Chapter 17
NOVA
Emmett.
My stomach dropped as he stared at me through the restaurant’s front window.
“June?” Ira twisted to follow my gaze.
Emmett was gone before Ira had turned. Gone so fast that I wasn’t sure if I’d imagined him there.
“Would you excuse me for a moment?” Ira didn’t get the chance to answer because I was out of my chair and hustling away from our table.
I did my best not to run until I cleared the dining room, but the moment I hit the lobby, I was jogging toward the door. I shoved outside, the chill biting into my bare arms as I took in the sidewalk.
I looked left. Nothing. Right. Nothing. Emmett would have stood head and shoulders above the others milling about, but there was no sign of him anywhere.
Had I imagined it? He’d been so angry. So cold through the glass. Was it my imagination playing a trick on me?
I spun around once more, checking in all directions. The street was busy tonight, many people downtown on a Saturday to enjoy the bars and restaurants.
A man bumped into me, his arms going out to make sure I didn’t stumble. “Sorry.”
I held up a hand and waved him off. “It’s okay.”
After one last check down the street, I shook my head and returned inside. Maybe I had imagined it. The sinking feeling in my stomach said otherwise.
If Emmett was here, he’d come to Missoula and found me on a date.
How had he found me? How had he known? I gulped and forced myself to return to my table.
Ira stood as soon as I reached his side. “Are you all right?”
“Yes, sorry. I thought I saw an old friend from college who I haven’t seen in ages,” I lied, resuming my seat. Then I reached into my purse and slid out my phone. The screen was blank.
“Did you?”
“Huh?” I looked to Ira. “Oh, my friend. No, it wasn’t her. Whoops.”
He gave me a pleasant smile, then lifted his glass of wine, waiting for me to do the same. Once I had mine lifted, he clinked the rims together. “Cheers. It’s been too long.”
I delivered yet another fake smile and took a long sip. God, what the hell had I been thinking? I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t pretend to date Ira and let him take me to his home. I couldn’t slip anything into his drink and then kiss him until he passed out. I’d puke.
The only man’s lips I wanted on mine were Emmett’s.
I had to get out of here. Now.
The first thirty minutes of this dinner had been a disaster. Ira’s voice was so nasal I’d almost begged our waiter for earplugs. When Ira had touched my hand, my skin had crawled.
It wasn’t that he was a creep or that he’d done anything inappropriate. No, this sick feeling was all my doing because I was using him.
Apparently, that was who I’d become. A woman who used her face and body to trick men.
I didn’t want to be this person.
When had I become this devious, jaded woman? Had I always been like this?
No. This wasn’t me. I didn’t want this to be me.
The only reason I’d called Ira was because I wanted so badly to unravel my mistakes. This wasn’t the way. If seeing Emmett at the window had been my imagination, the contempt and fury and disgust in his expression were all too accurate.
If it really had been him, well . . . I’d earned that hostility.
My eyes flooded.
I wasn’t this woman.
I didn’t want to be this woman.
“June.”
A tear slipped down my cheek and I didn’t even bother wiping it away because numbers two and three followed close behind.
I wasn’t June. I wasn’t Nova.
Who was I?
“I’m sorry, Ira.”
“Is everything okay?”
I met his concerned gaze and sniffled, blinking the tears away. “No, it’s not. Thank you for meeting me here tonight, but I need to go.”
“Of course. Would you like me to drive you home? Or you can come to my place if you don’t want to be alone.”
Maybe it was an innocent offer, but this man was my father’s attorney. I wasn’t sure he understood the concept of innocence.
“No, thank you.” I stood and grabbed my jacket, then bent for my purse and took out my wallet. “I’d like to pay for our wine. I insist.”
Thank God we hadn’t ordered yet. I would have felt compelled to stay.
“I couldn’t possibly allow it.” Ira stood too, taking my hand and pressing it between his own. Then he brought my knuckles to his lips and I forced myself not to rip my hand away. “We’ll do this again.”
No, we wouldn’t. “Thank you for understanding.”
He nodded and before he could say another word, I freed myself from his grasp and walked out of the room.
While the valet went to retrieve my car, I slipped on my coat and wrapped my arms around my waist, shifting from foot to foot. I looked up and down the sidewalk again, hoping to see Emmett, but there were only strange faces and a fading blue sky.
When the rumble of the Nova’s engine reached me, I stepped off the sidewalk before the kid had a chance to put it in park. Then I was behind the wheel, racing home. Every minute was agony. Every three seconds I checked the rearview hoping to see a familiar Harley and its rider.
