Chapter 7 NOVA #2
“I miss you too.” I smiled, then continued my trek to the car, getting inside and scrolling through my emails before starting the engine. There was a pile of work waiting for me but the last thing I wanted to do was go to my rental and stare at a laptop all day.
I’d only end up thinking about Emmett. And then I’d crumble and drive to his house.
What I needed wasn’t work but to get the hell out of Clifton Forge for a while. So I started the car and hit the highway, heading toward Missoula. I didn’t go to my home or to Shelby’s or to Mom’s.
I drove straight to the cemetery.
I drove to visit my brother.
My heels sank into the grass as I crossed the lawn to the plot where we’d laid TJ to rest. Mom must have been here because there was a fresh bundle of flowers on his grave.
“Hi.” I dropped to my knees, the warmth from the earth sinking through my jeans. “How are you today?”
I always talked to TJ like he could answer. Maybe because I hoped that he would. Maybe if he heard my voice from wherever he was watching us, he’d hear me and know that I loved him. We all loved him.
“It’s a pretty day.” I tipped my head to the sunshine and let it warm my face. “I went for a ride on a motorcycle last weekend. And I’m sleeping with the enemy.”
TJ always got my truths. The raw. The ugly. The real.
I shifted, sitting on my butt and leaning back on my arms. “This is harder than I thought it would be.”
Because Emmett was . . . everything.
“He’s sweet, actually. Smart too. And he’s a fucking god in bed.”
A gust of wind came out of nowhere, blowing a lock of hair in my face.
“Sorry.” I laughed. “I’ll keep those details to myself.”
I settled onto my back, lying on the ground and looking up at the blue sky streaked with a few clusters of white, wispy clouds. “He’ll hate me when this is over.”
Just the thought made my chest ache.
But what choice did I have? For our family, I had to see this through. If it wasn’t me, it would be someone else. And that someone wouldn’t be satisfied with prison terms.
Dad would send someone for blood.
Their wives, their children, might get caught in the crossfire.
“I want them to pay for what they did to you and Dad.” The conviction in my words was lacking.
I’d come here, to TJ’s resting place, hoping for a renewed sense of fire. Instead, I felt this deep, unsettling loneliness.
“I miss you, TJ.” Tears flooded my eyes, blurring the sky, but I blinked them away. “Why does it have to be so complicated?”
Our entire lives had been so complicated.
I splayed a hand over his grave, feeling the spiky grass blades poke between my fingers. A bird flew overhead, its wings spread wide as it swept from one tree to another and then out of sight.
“Tell me I’m doing the right thing,” I whispered.
There was nothing. Not a breath of wind. Not the chirp of a bird or a rustle in the trees.
There were only doubts. Crushing doubts. I hadn’t been prepared to combat them all, which was probably why I was losing miserably.
The doubts were Emmett’s fault. He’d put them there with his gentle smile and rumbling laugh and intoxicating smell.
I shoved off the grass and twisted to a seat, reading TJ’s tombstone.
He’d died at eighteen. That was too young. He hadn’t even had a chance to live his life. He wouldn’t get to spend his Saturdays with a woman, lazing away a weekend on a couch and having sex. He wouldn’t get the chance to cook her breakfast or watch the rain fall.
And it wasn’t fair.
None of this was fair.
“I’m going to keep going. I won’t stop.” Not yet.
I lay down again, staring up at the sky.
TJ and I used to do this on our trampoline when we were kids.
We’d find animals in the clouds. We’d make up stories about them and give them names, watching as they’d shift from an elephant to a dolphin to a dragon.
We’d stay outside for hours, just the two of us.
I loved Shelby but she was my big sister. We’d fought as sisters do. We’d bickered and griped. But TJ and I had been friends. He’d been my constant companion.
If I’d tried harder to convince him to go to college, could I have kept him away from the Warriors?
No. It would be a fool’s hope to think TJ would have lived any other life than by Dad’s side. The Warriors had always been appealing to both of us. The minute Dad had pulled TJ into the inner circle, we’d lost him.
I’d been jealous then. So jealous. Because TJ and Dad had always had a connection while I’d been kept at arm’s length.
Until now.
Dad was counting on me. TJ was counting on me.
I could do this.
I had to do this.
I shoved up off the lawn and stood, brushing a few pieces of grass from my jeans. Without another word, I returned to the car and hit the road.
The drive to Clifton Forge was spent securing my defenses, reminding myself that Emmett was the enemy. When I rolled past the welcome sign, I went straight to my rental.
The fridge was mostly empty. The few items I’d purchased at the store earlier in the week were nearly gone. My prospects for dinner included Cheerios, without milk, or half of the ham and swiss sandwich I’d picked up at the local diner on Wednesday over lunch.
“Don’t do it.” I walked to my purse on the counter and dug out my phone to call for pizza.
My fingers found a different name in the call log.
Ace.
I tapped his name.
“Nova,” he answered and the way he said my name in that deep, rugged voice was my undoing.
I broke.
It was just another night, right? I had to spend time with him to get information. One more night didn’t need to mean anything.
“Hey, Ace. Are you home?”
“No. But I can be.”
I was doomed. “I’ll meet you there.”
Butterflies tickled my insides as I hurried to the bathroom to freshen my makeup and brush my hair. My toothbrush was plucked from the holder where I’d returned it this morning and put back into the travel case that was becoming a regular resident of my handbag. Then I hurried outside to the car.
I broke every speed limit through town as I crossed Clifton Forge for the country road that led to Emmett’s. And when I turned down his lane and into his driveway, he was standing outside the garage, his bike parked inside.
He met me at my door, holding it as I swung out.
I rose up on my toes for a kiss. The moment his lips brushed mine, his tongue dragging across my lower lip, the doubts I’d been pondering all day disappeared. When I was here, I shut it all out.
I sank into him, savoring the warmth of his chest and the strength of his arms. I inhaled his spicy scent, holding it in like a gift to myself.
He took his lips away too soon and looked me up and down, grinning when he got to my snakeskin Louboutin stilettos. “Nice shoes, baby.”
“Thanks.” My heels were my indulgence and Louboutin my favorite designer.
“Want to go for a ride?”
I shifted and closed the car door. “Sure.”
“I was hoping you’d say that.”
He took my hand and led me to his Harley. Then we set off onto the road, me clutching him tight until we hit the highway and I opened my arms wide to fly.
We rode for an hour before going back to his place, where I sat on the kitchen counter as he cooked me dinner. Then we retreated to the deck to watch the sunset and share a whiskey on the rocks.
When he picked me up and carried me to his bed, a single word echoed in my mind before he kissed me.
Tomorrow.
Tomorrow I’d put some distance between us. For my own sake.
But not tonight.