Chapter 18 Delilah #2
He begins playing the chords. They are soft, gentle, slowly building, each strum making my heart tremble.
“Del…” Kady says something in my ear, but I tune her out as Jagger starts to sing.
His voice is so raw, dripping with emotion, the gravely yet velvety tones sending goose bumps racing up my arms.
Faye gasps. “I didn’t know he could sing like this.”
Pack Fire vocals are usually so modulated by auto-tune that it makes it hard to fully appreciate Jagger’s vocal range.
“Leaving you ruined me, left a part of me behind, and I didn’t know what to do… so my mind got lost in you…”
The chorus hits, his head facing in my direction. His gaze meets mine for the first time, and his voice grows deeper, seized with emotion as he belts out the next lines.
“Forever yours, I’ll be… If you ever take a chance on me. I’ll never let you down. Not again. I don’t deserve you. I never will. But if you ever take a chance on me. Forever yours, I’ll be.”
He’s singing directly to me now, I’m sure of it. His voice reverberates through my limbs. My pulse spikes, and my throat constricts, blood pounding in my ears as Jagger’s powerful voice overwhelms every one of senses.
When his head sways, I gasp in shock as I spot a smiley face stud in his ear.
This confirms that this song is for me. Most women would be overjoyed at a rockstar serenading them in front of hundreds of people.
However, all it does is douse me in a fresh tidal wave of pain over what could have been.
It’s too much. Too intense. I want to believe he means everything he’s singing, but how can I ever trust him again?
“I need to get out of here.” My vision blurs, not paying any attention to where I’m going as I stumble in what I believe is the way toward the exit.
Jagger’s voice wavers, then he abruptly stops playing, an awkward silence descending.
“What’s going on?” people whisper. “What’s happening? Is this part of the show?”
I need to get away! I have to!
Before my friends can follow me, I start to run, weaving through the crowd, almost blinded by tears.
“Delilah!” Tae calls for me, his rich coconut and espresso scent following me. “Wait!”
Suddenly, from behind, the crowd jolts forward, causing me to be jostled and thrown from side to side. I almost stumble but manage to catch myself at the last minute.
“Brad!” My eardrums ring from the hysterical women screaming around me, waving their arms in the air as I look up to see two figures join Jagger on stage. “Drew!”
The energy from his previously quiet acoustic performance completely changes as Jagger’s bandmates stroll out with mics, bringing total alpha-hole vibes.
Jagger doesn’t move, his jaw slack as his bandmates rally around him, hyping up the crowd.
“Are you all ready to liven this show up?” Brad yells.
“Yesssss!” the crowd roars, shrieking and stomping their feet. “Pack Fire!” They punch the air with their fists. “Pack!” Punch. “Fire!” Punch. “Pack!” Punch. “Fire!”
Suddenly, a forceful push comes from behind me as bodies surge to get a better view of the stage. Compared to the spacious VIP area, everyone is packed in like sardines. I fight against the current, pushing to move in the other direction.
“Are you lost, omega?” An alpha grabs my arm, sneering in my ear while the blaring sound of one of Pack Fire’s most popular hits fills the room.
I manage to shrug him off, a tight ball of tension sitting in my chest, making it hard to breathe as I push onward.
Somehow, I make it to the side of the stage, reaching an emergency exit.
I slip out through it, entering a part of Club Knotty that I most definitely shouldn’t be in, but no one stops me.
Security is clearly too distracted by Brad and Drew’s sudden appearance and the unruly crowd to bother watching every exit.
Behind me, the door swings open again, letting out another wall of noise as it closes.
I spin, ready to punch the alpha square in the nose—if he’s the one who’s followed me—by using that move Kady showed me.
“Tae,” I gasp.
“Delilah…?” Tae’s forehead wrinkles in concern as I scrub my cheeks to rub away the tears. “You need to breathe, okay?”
My breath comes in short pants. When I try to speak, I realize I can’t get the words out, each syllable catching in my throat.
