Chapter 7
SYDNEY
“Why are you here?”
“Wow. You really know how to make someone feel welcomed.”
Sighing, I step to the side so that Ryder and Blake can come in. “Sorry. I’m just surprised. I thought you two were coming home next week.”
Blake gives me a sad smile. “We were.”
Ryder bends and kisses her temple. “I’m going to see what the two little terrors are up to.”
“Oh. Jace and Lawson aren’t here.” He barks out a laugh and takes the stairs two at a time. Seconds later we hear a roar followed by two high pitched screams. I tilt my head. “Huh, maybe they are.”
Blake giggles and loops her arm with mine. We walk into the kitchen and Kinsley looks up from where she’s chopping vegetables.
“Oh, Blake! Hi! I didn’t know you were home.”
I squint at her high-pitched voice. She only does that when—my jaw drops. “Oh my god! You knew they were coming back early.”
My future sister-in-law cringes and sets down her knife. “Maybe.”
I look between two of my closest friends. “What is this? What is happening right now?”
Blake settles into one of the stools at the island. “We saw the article that was released yesterday. It didn’t say exactly what happened but it said enough to have us booking the first flight home. Mom and Dad completely understood us having to cut the visit short.”
“But why? You didn’t need to do that.”
“We’re family, Syd. And family is always there for one another when we truly need it.”
I fold my lips inward to hide their wobbling and wrap her in a tight hug. “Thank you. It means a lot that you’re both here.”
Feet stomp down the stairs, two small pairs and one larger. “Mummy! Can we go play outside with Uncle Ryder?”
Beckham and Cooper bounce on their toes as they not-so-patiently await their mother’s answer. Ryder’s no different, nodding enthusiastically.
“That’s fine, but be good and listen.” All three of them cheer and race towards the front closet to layer up. “And make sure you wear your gloves!”
With a chorus of yes ma’am, the three boys disappear through the back door and out into the snow covered back yard. I watch as they throw snow at each other, my two nephews teaming up on Ryder. Their muted laughter makes me smile, even as the pang of missing that pure kind of joy rings in my chest.
It’s a hole that has sat empty since New Year’s. A part of me I fear I won’t get back. Not fully anyway. Because even now, with my friends and family around to support me, I can feel the few stitches trying the hardest to hold it together.
“Hey.” I turn at Blake’s gentle voice. “Are you okay?”
I blink and wipe at the single tear I hadn’t known was rolling down my cheek. Sniffing, I settle onto the stool next to her. “I’m fine.”
“You know it’s okay if you aren’t though, right? What you went through… I can’t even begin to imagine.”
“I’m a little better than I was yesterday. And the day before that. Baby steps, I guess.”
“Well we’re here for you. Whatever you or Lawson need. Cassie wanted to come, too, but with classes starting up again soon—”
“I know. I understand. She’s molding the great minds of our future.”
“But she did want me to give you this.” Blake pulls out a bundle of colorful pages from her bag and hands them to me.
I flip through the first few, a laugh working its way up my throat. “One free pass for me to kick their ass,” I read the glittered lettering on a pink sheet.
Blake snorts and Kinsley reaches over, picking up a yellow piece. “Redeemable for one group hug that Lawson and Nicky Poo have to participate in.” She smiles and shakes her head, looking up at us. “She made you coupons.”
“We used to do this when we were kids.” Blake reaches for another square, running her fingers over the decorated edges. “If anyone was ever feeling down, we would give them a booklet of coupons for things we thought would make them happy.”
“Give me to the man of your choosing, he now has to fulfill your biggest fantasy (naughty or otherwise).” My jaw drops as I read one of the red ones.
A laugh burst out of Blake and I’m quick to follow. When I catch my breath, I notice Kinsley watching me with soft eyes. “What?”
“It’s good to hear you laugh. Really laugh.”
My lips twitch and I fidget with the handmade coupons in my hands. “Yeah, it’s nice to feel like I can again.”
Her lips tip into a small smile and she focuses back on preparing dinner. I read through a couple more of Cassie’s coupons, saving the red ones for later once I notice their theme.
“Thank you,” I murmur, looking up at two of my best friends. “I couldn’t get through this without any of you.”
Blake reaches over and places her hand on top of mine. “We’re here for you. Always.”
I nod and wrap my arms around my waist, burrowing into the dark oversized jumper.
Lawson’s jumper. It’s the same one he slipped over my head that night.
