Chapter 15 CASSANDRA
CASSANDRA
“Call if you need anything.” The nurse wrote her name—Sophie—on the whiteboard in the room.
“Thanks.” I gave her a sleepy smile, then dropped my eyes to the baby.
I couldn’t stop looking at her. I couldn’t believe she was here and so perfect. I’d loved her when she was growing inside of me, but now, holding her in my arms . . . I hadn’t realized that I’d love her even more.
A consuming type of love. The type where I’d sacrifice anything for her—money, happiness, life. She was the axis around which my world would spin.
“What do you want from the cafeteria?” Leo asked, flipping through the small menu that the nurse had handed him. His legs were stretched out long beside me, his feet bare.
I hadn’t expected the large bed when they’d brought us to the recovery room. I’d thought it would be another single like in the delivery room, but I guess for parents who both spent the night, the extra bed space was nice.
Leo had been reluctant at first, giving me space and trying to get comfortable on the stiff two-seat bench beneath the room’s window. Then after my parents had left for the night, I’d taken pity on him and told him to come to bed.
He hadn’t left my side since.
“Some fruit. And a ham and cheese omelet.”
We’d eaten last night after we’d settled into the room. Mom and Dad had run out to get us some sandwiches since the hospital’s cafeteria had been closed. That had been only four hours ago. Still, after all the energy I’d expended yesterday and the lack of sleep, I was starved.
Leo reached for the phone on the side table and called in our breakfast. It was just after six in the morning and I suspected my parents wouldn’t stay home for long. The baby was sleeping, which meant this was my window for an overdue conversation.
“I’m mad at you.”
He sighed. “Can I explain?”
I looked at the baby and nodded.
“I went to the bar to hang with Dash and Emmett. And because . . . I got spooked when you started talking about the nursery.”
At least he could admit it. “Why did that scare you?”
“Look at her.” He leaned closer, staring at our daughter. “Doesn’t she scare the hell out of you? She’s ours. She’s mine. What if I fu—mess her up?”
Why did he think that? He hadn’t told me about his parents and upbringing, but that conversation was also overdue.
“Yes, the responsibility scares me,” I admitted. “But not enough to run away and miss everything good she’ll bring with her.”
“Yeah, because deep down, you know you won’t mess her up. I can’t say the same, Cass.”
My heart twisted. This man had so much to give her. When would he see that?
“The nursery . . . made it all real. It was easier when it was just you and me.”
“It was never just you and me.”
“Up here, it was.” He tapped his temple. “Let’s just pray she got your brain, not mine.”
I gave him a small smile. Maybe she would get my brain, but I hoped that her deep blue eyes, the ones she’d flashed me for the briefest moment this morning, would eventually fade to Leo’s pale green.
“I wasn’t looking for a score at The Betsy,” he said. “And nothing happened.”
Jealousy and anger and betrayal and humiliation bubbled up from the pocket where I’d stuffed them this past month. I blinked and saw that woman hanging off of him. I blinked and saw his lips pressed to hers. Nothing to him was not nothing to me. “Who was she?”
“A bitch who slipped drugs into my drink.”
I jerked, making the baby stir. Leo and I both held our breath as we waited to see if she would sleep or wake. Thankfully, it was the former because I had questions. A lot of questions. “You were drugged?”
He nodded. “Yeah. She admitted it. Said a man paid her to do it.”
“Who?”
“No idea. I’ve spent the last month going to The Betsy trying to find out who he was, but even after Emmett scoured the parking lot’s security footage, we have no idea.”
“Why would someone drug you?”
“I’m thinking there was no guy and after I shoved her away from me, her ego got bruised.
So she figured she could get me into her bed a different way.
I passed out in the truck. She drove it to her house.
Somehow got my ass inside. Took off my clothes.
The next morning after I woke up, she made a play and I shoved her away.
Again. I swear, Cass, I didn’t touch her.
The only reason I slept there was because I had blacked out from the drugs she’d slipped me. ”
My molars clenched so hard there was a chance I’d crack a filling loose.
Now this was angry. I was furious at the woman.
At myself. If I’d listened to Leo, if I’d let him explain, maybe we wouldn’t have spent a month apart.
If I’d had the guts to walk up to him at The Betsy and shove that brunette away.
She’d put her hands, her lips, on what was mine. “That. Cunt.”
Leo arched an eyebrow and glanced at our daughter.
I sucked in a deep breath, closing my eyes for a moment as the angry tide ebbed. Then I looked at our daughter and said, “Pretend I didn’t say that.”
