Chapter 18 #4
At the time, he’d dismissed it as a kind of symbiosis–if he could keep Nate shining, then he’d shine, too. And he’d believed that Nate would do as he promised, that he’d give him a good recommendation, get his face seen by the right people, talk him up in public.
All of which, he had.
But then Connor started helping Nate, not just to save himself, but because he wanted to.
Because he liked him, too.
“I’m not using you as my fall guy because you deserve a career here way more than I ever did. And I’m not going to be just another boss promising you the moon while keeping you from ever seeing the sky.
“So when you go back, whenever that is, you’re going to work with whoever they assign you to, and you’re going to work on your proposal, and then you’re going to take Simmons’ old role. That’s what you deserve.”
“I thought you were going to fire me,” Connor said quietly. “I knew Berkshire wanted you to do it, but–I really thought you would.”
“It was close. The way he–” Nate cut himself off, clearly not wanting to remember the way his own father had spoken to him. “And then I saw you and–you were all I could think about. And then I couldn’t get ahold of you, I couldn’t find you.”
“I was trying to protect myself,” Connor said softly.
“I wouldn’t have wanted you to do anything else.”
And the two men both fell quiet as the minutes ticked on, Connor aching from everything he longed to say, the words he couldn’t speak aloud.
It was too much, to be feeling all that he felt for this man, who he’d only spent a few months working with, a few weeks dating.
Ridiculous.
The two of them sat in silence for a long while, neither saying anything, until Nate spoke up.
“I should let you go. I–I should–I should feed Mano,” He said lamely. "Once it hits midnight he gets all... you know, Bunnicula on me."
“Yeah. Better you do it before he chews off your crown molding.” It had no bite of Connor's usual sarcasm.
“Yeah.”
But he didn’t hang up, and neither did Nate. They both just sat there–and Connor only wondered if the ache he felt now was shared.
“Nate, where are you right now?” He asked, being the one who broke the silence first. “Are you still…?”
“I’m, uh, home. Home in Santa Ana, I mean. I dunno–I can’t decide if I’m–if I’m gonna wait out the investigation or if I should just go back to New York.”
“Don’t go back to New York,” Connor said, surprising himself. And then he said it again, his chest tight. “Don’t go back to New York. Stay in California.”
Neither man spoke for a minute.
“Are you gonna come back here?” Nate asked, “Or are you staying in Ohio?”
Connor made a sound like a snort.
“The airports will have to freeze over before they’re keeping me here. If I still have a job to fight for, yeah, I’m going back to California.”
And then he thought about it.
It wasn’t just a job that he had to fight for. He had a man, too. This man, the man on the other end of this phone call, who had protected Connor at great personal expense.
Had anyone ever done that for him? Put his happiness above theirs?
No one, except his mom.
And Connor found himself aching for Nate, aching for this man who had done what Curtis never bothered to do, what Dawson could never accomplish–meeting Connor right where he was, understanding him, and finding something worth caring about anyway.
“I need to see you,” he said, just as much a declaration to himself as it was to Nate.
“Okay,” Nate said, his voice soft. Like he appreciated the sentiment, but didn’t know what to say in response.
“No–as soon as I land. I need to see you,” Connor said again. “Do you want to see me?”
“Of course I do. Just–” Nate was quiet for a moment. “When do you think you could get a flight back here?”
Connor didn’t answer a moment, putting Nate on speaker before he started searching up flights.
Sandusky to Ontario, Sandusky to LA, Sandusky to Santa Ana–
There. Sandusky to Santa Ana, would depart around 1 PM and arrive after 9 with a layover in Denver. He'd take it.
That gave him a few hours to sleep, to pack, and he could get to the airport with enough of a buffer.
“Connor?”
“Think you could pick me up?” Connor asked, thumbing over to the purchase screen. His credit card auto populated the fields, so he only needed to tap Complete Purchase. His thumb hovered over the button on his screen.
“What, tonight?”
“Yeah. 9:17.”
Nate was silent for a moment, Connor watching the timer count down on the purchasing page.
“Are you sure? I mean–I don’t get it. I don’t get why you’d want anything to do with me anymore.” Nate’s voice wavered. “I mean, fuck, Connor. I think I’m pretty much the worst thing to ever happen to you. For just the risk I pose to your career, I’m dangerous.”
Connor bit the inside of his cheek, remembering that first night they’d found themselves trespassing over the boundary between coworkers and lovers, each eyeing that bottle of wine like an unspoken dare as Nate asked him, “Do you think I’m worth the danger?”
And he did–then, and even now, Connor had no doubts that Nate was every bit worth the danger.
He may be the only man in all of Alarie who wouldn’t stab Connor in the back. Why wouldn’t he be worth it?
“You? Dangerous?” Connor tapped Complete Purchase, watching the webpage reload on his phone. “Not even close.”