Chapter 26
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
STETSON
Iwatch her beautiful face as she sleeps.
She looks so innocent. So peaceful. There’s none of the distress that crosses her face when she thinks no one’s looking. Charlie looks pretty damn perfect from this view.
I should tell her. I know I should.
Did the ground shift? Fad’ir asked.
I knew why.
He knows. He can tell. She’s the one, she’s mine. He just had to make it impossible for me to pull away, he knows the magic of the night and what it would do to Charlie, to both of us, if we went out on the sleigh. It’s a test. Will I follow my heart or my brain?
Will I obey our family’s laws, our magic? Or ignore it completely.
I glance back down at Charlie. God she’s perfect in every way. Damn it! Why her? Why now? Why?
I’m hooked. I’m completely screwed. I knew it the moment I learned her name, the moment it fell from my lips, I tempted fate by asking her to sign the clause then thought I could what? Just handle it? Roll with the punches and say goodbye?
As soon as I was inside her, she was mine. It was like a light exploded in my head and she was all I saw and all I wanted. Never, never in all my life have I felt the way I did with her having sex.
I’ve had my share of women.
I’m not an innocent virgin saving myself for the perfect Mrs. Claus. I’m a man with a healthy appetite in all ways of the world. And I’ve tried everything the world has to offer. No one… not one woman has ever made me feel this way. And frankly, it scares the shit out of me.
Even holding her like this, cuddling her naked body next to mine in this sleigh is overwhelming. I don’t understand it. It’s even more of a ferocious need than the one that came over me when I stopped the polar bear.
I want her again. I want to wake her up and make love to her until I’m all she can think about. I don’t want her to remember any other man but me.
I want to be the beginning, middle, and end for Charlie Lyn Horseman.
The only man she ever thinks of again.
And these feelings…
These feelings that are rushing through my body like a runaway train scare me like nothing else in this world. These feelings are the kind that can get you in trouble. The kind of trouble that ruined my dad’s life. The kind of trouble he warned me about.
Yes. True love shit on his Christmas parade so to speak. And I don’t need it shitting on mine, thank you very much.
Now I know why jolly old St. Nick wasn’t so jolly all the time. It was because the love of his life died from a horrible cancer that no Christmas magic could fix. How’s that for good karma?
Now I’m the fourth Claus in history to know this feeling. To really know it in the way that only the heir to Christmas magic can feel. Charlie is officially the fourth to be introduced to the elves, reindeer, village and most importantly the lore of my ancestors.
I didn’t hesitate to tell or show her my world. Bringing her here felt natural, almost like she was always meant to know it and even though she’s allergic (so to speak) to cold, she fits in like she’s always been here.
I think about all of this.
I know it all. What she already means to me, even though I don’t want to say or face it. I know she’s made for me.
But…
My father became a recluse after my mother’s death.
Yes, he’s Santa and brings Christmas cheer to the world, but his heart’s been broken, and I didn’t even know how much it hadn’t healed but left a permanent scar until tonight.
Now I know why he never remarried. Now, so much about him makes sense to me.
And the sadness that would sometimes come over him now reverberates in my mind like a broken record.
The sadness is the part I want nothing to do with.
And here in lies the conundrum.
Cut your losses now, Stetson buddy… cut them so you don’t have to worry about heartbreak at a later moment in time. This is the logical side. The rational side of my brain talking to me.
And then there’s the other side.
The side that wants to show her the world. And give her everything it has to offer, not because I want to show off but because she deserves good things.
It’s the side that wants to take Charlie everywhere I go.
The side that wants to share my life and family with her.
That side is the one that won’t let me let go.
That side is what tells me I’ll never forget her.
I’ll dream about her. I’ll quietly watch her, when she doesn’t know I’m looking.
I’ll keep tabs on her. I’ll know where she is.
Who she’s with but safely from afar where I know I won’t be hurt.
But then…
Can I survive that?
Can I survive seeing her with another man? Seeing her happy in someone else’s arms, knowing that it’ll never be the same.
God.
How did this get so heavy so quickly? How is it so weighted when the woman in my arms doesn’t even know it’s already there in my head? I squeeze her a little too tightly and her eyes flutter open, the blue clashing into mine.
She smiles, embarrassed almost.
A perfect.
Adorable.
Goddess.
“You’re awake,” she whispers to me as I pull her closer into my arms, relieved almost that she’s pulled me out of my dark reverie.
I lean down and kiss her swollen lips.
Swollen because of me.
The sheer possessiveness that comes over me takes me aback. I’ve never felt such ownership over a woman before in my life. I don’t ever want to feel this way about anyone but her. Shit.
“I was just watching you sleep,” I tell her against her lips.
I can feel her smile before I deepen the kiss, only pulling back so I can look at her perfect face.
“The sky is so much more riveting,” she says.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything more riveting than what I’m looking at now,” I tell her.
She shivers in my arms. “Cheesy line but I like it.”
“Are you cold?” I ask, worried, pulling her closer into my arms.
She shakes her head, “no.”
“Then what?”
Her face curves into my neck and I know she’s feeling shy again.
“You’re just so handsome,” she whispers against my skin. “And…”
“And?” I prod, admittedly pleased with her words.
“And apparently you make me burst out into Christmas carols before screaming your name,” she says quietly.
When I say nothing, she adds. “Come on, you know you’re sexy Santa on a stick— oh wow can’t believe I just said that out loud and yet here I am wondering how many licks does it take to get to the center of your—”
I cut her off with a searing kiss then curl my hands into her hair and pull her head back gently so I can see her face before crashing my mouth against hers again. She kisses me back like air doesn’t matter and I have to wonder if anything ever will have meaning without her in my life?
For now I have her.
For now she’s in my arms.
For now, this is all that matters.
Tomorrow, I will have enough to face.