of the many things I love about my friendship with Faye, her quiet understanding.
“You smell nice.” She sniffs my hair. “Lavender and rose?”
“You’ll have to send my compliments to your gram.”
“I’ll make sure she adds her new lavender pillow mist to your next monthly delivery.”
Faye’s gram, Betty, sends a monthly care package to Stella House, packed to the brim with all of the homemade products she makes at Blooming Brew.
Recently, Betty has also made a deal with Nora’s Nest Nook, donating free products to help with heat comfort and scent blocking for omegas who may not be able to afford them otherwise. No questions asked.
“Ready to go?” Sabs’s high ponytail swings as she bounces through from the kitchen to join us. “I’m super hyped about this trip! It’s our first Stella outing since we got back from the holidays.”
“I just need to put these in some water before we leave.” Faye scurries away to the kitchen, her floral dress swishing around her knees. “I’m sure there’s a vase somewhere…”
Kady pads up from her room in the basement, wearing a stunning, tailored cream coat and an awkwardly-constructed green scarf around her neck. It doesn’t match her outfit at all, but I love the fact that she’s wearing it because I made it for her.
“I just heard from Calder.” She grins down at her phone. “Devon’s latest Ask an Alpha column has gotten more views than we’ve had in ages.” She chews on the inside of her cheek. “I think we need to update the photo, though. The current one just isn’t working for me.”
“No working on the weekends!” Sabs wags a finger at her. “Isn’t this why Calder is your co-editor? Let him handle it.”
“Good idea.” She grins, shooting him a quick message before stashing her cell away. “I guess there are some perks to sharing the editorship.”
“Yeah, it helps that you’re sleeping with him too,” Sabs chips in.
“Our editorial relationship is strictly professional!” Kady argues.
Sabs scoffs. “You’re forgetting about the time I walked into the office after you both—”
Kady’s cheeks turn pink as Faye strolls back in. “What’ve I missed?”
“Nothing,” Kady snaps and checks her watch. “We better head off if we want to catch the next bus.”
“This trip couldn’t have come at a better time.” Faye claps her hands. “Cole has everyone doing a deep-clean of the house and cars. Frank used to do all of that.”
“I miss Frank.” Sabs sighs wistfully. “Although I’m pleased that he and Betty are having an amazing time in Clover Hollow. How are they both doing?”
“Gram sent me this yesterday.” Faye grins as she shows us a picture.
It’s a little blurry, presumably from Betty not holding the phone still, but I can see him reclining on a porch with a green face mask on.
“Frank’s been product testing, apparently.
Although he did have a slight reaction to burdock.
” Her face turns somber. “Nothing that aloe couldn’t cure, thankfully. ”
Sabs snorts as Kady bustles around us, handing each of us boxes stuffed with baked goods. It’s not until I see my friends with their arms sagging under the weight of it all that I realize how much I made this morning. And this isn’t even all of it.
Margie’s eyes light up when she sees the four of us tottering down the street. “By any chance, is some of your famous cinnamon banana bread in any of those, Delilah?” She smacks her lips together. “I’ve heard amazing things about it!”
“Yep, it’s some good stuff,” Sabs replies. “I swear, she puts crack in them, they’re so addictive.”
At Margie’s raised eyebrows, Kady nudges her sharply in the ribs. “She’s joking. Obviously, they’re all drug-free, Margie.”
“There are all sorts of goodies in these, including banana bread. Eat as much as you like.” I smile at her as I hand her the boxes I’ve been carrying. “If there’s anything else you’d like more of, just let me know.”
“That reminds me! Wait a sec.” Margie turns her back on us, fussing around inside her security kiosk.
“I have something for you, Delilah. Someone came to hand-deliver you a letter this morning. Ah, here it is!” She holds up an envelope.
“It was a strange boy. He had weird glasses, and his scarf was bundled up to cover his face, so I could hardly hear what he was saying. But don’t worry, I got one of the security dogs out to sniff it, and it’s clear. ”
My blood runs cold, Kady’s posture stiffening at my side while Faye slips her arm through mine.
I take it from her warily. “Thanks.”
Although it’s only paper, after a year-long heartbreak, it feels as heavy as a brick.
“One final thing.” She hands us each a can of pepper sprays.
“I got a new delivery of these. Make sure you keep these in your bags. You can never be too careful these days. The ones we had before weren’t strong enough, in my opinion, so I may have added in some extra chili oil for added impact.
” She winks. “Apparently, it’s an extra potent scent that alphas hate. Now have a good day, girls! Be safe!”
After unloading all of our boxes on Margie, each of us armed with our special pepper spray, we continue onward to get the bus.
“It’s obviously from Jagger.” Kady’s lip curls as I turn the envelope over in my hands like it’s about to burst into flames. “Who else would show up wearing a disguise?”
“Should I…” I gulp. “Open it?”
“That’s up to you,” Faye responds. “Do you want to see what’s inside?”
My heart thuds. After Jagger blocked me on social media, I didn’t make any more attempts to reach out to him. Sometimes I wished for some kind of contact. A letter. An explanation. Is that what I was finally going to get?
“I can’t believe he’s sneaking around on campus with a disguise,” Kady huffs. “Pathetic.”
“I’d tear it into pieces,” Sabs grunts. “Or burn it.”
“If it were me, I’d probably want to see what was inside,” Faye murmurs quietly. “I sometimes prefer not to live with the what ifs.”
“I think you’re right.” I tear open the envelope, wincing at the noise.
I’ve come this far. I can’t stop now.
I don’t know what I expected. A long apology scrawled or typed out over many pages, maybe? What I didn’t expect to find when I shook the envelope were four glossy tickets with a brief note:
I’d love to see you there. J
“Tickets?” Kady rages. “Is he for real right now?”
I peer into the envelope, half-expecting to see more in there, but nothing.
“We could still burn them,” Sabs suggests. “Or sell them. I heard his show sold out in minutes.”
Did he expect me to be grateful? My sadness turns to fury as I thrust the envelope into Faye’s hands. After one year, that’s all he has to offer? Tickets to his show?
“Sell them or burn them,” I huff. “I don’t care. I don’t want them.”
It’s yet more proof that he’s not the person I thought he was. The sensitive, thoughtful, caring alpha I spent the weekend with never existed.
Faye tucks them into her purse. “I’ll hang onto them for now.”
“Shit, I forgot to ask Margie about murder methods!” Sabs hits her forehead. “We could turn back?”
“He’s not worth it,” I say. “I’d like to have one day not thinking about Jagger Knight or his pack.”
“Consider it done.” Kady bumps shoulders with me. “A Stella day with smut coming up!”
“You know, this will be my first time going to a...” Faye giggles. “Sex shop. I’ve never even had a toy.”
“You don’t need any,” Sabs retorts. “Not when you’re already a pro at juggling four knots.”
I snort. I may not have any alphas, but at least I have these women in my life. If only I could push aside the nagging curiosity about why Jagger would send me these tickets.