Chapter 8
LAWSON
I groan, gritting my teeth. Come on, just one more.
Pressing with everything I have left in me, I force out one last rep as Jace cheers me on. He helps me rack the weight and I take a moment to catch my breath before heaving myself up into a sitting position.
A towel smacks me in the face and I grunt. Pulling it down my sweaty face, I glare at my best friend who is all too giddy at six in the morning.
He winks and takes a seat on the bench across from me. “Is there a reason you are being extra grouchy this morning or is that handsome and terrifying scowl just for me?”
I pick up my water bottle and down half of it in one go. He watches me, waiting.
“I’m fine.”
“See, I’ve been around women long enough to know that ‘I’m fine’ does not actually mean you are fine.”
“Or you’re just over analyzing. Because I am, in fact, fine.” I’m not. But seeing him squirm is making me feel a little better.
He mumbles to himself, blatantly mocking me in the worst impression I’ve ever seen. He needs to work on the scowl. Even pouting, he’s still more smiley than I would ever be.
“I take it the phone call with Mitch didn’t go over well yesterday?” I bring my water bottle back up to my lips and chug the rest of the contents. He chuckles. “That good then?”
Wiping my face again, I push to stand and walk over to the water fountain to fill my bottle back up. “It went fine.”
“There’s that word again.”
I shake my head and put the cap back on my bottle. “It was. He looked over the preliminary outline Sydney drafted for me and said that it was a great start. He thinks they’ll like everything on it so far.”
“And that’s made you all huffy and puffy like the big bad wolf because…”
“One, I am not all ‘huffy and puffy,’ okay? And two, Sydney did a great job with what she provided. Mitch was pleasantly surprised I had something for him within only a day.”
“And that’s a bad thing? That he liked it so much?”
“Never said it was a bad thing.”
“You may not have said it, but your face sure did.”
I roll my eyes. “And what is it my face apparently said?”
“That you’re a dead man walking.”
I sigh, gesturing for him to take his position on the bench. “It kind of feels like I am.”
“Now who’s being the dramatic one?”
He shakes his head and lays back, pressing up on the bar. I stand above his head, spotting him as he quickly knocks out his reps.
“I don’t think I can do this, mate. I’m not built to be in the spotlight.”
He sits up and tries to catch his breath. “Well it’s a good thing you chose a profession that is so private innit?” He looks at me with raised eyebrows that scream ‘dumbass.’
I move to replace him when he stands and don’t wait to start my next set. He chokes, tossing his water bottle to the side and jumping over to spot me. “Oi! You really do have a death wish, don’t you?”
“I’m. Fine.” I grunt through the heavy weight.
“Tell that to your shaking arms.”
I growl and slam the bar down on the rack. “My arms are not shaking.”
He raises his hands in defense. “Calm down, killer. I was just taking the piss.”
“Sorry,” I murmur. Sitting up, I wipe the towel over my face. “I guess I am a bit stressed at the moment.”
He sits down across from me and leans his elbows on his knees. “I know, mate. And I’m sorry. If there’s anything you need, you know me and the lads are here for you.”
“I know.” I drop my chin to my chest and twist the towel around my fist.
“Hey.” He taps his foot against mine, drawing my attention. “Just follow the plan and everything will work out.”
“Easier said than done, though, innit?”
He bobs his head side to side. “Could be, but I think you have a pretty grand coach that will help you navigate it all.”
I huff a laugh and dip my head to hide the twitch of my lips. Sydney Collins.
“Yeah,” I rasp. “I do.”
“It’s all going to work out, bruv. I have a good feeling about this.”
“Well, that makes one of us.” I say it quietly enough that he doesn’t hear.
Even with all the incredible work Sydney has already put into this ‘makeover,’ I don’t know if I’ll be able to pull it off in the end. Not because of my lack of trying, but because the ‘nice guy’ act just isn’t me. It never has been.
I’ve always been the quiet one.
The man who stands in the shadows while everyone else shines in the spotlight.
Interviews have never been of any interest to me. Neither has sharing more of my private life with the world.
There wasn’t much to show them anyway. At least, not anything that would positively represent that ‘good image’ the team is so concerned with me having.
Because a lot of my story?
The parts only a few know about?
None of it would ever be considered ‘good.’
The son who could never truly live up to his father’s expectations. Who thought maybe, just maybe, if he could have done something right, then his mother’s heart wouldn’t have been broken the way it was.