Leo chuckled and turned sideways, propping up on an elbow to look at her and face me. “You came to the bar that night. Why?”
“Because I wanted you to think I was fun. That you didn’t have to leave me to have a good time.”
“I think you’re fun.”
“No, you don’t.”
“I wouldn’t have invited you to come with me if I didn’t think you were fun. Me going to the bar was never about you. It’s my own shit.”
This wasn’t news. The problem was I didn’t know how to fix it. Forcing the pregnancy on Leo hadn’t worked. Invading his home hadn’t worked. Spending time away from him hadn’t worked. What else did I try?
The little bundle in my arms needed me to make the right choice.
“Come home, Cass. Please.”
“I don’t know if that’s a good idea, Leo.” I wanted to. For me. But . . . “Maybe if we were something.”
“We are something.” There was such intensity in his hypnotic eyes. Such honesty. It was Leo’s truths that had always been my undoing.
“What?” I whispered. “What are we?”
“Beats the hell out of me. I’ve never done this before.”
“Had a baby?”
“Had a Cassandra.”
Leo spoke my name like a wish upon the wind.
“I miss seeing you at the dining room table with that crease between your eyebrows as you type,” he said.
“I miss watching you stand in front of the open fridge, letting all the cold air out because you can’t decide what you want to eat.
I miss knowing you’ll be there when I get home. I miss you, Firecracker.”
Oh, these goddamn hormones. Clearly, having the baby hadn’t dulled them in the slightest. My eyes flooded and I buried my chin to hide them as best I could.
It was silly to try. Leo hooked a finger under my chin and tipped up my face toward his. “One more chance. Give me one more. I screw this one up, you stay. And I’ll go.”
There was such conviction in his voice. I had no doubt that if we imploded, he’d hand over the keys to his house and walk out the door. “It hurt. That night. And at the barbeque when it took you a minute to place me.”
“Cass, I—”
“Let me finish.” I needed to say this while I could.
“You were this sexy, unattainable force. The minute you sat down beside me, I knew I was so out of my element. The guys I’d dated before would have killed for a shred of your charisma.
They were nice and academic and . . . boring.
Sitting beside you was like seeing the stars for the first time.
You were out of my universe. And when you left me behind last month, it was a reminder that I wasn’t enough. ”
“No.” Understanding and regret crossed his face. “Cass, you’ve got it all wrong.”
“Do I?”
“You’re in a universe of your own.” He reached for me, threading his fingers behind my neck as his palms warmed my skin.
“You don’t even realize it. You drew me in that night.
One look at you and I couldn’t get to that stool beside yours fast enough.
I would have fought any man in the bar for you. One look and you were mine.”
I closed my eyes before more tears could fall.
“I’m sorry. I’ll say it until you believe it. I’m sorry.”
I sighed. “Okay.”
“Okay, you believe me?”
I shook my head. “Okay, I’ll come home.”
His entire body sagged in relief as he pressed his forehead to mine. “We’re gonna figure this out.”
The baby squirmed and scrunched up her nose before giving a small, cute pout. “She’s going to use that pout against us.”
“And get whatever she wants.”
“Every time.”
A knock came at the door and a woman entered with our breakfasts. Leo ate first, scarfing his own omelet while I nursed the baby.
“She needs a name.”
He nodded and reached for his phone on the table. “I’ve got a list.”
“You do?” Who was this Leo and what had he done with the Leo I was intimately acquainted with?
“I couldn’t sleep last night. You were wiped and she squirmed in her crib-cart thing, so I held her and started looking up names.”
“You were holding her when I woke up.”
He shrugged. “I held her all night.”
Oh. My. God. Now I was going to freaking cry again. Why couldn’t he have been this sweet from the start? How much time had we missed?
I shifted the baby to the other breast, the movement giving me an excuse to hide my face. The nurse had helped me last night but so far, breastfeeding was not easy. As the baby took hold of my tender nipple, I dragged in a deep breath and got my emotions under control.
“Want my favorite or least favorite first?” Leo asked.
“Favorite.”
“Seraphina. It means fire, because I hope she gets your hair.”
“Damn it.” The tears were impossible to stop now. They erupted out of my eyes like water from a hose, dripping down my face and onto the baby’s blanket.
“What? Is she hurting you?”
I shook my head, using my free hand to swipe at my cheeks. It was no use. The tears just kept falling.
Leo, oblivious to the fact that he was the cause here, swiped up a napkin and dabbed my face.
“You’re making it worse.”
“How?”
“By being . . . this guy. Who are you?”