Chapter 4
Chapter
Four
ABBY
It was a beautiful late-May morning.
May had always been my favorite time of year. It represented new beginnings.
Hope.
And there was nothing I need more than hope.
I craved it. I wanted it to seep into my skin and burrow into the marrow of my bones. I wanted it to warm me with its sunshine, to let it wash away the visage I’d spent years spinning into a tightly wound web. I wanted to soak up its possibilities.
It was also ironic that it was May because May was a month of change, of rebirth. It was that glorious flower poking through mounds of dirt, searching for a ray of sunlight to help it bloom.
I’ve waited all winter for you, people would say.
I was that flower. I was May.
My life had been one long winter.
And the last few weeks felt like a winter I would never shovel my way out of.
My arms wrapped around my midsection like a hug.
I felt oddly cold, despite the warm sun shining down on me as I stood on Daphne’s front porch.
I was getting stronger. The hospital had released me the night before, and Daphne had stayed up with me until sunrise.
I recalled glancing out the window at three a.m. and spotting Cooper’s patrol car parked in front of the house.
It had made me smile.
“Abby! Get your bony butt back inside. What if he’s out there? What if he sees you?”
Whirling around, I watched as Daphne tapped her foot in the doorway. “I just needed some fresh air.”
Was this my life now, unable to go out into the world, forever shrouded in fear?
“Girl, you’ve only been out of the hospital for twelve hours. He could be waiting to nab you at any moment,” Daphne insisted. “Come inside. I made French toast.” She paused. “I mean, I didn’t have any eggs to make the batter, so it’s basically regular toast. But I have cinnamon.”
My lips twitched with a small grin, but it didn’t stick. “I’ll be right in.”
I stared at the gravelly road across the yard, wondering how my life had gotten so off course. Crow’s Peak was supposed to be a new beginning. A fresh start.
Instead, it had almost destroyed me.
As I turned to head back inside, I heard wheels crunching against rock. I spun around to see Cooper’s vehicle making its way up the hill. He parked behind Daphne’s yellow Beetle in the driveway, then stepped out and approached me.
My cheeks heated as I recalled the moment he’d carried me out of that van.
I’d latched on to him like a desperate child.
I had been in shock, my mind clouded, my reactions rooted in fear and survival.
All I’d known was that Cooper McAllister had been the first kind face I’d seen in weeks.
He was warm, strong, stable. His arms had held on to me so carefully, so tenderly.
I’d forgotten what that felt like.
Cooper traipsed across the cobblestone walkway, his radio going off as he stopped in front of me.
His khaki uniform shirt was tucked into dark slacks and a pistol was situated in a holster around his waist. When he removed his sunglasses, I bit down on my lip, thrown back in time.
He was carrying me to safety again, his face shrouded in worry, his eyes full of… something.
His eyes held that same look now when they met with mine.
I swallowed.
“Good morning, Miss Stone.”
A frown bent my brows when the stiff greeting registered, and I crossed my arms. “So formal.”
He glanced down. Blinked once, twice. And when he lifted his chin, whatever that something was had vanished. Cooper scratched the back of his neck. “Did you sleep okay?”
“I didn’t sleep at all.” I fidgeted with the sleeve of my shirt, curious as to why he was acting different. Closed off. This wasn’t the same Cooper from the rescue mission, nor from the hospital. “You must not have slept much, either. I saw your patrol car parked outside the house all night.”
“Part of the job,” he said, tapping at his thigh, his car keys jangling in his pocket. “I wanted to stop by and let you know that I’ll be alternating shifts with Officer Walker. He was the one who questioned you that first night.”
“I remember.”
Officer Walker was a by-the-books cop. He was friendly yet stoic.
He’d grilled me on all of the gritty details of my harrowing ordeal.
All I could remember, anyway. My memory had never been the sharpest, and the traumatic circumstances had made my brain all muddy.
I feared I had given the police little to go on.
Then I faltered when I finally registered the first part of Cooper’s comment: part of the job.
It was the second time he’d told me that. I supposed it was an accurate statement. I was simply a case he wanted to close. Unfortunately, he was so much more than that to me.
Cooper McAllister saved my life.
“Do you mind if I ask you a few more questions?” Cooper wondered, taking another step toward me.
Shrugging, I feigned indifference. “Sure. It is your job.”
