Chapter 12
EMMETT
“My friends are having a barbeque today,” I told Nova as we sat at the kitchen island, eating scrambled eggs and bacon. “Come with me.”
Her fork froze midair. “Oh, I . . . can’t. I have to work.”
“It’s a Saturday.”
“I’m behind.” She shoved the bite in her mouth, chewing longer than necessary.
I frowned and dove into my own food. The tension from last night hadn’t eased in the slightest. If anything, it had only gotten worse.
Nova had been eyeing the door all morning. She’d nearly passed on breakfast but when she’d come out of the shower and seen that I’d already set her a plate, she’d stayed.
But the minute the dishes were in the dishwasher, I’d be watching her taillights streak down the lane.
What the fuck had I been thinking last night? Telling her about the club had freaked her out. Probably because she’d watched that fucking show. Sons of Anarchy and Jax Teller could rot in hell.
Not that the image they’d portrayed was significantly different than how the Tin Kings had lived. Maybe that was why it grated on me. That our lifestyle, something I’d cherished since birth, had been spun into sheer entertainment.
We’d been criminals. Murderers. We’d lived beyond the law and that had come with costs. Namely, my father’s life. Draven’s life.
When Nova had been staring at my tattoo last night, the story had just slipped out.
What a damn mistake.
If she ate any faster, she was going to choke.
After we’d sat on the deck, she’d been quiet. Too quiet. There’d been a distance in her gaze.
Even when we’d gone to bed and I’d stripped her out of her clothes and joined her, she hadn’t cried out when she’d come. She’d had her bottom lip clenched between her teeth and her eyes squeezed shut as her inner walls had clenched me.
For only the briefest moment after I’d poured my release into her body did that withdrawn expression fade.
But then she’d gone into the shower and when she’d climbed back into bed, her hair combed and wet, she’d turned her back on me.
Normally she slept draped on my side, her head in the crook of my shoulder.
I’d pulled her back into my chest and though she hadn’t squirmed free, her shoulders had been cold.
All because I couldn’t keep my damn mouth shut. About the club. About Dad. I wanted her to know about me and my history. I wanted her to meet my friends. I wanted her to stop being a secret.
That wasn’t happening today. Because she had to work.
Yeah, right.
Breakfast didn’t taste appealing anymore so I stood from my stool, dumping the rest and rinsing my plate.
“Ace.”
Emmett. Why the fuck couldn’t she call me Emmett?
“I didn’t think we were doing the friend thing,” she said.
“Forget it,” I clipped, not turning back to her as I opened the dishwasher with too much force.
“You’re mad.”
“Yeah.” I was her fuck buddy and nothing more. She could sleep in my bed but not meet my friends. My family.
“I’m going to go.” She brought her plate over to the sink, hovering at my side.
I snatched the dish from her hand, rinsing it too. Then I went to work on the skillet on the stove, scrubbing harder than necessary.
She sighed but didn’t say a word as she walked to the front door, the click of her heels like a hammer to the chest as she left.
One of these days, I’d hear that click for the last time.
Maybe today was that day.
Maybe today needed to be that day.
I braced my hands on the counter, staring out the window over the sink and into the trees. They were the same trees we watched from the deck each night. In the distance, an engine rumbled, fading too fast.
“Fuck.” I dragged a hand over my beard.
I was falling for her. I’d seen my friends do the same, watching from a distance. Leo hadn’t even realized he was in love with Cass until I’d mentioned it.
There was no use denying it myself.
I was falling for Nova.
Maybe I already had. And she wouldn’t use my fucking name.
The clock on the microwave showed it was only eight.
The barbeque at Scarlett and Luke’s place wouldn’t happen until three.
So I retreated to my home gym for a brutal workout, lifting weights for an hour before beating the hell out of a heavy bag.
My knuckles were raw when I went to the shower, then hit the office to spend a few hours at my laptop.
The temptation to look into Nova’s life was so overpowering that after a couple of hours, I had to leave the house, to get far away from my computers before I broke that trust. Granted, she’d never know, but I couldn’t live with it.
The curiosity was suffocating, so I did what I always did when I was in a shit mood.
I went for a long, fast ride.
Forcing myself off the road took an effort, so much so that I was an hour late to Scarlett and Luke’s place. Everyone was waiting for me on their sprawling deck. Scarlett and Luke had added it not long after they’d been married.
The women all smiled when I walked into the party.
The guys stood, clapping me on the shoulder while Luke handed me a beer.
