Chapter 5
LAWSON
The drive home is silent except for the soft snores of the girl sleeping in my arms. I haven’t stopped watching her since the moment we pulled away from the station. But I’ve also caught my best friend glancing in the rearview mirror every so often.
And he’s now done so fifteen times.
I catch his eye on the sixteenth and hold his stare as we wait for the light to change. And even though I know I should, I don’t make a single move to pull myself away from his sister.
“Thank you,” he says quietly.
“For what?”
“For always taking care of her. For always being there for her.”
I look back down at her and sigh. “Don’t thank me. I wasn’t there for her when it truly mattered. If I was then he wouldn’t have ever…” My words trail as I grit my teeth in shame.
“You may not have prevented the whole thing from happening, Law, but you kept it from going any farther. You kept him from taking a part of her she will never get back.”
“Then why does it feel like I was still too late?” I lift my free hand and brush the back of my fingers over her bruised cheekbone.
“Those will fade.”
“But the memories will haunt her forever.” I would know.
“Then it’s a good thing she has you.” I look up into his blue eyes, much like Sydney’s but a few shades darker. “She has you and me and the rest of our family. We will help her through this. We will help you through this.”
“I’m fine.”
He chuckles and shakes his head, focusing back on the road. “We’ve been best friends for more than half our lives. I know all your tells, bruv. When you’re lying, when you’re hiding, and when you are straight up deflecting. And you are lying through your annoyingly straight teeth.”
I huff a stifled laugh and shift my eyes back to the girl in my arms. “Fine. I’m not okay.” She snuggles closer against me. “But I will be.” We will be.
Jace pulls onto our street and Sydney’s eyebrows furrow as her grip on me tightens.
It’s almost as if she can sense the mere seconds we have left before the world outside comes crashing in.
Like she’s trying to hold onto this fractured moment for just a little while longer. Or maybe you’re just projecting, mate.
I sigh and lean down, brushing my lips over her forehead as Jace parks in the driveway. His eyes meet mine in the rearview mirror one last time.
“I’m sorry this is all happening, but I’m not sorry that she had you there to protect her.
I don’t know what I’d do if something had happened to her.
So even if you don’t think you deserve it, I’m still going to thank you for everything you did.
As far as everything else, we will figure it out. Together.”
I nod wordlessly and look down at the slightly ruffled—yet still effortlessly breathtaking—blonde in my arms.
He never has to thank me for watching over her, because I always will. No matter what.
She may not know it right now, but she’s mine. She always has been. And always will be.
Mine.
Mine to protect. Even if it’s sometimes from herself.
Mine to make happy. Because seeing her smile is the best view in the world.
Mine to drive crazy. Especially when she’s doing the same to me.
Mine to one day give everything she’s ever wanted. Because she will always be everything I’ll ever need.
The fear I felt last night when I couldn’t find her and for the split second I couldn’t get to her? It was like darkness itself forced through my chest and held my heart in its cold dead hands.
If something would have happened to her? If she had been taken from me?
I would have let the world burn. Forced to live in the darkness of its ashes with me after it’s snuffed out my one guiding light.
My sunshine.
That’s what Sydney Collins is. What she has been since she caught me sitting on the curb in front of my house at ten years old.
I’d just taken a reaming from my father, something not completely out of the ordinary, but this one was different. Harder and filled with so much more than his usual disappointment.
I didn’t want him to hear my cries, so I’d escaped into the night. Only brave enough to go as far as the edge of our walkway.
And that’s where she found me. At only four years old, she skipped across the street in a pink tutu dress with a small bag swinging in her tiny fist and plopped down right beside me.
“Hi, I’m Sydney.”
Even back then, I’d been a right dick and ignored her. Turning my head so she couldn’t see my stained cheeks. But that didn’t stop her from prattling on, just like it hasn’t in the twenty years since.
“I saw you from my bedroom window. I have the pink curtains and my bruver has blue. Blue is okay, but I just love pink so much! It’s my favorite color. Do you have a favorite color?”
I sniffed, wiping my nose on my sleeve. She didn’t let my silence deter her.
“I bet it’s blue like Jace. That’s my bruver. All boys like blue best. But I think you should like pink instead, like me. Maybe I can get my mummy to get us matching pink bracelets with our names! What’s your name anyway?”
“Lawson,” I mumbled.