My street was quiet when I pulled into the garage. So was the condo.
I walked in, tossed my purse aside and shrugged off my jacket. Then I stood in the living room, frozen, because the next step terrified me. The next step was the truth.
The truth.
Did I even know what the truth was? When had I become this pathological liar? When had I lost my way?
Maybe I’d never had it. My name was a lie. My family was a lie. My entire life was a lie.
Was that why Shelby never called herself Shelby? Was that why she didn’t talk about our childhood or our father? Because she looked at her past and saw the lies? She’d made her future nothing but truths.
Oh, God. Emmett would never forgive me. When I told him the truth, he’d never forgive me, and I’d lose him.
I loved him. And I was going to lose him. Actually, I’d lost him the moment we’d met. This ending had only been a matter of time.
My soul ached and I couldn’t breathe.
There had to be another way, right? There had to be a way to fix this tangled mess.
“I need a new plan,” I whispered to the empty room.
A knock at the door made me jump and slam a hand to my racing heart. I knew before checking the peephole who stood on my stoop. I twisted the lock and there he was.
He’d found me.
I stepped back and opened the door to let Emmett inside.
He leveled me with that deep brown gaze but whatever anger and emotion I’d seen at the restaurant was gone. Instead he looked . . . blank. The look on his face gave me chills, and I shut the door, barely able to fill my lungs.
I wasn’t sure who this man was. Whatever familiarity I’d seen in him before was gone.
He studied me like I was a stranger too.
I was a stranger.
“Ace, I . . .” I didn’t know what to say.
His jaw, already clenched, turned to granite.
We stared at one another. Guilt crept over my skin like a rash.
He didn’t move.
The silence was overpowering. I forced my body to stay still but the tension became so heavy that it pulled like a thousand pounds on my shoulders.
“Say something,” I whispered. “Please.”
He stayed quiet.
“How did you know where I was?” I wasn’t foolish enough to think he’d come to Missoula to spend the weekend with me. He was here because he knew.
He had to know.
His laptops.
Shit. Maybe he’d found the receiver. Since Hacker’s warning, I’d known this was a possibility. That was why I’d fled Clifton Forge. What exactly had I expected, Emmett to just let me walk away?
God, but I was a fool.
Did he know exactly who I was? Did he just suspect I’d been up to something? Had he come here to surprise me, only to find me on a date?
“The man at the restaurant . . . nothing happened.” For some reason, explaining why I was on a date—or part of the reason—was the easiest truth to begin with. “I dated him for a while earlier this year. Dinner tonight was a mistake. I knew it the moment I sat down.”
Emmett didn’t so much as blink.
“Please . . . say something,” I begged. Anything.
“What is your name?”
“Nova.”
“Don’t fucking lie to me.”
I flinched at the volume of his demand. “It’s the truth.”
“What’s your last name?”
Talbot. “Johnson.”
He studied my face, searching for the lie. But again, it was the truth. Both names were part of the truth and part of the lie.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
As my words echoed around us, disappointment washed over his face. It tore me in half.
He’d hate me. After tonight, he’d hate me.
But I was truly sorry.
Emmett shook his head, the pain in his expression like a knife to my heart. Everything was falling apart and all we could do was stand here and stare at one another.
Then he moved, not for the door, but for me. He shook his head as his hands came to my face. The pain there, the raw regret, caused my eyes to flood.
I deserved to cry. I deserved to hurt. For everything I’d done to this man, for everything I’d planned to do, I deserved every stab.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered again. “I’m sorry.”
It was all I could say. My only hope left was that when he walked away, he might believe it.
“Why?” he gritted out.
For my father. For my brother.
I opened my mouth to answer but the words never came.
He waited, studying my face. And when I didn’t answer, a wall came down between us. He shut me out completely.
I braced, ready for him to storm out the door, but instead, he only held my face tighter.
His lip curled. Then his mouth slammed down on mine, shocking the hell out of me with a kiss that was nothing but agonizing punishment.
He licked my bottom lip and I opened for him. His tongue thrust inside and there was nothing sweet or affectionate about this kiss. He was angry and poured it down my throat. The nips of his teeth weren’t playful. The way he sucked was intended to cause a sting.
I let him be angry. I let him empty that rage into my mouth because I knew this was the last kiss. This was the end and if all I could have of Emmett was his fury, I’d take it.