His jaw ticked as he looked away. “You mentioned your kidnapper was gone for five days,” he stated. “Are you certain of that fact? I’m sure time was a bit of a blur.”
“I’m certain,” I told him. “When your legs and arms are tied up, you don’t have much else to do but count the days.
” Memories pooled to the surface, and I gripped the hem of my shirt in a white-knuckled fist. My chest tightened.
“Also, there was a crack of light that seeped in between the van doors. The sun set four times.”
Cooper nodded as he studied me. “And you’re positive there was nothing familiar about this man? His voice, his smell, his demeanor?”
I bristled at the question. “Why would I hold back anything that could catch the guy who tried to starve me to death?”
“Sometimes new memories spring to life after the initial shock wears off. I’m just trying to exclude different scenarios.”
“I…” My arms lowered to my sides as I forced the tension to dissipate. I was being defensive when Cooper was only trying to help. “Sorry. No, there was nothing familiar.”
Cooper took a final step closer, the gap between us thinning. I continued to tinker with the hem of my baggy shirt and avoided eye contact. He had a distinct scent about him that made me shuffle back and forth from foot to foot. He smelled like cedar and pine trees.
I made the mistake of glancing up at him, catching his gaze for just a moment.
My face burned. My insides dizzied.
Dammit.
I took a clumsy step backward and almost stumbled on a loose cobblestone. Cooper reached out to steady my balance, but I dodged his hand. “I need to get inside. Daphne made regular toast.”
Cooper’s head tilted, the corners of his mouth pulling into a smile. “Is that different than toast?”
“It’s…not French. And there’s cinnamon. I think.” I swept my fingers through my hair and continued my backward trek. “Thanks for checking on me, Officer.”
Before I could make a beeline for the front door, Daphne stormed out onto the front porch with a spatula in her hand. She held it up like a weapon, her eyes wild. When she spotted Cooper, she lowered it with a sigh of relief.
“Oh, it’s you.” Daphne chuckled. “I thought you were the bad guy.”
Cooper raised a speculative brow as he eyed the spatula. “Well, it’s great to know you had it covered.”
She stomped toward him and smacked him on the arm with the utensil.
“Ow.”
“Don’t underestimate me, McAllister. I’m hangry and I’m on my period.”
I couldn’t help the giggle that fell out.
Both Cooper and Daphne looked at me, startled, as if my laughter were unprecedented. A strange, foreign thing. I shrunk back. “I’m going inside,” I muttered. My gaze floated to Cooper before I turned away, and it almost looked like he wanted to say something.
I didn’t wait to find out. Swiveling around, I disappeared inside the house.
Daphne followed. “You okay?”
I pulled out a stool from the kitchen island and eyed my plate of partially burnt toast and extra crispy bacon. My lips puckered as I pushed the breakfast away. “I’m fine.”
“Do you want to talk about anything?”
I shook my head. “Honestly, I just want to be normal. I want to pretend like none of this ever happened.”
“Oh, Abs.” Daphne took a seat beside me, rubbing my back. “It’s healthy to talk about it. If you keep it bottled up, it’s going to come out eventually, and it’s not going to be pretty.”
My eyes panned to my friend. “I don’t want to talk about it. I just want to laugh without people looking at me like I grew three heads. I don’t want to be that girl.”
I was definitely that girl.
I would always be that girl.
“I guess I’m just surprised by how well you’re adjusting. I’d be locked in my bedroom listening to angry Alanis and inhaling a concerning amount of calories.”
“It’s over. I survived,” I said, shrugging with apathy. “Time to move on.”
I didn’t wait for Daphne’s reply, nor did I look back to see the confused expression that likely danced across her face. It was there, though. How could Daphne, or anybody, possibly understand how this felt? I didn’t even understand it.
An adequate adjective did not exist. It had yet to be created.
I made my way into the guest bedroom, then peered out through the vinyl blinds. Cooper’s patrol car still sat in the driveway, the engine turned off and the window cracked. I could see him munching on something from the driver’s seat.
My mind wandered to his aloof demeanor this morning. There had been a fleeting spark in his eyes when he’d approached me, but it was as if he’d flipped a switch and snuffed it out just as quickly. Tamped it down before it could bloom.
Why?
I stepped away from the window and collapsed on the edge of the bed.
It didn’t matter. I’d get through it alone, something I was already accustomed to doing. Being kidnapped, beaten, and starved were just a series of new bullet points sprinkled into my life’s painful moments.