Chapter 26
SAVANNAH
Attempting to cover the deep circles under my eyes has proven to be an obstacle. Lack of sleep and crying can really test your concealer. Still, I continue my pursuit of looking refreshed and unaffected as I stare into my bedroom mirror.
“Why don’t you give it a few days?” Elodie sits on the edge of my bed as she outstretches her arm to ensure Lola doesn’t fall off my bed while she plays with an old blush brush.
I grab the shade of red lipstick that screams F-you and begin to apply. “No. My mind is made up. I’m already in misery, and I won’t give Julian the satisfaction of thinking he can salvage this.”
“So, you just show up and quit? You really think he’ll let it be so easy?”
I pause for a second before applying it to my bottom lip. “I’m sure he won’t. But he doesn’t have much choice. He hurt me.”
In the mirror, I can see that my best friend has a strained look. “Maybe he’s telling the truth, he didn’t know. You really think he would go so far as to take you both on some whirlwind romance only to gather information to hurt you?”
Turning around, I give her an incisive look. “It happens all the time to people, and unfortunately, I’m part of the general population that is at risk, and I wasn’t immune.”
She sighs, and I’m still a little confused as to why she isn’t as spiteful as I am. Julian hurt her best friend, yet it almost feels like she’s on his team. “I think you shouldn’t act so irrationally yet. Let things cool off, then approach him in a clear way.”
“Why are you giving him so much grace?”
“Because you can lose something and never get it back. Those things happen when we think irrationally. I’m speaking from experience.” Her glance at Lola says it all. The reference is to the one night that led to her daughter.
“I’m going to choose to ignore your advice right now, but I still love you.
” I begin to fluff my hair when I spot a random necklace on the jewelry holder that reminds me that he got me one, which I gave back.
A new cry bubbles inside of me, and the sadness hurts my chest. For a second, I question if maybe she’s right.
But Julian, attempting to reach me with messages and calls I don’t answer, won’t help me right now.
“I’m going to quit.” I don’t sound as confident as I did a minute ago; it’s soft because my eyes can’t tear away from a necklace. A thoughtful gift, even if the presentation was poorly done, makes the corner of my mouth tick up at the memory.
“Fine,” she says. I glance over my shoulder and see that my friend is watching me, and her facial expression is set to neutral. “Whatever you do, I will support.”
I smile dimly as I face her again. “Thank you.”
“And your aunt?”
“She hasn’t said much. Soaked in the information and told me to make my own decisions on how to handle Julian. I would be a lot more furious than she is.”
Elodie seems taken aback by my aunt’s response. “Do you think she already gave up on the Riverbell a while ago?”
My foot slides into the black stiletto that I picked out to match my blue fitted dress. “That would be silly.”
“Did she ever like Julian?”
“Yeah. So we can add another layer of how his charm is a conning gift.”
She picks up her daughter, who makes an undefined sound that might be an attempt at a word.
“Is it charm? Because with everyone else, he normally demands, he doesn’t need to charm people.
He has no reason to. He has it all. But you?
Your family? It’s a different side of him, he finally has to put in the effort to impress. And he is only like that… for you.”
I shudder from the thought that she’s correct. “Thinking like that is dangerous. Distance is what I need. I’m too angry to be close to him.”
She stands with her daughter on her hip. “Okay. You sure he’ll be in the office at 5?”
“Yeah, I have his calendar memorized as well… I was his assistant.”
“Oh yeah. Well…” She walks to me and gives me a side hug on her childless side. “Good luck. You can come straight to my place afterward and relax in pajamas for a movie. Have another cry if we need to.”
I touch her arm in appreciation. “I’ll take you up on that. Tomorrow, I’m escaping the city and heading straight to Everhope.”
It’s time to leave, and the confidence I thought I had begins to crumble slowly.
The moment I step off the elevator, my nerves have me bursting at the seams. A deep breath only steadies me for a second. Julian’s office door is closed, and I take the opportunity to go to my desk, fury only intensifying because there is a bouquet of pink roses.
As if that’s going to fix it. He’s a smart man, he’s trying to get under my skin.
He hated flowers, then gave me one, and now a bouquet is supposed to show me how much he cares.
I’m so close to ripping them all off from their stems, but deranged isn’t the angle I’m going for right now.
The rest of my desk is untouched, except for a new box of fruit snacks.
That boils me, though; as if a four-dollar box of gummies could solve our situation.
Even if they are my favorites, and to a normal person walking by, it would seem like a sweet gesture.
I grumble and begin to toss a few items into my oversized purse. Good luck to whoever finds a new residence here. It’s a place where many have been, and they’ve all left scorched.