The only time I’ve taken it off the last couple days is to shower, and even then, I’m terrified of the moment my floral body wash and hair products will completely erase the soothing scent of his cologne.
“I, uh, reached out to a therapist yesterday.”
Blake’s eyebrows shoot up. “Really?”
“My first session is actually tomorrow. Luckily she offers online sessions so I can keep seeing her throughout the season, too, if that’s what I want to do.”
“That’s great, Sydney,” Kinsley coos.
“I saw one after my accident, it really helped me take control of the fear of driving again.”
“I kind of find it freeing in a way. I started speaking with someone after my memories came back and everything with Jace’s ex. The boys even go twice a month.”
My eyebrows furrow. “I didn’t know that.”
“It’s really helped them. Those first couple nights after the attempted kidnapping were rough. Beckham was having constant nightmares and Cooper would freak out if they were ever apart for more than a minute.”
“And now?” Blake asks.
“The good days are starting to outnumber the bad ones. That’s all we can hope for.”
I nod. “I definitely feel like it’s the right thing for me right now. I’m just…” My words fall off, my throat refusing to voice what I’ve been desperate to hide.
“Scared,” Kinsley fills in.
I sigh. “Yeah. And I’m exhausted. Whenever I try to sleep, it’s like the memories know I’m defenseless and pounce. I’m scared that talking about it will give them even more power over me.”
Blake tilts her head. “But maybe it will take that power from them instead.”
I murmur an agreement and lean my elbows onto the countertop. “I hate what happened to me and I know it could have been so much worse—”
“Hey.” Blake’s stern tone has my head jerking her way. “Don’t do that. Don’t downplay what happened to you just because it could have been worse. Things can always be worse, but that doesn’t mean what did occur wasn’t horrible.”
A sense of déjà vu hits me.
Lawson said the same thing to me when I tried to hide how much this all truly affected me.
I drop my head, my fingers twisting in the hem of his jumper. “It’s not just what happened to me that made me feel helpless. I could have lost him.”
“Lawson,” Kinsley murmurs.
“I don’t know what I would have done if something had happened to him. Like, what if I hadn’t gone down to the station and—”
Blake reaches over and tames my restless hands. “You don’t need to think about that, though.”
“Why not?”
“Because there isn’t a reality where you wouldn’t have gone down there and saved him from a fate undeserving.”
I shake my head. “He’s the one who saved me.”
“Yeah, he did.” Kinsley walks around the island and wraps her arms around my shoulders. “But you saved him right back.”
You are safe and that is all I care about.
They’re right.
He’s right.
We both saved each other that night. And that is what matters.
Kinsley moves back around the island, finishing her prep for dinner. Blake settles back on her stool and flips through some more of the coupons our missing piece made.
And me? I let their presence and love and support seep into the darkest memories of that night until all that’s left is what truly matters.
Lawson.
Like the feel of his arms wrapped tightly around me.
The beating of his heart synched with mine.
How he refused to let go even after I’d fallen asleep.
The way his calloused hand brushed mine when I held ice to his bruised knuckles.
And when he held my face in his hands, promising me that everything will be okay.
I’m finally starting to really believe it.
Because as long as I have him—and them—I’ll get through this.
High pitched squeals break me out of my thoughts and the three of us look out the back window. Jace charges through the back gate, throwing each of his sons over his shoulders and runs laps as Ryder pelts them with snowballs. Lawson leans against the fence, watching them.
The four of them stop moving, bowing low as they steal glances at him. Lawson pushes off the post and points at them, his mouth moving in what I don’t doubt is a warning.
A warning that falls on deaf ears as his friends and nephews rain down snow on him.
Jace helps out his sons with making them snowballs that actually stay together while Ryder tries to tackle Lawson and hold him so they can hit their mark.
Alliances quickly fall when one of the snowballs hits Ryder in the face and it soon becomes every man and child (not exclusively differentiated) for themselves.
My smile reflects the one on Lawson’s handsome face as I watch him get tackled by the young boys.
This is the side of him that not a lot of people get to see. The one where he’s more than just the hard, dark, and mysterious bad boy who drives fast cars.
The three men run from the two boys, falling dramatically as they are hit with loose balls of snow. Beckham and Cooper run around them, chanting their victory. Once everyone is revived back to life, the boys race for the back door with the guys not far behind.
I shiver as the cold air slips in when the door opens. Jace beelines it for his girl and she shrieks when he presses his cold hands against her back. “Jace!”