“Lawson. That’s a good name. I like it.”
“Thanks, I guess?”
Someone called her name and we looked up at the tall figure holding open the front door of her house.
“That’s my da. I should go.” She stands and starts to walk away but abruptly stops and spins around to face me. “Oh! I almost forgot. I brought you the last of my sweets.”
“W-why?”
She shrugs, shoving the sparkly bag into my hands. “Because you were crying. When I cry, my da always makes me feel better with a treat. I thought maybe this would help you feel better too.”
Her name is called again and she skips across the street, waving wildly back at me. “Bye Lawson!”
I stared after her, watching the pair of them disappear behind their front door with one thought running through my mind. What a weird little girl.
But when I unwrapped one of the many pink Starbursts and bit into the overly tart sweetness, I did feel a little bit better than before.
From that night on, whenever she’d see me, she would wave and I would give her a small one in return. Then one day, I saw her brother teaching her to ride her tricycle. I rode my own bike over and joined them.
The rest, as they say, is history.
Me and Jace have been best friends ever since.
And me and the girl who never stopped trying to make my favorite color pink? Well, that one was a bit more complicated.
Because one day she was just my best friend’s little sister who talked too fast, had an unhealthy addiction to sweet things, never went a day without weaning something pink, and who used to follow us around all the time because she was ‘part of the team.’
Then, six years ago, she became something else entirely.
The last time I’d seen her, she’d been a wee teenager, just graduating secondary school and was about to head off to university with plans to major in public relations and marketing.
It’d been almost a year of her being home when me and Jace weren’t because of races, or when we were, she was stuck away studying on campus. We kept up through texting and the not-as-rare-as-I’d-like-it “please call me with a fake emergency because this date sucks” calls.
I hadn’t seen her in months, had no time to prepare—didn’t know I’d needed to prepare—to see her again before she flounced into the garage at our first race of the season.
And all it took was one look at her from across the crowded garage.
I was sliding into my seat and paused mid drop when my eyes caught sight of a bright head of Rapunzel length, wavy, blonde hair. She was wearing denim shorts, showcasing her smooth, tan legs and her staple pink trainers adorned her dainty feet.
My heart sped up with every inch of her that I took in.
And when she turned to look at me over her shoulder, flashing that beautiful smile?
Ruined.
I was absolutely ruined for anyone else.
Because in that moment I was hers.
“Lawson?” Her soft voice breaks me out of my daze.
And I will always be hers.
“Hey, sunshine,” I whisper.
She smiles sleepily and sits up as she rubs her face. “Are we home?” she asks, squinting out the car window.
“Yeah. We’re home.” I glance up at Jace and nod towards my house. “Fancy a drink?”
His lips twitch but he sighs, shaking his head. “I’m good. I should head home before the two terrors do too much damage to the house. Might pick up some curry chips on the way to make it up to Kinsley.”
“Smart man,” Sydney hums.
He chuckles and unlocks the car doors. “I’d say to not get into any more trouble, but apparently, who knows with you two.”
“Hey! Way too soon,” Sydney cries.
He sobers and gives us an apologetic smile. “Sorry. You know me, serious stuff makes me antsy and when I’m antsy, I make bad jokes.”
“Then what’s your excuse for all the other times your jokes suck?”
He places a hand over his heart, feigning hurt. “You wound me, dear sister.”
“Must be a Collins genetic,” I grumble, casting a look at Sydney.
She smiles sheepishly at me before leaning between the two seats to hug her brother. “Thank you for coming and helping me.”
“Of course. Anything for you.” He looks up, our eyes connecting. “Same goes for you, bruv. Whatever help you may need, I’m here.”
I nod, letting whatever he reads on my face convey how much what he did for me truly means to me. We slide out of the back of the car. Once the doors shut and we step to the side, Jace pulls out of the driveway and disappears down the street.
I turn my head and look over to the side. Over to Sydney. Only, she’s already watching me, a flurry of emotions rolling over every inch of her face.
“Syd—”
My words are cut off when she closes the short distance between us and throws herself into my arms. I catch her easily, burying my face into her hair.
“I’m so sorry,” she murmurs into my neck as her arms tighten around me.
“It’s okay,” I whisper. “I’m okay. None of this was your fault.”
“Wasn’t it?” She pushes off of me, furiously wiping at her eyes.
