Chapter 9 NOVA
NOVA
What am I doing? I took a long look at myself in the bathroom mirror. Steam from the shower billowed above my head, fogging the glass’s edges.
What was I doing?
In the past week, I’d asked myself that question countless times.
Did that stop me from coming back to Emmett’s?
No. Here I was, staring at myself in his mirror while I let the walls drop for just a moment.
While I let the doubts creep in and tangle a nasty knot in my stomach.
They screamed at me, shouting so loud they were all I could hear.
The twisting of my insides felt permanent, and my only reprieve was with Emmett. His mouth, his hands, his body linked with mine was the only time I could shut out the noise in my head.
What am I doing?
“What has to be done,” I whispered.
For Dad.
For TJ.
I swallowed hard and went to the shower, stepping inside and under the spray.
Emmett’s shower was a sanctuary in itself and in the last week, I’d made sure to take a shower here at every opportunity.
There was no door, just a wide opening. Two large heads dropped water from the ceiling and standing beneath them was like being in a warm rainstorm. One wall was finished in rough, coarse brown stone. The rest was tiled in a smooth bone tile.
I tipped my head back and let the water cascade over my body.
My nose was stinging and there was a prick at my eyes, but I squeezed them tight because I didn’t get to cry. This was my choice.
This was my plan.
Go slow. Methodical. Gain access to Emmett’s life and home. Except my plan was beginning to fray.
I’d come to Clifton Forge thinking I could compartmentalize sex with Emmett and take my revenge. Maybe if it was another man, but there was no such thing as compartments where Emmett was concerned. He’d torn through them all.
The sinking in my heart hurt so much I wanted to curl into a ball and drown.
Emmett was a good man.
He wasn’t supposed to be a good man.
Why couldn’t he have been an asshole? How many jerks had I dated in my life? Why did the one I needed to keep at a distance have to be the one I genuinely liked?
How did I make these feelings go away?
Staying away from him wasn’t an option. Not only because that wasn’t the plan, but because I craved him. The four-day break I’d taken last week hadn’t done anything but make me miss him that much more.
Temptation had won out and I’d given in. I’d come to his house, praying he hadn’t found someone else already, and since then, I’d spent every night here over the past week.
We still hadn’t shared any important personal details but tonight, I’d almost slipped. I’d had a shit day at work and when I’d come over, all I’d wanted to do was tell him that there were days when I didn’t like being a lawyer.
I loathed clients who were arrogant and rude.
I’d spent my day drafting business documents for a wealthy man in Missoula.
He was expanding his empire and starting a new corporation.
The man barked orders and the three times I’d met with him in person, he’d spoken to my breasts, not my face.
Today he’d called me four times, each time to change his mind, forcing me to redo the work I’d already done.
It didn’t bother me when clients changed their minds—more billable hours. What bothered me was this guy’s superior attitude and snarky tone, like I wasn’t competent enough to even breathe in his direction.
Maybe I should have referred him to Brendon and washed my hands of him, but that felt like quitting and damn it, I wasn’t a quitter.
But as I’d driven here tonight, I’d been on the verge of tears. This was not my dream. And the hell of it was, I didn’t even know what my dream was.
I’d never been given the chance to come up with my own.
Law school hadn’t been my idea, but Dad’s.
The conversation with my father was as clear today as it had been at seventeen. I’d been going through college flyers, narrowing down my options. Shelby had stayed in Missoula for school, but I’d wanted to leave. I’d wanted to stretch my wings and explore the world.
My top choices had been in Georgia and West Virginia.
When I’d told Dad about them on one of his rare visits, I’d expected him to help me decide. Maybe offer to go on a trip to visit campuses. Instead, he’d told me that staying close to home was important. That he wouldn’t be able to visit me if I lived so far away.
His veiled meaning had been crystal clear.
If I moved, I would lose my father. When he asked me what I wanted to do, I’d shrugged.
General studies had been calling my name.
But Dad had suggested I go into political science.
That I’d make a great lawyer because I was so smart.
And that one day, maybe I could work with him if I was an attorney.
Desperate daughters made for happy fathers.
I hadn’t hated school. I’d excelled and after getting a job with Brendon, my paycheck had soothed most of my complaints. And ultimately, I was glad that I’d been in Missoula for college.
I’d been close to Mom when TJ had died.
