Chapter 16
SAVANNAH
Iwas saved by a row of seats on an airplane. Also spared by Julian being on his phone for the entire journey to the hotel and check-in. By luck, a talkative woman from the event, with a little too much makeup, met us in the lobby to lead us to Julian’s speaking engagement.
What am I not saved from? Being mesmerized by the way he speaks in front of hundreds. I’m furious that I’m joining the crowd that listens intently in utter awe of a man whose success is easy to envy, but it’s the charismatic way that he delivers his words that has everyone captivated.
And I’m no exception.
I really want to hate the guy. As soon as he takes a step forward, it’s two steps back on the scale in winning our little game of attraction.
Yet it only makes me more attracted to him.
I try to keep reminding myself that he’s a jerk on his good days, but a whisper in my brain reminds me that I’ve seen glimpses of a man who is softer and might actually be breaking a brick from his wall.
Watching from the side of the stage behind the curtain, I double-check the time on my phone to see that Julian has already gone over by five minutes.
He stands behind the podium. “You are constantly making decisions that serve your business interests. Not everyone on that path will appreciate that, because people like soft communication. However, blunt directness brings clarity to all involved.”
My jaw goes slack. Is he fucking kidding me? Clarity is not his forte, at least, not when it comes to me.
“With that comes the ability to lead. I don’t need to make friends; I need solutions to ensure my company gets further success.
Nobody wants to be the bad guy, but sometimes you need to be for the ending to be golden.
For example, I’ve followed my policy, and Haven Crossroads is a place that treats its employees well and can reward hard work with great benefits.
That wouldn’t be possible without my way of driving on the road. ”
Gah, why are people so intrigued by this? And why must it all be true? Checkmark for a great place to work, company success, and to some extent, his ability to lead. A hard fail on his policy to drive on the road. I’m well aware that I’m projecting my feelings into analyzing this.
“So, ladies and gentlemen, the moral of the story is to consider the way you present yourself. Ensure you are a wall of steel that will only accept the answers you need to find success. Remember, once you reach the top, you can still go further; the roof has a lot of levels underneath it, but you still have the sky with more possibilities.” He concludes with a suave grin that weakens the female population and warns the world that he will come out the winner.
As the audience claps, he exits the stage. I can’t help but give him a death stare, and his lips form a contrite grin at me as he brushes past me, bumping my arm in the process.
Most people would say this is when they resign. But I’m not a quitter, and I think I’ve found a new craving I can’t shake.
I quietly groan to myself and trail behind him, while the event organizer sings his praises. And yes, I notice how she insists on staying close by his side as others give him compliments. She even throws in a little arm touch. Luckily, he shows zero interest in her.
This is not going to be a fun car ride back to the hotel.
Only proven by the stiff silence in the car an hour later, where we both pretend to be buried in our phones as we sit in the back.
“Did you see that email from Compliance? An audit is coming up. The head of the import division also needs another meeting. I’ve sent you your reservation for your trip to Seattle, pay attention since I won’t be there.”
Julian’s head whips in my direction. “What do you mean you won’t be there?” He isn’t impressed, but his tone also carries concern.
“I’m not really needed for that trip. It’s quick, plus I want to try and get home,” I easily explain.
“Some hoedown or something?”
I ignore his jab and grab my bag to pull out a fruit snack pouch.
“You have snacks, I see.” He sounds slightly judgmental.
"You never know when you might get deserted somewhere." I rip the bag open and notice his eyes on it. A tiny grin forms, and I offer him the bag.
“Don’t be ridiculous.” I stare at him, sure of myself. “Fine. One.” He takes a red strawberry shape.
I take the win and sink into the leather seat. “You’re good at spewing out bullshit, to be honest,” I remark.
“Enlighten me on which part you felt was incorrect.” He’s facing forward, but I can feel his eyes gravitate to me.
I lean my head against the headrest and turn to the side to greet his precarious eyes. “The part about how your personality brings clarity. Lie of the century.”
“Savannah, do I not get results for my company?”
“You do,” I agree. “But that is the only part.”
He holds my eyes hostage with his own. “If you are referring to other matters, then that is open for interpretation.”
