Chapter 13
13
C lara’s emotions threatened to burst from every pore as she watched her children help place decorations on the Christmas tree. They practically vibrated with excitement, which made her wince every time Avery chose a breakable ornament to hang on a branch.
Mila handed her a mug. “I didn’t know if you wanted anything in your tea. I can grab milk or sugar if you’d like.”
“This is perfect. Thank you.” She accepted the offering and cradled her palms around the warm porcelain.
“Good answer,” Sally said, cackling from across the room. “Mila here’s a perfectionist. She’ll keep on hounding you if things aren’t just right.”
Grinning, Mila rolled her eyes. “We both know that’s not true, and if it were, I’d be cringing at how bottom heavy this tree is. But instead, I think it’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”
Clara kept her eyes on the kids over the rim of her mug as she took a sip of the honey-flavored tea. With the oldest decorator seven, just a handful of branches in the middle of the tree boasted colorful bulbs or candy canes. Only lights blinked above that, while a dozen ornaments weighed down the bottom of the tree.
And the giggling kids circling the tree couldn’t be prouder.
“Sally, I need to get to my next client,” Mila said. “Lunch is ready in the kitchen. I can get the kids settled for you. Maybe put a movie on in the den while they eat. Are you sure Jimmy is welcome to stay?”
“Are you going to tell him he has to leave?” Sally flicked a wrist toward the gaggle of kids.
Mila wrinkled her nose. “I don’t want to.”
Clara laughed. “He’s a big help with my littles. Besides, I know Elsie is dying to check up on us. If she has to pick him up later, it gives her a good excuse.”
“Fair point.” Mila clapped her hands twice, gaining the kids’ attention. “All right kiddos. Grilled cheese and yogurt’s ready for lunch. Who wants to watch The Grinch while you eat?”
“I do!” they all yelled in unison.
Mila ushered them into the kitchen, and a comfortable silence settled over the cozy living room.
Clara took another sip and studied the space. Cream walls were decorated with colorful pops of art and framed photos. Bright blankets draped over the couch and recliner made her want to curl up with a good book.
Or with a handsome deputy.
“There’s a look I haven’t seen in a while,” Sally said from her spot on the recliner. Her sparkly cane leaned against the seat and a knowing smile lifted her lips, creating more wrinkles around her mouth.
Clearing the awkwardness from her throat, Clara shifted on the couch. “I’m not sure what you mean.”
“I’m sure you don’t dear, but that doesn’t matter now anyway. How are you holding up?”
She blew out a long breath, debating how to answer. Heath’s mom seemed like a straight shooter. No need for her to pretend like everything was roses and sunshine. If it was, she wouldn’t be here. “Overwhelmed. Appreciative. Terrified. Worried I’ve damaged my children for life. Wondering how I keep ending up running from a man who I thought loved me but now seems hellbent on destroying me.” Unexpected tears sprang to her eyes, and she dashed them away. “I’m sorry. You don’t need me to dump all my troubles on your lap.”
“Honey, I’d love nothing more. When Heath asked me about you and your family staying here, I wanted to help for multiple reasons. Giving you a safe place to weather your current storm is only one of them.”
Clara thought back to what Heath had said about his mother. “Did someone give you a safe place when you needed it?”
Sally shook her head. “I was never that lucky. But I got out, with a little boy of my own, and built a wonderful life for us both. And for as long as I can remember, I’ve been overwhelmed. Appreciative. Terrified. Worried I’ve damaged my child for life.”
Clara couldn’t help but smile as her words were tossed back at her.
“When I moved here, I found my village. My people. My community. But most importantly, I found myself. My freedom to discover who I was, to make mistakes and live my life the way I wanted it. Sparkly canes and all. And that child of mine, I think he turned out pretty well.”
“I’d say more than pretty well.” Clara ran the pad of her finger against the mug’s rim as all the ways Heath had shown up for her filled her mind—warmed her heart. “He’s a good man. He’s kind and thoughtful and takes the job of protecting his town very seriously. I’m lucky he cares enough to take me and my kids under that protective wing and make sure we’re safe.”
“Do you really think that all he’s done for you is because he’s doing his job?”
Not knowing how to answer, she shrugged. She wanted to believe his actions were more but also wasn’t sure it was safe to believe that. She wasn’t sure if she was ready to open herself to a possibility that there could be more between the two of them.
“Do you know how many people he’s shared his past with?”
She shook her head.
“Zero.”
Her jaw dropped. “Seriously?”
“Seriously.”