Dash and Bryce’s sons barreled into my legs, each of them wearing a Clifton Forge Garage sweatshirt to ward off the autumn chill.
Then there were the babies, bundled and babbling.
Nova would fit here.
Bryce, Genevieve, Presley, Scarlett, Cass . . . they’d pull her into their circle and hold her tight.
Except she wasn’t here. She’d never be here.
That wasn’t what we were.
“You okay?” Dash asked, standing at my side as three different conversations carried on.
“No.” I took a long chug of my beer. Lying to Dash, to any of my friends, made my skin crawl so I gave him the honest answer. And because we’d known one another for so long—fought, worked, killed side by side—he didn’t ask for more.
Dash clinked the neck of his amber bottle against mine, a silent offer that if I did want to talk, he’d be there.
“Emmett, you’re needed.” Presley sat on one of the outdoor couches, nestled into Shaw’s side as he kept one arm around her shoulders and the other cradling their son, Nico.
“Needed for what?”
She patted the seat beside her. “Birthday plans.”
I groaned but went to sit beside her. Presley hated her own birthday and for years hadn’t let us make a thing of it. Since Scarlett had come to Montana, that had changed. The twin sisters had planned a huge party for their last birthday and apparently the partying wasn’t reserved for them alone.
Cass’s birthday had been the most recent. And mine was up next.
“Do you want to have a party at your house?” Presley asked. “So you don’t have to drive home?”
“Or we could just give him a ride,” Shaw said.
“Yeah, but that’s not the same.”
“I think the better question is do you want to have the party at my house, Pres?”
She fought a smile. “We never do anything at your place and it’s so nice.”
“Fine by me.” I waved a hand. “Go nuts. Just tell me when to show up.”
“Yay.” She clapped her hands together and looked to Cass, who had a similar smile on her face.
“They were going to have the party at your place whether you agreed or not,” Leo said from the armrest of Cass’s chair.
Seraphina was in her mother’s lap, drooling over a plastic giraffe.
“They’ve already planned the party too. Apparently thirty-nine is the new forty and they’re going all out. Beware.”
Cass’s mouth fell open as she looked up at her husband. Then she poked him in the ribs and hissed, “Do you mind?”
Leo only chuckled, leaning down to brush his lips to hers.
“How big of a party are we talking?” I asked Pres.
She winked. “You’ll see.”
“It’s going to be epic,” Bryce said, coming up behind me. “Trust us. It’ll be fun.”
I did trust them. I trusted them with my life.
The barbeque should have soothed the tension and improved my mood.
The fact that my friends had already planned a birthday party for me should have made me smile.
But the entire afternoon and evening, none of my smiles came easy.
No amount of laughter and time with my friends eased the pit in my gut.
Because what I really wanted to do for my birthday was have Nova around.
My birthday was next month and by then she’d be gone.
Maybe they sensed my mood, but when I excused myself not long after we’d finished eating our steaks, no one stopped me. Dash and Leo shared a look as I waved and strode through the door.
Then I was gone, riding through town.
Before Nova, I would have gone to The Betsy. I’d left the barbeque thinking of home, but fuck that. I turned left instead of right at the intersection past the grocery store and rolled down Central toward the bar.
If Nova had wanted to be with me, she could have come today. She could have met my friends and shared a meal with my family and heard them use my goddamn name. She’d made her choice and it was time to stop tailoring my actions to her own.
So I went to The Betsy, walked inside and drew in a long breath. Beer and sweat and heat. Smoking wasn’t allowed anymore but the scent of cigarettes would never fade. It had infused the dark, neon-sign-covered walls.
“Emmett!” A guy at a table in the center of the room raised his beer bottle in a salute.
I waved on my way to the bar, shoving in between two stools.
“Hey.” Paul appeared, reaching across the counter.
“Hey.” I shook his hand, then surveyed the room. “Busy tonight.”
“Saturday. What can I get you?”
“Just a beer.”
He nodded, going to the cooler for my favorite. Behind him were rows of liquor bottles, shelved against a mirror that ran to the ceiling and made the bar feel bigger. When he returned with my beer, he slid it over. “Haven’t seen you lately.”
“Been busy too.” I twisted off the top.
Another customer raised a hand to get his attention.
“Good to see you, Emmett,” he said before disappearing to the same end of the bar where I’d met Nova.
I shoved her from my mind, left five dollars on the bar and walked to the pool tables, shaking hands with a few guys I recognized from the gym and around town.