Chapter 13
CASSANDRA
I’m sorry.
“Sorry.” I huffed and shoved a sweater onto a hanger. “He’s sorry.”
I’d gone through the entire gauntlet of ugly emotions in the past day. Shock. Embarrassment. Heartache. But after Leo’s text, I’d landed firmly on anger. There was no sign of that storm blowing over.
“He doesn’t get to be sorry.” I hung up the sweater and went for another.
Yesterday, after I’d gotten to my parents’ house, I hadn’t had the energy to unpack my bags.
Still in the embarrassment-slash-heartache phase, I’d curled up on the couch and cried for a solid hour.
Then Leo had shown up and because Dad had left the door open when he’d gone out and threatened Leo’s life—when would the humiliation end?
—I’d heard their entire conversation. Leo sure brought out a violent streak in my father.
But death threats aside, everyone in Clifton Forge knew Dale Cline was harmless. Leo could have easily fought his way inside. Dad would have let him pass and deliver that apology in person. Instead, he’d left and I’d received that cop-out of a text an hour later.
I’m sorry.
Did that apology encompass all of his screwups? Was he sorry for going to the bar instead of staying home and helping with the nursery? Or was he sorry that he’d kissed another woman and spent the night with her? It had to be the former because he didn’t know I’d seen him with that brunette.
Was this how it had been for months? Had I believed him, blindly, when he’d said I was his only one simply because I’d wanted so badly for it to be true?
I am a stupid woman.
My chin quivered and my eyes flooded. I tightened my hold on the fury before the embarrassment and heartache returned for a second unwelcome visit.
I’d fallen.
I’d fallen for Leo.
I’d fallen for his lies.
This was The Betsy’s fault. Aiming my anger at the bar helped me get the tears under control as I reached for another shirt from my suitcase resting on the bed.
After Leo had left on Saturday, I’d started unpacking the gifts from the baby shower. Even then, I hadn’t been angry at him. Disappointed, yes. But not angry. Yet another in the long, long line of second, third, fourth, twentieth chances I’d given Leo.
I’d unpacked gifts, the entire time making mental excuses for him.
Leo didn’t hesitate to touch my belly anymore. That was something, right? Granted it was always during sex, but still. A touch meant something, didn’t it?
He’d come to every one of my checkups and every time he heard the drum of the baby’s heartbeat, his eyes softened. When I’d hung an ultrasound photo on the fridge, he hadn’t asked me to take it down.
Progress. Baby steps.
So what if he wasn’t quite ready to decorate a nursery? A baby’s room, in his home, was a concept I’d give him time to accept because it meant she was no longer growing inside of me.
Soon, she’d be her own person with her own belongings who’d depend on us for everything. Thinking of that sort of responsibility was a lot for me to deal with, let alone Leo.
He wasn’t ready.
But we had time to get him there.
It was the reason I’d delayed setting up the nursery in the first place. I’d known he wasn’t ready. But time was passing quickly and she’d be here soon. If I was going to live at Leo’s, then it was time to settle in and give the baby a room. And a name.
That was another topic I hadn’t forced on Leo.
Another second chance.
Rather than tell Leo to grow up, I’d made excuses for his behavior.
After going through the gifts yesterday, I’d sat down in the living room to call Olive. She hadn’t been able to make the shower, but she’d sent the cutest outfit for the baby. We’d ended up spending an hour talking about her doctoral program.
Olive’s classes were a challenge. Her professors were brilliant. Her new roommates were fun and friendly. It was impossible not to feel a twinge of jealousy and longing. That was the life I’d had. The life I missed.
Olive was living my dream.
Maybe that was the reason I’d entertained her suggestion to go to The Betsy two nights ago.
I’d been honest with her about Leo and how we’d started sleeping together. Then I’d told her that he’d left for that damn bar for a night of fun.
Show him you’re fun too. Show him he can have you and a social life.
Silly me. I’d thought he’d want me as part of his social life. At the very least, I could drive him home. Leo had invited me, after all. What use was a pregnant girlfriend if she didn’t play the designated driver?
Except I wasn’t his girlfriend.
Turns out, he didn’t want me as part of his social life, and his invitation had been just another lie.
Olive’s encouragement had worked, and I’d gone to The Betsy. It had taken me five minutes in the parking lot to work up the courage to walk inside. I’d been on my way in when Emmett had walked out with a blonde tucked under his arm. He hadn’t noticed me.
I’d pushed through the door and scanned the crowd only to find Leo with another woman.
