Chapter 15
NOVA
Putting Clifton Forge in my rearview was harder than I’d expected. Maybe because it had been forced on me when I wasn’t ready.
Would I ever have been ready?
With each mile on the highway, I fought a sting in my nose and the threat of tears. The Diet Coke I’d grabbed at the gas station churned in my stomach. The muscles in my body were strung tight like the wires on the barbed fences that bordered the pastures whipping past my window.
Forcing myself out of Emmett’s bed this morning had taken every ounce of strength. I’d been on the verge of tears through breakfast and when he’d kissed me goodbye, I’d nearly broken. I’d been a second away from opening the seal and letting the truth spill free.
If I confessed and begged for a second chance, would he let us start again?
Probably not.
So I’d hugged him with all my might, then walked out the door, not letting myself look back until I was inside the Nova.
Emmett had stood in his doorway, much like he had during our first nights together. This time, fully clothed. But he’d stayed there, watching me drive away.
His handsome face had been limned with sunlight. His hair had been loose, the tips brushing his shoulders. And his beautiful chocolate eyes had held as much longing as mine.
It had to be this way.
He would never trust me, not if he knew the truth. And I wasn’t sure I could trust him.
After leaving his house, I’d driven to the rental and spent the rest of the morning packing my belongings, doing a sweep of the house to ensure I hadn’t left anything behind.
I’d just finished loading up the Nova when Hacker had pulled in.
The flash drive he’d handed me was in the car’s ashtray beside TJ’s dice.
Hacker hadn’t even gotten out of his car, just handed it over.
When I’d told him that I’d left the receiver hidden at Emmett’s, he’d simply nodded and disappeared.
Then I’d waited for the owner to pop over and collect the keys.
One quick stop at a gas station to fill up the Nova and grab a lunch of potato chips and a Snickers, I’d hit the road.
I’d left hours ago. The last mileage sign had shown Missoula only twenty-four miles away. Still, I wanted to turn back.
I wanted another night on the deck, listening to Emmett talk about the club. Sure, he’d glossed over details. No question about that. But he hadn’t tried to camouflage the violence. He hadn’t made it out to seem perfect or that he was infallible.
There’d been so much honesty in his voice and the entire time, all I could think was that there hadn’t been the same in my father’s as he’d told me about the Warriors.
I wouldn’t have known the difference if not for having listened to Emmett.
Was that just my heart talking, wishing for my father’s stories to be untrue? Or was I missing something? The nagging feeling in my stomach said the latter.
Maybe the flash drive would help me uncover the truth. If I could bring myself to open it. Every time I thought about it, I felt worse and worse for my actions. I was a coward. A liar. A bitch.
“I suck,” I muttered.
Missoula had a few exits off the interstate, and I opted for the one that didn’t lead to my house, but to my sister’s. It was time to be honest with someone. If it couldn’t be Emmett, then Shelby was the best bet. Next up, myself.
Maybe she could help me figure out what to do. Maybe I could give her the flash drive.
Everything would change when I opened it. I wasn’t sure how I knew that, but I did.
Navigating through town, it didn’t take me long to get to Shelby’s place. I pulled into the driveway and hurried for the door.
I rang the doorbell, her footsteps echoed from inside, and then there was my big sister, dragging me into her arms.
“You’ve been gone forever.”
I hugged her tight. “I know.”
“Are you back now?”
“Yeah.” I was back.
Because as much as I wished it weren’t true, there was no future for me in Clifton Forge. Not with my betrayal and deception.
It was unforgivable.
Shelby hauled me inside, where we spent an hour in the living room, me sitting on the floor playing with Christian while she told me about everything that she’d been baking lately.
The wedding cakes and the birthday party cupcakes and the cake pops she’d tested just yesterday morning that she’d be doing for real on Halloween.
“You’ve been busy,” I said before blowing a raspberry on Christian’s tummy.
He giggled and squirmed out of my hold, then ran off to the couch, his arms raised. “Mama.”
“Hi, baby.” She picked him up and kissed his cheek.
“Where my snack?”
“Are you hungry? Here.” She reached for a lidded cup on the end table, handing it over.
Christian dove inside the top, fitting his chubby fist between the plastic slots to yank out a few Cheerios and shove them in his mouth.
“I have news.” Shelby ran a hand through her son’s hair. “I’m pregnant.”
“What?” I shot off the floor and went to the couch, wrapping my arms around her. “Congratulations. That’s so exciting.”
“We’re pretty excited. It’s really early, I just took the test a few days ago. I was going to call you but now that you’re home, it’s even better to tell you in person.”
