Chapter 7
Seven
Taylor
The door closes loudly when Brynn turns to me, fuming. Can’t say I blame her. She’s been preaching about unity and working with others nicely since before I started playing on this team. I’ve basically gone against everything she’s said as a team captain.
If I were up for contract renewals, I think I would have been dropped immediately.
“You’re fucking kidding me,” she says harshly.
It echoes off the boards, becoming a shame spiral in my brain.
Everything is making me want to curl in on myself.
“When some of the rookies mentioned you were warning them away from Eloise and trying to isolate her, I didn’t believe it.
I nearly brushed it off. But this,” she holds her hands out, pointing to the centre ice where I was very close to pushing her to the ground. “This is insane.”
I gulp. I have no explanation.
“Do you have anything to say for yourself?”
Tears well up in my eyes, and everything feels too loud. Too frustrating.
“Taylor?”
I gasp for breath, trying to calm myself before she realizes how much I’m losing my mind.
I don’t know why this is so hard for me.
I’m so exhausted all the time.
“Tay?” She makes her way over to me carefully. She’s off her skates. I can’t hear the glide of skates along the ice. My breathing starts to get a bit shallower, my chest a bit tighter. “Tay, come on, fuck.”
She wraps her arms around me, and I bury my face in her shoulder. She holds me tight as red hot tears prick at my eyes and leave burning trails down my cheeks. She places a hand on my lower back, grounding me, allowing me to close my eyes and try to picture where I am.
“Taylor Matthews, if you don’t tell me what I can do in the next three seconds, I’m calling Coach Lawson and our psychologist.”
I let out a shuddering breath. “No. I-I’m okay,” I whimper.
“Liar. You’ve been through a lot.”
“Not anymore than usual,” I say, and she snorts.
“Girl, you’re lying through your teeth.” She pulls back slightly, and I blink my eyes open, quickly wiping away the tears from my face. She places both hands on my cheeks and has me looking at her. “What do you need?”
“Nothing to happen for the next five to seven weeks,” I whisper. She gives a small snort, and I know it’s not going to happen, but it’s nice for a girl to dream.
“Right. Well, we both know how that’s going to go.”
“Right.”
“You’re safe here.”
I let out a long exhale, trying to release the nerves from my stomach. “Not anymore.”
Her brown eyes narrow as she looks me over.
“Right. Well, we’re going to have to connect with the therapist. We both know this isn’t you.
” I swallow the lump that’s in my throat.
“You’re going to have to apologize to Eloise too, because she’s currently signing a contract that will make her a teammate. ”
Another shuddering breath, and eyes tightly shut.
Fuck, what is wrong with me?
“You’ve never had an issue with a teammate before, and I know that you’re rational enough to know how good this is for our team.
So, a therapist is a must. An apology is a must. And we’ll slowly integrate you and Eloise in more activities so that you can get to know her outside of the rink, because she really is lovely, and I think that you’ll like her once you get to know her. ”
“Right.”
Brynn gives me a small smile. It’s soft compared to her usual wide grin. “Let’s get you cleaned up; you fucking stink.” I snort and slowly pull her to the edge of the ice and step off.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” I whisper as we walk into the tunnel, the guise of dark something gentle over my shoulders.
“A lot has happened, and I don’t think you’ve been coping as well as you thought you were,” Brynn says. “It happens to the best of us. And that’s why the team has a therapist on call.”
“Right.”
She wraps her hand in mine. “I know you’ll be okay.”
I squeeze her hand in response.
After a hot shower that burns me and allows me to scrub my little breakdown off of my skin, I’m dressed and waiting for Brynn in the hallway.
I’ve got my phone in my hand, thumbs paralyzed as I try to figure out the best way to reach out to our in-team therapist. My thumbs are paralyzed—poised to send the email, but something stops me.
A hot spear of shame buries itself in my chest as I wait.
I put my phone away to avoid looking at it again. I’ll do it tonight.
Brynn finds me, coming up gently to not spook me like I’m a horse, and I have to push down the intense feelings of frustration. “Are you up for a drink with the team?” She asks, and I nod. “We’re celebrating Eloise, Rebecca, and Gracie’s signings tonight. Can you be happy for them?”
“I can be happy for the rookies,” I say, and it comes out like a bite.
“It’s not the rookies I was warning you about.”
I roll my eyes, trying to keep my face under control. My frustration is still so prevalent, bubbling underneath my skin, the outside of my skin chafing under her watchful eyes and my heart fluttering because of something. “Yeah, I can be happy for her.”
“Good.” She smiles. “Did you email the therapist?”
“Yeah.”
Liar.
“We’ll get through this,” she says, grabbing my hand and pulling me to the car. “And we’re going to Gin and Bear It, so life is looking up!”
“It sure is.”
Gin and Bear It is packed to the brim when we walk in.
The majority of our team are there and already having a drink, tons of women laughing and being joyful, with large smiles and animated stories.
Something settles like a stone in my gut.
Brynn smiles, giving my hand a soft squeeze before making her way into the crowd, and I take a step back.
The crowd is already larger than I was expecting.
This was a mistake. I shouldn’t have come here. But I have to show my support. I’m a part of this team, and I need to show that I can be a decent human.
Why does it feel like such a massive effort to be a decent person?
Winnie waves at me, motioning for me to come to her and sit down right in the pack of teammates, beside Eloise, and I point to the bar. She gives a thumbs up, turning back to her conversation that has her pink hair shaking as she laughs.
I push through the mass of people, giving small greetings to teammates who I literally saw earlier today, and then through strangers and to the bar.
“A gin and tonic please!” I shout at the bartender when she turns her attention to me.
I pull out my wallet to throw down some cash, better not to start a tab tonight when we’re technically still in training camp.
She smiles and walks away, and I have to stop my eyes from trailing down her figure. Her jeans are cute, and her top is one that I think I may have in a different colour, but it doesn’t fit me the same way, and I’m a little jealous.
Her skin is smooth too.
My cheeks are thoroughly hot by the time she comes back, and I hand her the cash.
I turn my head back and catch the way her head is tilted.
Her dark brown eyes catch mine before I look at her wholly; her dark brown hair is tied up in a long ponytail, her freckled nose and plump lips twisted and scrunched, the question visible if not verbal.
Yet I know what she wants to ask and the answer I can give.
I turn back around and down the drink, which burns in my throat.
I smother a cough and ask for one more.
It can’t hurt this time.