The Tin Kings had stolen my brother’s dreams. That was why I was doing this, right? For TJ.
Maybe when it was over, I’d quit my job. I could sell my condo and get the hell away from Montana.
Because once this was over with Emmett and the Tin Kings, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to live here and not think of him. Even after I left Clifton Forge, I’d never see a stretch of Montana highway and not think about the hours I’d spent on the back of Emmett’s bike.
Every evening this week we’d gone for a ride.
The season was changing, and fall was crisp in the air.
We’d go out for an hour, taking in the colors—the county was teeming with gold and orange and red and green.
Then we’d come back to his place and he’d cook me dinner before we’d retreat to his bedroom and spend the rest of the night naked.
He stripped me down completely.
Everything. My clothes. My shoes. My defenses.
Normally after a few orgasms, I’d pass out in his arms. But tonight, darkness had fallen and I hadn’t been able to quiet the doubts. So I’d slipped out of his arms and escaped to the shower.
I breathed in the scent of his soap, spicy and male, tipping my face to the water. My hair would be a tangled mess in the morning without conditioner, but I couldn’t bring myself to haul my toiletry case over from the rental.
Shampoo. Conditioner. Lotion. Face cream. Bringing those would feel too intimate. Tomorrow morning I’d rewash my hair and spend the time necessary to comb out the rat’s nest. That would be my punishment for being so damn weak.
Lost in the water and the steam, I gasped when a pair of calloused hands came to my hips, sliding down my thighs.
The heat from Emmett’s chest seeped into my skin and the instant crackle between us had me leaning back. The man was a magnet, and I was cheap metal, helpless against the tug.
He dropped his lips to my shoulder, the scrape of his beard leaving tingles as he dragged his mouth up my neck. There seemed to be no limit to how much I desired him.
The feeling was mutual because we were insatiable. No matter how many times we were together, it wasn’t enough. Sex had moved beyond a physical coupling. There was a connection, a language we’d learned.
He was as in tune with my needs as I was his.
I placed my palms over his knuckles, lacing my fingers between his thicker ones. Emmett had great hands. They were large enough to cup my breasts in his palms and knead the curves of my ass.
I pulled his hands up, letting them drag on the skin of my stomach and up to my breasts. Then he squeezed, hard. The rough pad of his thumbs found my nipples and flicked them mercilessly, all while his mouth continued its journey across my shoulder blades.
What am I doing?
Emmett’s arousal pressed into me and the doubts disappeared. In their place, the throb in my core became a pounding need. An ache that only he could ease.
“Ace,” I moaned. “Inside.”
“I’m out of condoms.”
We’d used three tonight. Later, I’d chastise him for poor planning.
A hand slipped free of mine, leaving my breast to trail down my stomach. Then he curled into my sex, one finger sliding through my slick folds. Those large hands meant his palm could massage my clit as his finger stroked.
But it wasn’t enough. “Need more.” I reached behind me, finding his shaft and gripping it tight.
He hissed. “I’m clean.”
That snapped my eyes open. Water clung to my lashes as he continued his delicious torture.
The condoms had been another barrier. Another defense. Another wall toppled by Emmett.
“I’m on the pill. I’m clean.” I stepped out of his hold, taking in the sight of his body. All that muscle, glistening with water. The lust in his eyes likely matched my own. “If we do this, you’re mine. Only mine.”
Maybe he’d been with other women since we’d started this thing. The surge of jealousy made my stomach clench but if I asked him, it would give too much away. And maybe I didn’t want to know the answer. Maybe it would hurt too much.
He reached for me, his mouth brushing mine. “Same goes. Only mine.”
I gave him a nod and then he surged, picking me up, twisting us both so my back slammed against the smooth tile. My legs wrapped around his hips and he thrust inside me without any hesitation.
“Ace,” I cried out, tipping my head back as he stretched me. I was sore from earlier. I’d been sore for a week. He was big and no matter how many times we were together, it was an adjustment. But it was an incredible stretch, one I reveled in every time.
It was the pain I’d take along with the pleasure from a man who’d hate me before long.
“Fuck, Nova.” He pulled out and slammed back inside. “Christ, you feel good bare, baby.”
We should have been doing this all along. He was perfection, velvet and hard. His hips were magic as he fucked me against the wall, the steam billowing around us like a cloud.