Chapter 49
Chapter Forty-Nine
N eil’s lips parted ever so slightly beneath mine… Then he clamped them shut. He grabbed my shoulders and pushed me away. “Milly,” he rasped. “We shouldn’t.”
He dropped his hands like I had burned him, and his jaw clenched and unclenched as if he were cycling through conflicting thoughts and emotions.
My face broke out in a flush of heat. How could I have misread the signs so badly? “I’m sorry, I?—”
No excuse came to mind. I had to get out of there. I grabbed my things and charged towards the exit.
“Milly, wait!” Neil called after me. “Can we talk about this?”
But I was already stumbling through the door, unable to so much as look at him. “I really should just go. I’m sorry.”
Ignoring Neil’s protests, I slipped out of the apartment and hurried to the lift. Tears stung my eyes. How could I ever face him again after being so reckless? I had ruined everything between us.
I mashed the down button but gave up waiting and took the fire escape stairs instead. My mind raced as I descended the steps, analysing every excruciating detail of what had just happened. I couldn’t believe I had kissed him. What on earth had possessed me to do something so foolish?
I thought he liked me. That’s why.
Was I deluded? Maybe. But the way he looked at me, the tension between us… I couldn’t have imagined it. Could I?
He had pushed me away, but why did he look pained afterwards? Was it because he was my boss? Did he think it was inappropriate? Or did he just not have those kinds of feelings for me at all?
My head spun with questions as I agonised over each minuscule interaction we shared, searching for clues I had missed. But the truth was, I had no idea what Neil was thinking.
Back in my apartment, I collapsed in a heap on the bed. I tried to meditate to mute the barrage of thoughts swirling through my mind.
Gradually, my breathing evened out, and I started to relax, but just as I neared a sense of calm, my phone buzzed on the nightstand, jolting me. My stomach dropped, knowing it was likely Neil trying to contact me. I didn’t want to hear from him, but I couldn’t stop myself from looking.
With a deep breath, I grabbed the phone. As expected, a new text message from Neil awaited me.
Please talk to me when you’re ready.
I chewed my lip, uncertain how to even begin responding. My fingers hovered over the keypad until I gave up. I just couldn’t face him yet. I turned my phone off and curled up under the blankets. I needed time to nurse my bruises in private before letting him back in. Whenever that would be. I knew one thing for sure; nothing would ever be the same between us.