I snicker. “Lack of accountability isn’t your style.”
I can see that I've ignited something inside him, as pure annoyance bubbles up. “That’s probably because of you.”
Now, I’m riled. “Me? Always my fault,” I raise my voice.
“Yes!” He curls his fingers into a fist as though he were squeezing a stress ball. “You’re different. Nobody is like you.”
A pin pops the tension in the car and deflates the balloon between us.
“You bring out the fiery side of me. Not many people can do that. Actually, nobody,” I admit, in delicate defense.
Even with a seatbelt on, a sharp right turn makes me slide to the middle slightly and into Julian, his arm instantly steadying me. We end up closer, his arms embracing me, his eyes dropping down, mine looking up. Feeling his body against mine sends my senses into overload.
“What am I going to do with you?” he whispers. It’s not even sexual; there’s vulnerability, a hint at his thought process.
I shake my head, feeling his chest beneath my cheek. “It’s not my decision. I don’t even know my options,” I rasp.
We both feel the car slow down, and I peer out the window to see that we’re back at the hotel and pulling up to the lobby. I escape his clutches and sit back, already unbuckling my seatbelt with full intention of fleeing the car.
Being near him is overwhelming. I need distance, space to clear my head.
“Savannah.” I hear him say my name as I open the door.
I slide from my seat, dragging my bag. I ignore him but glance back to see him rubbing his temples in frustration.
We both need to cool off.
Thank goodness for room service. It gives me privacy and the ability to stay locked away from the world.
Or at least I try to be. My room is next to the hotel's executive suite. There will be only a few walls between Julian and me when we sleep tonight. I’m already prepared that I might be restless.
For now, I need to cool off. That’s how Julian and I work.
We hit our peak, then mellow out, before heading right back up the mountain.
The hotel robe covering my naked body is divine after a shower, and I’m about to pull back the covers on my bed to settle in for the night with food and watching a hockey game when I hear a knock on my door. Strange. I already received my food and declined the evening turndown service.
“Savannah,” Julian says my name from the other side of the door, then knocks again with a light tap.
Oh.
My entire body hesitates. I’m reluctant to open the door because I don’t know what to expect. My thoughts spin around him, trying to find direction.
“If it’s work, you can send me an email,” I say, stepping back from the door.
“It’s not work.”
Oh.
My fingers pause on the door handle. I brace myself, inhale, and open the door to find Julian. Damn it. He does it to me again: jeans and a t-shirt. Completely unfair. But I’m strong today.
As his feet remain fixed to the floor in front of me, he doesn’t seem annoyed, nor angry, nor in the mood to squabble.
“The clause that you have to stay to have your degree paid for was taken out. It’ll be paid either way… I changed it. A while ago, actually. I just never told you.”
A sting jabs at my stomach. “I’ve been free to quit all this time without the risk of student debt hanging over my head?” He says nothing.
“Fuck you,” I spit out. “Decided now is the time to pull that card out?” I’m furious.
His eyes latch onto mine. “You’re right.
But I can’t lie to myself, and I did it because I always want you to have security.
” My body softens, more willing to calm and listen.
“I’m telling you because you’re right. I am a coward.
It’s useless for me to ignore what is transpiring between us.
I don’t have any fuel left inside me to fight it.
I’m not the best at clarity and getting rid of gray areas when it comes to…
well, it’s because you drive me fucking insane.
You are invading my life, and I can’t control that I’m letting you. ”
My eyes enlarge because I wasn’t expecting this. He’s laying it on the table in his own form of validating that I’m right. I use the remote to mute the game and choose to listen.
Everything in this moment feels raw. My anger, sharp and unexpected, floats into the past even as the man in front of me opens up, vulnerable because of me. The shift is jarring—my own frustration echoes as I witness his honesty. That’s not an easy feat.
“Well, it seems we finally meet on the same page.” It feels like eternity as I wait for him to spell it out for me what he’s expecting.
“I can only offer you risk.” He’s implying us. “But I’m laying that on the table for you to choose.”
My lids flutter as I consider his offer. I can either stay in unbearable friction or take a chance and have him for as long as I can, with no clear path. My body strains for a logical choice, but one side clearly wins.