Chapter 16
Chapter
Sixteen
ABBY
Another week had flown by.
A week of house renovations, moving, and supreme loneliness.
I plucked the orange tabby cat off my newly refinished hardwood floors, and she purred contentedly when I kissed her head.
At least I had Cupcake.
James had been by that week to finish the flooring.
He was kind to me. I wasn’t sure if James was aware of the shitstorm that had passed through the prior Friday evening, but even if he was, he’d stayed friendly and neutral.
He didn’t seem like the type to engage in drama, and I was grateful for that.
He’d been the only familiar face I had seen all week.
It was my own fault.
Sighing, I collapsed onto my new navy-blue sofa. I set Cupcake down and watched as the cat scampered away, finding new things to explore. The only thing I wanted to explore was my newest Netflix recommendations.
I glanced at my cell phone on the coffee table.
Silent.
Always silent.
I had tried to make amends with Daphne, apologizing profusely, blaming my behavior on excessive alcohol consumption and poor coping mechanisms. While they were legitimate excuses, excuses didn’t hold much weight when a knife had been stabbed through the back of the one person who’d been there for me.
It made me sick inside.
I’d gone to Daphne’s house the prior day to collect the rest of my belongings. After numerous ignored texts and phone calls, I was hopeful she would be open to a face-to-face meeting.
Unfortunately, I was only met with steely eyes and thorny words.
“Did you come to get your shit?” Daphne had snapped, her fingers curled around the door frame.
I’d stood on the porch with my tail between my legs and lowered my head, ashamed and sorry. “Daph, I never meant to hurt you.”
“I know,” she’d said. “You meant to hurt Cooper. You didn’t even think about me.”
Sorrow had tightened my chest. “I…I’m drowning here. I can’t catch a break. It all spiraled to a peak, and I lashed out in the worst way.” I’d tried to make sense of my poor choices, but as the words spilled out, it had all sounded like bullshit.
I shouldn’t have been surprised by Daphne’s reaction.
“Me, me, me. It’s all about you, Abby.” She’d shaken her head, her pretty features twisted with scorn. “What about the person who gave you a place to stay? What about the friend who never abandoned you? That’s how you repay me?”
The tears had fallen.
She’d been right. She had been so right, and it had made me want to throw up. How could I have been so selfish? “I’m sorry.”
“Me, too.” She’d released a joyless chuckle. “You know what’s funny? I spent the rest of the night crying my eyes out to Kate McAllister, of all people. It was a night full of interesting plot twists.”
“Daph, please.”
“But, still…even that didn’t shock me as much as watching you betray me.” She had stepped aside, allowing me to enter. “Now get your shit and go.”
It had been radio silence ever since.
And I deserved it. I deserved every biting word and bitter accusation.
As I settled into my afternoon of depression and Netflix dramas, there was a knock at the front door. I wondered if it was one of the contactors who had left some tools behind. Or maybe it was my fairy godmother telling me that my entire life had all been a bad dream. I was going to get a redo.
Bippity, boppity, boo.
I opened the front door and found that my fairy godmother looked an awful lot like Kate McAllister.
“Hey, grab your purse. I’m taking you out to lunch.”
Thirty minutes later, we were seated on the outdoor patio of a quaint café.
I basked in the sunshine and fresh air after having spent most of the week indoors, taking turns demolishing my garage so it could be transformed into a photography studio and burrowing into my bed covers with carbs and tears of regret.
I pushed my salad around with a fork and glanced up at Kate, who was studying me from across the table.
“What?” I wondered.
She shrugged, slouching back in her chair with a knowing smile.
“Why are you smiling? I don’t deserve smiles. I don’t even deserve oxygen.” I tossed my fork down, and it clattered against my plate, causing bleu cheese dressing to spray back at me.
Cool.
“Pretty sure your terrible choices don’t warrant your death,” Kate said.
“Pretty sure Daphne and Cooper would disagree with you there.”
She pondered that. “Daphne, maybe. But definitely not Cooper.”
I’d really screwed up.
I hadn’t spoken to him since he’d driven me home from the bar the prior week. During the car ride, I had pressed my forehead to the passenger’s side window, begging for the door to open. I’d wanted to tumble out of the car and disappear into the night. I was good at disappearing.
If only I could just stay gone…
Cooper had finally spoken as we’d pulled into my driveway. “Abby,” he’d whispered before I could make a quick escape inside.