I take a step towards her. “Sydney—”
“No.” She shakes me off when I reach for her.
“Hey.” I push forward and cup her face in my hands. “None of this was your fault. His actions are his own responsibility. They aren’t yours. The same goes for me. I could have handled that so differently, but…” Then I saw his hands on you and the fear in your eyes and everything went red.
I shake my head and use my thumbs to wipe her tears, letting the unsaid words trail off with a heavy breath. “You were the victim last night. I wish so many things could have gone differently, but we can’t change it. We can only move forward.”
“And how do we do that? Move forward?” she whispers.
“I don’t know exactly, but everything will be okay. We’ll let the officers run their investigation—”
“But what if you’re arrested again? What if they find you guilty? Oh my god, what about the team? No doubt it’ll be plastered everywhere by this time tomorrow. God, what have I done?” She buries her face in her hands, her shoulders shaking as she sobs.
I drop my head, my jaw ticking as I gather what’s left of my energy from the long night and day I’ve already experienced so that I can give what’s left to her.
Stepping closer, I wrap my arms around her shaking body and pull her into me. She immediately relaxes, her face burrowing into my chest and hands fisting my shirt.
“We’re going to figure this out,” I whisper into her hair and feel her nod in agreement. “Come on.”
I guide us to the front door and stop at the bottom of the stairs. We settle on the first step. I rest my arms on top of my bent knees and she leans into my side, resting her head on my shoulder.
She sniffles and I subtly turn my head, looking down at her tear-soaked cheeks.
“I left my car at Jace’s house,” she murmurs.
“I can take you to pick it up tomorrow. Today, we just… rest. Recover from the night.”
I feel her head move on my shoulder as she nods. “I told Jace what happened.”
“I know. He told me while they had you back in the room.”
She lifts her head and looks up at me with sad eyes. “He blames himself. He said that if he’d never left then maybe this wouldn’t have happened.”
I drop my head. Make that two of the most important people to me that I’ve let down in the last twenty-four hours.
“But I told him it was okay. There was no predicting what happened. And there’s no saying it wouldn’t still have happened if he was there.”
“None of this is his fault.”
“I know. It’s not his. It’s not yours. And… it’s not mine. The only person at fault is the man who couldn’t walk away and decided to try and take something that was never his to have.”
I look down into her forgiving eyes, a smirk teasing the corner of my lips as the fierce woman I know she truly is bleeds back into her words. “There she is.”
“What?”
“There’s the fighter I know and—” I cut myself off from saying the damning word but it doesn’t stop me from feeling it in the darkest recesses of my soul.
“Someone braver than I could ever be once told me that everything was going to be okay. And I’m starting to believe that.”
My eyebrows lift. “Yeah?”
“Everything is always okay when I have you there with me,” she whispers before dropping her head back to my shoulder.
We sit in the silence for what feels like hours as the world continues on around us. Cars drive down the street. Families take their dogs on a walk.
The reality of what happened last night is coming for us, but it’s just like she said. Everything will be okay. Because it always is when she’s here with me.
Leaning to the side slightly, I reach into my pocket and pull out two pink wrappers. I hold onto one and raise the other in front of her face. “Here.”
She opens her eyes and a waterlogged giggle bursts out of her. Her dainty fingers brush mine when she slips it from my hand. I watch, dazed as a tired smile spreads over her face and she hums. I unwrap my own Starburst and pop it into my mouth as she snuggles against my arm.
“Thank you,” I whisper.
She shifts, looking up at me. “For what?”
“For saving me.” Her eyebrows draw together and I fist my hands to keep from reaching over and smoothing the line out. “You didn’t need to go down there. Hell. You even told me you didn’t want to. But you did—”
“I did it for you.”
My heart stalls in my chest at the conviction in her voice. “You’re incredible, Syd. Truly. You never cease to knock me on my arse.” The words slip out before I can stop them. I blame it on the sleep deprivation.
She giggles freely for the first time in almost forty-eight hours and bumps her shoulder into mine. “I hope that’s a good thing.”
It is.
I clear my throat and nudge her knee with mine. “Seriously though, thank you for showing up for me.”
She tilts her head, eyes gleaming. “Well, you’ve been saving me most of our lives. It’s about time I did the saving, don’t you think?”
I huff a laugh and she rests her head back on my shoulder.
You’ve been saving me since the day that I met you, Sydney.