Chapter 12
LAWSON
I yawn for the tenth time on my thirty minute drive home. Pulling into the garage, I turn off the car and lean back in my seat. I close my eyes and sigh as the silence settles in around me.
I’m exhausted.
I’m exhausted and irritated.
Two things I don’t want to be when I come home to those waiting for me inside.
For the last hour, I had to deliberately lock my muscles so I’d keep my arse in my seat instead of storming out of the room or flipping the table as Patty went over all these ‘grand ideas of his.’
Only they weren’t his. They were hers. And that is the only reason I agreed to do any of it. For the next few weeks leading up to preseason—and even well into the season—the world will be seeing a lot more of me.
Well, the parts I agreed to share.
Because I’ll be damned if the world will see me in nothing but my briefs on a special edition campaign for men’s apparel. Nice try, sunshine.
They also don’t need to know a typical day in my life during the off-season. I’ve seen enough mates develop stalkers and I’m not in favor of one for myself anytime soon. Or ever.
Snippets is all I’m willing to give. All I’m comfortable to give.
Because I’ve done this in the past—laying all of me out there just to be burned in the end. And I don’t think I can do that again. I don’t think I’d survive that again.
It’s one of the many reasons I’ve convinced myself that any kind of future with a certain blonde-haired, blue-eyed vision isn’t in the cards for me. Not in the way I want her.
And Lord do I want her with every part of my darkened soul.
More than I’ve ever wanted anything.
That’s why this little fake dating scheme is only playing with fire. Because I’ll have her but I won’t at the same time. I’ll get a taste of life with her, not just existing around her.
She’ll be mine for however long it takes for the world to believe I’m a better man than I am but it will never be enough. Time with her will never be enough.
Because I want all of the time.
I want the mornings over coffee.
I want the days filled with banter and us challenging each other.
I want the evenings where we cuddle on the sofa where I will gladly suffer through whatever sappy movie she’s picked for us.
I want the nights that she falls asleep tucked into the safety of my arms because I’ve only ever been able to sleep peacefully if she’s near.
And I want the time in between where our souls and bodies can’t help but cling to each other, only to wake up the next morning and experience it all over again.
I know that I’m not going to have all of that with her if for some reason she agrees to this plan, but just the mere possibility is shaking me. Something I never am. Except when it comes to everything to do with her.
Which is why I still haven’t gotten out of the car even though every part of me is aching to go inside. I don’t want her to see this part of me, where for once I don’t know what the hell I’m going to do.
I’ve always been the one with the answers for her. But right now, I don’t have any. For the first time in as long as I can remember, I don’t know what to do. All I want is to make sure she’s safe, protected, and happy. Will tying her to me like this either fulfill that wish… or demolish it?
There’s a soft tap on my window and I jolt in my seat, head whipping to the side. And like my spiraling thoughts conjured her, there she is, giving me a warm smile and a small wave.
She steps back as I open the car door. “Sorry, I heard you arrive a little bit ago and when you didn’t come inside I started to think that maybe I just imagined it.
Then that turned into me freaking out that maybe someone was here and I was being watched and—I knew I shouldn’t have let the boys choose the movie earlier. ”
I grab my bag from the back seat, throwing it over my shoulder. “What did they choose?”
“Monster House.”
“Isn’t that an animated movie?”
She pouts. “Animated movies can still be scary, okay?”
I chuckle and lay my arm around her shoulders. “I know, sunshine. Don’t worry, I’ll keep all the scary monsters away.”
She sighs and leans into my side as we head inside. The smell of something delicious hits me as soon as we step over the threshold and I fail to hold back my groan.
Sydney giggles and steps away as I set my bag down. “I figured you’d be hungry after the long day you’ve had.”
“You’d be right. I think the most substantial thing I ate today was a protein shake and banana.”
She tsks. “Now that just won’t do. You’re a growing boy after all.”
“Pretty sure I stopped growing when I was seventeen.”
“I was talking about these muscles.” She steps forward and squeezes my arm, making me wince slightly. Her eyes light up. “Sore, are we?”
I point a stern finger at her button nose and glower. “Don’t even think about—Sydney!”
Her mechanical laughter fills the small hallway as she relentlessly attacks my sore muscles. I growl and throw my arms around her, pining hers at her sides. “That’s enough of that you little shite stirrer.”