My breath gets caught in my throat when I hear Julian’s voice booming to what seems to be someone on the phone.
He isn’t in the best of moods, but neither am I.
I’m not going to wait to rip this bandage off, and I give myself a second before the sound of my heels pattering on the floor leads me straight to his office door which I barge open.
He instantly stalls in his seat behind his desk when he sees me, maybe in disbelief, or perhaps he was expecting me. “I gotta go.” He doesn’t wait for a response, and his thumb hits the screen as his phone slides down the side of his face. His jaw has stubble, and he seems to be lacking sleep, too.
“Savannah,” he says softly and takes a deep breath as he slowly stands.
With purpose, I sway to the middle of the office, my face hardened. “Don’t come closer, Julian,” I warn, mostly because feeling him near my body will completely weaken my resolve.
To my surprise, he obliges and slowly sits back down. “I’ve been out of my mind trying to reach for you, waiting for you. I need to know that you’re alright.”
Scoffing a sound, I shake my head once. “No. I’m not alright,” I mock him. “You… you made me feel things, so many things, only to obliterate them because you lied—”
Quickly, he interrupts, and his palm flies up. “It’s not a lie. A lie is when you understand what you’re hiding.”
“Still, by association, you’re part of the problem. You helped try to ruin my aunt’s business, a small town, everything I hold dear.”
He shakes his head fervently. “I can fix this.” His adamancy is almost laughable.
“You…” My confidence falls to zero, and the emotions I’ve been trying to control now show as a silent weep creeps up. “Why did you have to let this happen? Why? Not everything can be a game to you,” I choke out.
He hops up, and as he is about to follow the circuit around his desk, he stops, still wanting to respect my boundaries.
“I honestly had no idea. If I did, I would have ensured this never happened. We can move past this, we can.” He swallows, and his eyes are full of sorrow.
“Space? Is that what you need?” He struggles to say it, but he does.
“No. I need you to accept that you ruined a good thing. I’m not something broken that you can fix.”
His splayed fingers tap on the side of his desk, while he glances down briefly and thinks for a moment. “Then we’ll create something new,” he replies softly when he looks up.
We both stare at one another, pain enthralling us, our eyes locked in a standoff, his side yearning and mine full of anger and sadness.
“How do I know you weren’t using me?”
That sets him off. “You know you just asked a ridiculous question, because do you believe that?” he challenges. “Actually, really believe that?” Returning to his chair, he grumbles and ensures we don’t see eye to eye.
Deep down, I don’t think I do. Did I say it as an excuse to belittle our relationship, making this process easier? It doesn’t help. I see that now.
My head bows down. “No. I don’t,” I admit honestly.
Julian is relieved, and the stiff silence in the room taunts me, causing me to consider my two choices right now.
Either walk straight into his arms and let him comfort me with his hope that we can brush past this, while he’s convinced he has fixed the issue.
Or do what I came for and make it clear that he can’t expect everyone to forgive him and sweep things under the rug.
“I should never have agreed to be your assistant.”
“But you did.”
My feet move a few strides closer to his desk, thankful it’s between us. “You wanted me gone, though.”
“Back then I did.” His voice grates. “Now? Not so much.”
I continue to move, on a prowl that leads to only one source. “I can admit that we were not smart people. We ignored boundaries, and now there is a path of destruction.”
“Savannah.” There is an edge in his tone, and he drills his gaze straight into me.
“I’m fucking miserable. Not the kind that has anything to do with work, but it still has to do with you.”
Standing, he doesn’t break our eye contact, and he hovers behind his throne. He wants to be on the same level as me.
“What are you saying?”
My lips tremble, and I bite my lip.
Composure. You can do it. You only need a few seconds.
“We crossed lines, Julian. God…” I comb my hand through my hair until my hand claws the back of my head.
“I worried that I was a secret but had to be because I too have a career. It turns out that wasn’t the issue to fear at all.
I was never sure whether I saw a side of you that nobody has, or whether you have changed.
I want to believe both. But one thing I am 100% certain of is that one thing hasn’t changed. ”
“I’m struggling right now to respect the distance, but I’m a moment away from snapping and kissing you until you find logic.”
I chuff a bitter laugh. “You always made assistants run away. You didn’t want me to be the exception when I started. But congratulations… I quit,” I snipe before I pivot on my feet and quickly leave. I can’t bear to give him another glance, it could cause me to crumble weakly in front of him.
He broke my heart and my determination to succeed.
All I hear is him behind me slamming his fist onto his desk before he calls out. “I’ll chase you until you’re mine again.”