“He’s never opened up to anyone about what brought us to Water’s Edge,” Sally continued. “He’s always claimed it was no one’s business. That it was better to lock the past in the past, to leave it alone so it couldn’t hurt him anymore. I think he just has never found anyone to trust. There’s never been anyone he’s cared enough about to lower his guard. He’s done a lot for you, and something tells me that he’s not finished, but you’ve done something for him too. And my mama’s heart will be forever grateful to you for that.”
She opened her mouth, hoping some kind of words would pop out, when the front door opened and Heath stepped inside.
“Sorry that took so long,” he said, a large duffle flung over his shoulder.
Her mouth went dry. If he’d looked good in a deputy’s uniform, she hadn’t been prepared for him in fitted blue jeans and a long-sleeved T-shirt that emphasized every muscle in his chest and arms. His beard was trimmed and hair slightly tousled like he’d quickly ran his hands through it before running out the door.
“Tommy drove by a few times and made sure everything was all right.” He stopped and stared at what the kid’s had accomplished while he’d been gone. “Oh wow, look at the tree.”
“I think it’s the best it’s looked in years,” Sally said. She pushed against the arms of her chair to get to her feet. “Hungry? Mila made lunch for the kids before she took off. If I know her, I bet there’s plenty waiting for the rest of us. I believe she said something about grilled cheese.”
Heath hurried across the room to steady his mom and handed her the cane. “Sounds delicious. What do you think Clara? Going to join us?”
The question stirred something deep inside of her. A feeling she hadn’t experienced in far too long, and one she didn’t want to ignore. Smiling, she rose to her feet. “I’d love to.”
* * *
Setting the picture book aside, Heath stood and smiled down at Avery and Davey snuggled in the bed. “All right, munchkins. Time for sleep.”
“One more story,” Davey said, the words muffled around a large yawn.
“Yeah. More.” Avery joined in, adding her big eyes and pouty lips to the request.
His resolve to read only one story crumbled quicker than the crackers that were now ground into his mother’s couch. “I’m not sure if we have any more books.”
Clara chuckled from the doorway. “Wow, for a big bad sheriff’s deputy you’re pretty easy on them. Stand firm or they’ll walk all over you.”
Avery sat up and frowned. “I no walk on anyone, Mama.”
He couldn’t stop his grin from growing.
Clara struggled against her own smile but managed to keep a no-nonsense expression on her face. “Maybe not, but you are trying to get Heath to do more than he promised which isn’t nice. So say good night and I’ll finish tucking you in.”
“Sorry, kiddos. Gotta listen to your mom. I’ll see you both in the morning and I’ll read to you then.” Walking away from the disappointed faces was harder than facing down an armed robber.
He made a beeline for the kitchen and grabbed a beer, choosing to sit in the living room with a good view of the Christmas tree. He replayed the events of the day and a kind of satisfaction he’d never known settled over him. Hours had flown by between silly stories, endless giggles, and watching his mom light up as she lost herself in her interactions with Clara and her kids. Nothing too exciting or grand happened, but the day had been perfect.
Had given him a glimpse at what his life was missing.
“Penny for your thoughts?” Clara asked, standing in front of him with her head tilted to the side. Her long, dark hair hung over one shoulder and the reflection of multi-colored lights dotted her skin.
“I’m wondering how I’m so exhausted when I barely left the house today.” He scootched to the side, allowing her space to sit next to him.
She sat then shifted to face him, hiking up one knee and leaning her body on the back of the sofa. “Welcome to parenthood.”
Her words hit him square in the chest. Emotion lodged in his throat, and he took a long pull of his beer to wash it away.
“I didn’t mean?—”
He held up a palm. “You’re fine. I’ve always wanted to be a dad, and spending time with your kids just confirms that. They’re great and loads of fun. Just exhausting as hell.”
“Amen. You’re really good with them, by the way, so thank you. They don’t have a lot of experience with a man who wants to play with them and read them stories at bedtime. This is a memory that will stick with them. I appreciate you, and your mom.” Her eyebrows hiked up. “Where is she, by the way?”
“In bed. She was more worn out than me. Can I get you anything?”
“No thanks. Just a minute to sit and talk without kids climbing all over me is bliss.” A moment of silence passed before she added, “I had a nice conversation with your mom earlier.”
“Oh yeah?” He figured his mom would find time to say what was on her mind as soon as he left them alone. Neither had mentioned anything, but since the day had gone by so smoothly, he assumed anything they’d discussed had gone well.
“I wanted to thank you for trusting me,” she whispered.
“What do you mean?”