I couldn’t get that brunette’s face out of my mind. I couldn’t stop seeing her kiss him. Seeing her hand on his leg and her body pressed against his.
“Ugh.” I squeezed my eyes shut and pressed my fingers to my temple, willing that mental picture away.
“Hey. Are you okay?” Mom knocked and came into my room.
“Just a headache,” I lied, opening my eyes and forcing a smile.
She came over and put her hand on my shoulder. “How are you?”
“Mad.”
“Good.”
Mom knew about Leo and the other woman. She also knew I’d been sleeping with him. There were aspects I’d keep from my father, but when Mom had come into my bedroom last night and asked for the truth, I hadn’t held back a single detail.
“Your dad and I were talking last night. Over our lunch hour today, we’ll go over to Leo’s and get the baby’s stuff from the nursery and whatever else you left behind.”
I sighed and walked to the bed, slumping on the edge. My feet hurt. My back hurt. The heartburn felt permanent and Tums had become as necessary as peeing every five minutes. What I needed was a good night’s rest.
I doubted I’d get one for a while.
In our short weeks together, my body had become accustomed to Leo’s bed. It was soft and plush and warm, especially in his arms. Last night, brittle loneliness had settled into my bones and kept me awake.
“I don’t want to be here.” Damn those tears. Why wouldn’t they go away? I swiped at my cheeks as Mom sat beside me, putting her arm around my back.
“I know.”
“Why wasn’t I enough?” I whispered.
“Oh, Cassie.” She pulled me closer so I could rest my head on her shoulder. Then I stopped fighting the tears and let them fall.
Why did Leo need another woman? Why wasn’t I enough? Was I too young for him? Was I not experienced enough in the bedroom? I’d thought the sex had been otherworldly but what did I know?
My experience with men was limited at best. I’d dated a couple of guys in college. I’d lost my virginity to my boyfriend freshman year of undergrad. We’d broken up two months later and the next day I’d seen him coming out of the dorm room across the hallway from mine.
It hadn’t really bothered me because classwork had been my primary companion. My priority. Any guy who’d tried to get my attention hadn’t really stood a chance. My studies were demanding, and I liked it that way. Structure and routine had been the foundation for my academic success.
Then Leo.
I’d fooled myself into thinking I was special. I wasn’t. I was simply the girl who’d trapped him on accident.
“I wish I had answers for you, honey,” Mom said. “I don’t understand how he couldn’t look at you and realize he’d found a treasure. I hate him for it.”
“Don’t hate him.” The defense slipped out so fast I couldn’t stop it. Here I was, protecting him again. When was I going to learn? Tigers like Leo didn’t change their stripes.
“For the baby’s sake, I won’t.” She kissed my hair. “I’m proud of you.”
“Proud? What for? Having a one-night stand with a playboy biker, getting pregnant and throwing my dreams in the trash? I should have known better. I should have stayed focused. Stayed home.”
“You’re young. You wanted a night of fun. That’s completely understandable. No one would blame you for that, especially given how hard you work.”
“I miss school.” I sighed. “This can’t be the life you planned for me.”
“No, it’s not, but life doesn’t always go as planned. Despite our best efforts. I’m proud of you for finding balance in the middle of a tornado. It will be okay.”
“I hope you’re right.”
“I’m always right. Just ask your father,” she teased.
“There’s only a month left, maybe less if this little one comes early. Everything’s about to change.” And Leo wasn’t the only one who was scared. “There are many single parents out there, but Mom, I don’t know if I can do this on my own.”
“Something tells me you won’t have to.”
Wait. Was she talking about Leo? How could she have faith in him after everything I’d told her yesterday? Maybe because, despite my best efforts, I couldn’t smother that hope for him too.
Mom shifted and I sat up straight. “Why don’t you give me the key to his house and the alarm code? I assume he’s working today.”
“Yeah, but he doesn’t go in until later.” Who knew how late he’d stayed out last night? Maybe he wasn’t even home yet. Had he stayed with the brunette again?
“Well, if he’s still home at noon, then he’ll just have to deal with us being there too.”
I put my hands on my belly, feeling the baby shift. We’d need her things. The diapers and creams and clothes. So why wasn’t I digging through my purse this very second to give Mom the key?
Irrational, foolish hope.
“I appreciate that you’d go over there,” I said. “Let’s give it a few days first. That will give me time to make space here.”
The truth was, I couldn’t bring myself to make a clean break.
For me. And the baby.
“I understand why you want to wait, but Cassie, you can’t delay too long.” Of course Mom would realize that this had nothing to do with shifting furniture or clearing out space in the house.