I’d turned to him, my fingers wrapped around the door latch.
When he’d glanced over at me, his eyes had filled with sorrow.
“I’m sorry for the mixed signals,” he’d murmured.
“I’m sorry for inviting you out to the lake, for kissing you, and for hurting you.
My feelings for you are confusing…and a hell of an inconvenience.
” He’d turned away then, exhaling deeply, staring straight ahead.
“But you need to know that I never meant to hurt you. It was never my intention. The last thing I’d ever want to do is cause you more pain. ”
I had started to cry again, knowing exactly what he was going to say next. I’d cupped a hand around my mouth, trying to stifle the sounds of my guilt.
“You meant to hurt me tonight,” he’d continued. “It was your goal, your purpose. And you succeeded.”
Cooper had closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the headrest. I’d waited for the nail in the coffin. The dagger through the heart. The, “I can never forgive you.”
But it hadn’t come.
That had been it. All he’d wanted was for me to know that I’d hurt him. And, somehow, the accompanying silence had been far worse than anything he could have said. Maybe I had wanted him to punish me. Maybe I’d wanted his nails, and his dagger, and his, “I never want to see you again.”
Maybe I’d craved it, deserved it.
But Cooper hadn’t indulged me, remaining silent as he’d waited for me to exit the car.
And when he’d driven away, out of sight and into the night, I had collapsed in the driveway, skinning my knees on the gravel.
My ankle had twisted on my stiletto. My scraped palm had landed on a shard of glass.
I’d picked it up, running a finger along its jagged edges.
It had been so small, and yet it could inflict so much damage.
For a blinding moment, with alcohol still coursing through my veins, I’d thought about slicing it across my wrist and bleeding out right there on the pavement.
Bluebird Trail would become a horror scene.
Abigail Stone would become a memory.
And Crow’s Peak would have new ghosts, new stories to pass down to future generations.
Cappy would finally have the satisfaction of my death.
I had shaken the dark thoughts away and eventually found the strength to stumble inside and fall asleep on the recliner—the only piece of furniture I’d had at the time.
But I’d thought about that moment a lot over the past week, and I wondered if I’d made the right call.
I wondered if anyone would miss me if I had died that night.
“You still with me?”
I jolted in my seat, blinking over at Kate. “W-what?”
“You spaced,” she said. “You look like you went to a dark place.”
You have no idea.
Fumbling with my fork, I dug back into the salad. “Sorry. Just drowning in self-loathing.”
Kate bent forward and took a bite out of her cheeseburger, wiping her face with a napkin as she collected her thoughts. “He still watches over you, you know.”
“Huh?” My chin popped up, my fork falling onto the plate for a second time. “What do you mean?”
“My brother,” she clarified. “He parks across the street and keeps an eye on the house whenever he can. I’m sure he’s going to kill me for telling you that. So, I guess I’ll see you in the next life.”
The revelation took me off guard.
Cooper still watches over me? Even after what I did?
“Why?”
“Because he cares.”
She said it like it was the only answer.
I sucked in a breath that tasted like ashes. The remnants of my bad decisions made me want to choke. “I really screwed up, Kate.” It was an understatement, to say the least.
She set her burger down and pressed forward on her elbows.
“Look. I’m the last person to give you any decent advice—I’m single, broke, and have no friends.
But I do know Cooper better than anyone, so maybe that counts for something.
” A smile tipped her lips as she studied me.
“You did screw up. He knows that, you know that, everyone knows that. Fine. You’re human.
We all screw up. Obviously, Cooper screwed up somewhere along the way, too, or you wouldn’t have jean-jammed Dormer. ”
I cringed at the memory.
“Totally gross, but whatever,” she continued. “My point is, we all make mistakes. The defining moments are in what we do next. How we recover.”
“What can I do?” I mumbled. “Unless I can go back in time, I’m not seeing a lot of recovery options here.”
“Be open. Be vulnerable. Be real,” Kate told me. “No excuses, no bullshit. My brother can spot bullshit from a mile away. He was married to Maya Lowry for fuck’s sake.”
Her words soaked in.
Fiddling with the string-tie on my summery dress, I nibbled my lip. “What if he won’t talk to me?”
Kate cocked her head, another smile touching her lips. “He will. Promise.”
Cooper
I sat in my patrol car that evening, parked across the street from Abby’s new house.