“You told me something you haven’t shared with anyone. Your mom mentioned you chose never to talk about why you moved here when you were younger. Those can’t be easy memories to carry. The fact that you confided just a small piece of that with me means a lot.”
Her words weighed heavy on his chest. He hadn’t said much. Just enough to let her know that she could trust his mom, know she came from a place of understanding when she opened her door. But by sharing that tiny piece, it had lifted something from his shoulder he hadn’t known he carried.
“We don’t have to talk about it,” Clara said. “I just wanted to say thank you.”
He swallowed hard, debating on what to say next. He could take the easy way out and move the conversation to a different topic. But he didn’t want to. Mimicking her position, he placed his brown bottle on the side table and faced her. “You don’t need to thank me. I wanted you to be comfortable here, but I never thought talking about what happened to my mom—what happened to me—could affect me at all.”
“What do you mean?”
He shrugged, searching for the right way to express something he didn’t quite understand. “I always looked at my childhood as something bad that happened to my mom. He hit her, mentally tortured her, and used me to upset her. Beyond that, he ignored me. I always figured she was the one who’d been hurt—who bears the scars from a monster. But when I spent time with your kids that first night, I saw myself.”
His mind flashed back to the scared little boy he’d once been, and a vise squeezed his lungs, stealing his breath.
Clara reached across the empty space to rest her hand on his. “I’m sorry you lived through that. It’s not easy for a child to see. To experience the temper and ugliness from someone who’s supposed to love them unconditionally. You’re lucky you have such a good mom who sheltered you as much as she did. Who gave you a safe space to hide—to live. It couldn’t have been easy for either one of you.”
“I remember when we moved into this house. She filled it with so much love and joy. It didn’t matter that we didn’t have money for things other kids had. I didn’t care about any of that. All I wanted was to hear her laugh. See her smile. I made it my mission to help her any way I could, to do whatever I could to make her world a better place.”
Clara locked her fingers with his and squeezed. “Trust me, you make her world the best place just by existing. I’m honored you showed me this side of your life. That you’d introduce me to your mom just to keep me safe.”
The feel of her soft skin on his sent jolts of excitement shooting up his arm. Something about the way she stared at him—her eyes filled with hope and something else he couldn’t quite put his finger on—moved him closer to her. “Is that why you think I’ve done any of this?”
She shrugged and the vulnerability shone through her brighter than the lights twinkling on the tree. “I mean, it’s your job, right?”
He couldn’t help but smile as he closed his free hand over hers, tugging gently to bring her even closer. “My job is to protect all the citizens of this county, of this town. I love my job and I take it very seriously. With you, it’s different.”
“How?”
Now it was his turn to shrug. “At first, when I saw myself in your children, I wanted to do whatever it took to shield them from the ugliness that had reentered their world. But I’d be lying if I said that was it. You’re special, Clara. I look forward to seeing you every day at Lulu’s. I love making you smile, seeing you happy. I’ve witnessed you stepping into your new life, and I don’t want to see you go backwards. And I know how hard that is under normal circumstances. Add in everything else thrown at you, and I just want to make sure you know you aren’t alone. Ever.”
Unshed tears shimmered in her eyes. “I’ve never met a man like you before, Heath Sterling, and I’m not exactly sure what to do with you.”
“You can do whatever you want with me, Clara. Whenever you’re ready.”
Her jaw dropped and red splashed against her cheeks.
“Oh shit,” he said, yanking away his hands to rub the back of his neck. “That’s not what I meant. I just?—”
A peel of laughter shook her shoulders, and she pressed her hands to her stomach as she gasped for air. Her body leaned to the side, pressing against him. “Oh goodness. It feels really good to laugh. Thank you for that.”
“For what? Sounding like an idiot?” he asked, chuckling.
She stilled and stared up at him. She was so close he could make out the golden tinges in her green eyes.
“No, for being you. All the time. You’re not the only one who looked forward to those visits to the diner. You’ve done more than protect me and my children the last few days. You’ve given us something so special.”
“What’s that?”
“Hope.” Erasing the space between them, she gently pressed her lips to his cheek then pulled back. She didn’t move far, stayed in his personal space with a look of longing so intense it would have knocked him backward if he’d been on his feet. “Can we just sit here for a little while longer? Just sit and stare at the pretty tree and know there’s hope for a beautiful future. One with more laughs and happiness than I know what to do with.”
“I’d love nothing more.”
He hooked his arm on the back of the couch, and she cuddled against him. His fingertips grazed her bicep, and he breathed in the smell of her familiar lavender shampoo.
And for this one moment, with the lights down low and only the glow of the Christmas tree to keep them company, life was perfect.