Chapter Thirty One
Surprise Company and Sincere Confessions
Nick
My doorbell rings. I groan, throwing a pillow over my head.
I’m too tired for this. I just got back from reliving my worst nightmare a thousand times, explaining to internal affairs why I had to kill a man.
And not just any man, a friend who I failed to recognize as a killer.
I’d be more upset about that part if I hadn’t realized it was a pattern for me.
It rings again. Then again. What the fuck?
I swear to god if it’s someone trying to tell me about Jesus, I’ll make sure they get a private meeting with Him today.
I stalk to the door, getting out of the warm cocoon I’d created to sulk in peace. I snatch the door open.
It’s not someone selling me on Jesus.
An Elliot with storm clouds on his face instead. I thought I’d seen him angry before. Hell, vaguely angry is his default. This was furious.
“What are you doing here?” leaves my mouth in a whoosh. Of all the people in the world, I didn't expect him to be standing here right now, knowing everything he does. What the fuck is wrong with him?
He scowls harder and stomps inside. I close the door behind me and slump against it. If I didn’t have energy for Jesus, I sure as hell can’t do this right now. In fact, I’m still pretty sold on my previous plan of never dealing with this.
“You don’t even have the courtesy to come and arrest me yourself?
I've been waiting all night for someone to show up.
Matt, your secret agent colleague, doesn't even know that I killed those people. So what? You were waiting to arrest me yourself, or is there a team coming later to catch me unaware?”
My jaw drops. Is he angry with me right now?
What right does this fucking stupid man have to come here and accuse me of what?
Not arresting him? After everything he did to me?
Lying for months, he has the audacity— I fist my hands and take a deep breath.
I can still get away with not dealing with it.
“No one is going to arrest you,” I try for a calm tone, but it comes out as a growl.
He tilts his head. “Oh, yeah, why is that, Nicholas?” He continues to goad me like that’s a wise decision. “Must be something solid for you to decide that. You in love with me or something?” he throws at me, his words dripping in venom.
I blow out a breath and take a step toward him.
I laugh in his face. It sounds cruel even to my ears.
“You know what I see here? You were worried about getting arrested. You thought someone was coming, and soon, considering everything you’ve done.
You knew everything. You had time to make a run for it.
No one was stopping you. But you're here at my house, a secret agent and a detective. Why is that, Elliot? Are you in love with me or something?”
His breathing gets louder, heartbeat picks up. Not unusual around me, now that I think of it. The need to grab him and pull him against my chest overtakes, but I resist.
I need to hear it. I'm done with his bullshit. He came here to me. I let him go. I did what he wanted, what he wanted all along. Hell, I killed for him. Like I even had a choice then. Watching that claw so close to him, I’d have burned the entire world down if it meant getting it away from him.
I take another step toward him. “I didn’t know if I could forgive you for making me kill, for making me lie to everyone I love.
And I knew I couldn’t watch you walk around like nothing happened.
Like I don’t mean anything. So, I let you go.
And now you’re back? For what Elliot? Reminding me that everything we had was casual and I’m a fool for falling for you?
Laugh at my face this time instead of doing it behind my back? ”
He swallows. I push in harder. “But you’ve known all along what I was, haven’t you?
I didn’t. But you? You risked everything, and for what?
A casual hookup? I don't buy it.” I take another step toward him.
“You're not stupid, clearly. So what is it, Elliot?
Is my dick that good? That you couldn't stay away?”
He opens his mouth, but no words come out.
I wait him out. He sighs, closing his eyes.
“It is your dick.” I start to roll my eyes.
But he continues, “And your stupid smile…
And the way you care so fucking much. It's so annoying. You make me feel seen, safe. No one has ever done that. So yeah, if anyone is going to do it, I want it to be you, because I— I love you,” he says in one breath.
I stare at him, my wolf tugging me towards him. I resist.
“Say something,” he pleads. When I don’t, his face falls.
“I didn’t know this would happen. I never wanted to hurt you, Nicholas.
I can’t—can you at least believe that? I didn’t even know you were looking into my cases.
And I didn’t know I would like you this much.
I gave it all up and a big reason was you.
I know I don’t deserve you. I know that.
So, I’m not asking for that. Not for forgiveness either.