A boy that eventually became a man built off of darkness and shame. Who hid the scars of his past under layers of ink, twisting the memories that haunt his every move.
A man who is desperate to never become anything like the one he used to think he’d someday be, but dreads will come for him anyway.
They’re parts of me I’ve long since hidden behind the hard exterior everyone seems so intent on trying to crack open.
And that’s why I’ve been dreading this moment. The moment where I either finally let my demons of the past see the light of the day, or I lose one of the only things that’s kept me together for this long.
But Sydney promised I wouldn’t completely lose myself to their games. That we would do this, but on our terms.
And there’s no one else I’d trust more in the world to keep that promise.
A loud clap drags me out of my thoughts and I look up to see Jace hopping to his feet. “Okay! I think that’s enough torture for the day. Want to come to the shop for some breakfast?”
“I thought it was closed on Sundays?”
“It is, but Kinsley’s trying out some new recipes and she swears they taste different if she makes them anywhere else.”
I shake off the lingering dark memories trying to break out of their cage and nod. Jace practically skips out of the gym. Leaning down, I grab my bottle and bag before standing to my full height. My reflection in the mirror stares back at me and my jaw ticks.
Dark eyes so much like his taunt me and my grip on my bag tightens; my tattoo-covered knuckles turning white between the spaces of dark ink.
Ink that covers thousands of tiny scars where moments like this waged a ward inside my head to destroy the thing looking back at me.
“Oi! Let’s go!” Jace’s voice slices through the suddenly thick air and I turn away from the mirrors, walking towards him without a backwards glance.
Yet, as if he was standing there himself, I still feel dark eyes burning at my back.
“It’s like a reward,” Jace mumbles around the massive bite of his waffles.
He takes the offered napkin from his smirking fiancé and wipes the powdered sugar and syrup from his face.
“Is it good?”
“It’s the best. Top tier. Someone give this girl a Michelin star already!”
She rolls her eyes and pats his shoulder. “Okay. Okay.”
I lift my fork and nod. “He’s right. I haven’t had waffles this good since I was a wee boy.”
She smiles. “So you think I should add it to the menu?”
“Definitely. You’ll have people lining up down the block just for these.”
“Now you sound like this one.” She throws a thumb towards the man inhaling his second helping.
He looks up from his plate, mouth full. “What?”
I laugh under my breath and shake my head. Rose comes waddling out from the kitchen, swinging her purse over her shoulder. “Okay, my lovelies, I’m off to brunch with the girls.”
“You could have invited them here, you know?” Kinsley says, lifting a single brow.
Rose waves her off. “No. No. There’s a new spot with never ending mimosas we’ve been dying to try.”
Jace points at her. “I’ve heard of that place. You’ll have to report back on if it really is bottomless.”
Kinsley smacks his arm while Rose cackles. “Why do you think I’m bringing my chair pillow? We plan on being there for a long while.”
“Just let us know if you need a ride, okay?” Kinsley pleads.
“Yes, my dear.” The bell above the door jingles as she makes her escape.
Kinsley sighs. “I swear she thinks she’s twenty-one, not going on seventy.”
The corner of my lips tip up because she’s completely right.
Rose is one of the kindest women I’ve ever met. And while she is getting up there in age, the way she acts says otherwise. But that’s her charm. She’s unapologetically her. Inappropriate jokes and all.
She took Kinsley in years ago. It was right after she was in an accident and instead of helping her through recovery, the bastards that were her foster parents acted like they’d never seen her before.
So at eighteen, she found herself homeless and with nowhere to go. That is until the tiny spitfire of an old woman hobbled herself over to the bench she sat on and offered her a warm place to stay.
Rose became the mum that Kinsley never had. A mum she always needed. She helped her raise her son, Cooper, gave her a place to live, a place to work, and supported her in her dreams when the time came.
She truly is an angel.
Well, an angel with an addiction to romance novels that have shirtless men plastered on the cover. But as she likes to say, everyone needs a little bit of bad to even out the good.
“Any update on the media proposal?”
Jace shakes his head at her with wide eyes. “You don’t want to ask him that.”
Kinsley’s eyebrows furrow. “Why not?”
He looks at me before leaning towards her and failing to whisper, “It makes him cranky.”
I glower at him. “Ever think it’s you that makes me cranky?”
He gasps dramatically with a hand over his heart. “How dare you. I am the light of your life.”