His strong hands press on either side of my shoulders, gazing into my eyes. “Copy what I do. In for four counts, hold for four counts, then out for four counts.”
He strokes my arms as I follow his instructions, helping to quell the growing panic brewing inside me.
Tae cracks a smile. “Better, right? It’s a technique Nash taught me.”
I nod shakily. “I n-n-need to leave.”
“I’m not letting you go anywhere alone when you’re like this.” His eyes dart around the room. “How about we step outside? Fresh air will be good.”
Feeling like I have no choice but to accept his help right now, I follow him out. When he opens the exit, we’re hit with a gust of wind. I suck in a deep inhale and step out, already feeling better than inside the hot, stuffy venue.
“Thanks,” I murmur.
“We didn’t think you’d come tonight,” Tae says. “Thank you.”
“It was a stupid idea.” I shrug. “Obviously.”
“You know he wrote that song for you.” Tae inclines his head. “Even if he didn’t get to finish it tonight.”
“But I’d like to,” an unmistakable voice comes from behind us.
I turn to see Jagger standing in the doorway.
“Dude!” Tae gasps. “You’re supposed to be performing!”
“Fuck that.” Jagger kicks a stone with his combat boot. “Some things are more important.” His twinkling green eyes fix on me. “You are more important, Delilah.”
“Go back to your fireflies, Jagger,” I hiss. The walls of the alley surrounding us feel like they’re closing in on me, hating that he’s getting to see me this vulnerable. “I’m sure they’ll all be shouting for an encore. You have plenty of groupies who can warm your bed tonight.”
“I don’t want them, Delilah.” He shakes his head. “I want you and only you.”
Last year, hearing him say that would have made my insides turn into melted ice cream and had me fantasizing about what our shared future could look like. But now I’m questioning whether he’s capable of saying anything that isn’t a big, fat lie.
“I’m gonna wait inside.” Tae bows his head and claps Jagger on the shoulder as he turns to go. “I’m sure your friends are worried, so I’ll find them and tell them you’re safe.”
Jagger and I don’t break eye contact as Tae shuts the door behind him.
Despite the commotion happening inside Club Knotty and the bass that’s practically making the building vibrate, everything is oddly still out here.
Like the universe is taking a breath, waiting for whatever is about to happen next.
“I meant what I said.” Jagger leans against the brick wall. “Ever since we met, it’s always been you. You’re my scent match. My mate. You’re—”
“You left me!” I point at him. “And you didn’t even say goodbye. You didn’t give me an explanation.”
“I know.” He drags his hand over his face, guilt pulling down his features.
“I fucking know, but I did what I thought was best for you. I didn’t say goodbye because I thought you’d try to stop me from leaving.
I wanted to protect you… from my life. From the fucking chaos that follows me.
I didn’t want it to destroy you like it almost destroyed me. ”
I look down at my feet, a heaviness settling in my stomach. “That wasn’t your decision to make.”
“When we met, I was in a bad place,” he continues.
“When I wasn’t trying to forget about things and finding solace at the bottom of a bottle, I was a shell.
You brought me back to life. You gave me purpose again, but I wasn’t ready then.
I didn’t think I could give someone like you—someone so kind, amazing, and beautiful—the life you deserve. ”
He steps closer. I can smell whiskey on his breath, only strengthening my resolve not to think about the what-ifs.
“Looks like you’re still looking for answers at the bottom of a bottle.
” I sniff pointedly. “Will you even remember this conversation tomorrow? Just like you forgot about me for the last year.”
“I never forgot about you.” He sounds and looks so earnest that my body craves him, wanting to snuggle under his chin and let him wrap his arms around me in a way that I know would feel so right.
But since I can’t do that, I cross my arms instead.
“You’re all I’ve thought about. You’ve consumed my every waking moment and haunted my dreams. Being away from you has been torture.
” He starts pacing and talks quicker, like he can’t keep up with his racing thoughts.