Just please—-please believe me,” his eyes water.
I can't take any more. I close the gap between us and pull him into a punishing kiss. Our teeth clash, our tongues fight for dominance. It’s not pretty, but my restless and lost werewolf calms. I pull him closer to feel his warmth against me. Much better than my blanket cocoon.
“It would take me some time, but I believe you. And I don’t regret it. Any of it,” I say when we part for air.
He nods jerkily.
“You’re not going to any prison, just so you know,” I tell him and kiss him again. “But you’re not going anywhere now. I have a duty after all.” His eyes widen. “You're going to stay with me. You lost your last chance to leave.”
He huffs, but I kiss him again.
He pulls back a few seconds later, putting a hand on my chest to push me away. “Wait, you're seriously not going to arrest me?”
“Oh God, you seriously thought I was going to arrest you, and you drove all the way here to surrender? We’re going to have a serious conversation about your self-preservation instincts when I'm done with you here.”
He snorts. “So what? You wanted me to go away?”
“No, fuck no,” I kiss his jaw. “But I was giving you a choice, a life away from me. From my life.” I trail kisses from his stubble cheeks to his throat when he leans his head back to give me more access.
“And now you won't let me leave?” he asks breathlessly.
“No,” I say firmly, “You don’t get to leave anymore.”
He nods. My lips extend into a smile. “There it is,” he murmurs.
“We do need to talk though,” I say.
He kisses my lips again. “Later?” he asks hopefully.
I wish. I pull back all the way from him. He groans. “We have so much to discuss. I feel like I don’t even know you. I mean, a secret life as a vigilante killer? You put yourself in so much danger, Elliot. I need to know that will not happen anymore. I don’t think I can—”
“I wasn’t lying about quitting,” he interrupts me. “I stopped after that Arizona mission. I couldn't carry on that life anymore, not without losing myself completely,” he says, sounding forlorn.
“And you regret that?” I need to know. If it’s something he would go back to as soon as he gets a chance, I… I don’t know what I’ll do, honestly. But I need to know.
He looks at me, his gaze intense. He shakes his head after a while. “No. Not even a little bit,” he says decidedly.
A part of me refuses to believe him. He clearly has no trouble lying, after all. But a big part, the part that really wants to believe, says he’s telling the truth. I think back on the changes I’ve noticed since Elliot got back from that trip in Arizona, a trip we should definitely talk more about.
He’s been more open, not hiding behind his mask anymore. Filling his life with things that make him happy. Looking healthier and happier too. I know, with time, I can learn to trust him completely.
I nod. “Okay.”
“Wait, you’re the one to talk. A secret international agency?” He walks towards the couch and sits down. “What the fuck, Nicholas?”
I follow him and sit on the armchair. Difficult to have a conversation when I’m liable to jump him at the slightest touch. “Matt told you everything?”
“Even though he claims he’s bad at things that are not directly related to his job profile, I got the gist.”
I snort. “He’s just hard on himself,” I wave him off. “So, yeah. I’m a Bureau agent, and we would have eventually taken care of the problems you risked your life for,” I chide.
“You were clearly slacking off,” he snides.
“I’m sure Matt told you about the understaffing situation. We’re doing our best. But— But, I’m going to try to be more proactive. Happy?” I continue over his interruption attempts.
“Not like I have a choice,” he relents. “By the way, how did you find me yesterday? It’s been bugging me since you got there.”
“Ah, your buddy Sam tracked me down and ordered me to tell him everything. Then told me exactly where to find you.”
“Of course, he did,” he snorts. Then, remembering who he’s talking to, schools his face. “I mean, he did? That’s so weird. I didn’t know he could do something like that because he never has before,” he says with a straight face.
Huh, maybe he’s not as good at lying as I thought.
“Calm down. I’m not arresting your friend either.
But I’ll have a long conversation with him about everything, especially about how he does it all.
But you guys didn’t do anything we don’t already do at the Bureau every day.
So, it’s not like I have the high ground here.
But I’m not letting you put yourself in danger anymore,” I say sternly.
His eyes narrow. “Oh wow. And what about you? You have two high-risk jobs. You can put your life in danger all you want, and I can’t?”
“Well, yeah, I am a werewolf if you forgot that tiny detail.”