She wiggles in my hold. “Let me go; I need to make sure dinner isn’t burning.”
I lift a single eyebrow. “You won’t attack me if I do?”
She smiles but I don’t miss the mischievous edge to it. “I won’t.”
“Show me your hands.”
“Yes, officer.”
She holds her hands up where I can see them and I make sure she has none of her fingers crossed. Slowly, I release my arms. With a cry of victory, she quickly squeezes my bicep one last time before tearing down the hallway.
“You little brat! You’re going to pay for that!” I call after her, rubbing the spot.
I sit down on the small bench to the side and unlace my boots before shucking them off. Nails click against the hard wood floors and my lips tip up as Shadow trots over to me.
He jumps up so his front paws are on either of my shoulders and immediately starts licking all over my face. I chuckle and rub my hands through his soft fur.
“Hey, buddy. I saw you had quite the pampering today.”
He barks and I smile down at his pink-tipped paws and shiny collar. I run my thumb over the small black heart charm next to his name tag and sigh. “What are we going to do, huh?”
He whines as if he understands what I’m asking and I chuckle. Standing to my full height, I rub his head once more and lead him to the back door so I can let him out to do his business.
Sydney is bustling around the kitchen when I walk in and I track her out of the corner of my eyes as I grab a water bottle from the refrigerator. I lean against the counter next to it and watch her sway to the low beats coming through the kitchen speakers.
She’s very much a Collins with her need to have background music for anything she’s doing.
Jace’s poison is early 2000’s pop music.
Their parents lean more towards the classics that allow them to dance throughout the house together.
And Sydney? Well, most like everything else about her, she’s something I never would have expected.
I still remember the first time I heard her music through Jace’s bedroom wall. At first I thought it was because it’s something a boy she liked listened to. That’s what Jace had told me anyway. But the genre never changed, in all these years I’ve known her.
Sydney, the girl who bedazzles anything she can get her hands on, wears an obnoxious amount of pink, paints her nails a different color every week, and practically lives off of sugar… she’s a rock and heavy metal kind of girl.
It’s completely mind-boggling.
And a definite turn on, but I will never admit that to another living soul. Ever.
My lips tip up when she bounces over to the back door to let Shadow in, waving her head back and forth as she plays the air guitar. He dances around her feet, watching her with pure affection in his golden eyes. Same, mate, same.
Yep. My big bad dog has it bad for the petite ray of sunshine. But unlike me, he isn’t afraid to show it. At the thought, my face drops and I drag my eyes away from her. I really need to talk to her about the meeting today. About this potential… proposition.
Clearing my throat, I step over to her side at the stove and look over her shoulder. “You didn’t have to cook me dinner, you know.”
She shrugs. “It’s no big deal. Kinsley and the boys left when Jace said he was heading home and they mentioned picking something up for dinner. It made me think that maybe you’d be hungry when you got home but I noticed there wasn’t much here.”
“So you went out and got me groceries?”
She tucks her lips and looks up at me with cautious eyes. “I, uh, yeah. I just grabbed some things that I knew you liked and then a few treats for Shadow too.”
“You really didn’t have to do that.”
“You would have done the same for me.” I swallow around the lump of emotion in my throat and nod. She smiles and turns back to the veggies she’s sautéing on the stove. “Plus, I know if you don’t eat enough, you get hangry.”
My eyebrows dip. “I do not get hangry.”
She looks at me out of the corner of her eye. “See?”
Rolling my eyes, I lean a hip against the counter. “Fine. What’s on the menu tonight, chef?”
“I figured with your workout sessions amping back up, that you would need more protein in your diet. I found this delicious looking recipe for a high protein chicken parmesan bake on Instagram and thought I’d give it a go. Plus some veggies on the side.”
“Sounds perfect. Anything I can help with?”
She checks the timer on the stove. “It’s almost done, but if you could get the plates?”
Wordlessly, I move to the cabinet at the other side of the kitchen and pull down two plates. I set them on the island just as the timer goes off on the stove.
She sets a pan of seasoned veggies on one trivet and then bends to pull the bake out of the oven. I quickly busy myself with pulling out silverware to keep from looking at her perfect arse in those leggings.