No. That would be a different blonde hair, blue-eyed Collins.
I shake my head, ridding the thought before it can take root.
It’s not that I don’t think he would kill me for wanting his sister. That’s not Jace’s style. To him, as long as everyone is happy, then he’s happy.
No. I haven’t ever said anything because I know, deep down, I don’t deserve her.
A woman of pure sunshine, who lights up even the darkest rooms just by simply existing.
“Anyway…” Kinsley’s soft voice drags me out of my thoughts. “How did it go?”
“It was grand. He wants things to start immediately.”
“Ooo. This is the part when we would get the cool ‘boot camp’ montage, right?” Jace grins and rubs his hands together.
I glower at him. “You are way too happy about my own personal hell.”
“Oh come off it! This can’t possibly be a hell specifically designed for you. It would have to at least include a unicorn or rainbow somewhere.”
Yes. Because spending every day with the woman I’ve been secretly pining after for years without being able to do anything about it sounds like heaven to me.
“Fine, it’s not exactly hell, but I’m definitely being forced out of my comfort zone here.”
Kinsley shrugs. “I personally think this might be exactly what you need.”
I raise an eyebrow at her. “And why’s that?”
She smirks. “Just a feeling. Sometimes being pushed out of our comfort zones brings us to exactly where we need to be and when we need to be there.”
Maybe she’s right. Instead of looking at this as some sort of punishment, I should see it as an opportunity. An opportunity to finally become a man worthy of her.
My chest tightens as a small smile creeps over my lips, but before anyone can notice, I quickly wipe my hand over my mouth and jaw.
“Don’t worry, mate.” I look up and Jace winks. “It’ll all work out. You’ll change the team’s and the fans’ minds about you being a recluse—”
“Who the hell said I’m a recluse?”
“You’ll sign your new shiny contract and continue being the second best driver for Miller Racing—”
“Oh, fuck off!” I throw my napkin at him.
“And everything will be right in the world again. You can go back to being your growly self and the book girls can continue to write fan fiction about the dark bad boy who not only drives fast cars, but drives them crazy.”
Kinsley sighs. “You really need to quit listening in on girls’ book club.”
“But the last book was so good!”
“I knew you took my copy! I don’t ever dog ear any of my books. I thought it was the boys!” She pokes him in the side and he jumps from his chair to avoid more prodding.
“I’d say sorry, but—”
“Finish that sentence and there will be no rewards for you anytime soon,” she says menacingly, pointing her finger at him.
I’m not an idiot. I know exactly what she means by ‘rewards.’ Here’s a hint, it’s not any of the mouthwatering baked goods in this shop.
“And I think I’m done eating.” I stand and pick up all of our plates.
“Oh, Lawson, you don’t need to do that.” Kinsley moves to stand.
I place my free hand on her shoulder and give it a light squeeze. “I’ve got it. You rest.” I peek over at a sulking Jace. “And maybe fix your fiancé.”
I walk around the counter and into the kitchen. I dump the trash and set about cleaning our dishes so she doesn’t have to do any of it later.
She’s already coming in here every day to help with things on top of having the boys full-time for winter break. How she juggles it all while growing the next little Collins without collapsing, is beyond me.
I’m definitely the stereotypical man who turns into a baby when he’s sick. But luckily, no one has been around to see any proof of that.
Women are incredible and I could never do what they do with a smile on my face.
So I try to help out when I can. My mum used to tell me, it’s always the little things that make the biggest difference. If me washing the dishes and tidying up the kitchen means Kinsley can go home earlier and spend more time with her family, then I’m going to do it, no questions asked.
Once everything is in order, I head back out to the front of the shop. I catch the door before it can swing back, not wanting to disturb the moment happening in the middle of the dining room.
Kinsley stands, her fingers twining in Jace’s golden strands as she smiles down at him. His forehead rests against the small bump of her stomach and his hands are on either side of her hips.
Something in my stomach pinches and I slowly back into the kitchen. Leaning my back against the wall next to the door, I think back to what Kinsley said. That this process, as uncomfortable as it may be, could be exactly what I need.
For the longest time, I never thought I’d have the opportunity to be the person she needed or even wanted.
I never saw myself as someone worthy of her love.
But maybe, just maybe, this is the shot I’ve been unexpectedly waiting for.
Maybe now I can prove to her, to the world, and to myself that the idea of calling Sydney Collins mine… isn’t so far out of reach anymore.