“How are you feeling?”
“Exhausted.” She collapsed into the back of the couch. “Like I could sleep for hours.”
“What can I do? Want me to take Christian for the night so you can rest? Or I can come to babysit all weekend. Or I can make dinner.”
“Dinner.” She closed her eyes. “I would love you forever and ever if you made dinner. You can even call for pizza. I don’t care as long as I don’t have to stand in the kitchen.”
“No pizza.” I stood and picked up Christian, then whisked him away with me to the kitchen. As he sat on the floor, munching his cereal, I raided the fridge.
Cooking dinner took me longer than it normally would because I didn’t know where everything was kept and Christian was my sous chef, but by the time Jack made it home at five thirty, the table was set and ready.
“This is amazing, June,” he said after the first bite of a taco.
June. I was June here. Shelby hadn’t called me by my name. Christian called me Auntie. But I was June again.
Besides missing Emmett, I was going to miss being Nova.
Even though my coworkers and clients called me June at work, over the past two months, on my own time in the bubble at Emmett’s house, I’d been Nova.
Hearing my name, my real name, made him that much farther away. Even eating the same kind of tacos he’d made me, I was losing him, minute by minute.
One day, he’d be a dream I struggled to remember.
I got through the meal by entertaining Christian and conversing with Jack and my sister. Jack asked questions about the work trip I’d been on for months. I answered—lied—while dodging knowing looks from Shelby.
Either Mom had told her more about where I was going or she’d put it together before I’d even left. Both were probably true.
“I’ll do the dishes,” I said after we were all finished eating.
“No, you cooked.” Shelby moved to clear, but I beat her to it, snatching her plate and taking it to the sink.
“Sit down and relax.”
“Agreed.” Jack stood and brought over his own plate. “I’ll take care of Christian’s bath.”
He winked at me, then kissed his wife’s cheek before taking their son out of his high chair and disappearing upstairs.
“Jack seems excited about the baby,” I said, loading the dishwasher. Above us, rushing water rumbled into the bathtub.
“He is.” Shelby smiled. “We both are.”
“I’m happy for you guys.”
Her smile faded, her eyes cast to the table.
“What’s wrong?”
She blew out a long breath. “What are you up to, Nova?”
Now I was Nova. When things were serious, I was Nova.
I returned to the table, putting everything else away. Only when it was empty did I take the seat across from her. Shelby would only ask me if she knew Jack wasn’t around, which meant we didn’t have long.
Rather than avoid her questions and drag this out, I told her everything. I told her about my plan. About visiting Dad in prison. About Emmett. About how I’d gone to Clifton Forge for revenge and left in a mess of confusion.
“Shit.” She closed her eyes. “What a cluster.”
“I know,” I whispered. “I don’t know what is true and what’s a lie. Everything Dad told me . . .”
“That’s where the lies start.”
I shot her a scowl. “He didn’t lie to me.”
“Everything about him is a lie, June. Nova. Our names should be enough of a clue. But you’ve always trusted him. You’re like Mom.”
“He’s our father, Shelby.”
“May,” she corrected. “He’s a criminal. And he’s exactly where he needs to be.”
My temper began to rise, my hands balling beneath the table. Shelby never gave Dad any credit and I probably gave him too much.
I uncurled my fingers, splaying my palms on my thighs. “I don’t want to fight about Dad.”
“Me neither.” She sighed. “I just . . . I hate how he dictates your life.”
So do I. Now, more than ever. “I don’t know what to do about Emmett. I don’t want to say goodbye.”
Shelby gave me a sad smile. “You don’t really have a choice. You lied to him. He doesn’t know you. And when he finds out . . .”
“He’ll despise me.”
Shelby nodded.
I hated that she was right. I hated that this had gone too far.
There was no future with Emmett. And whether I liked it or not, I had to let him go.
“I fell for him,” I whispered.
She reached over and put her hand on my shoulder. “I know you did.”
“This is so fucked up.”
“Completely fucked up.” She huffed. “And it started the day we were born. The day Dad convinced Mom it would be safer for us to live his lies.”
“It’s who we are.”
“No,” she said quietly. “It was never who we were.”
Maybe she was right. Maybe I should have listened to her from the start. “What about TJ?”
“He’s gone. He died too young, but he’s gone.”
“I miss him,” I whispered. “I miss how he’d always tease us. I miss that he’d come over and raid my pantry for chocolate. No matter where I put it, he found it. Even that time I stuffed a box of Dove bars into an empty cereal box.”