Chapter 21
TWENTY-ONE
Jagger
The sound of my feet pacing over the floorboards provides a steady thudding rhythm that does little to curb the chaos in my head or drown out the moans floating up from downstairs.
I yank and tear at my hair, the stinging pain of my scalp only a brief distraction. But I’ll do anything to will my body to stay here because she asked me to, despite every cell in my body being pulled to her.
I feel like a teenager who’s been sent upstairs by a parent while they’re having a party downstairs. But I’m not mad at her. No, I don’t blame her. I reserve all my fury for myself.
You’re a piece of shit, Jagger, my inner voice reminds me. This is what you deserve. After what you did, how could you expect to be the one holding her? Providing her comfort and relief when she needs it most?
Damn, her smell is so intoxicating that I can practically taste it. Her syrupy-sweet caramel apple scent calls to me, causing my knot to swell, as if her smell is somehow wrapping around my shaft and holding it in its grasp. It’s a taunting reminder of what I chose to walk away from.
I double over when another of Delilah’s uninhibited moans seems to make the walls vibrate. I should probably blast some music or put some headphones on—anything to distance myself from what’s happening. Yet I don’t, forcing myself to endure every torturous second.
This is a small punishment compared to what I put her through.
I’m going to listen to every pant, moan, and wet slap of friction, even if it fucking kills me.
Even though each noise feels like it’s tearing apart a piece of my soul.
Even if listening to my scent match fuck my packmates while I rot up here in my own self-imposed prison makes me want to stab my eardrums.
The walls feel like they’re closing in. I grip the door handle, before tearing my hand back, like I’ve been scorched by the metal.
It’s my job to look after her! I should be down there! My alpha instincts are clawing at my skin, demanding that I be with her and commanding I take care of my omega. You should have been there for the last year.
The thought has me stumbling, like I’ve literally taken a punch to the head. You knew what she was to you, yet you left her.
Delilah was right. I didn’t give her a choice, a choice that wasn’t mine alone to make. I thought I was doing the right thing to protect her from my world—and from me, the fuck-up—but I robbed her of that decision.
Why didn’t I think?
I hear her panting. Heavy. Fast. Urgent. I fist my pillow before curling my fingers and tearing right into the fabric. Feathers explode everywhere as I rip and shred through it like a wild animal.
At least it’s Tae and Nash, I rationalize when I pause to breathe, feathers fluttering around me.
While I’m grateful that my packmates are taking care of her, and I trust them entirely, my natural instincts are not easily tamed.
Smelling her slick and not being the one to give her a knot is the worst kind of torture. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy.
My fists clench as I hurl the remains of the pillow across the room and resist the urge to punch yet another hole in the wall.
My skin is wet with a feverish sweat, battling to keep control of my urges that feel unquenchable.
My entire body feels like it’s shutting down, logic fading away as I’m overwhelmed by one all-consuming need: Delilah.
My omega. She’s eating me from the inside out, so much so that it makes me want to scream.
I bite down hard on my bottom lip to stifle a roar.
“Fucking pull yourself together!” I resume pacing, rubbing my eyes.
Mentally and physically exhausted, my back slams against the door and I slide down the wood, falling to my ass hard. I look up, throwing my head back and silently begging for forgiveness from a world that’s chewed me up and spat me out.
My bulging erection straining against my jeans feels like just another twisted joke.
With my knot aching at the memory of being locked inside her, I undo my zipper and take my shaft in my fist. I start pumping hard, syncing my motions to her breathy sounds coming from below.
Her moans spur me on until I’m jacking off in a frenzy.
Jealousy hits me as I shudder from the pleasure-pain rocketing through me. How can she want them? Two virtual strangers? Over me? After the weekend we spent together, the intimate secrets we shared with each other, our history… Still, she sent me away.
Hot tears spill down my cheeks as I continue to ravage my cock, leaving me feeling dirty and ashamed. How is it possible to be so fucking broken yet turned-on at the same time?
Chest heaving, I grit my teeth to contain a sob as hot cum spills all over my hands and shirt.
I press my head against the door behind me, waiting for my pulse to slow. It’s taken the edge off my frustration, but the silence that follows—only punctuated by Delilah’s cries of ecstasy—leaves me feeling even more hollow.
My scent match doesn’t want me, and I have no one to blame but myself. Maybe this is how it should be… Me. Alone.
This isn’t just about me now, though; it’s about Nash and Tae too. If Delilah is Nash’s scent match and Tae wants to be with her, surely they deserve to feel the happiness that comes from that without me dragging them down?
My adrenaline tempers, suddenly replaced with a wave of surprising calm.
I pull my pants back up as my resolve firms. I will sacrifice my happiness if it means they can find theirs.
I’ve taken too much from Delilah already.
I’ll walk away from the two guys who have fast become my family if it means they’ll all be happy, even though it’ll destroy me in the process.
There’s only one thing I can do.
Tomorrow, I’m going to tell them I’m leaving the pack.