“When I found my pack, they helped me get better. I cut back on drinking, I worked on my self-esteem, and I started writing for fun again. Hell, I even started to think that maybe I could have a normal life after all—even a happy one. Yet despite things improving, my life will never feel complete without you in it. That’s why I had to come back here. For you.”
I’d imagined this scenario a thousand times, and he’s telling me everything I could want to hear, yet I still feel empty.
“Please.” His voice cracks. “Tell me how I can fix this. I’ll do anything.”
“You broke my heart, Jagger,” I confess, my voice barely above a whisper.
“You can’t expect to waltz back into my life and act like nothing has changed.
I’m not the same person you met a year ago either.
” I find my strength, my voice demonstrating that.
He broke me into a thousand tiny pieces once, and there’s no way he or anyone else will ever have the power to do that again.
“I’m glad you got the help you need and found a pack, but it’s best for everyone that we all just forget what happened between us. ”
He staggers back as if I slapped him. “But I can’t forget. We’re scent matches.”
“Just because our bodies are pre-programmed to find each other’s scents attractive doesn’t mean we’re right for each other,” I retort, going against all my omega instincts that are telling me otherwise.
“You feel it.” Jagger steps closer again, narrowing the gap between us. “I know you do.”
He reaches out and strokes my cheek. His rich caramel scent clouds my judgment as I let myself momentarily get lost in the sensation.
Finding a scent match was always my dream, but perhaps happily ever afters don’t happen for everyone.
Kady and Faye were lucky enough to find their packs, but if my scent match is going to treat me how Jagger has, then maybe I’m better off without him.
“I’m not giving up on us, Delilah,” he murmurs.
He leans in close, so close that his scent makes my knees want to buckle, making me forget why I ever wanted to run away from him.
“You should,” I whisper.
“Walking out on you was the worst mistake of my life. I’m not doing it again.
” His emerald stare stays locked on mine.
“I’ll keep my distance and respect your wishes, if that’s what you want, but I’m not going to stop trying to earn your forgiveness.
Fuck, I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you.
Because there is no one else for me. There’s only you, and I hope that one day I can prove that I can be the alpha you deserve. ”
His lips are a hairsbreadth from mine, close enough that I can feel the heat radiating from his body. Fortunately, the sound of a nearby car has me stumbling backward, breaking me from my stupor as I kick myself for my moment of weakness.
“You’re a songwriter.” My voice is flat, the moment over. “You’ve always been great with words.”
“These aren’t just words,” he insists. “I’ll show you. I promise.”
“Goodnight, Jagger.” I gesture at the exit. “You should get back to your show.”
He doesn’t move. “I love you, Delilah Goodwin.” His voice vibrates with sheer emotion. “And I’m going to prove it to you.”
At that moment, a blinding flash illuminates the darkness at the end of the alley.
“He’s here!” a man shouts. “With a girl!”
There’s a clamor of running footsteps as a gang of reporters, clutching cameras, start racing toward us.
“Jagger!” one yells. “Is this why you left the show?”
Jagger launches himself in front of me to hide me from the lights as he reaches for the door handle leading back into the club. He tries it a few times, but nothing. Shit. We’re locked out, fenced into a corner and surrounded by gossip-hungry paparazzi.
“Is she your girlfriend?”
“What are you doing here?”
Screeching tires approach along with an incessant beeping horn. The reporters scatter, jumping out of the way to avoid being hit as the car shows no sign of stopping, their panicked shrieks providing a temporary reprieve from their interrogation.
“Quick!” Jagger grabs my arm, so I have no other choice but be dragged along by him as adrenaline floods my body.
When we reach the beeping car that comes to a sharp halt in front of us, Jagger throws the door open.
Tae is waiting in the backseat, waving his arms to beckon us inside. “We heard they were looking for you. Hurry!”
“Get in,” Jagger urges.
I pause. I either have to face the media circus alone or get into a car with the rockstar who broke my heart and the barista who I fucked a few days ago. I make the split-second decision and get into the back, heart pounding as the car door closes behind me.
Even though I made the same decision a year ago, and it ended in disaster, I hope I’m making the right choice this time.