7. Tess
What’s a polite way to ask when the hell your brother’s old friend is gonna leave town? Propping both elbows on the bar at Flint’s, I mull it over.
See, I need Ash to get out of Starlight Ridge yesterday, and I also hate, hate, hate the thought of him going. It’s a wonder I haven’t raided the bar’s liquor stores, because I’m frazzled to high hell this afternoon, and it’s not even 1pm.
Can’t believe I nearly kissed Ash yesterday at the wishing pool. Can’t believe he had to remind me that this thing between us is off limits. So mortifying.
“This one has a bathtub,” Jana says beside me, tilting her phone so I can look. “But no oven. Only a microwave.”
I hum and prod at the listing, trying to force myself to concentrate.
My best friend is having accommodation issues. This is way more urgent than some guy I only met yesterday brushing me off. C’mon, Tess.
“Which do you care about more? A bathtub or oven?”
Jana sighs, taking her phone back and scrolling through to the next listing. “What I care about is having a secure roof over my head, and being able to both cook and bathe. Why is that so freaking hard to find?”
“It’s bullshit,” I agree. And it’s quiet in the bar right now, with no one out in the yard and only a handful of customers scattered around the booths, so we huddle around Jana’s phone and read every single listing in town.
There are insanely overpriced studio apartments.
A place with no kitchen.
One with moldy walls.
A live-in landlady with a strict nightly curfew.
And an ad that says, ‘Must love snakes.’
Every single listing is completely unhinged in some way, so by the time we reach the last one, Jana is slumped over the bar with her head in her arms.
“Fine.” Her voice is muffled against the wood. “I give up. I’m moving into your brother’s cave. At least that’s rent-free.”
“You mean you don’t want to curl up with some dude’s snakes?”
Jana kicks at my ankle without looking up, and I dance out of her way. “Kidding! I’m kidding. Come on, it’s going to be okay. You can stay with me until you find somewhere good.”
She gusts out a tragic sigh. And I’m wracking my brain for a way to cheer Jana up when the biggest man I’ve ever seen squeezes through the bar doorway and crosses to the bar, the floorboards shuddering under his boots.
Ash.
It’s been less than twenty four hours since I saw him last, and still my stupid heart throbs like we’ve been apart for decades. Every cell in my body sparks to life, crackling with the need to go to him, touch him, get close.
Crazy.
There are shadows beneath Ash’s eyes, and he’s in a navy t-shirt today, the fabric straining across his huge shoulders. It looks soft, and I blink away images of petting his barrel chest.
“Hey,” Ash says when he reaches us. Jana stays face-planted on the scratched wood, muttering to herself, and he glances at her with concern before raising his eyebrows at me.
“Renting issues. She’s looking for a new place.”
He grunts in commiseration, then jerks his chin at the door to the back yard. It’s propped open, bright sunshine slanting through, with dust motes glinting gold as they spin in the air.
“Can we talk for a second?”
My heart flip-flops. “Sure.”
Jana can handle the bar for a few minutes, even in her current mood, because we haven’t fixed anyone a drink for nearly half an hour. And it’s no big deal that Ash is here; no big deal that he wants to talk to me privately outside. We’ll make this quick and businesslike, whatever it is.
No. Big. Deal.
But tell that to the jitters swarming my stomach and making my hands shake. Tell that to the red-hot flush suddenly climbing the back of my neck as I slide out from behind the bar and follow Ash outside.
It’s hotter out in the midday sun—brighter, too. Squinting against the glare, I shade my eyes with one arm, relieved to find no one’s keeping their pups out in this heat. The yard is empty, and since we haven’t switched the music on yet, there’s only the shiver of insects and distant rumble of the road to break the quiet.
“Over here.” Ash leads me to a patch of scrubby shade by the wall, positioning himself to block the worst of the sun. “Okay. Uh. Have you drunk enough water today? It’s real hot out.”
I sigh and fold my arms. “Ash.”
“Sorry, yeah.” He scratches the back of his neck, and some part of me can’t help marveling at how much taller this man is than me. How much broader and stronger. What would it feel like if he picked me up? If he crushed me against that barrel chest or pressed me into the wall?
I’ve always been a tall girl. It never occurred to me that I could fantasize about this stuff, yet here we are. It’s all so feasible when the man is Ash.
“So, I promised Rowan I’d talk to you about something.” He shifts from boot to boot. “Should probably be smoother about it, but subtlety was never my strong suit. I’ve always been better with laying all the cards on the table.”
I wait, chewing the inside of my cheek. What is this about, exactly? Did my older brother notice my crush on his best friend? Please god, no.
“It’s—I know you’ve been worried about your brother. Believe me, I know.”
My stomach curdles but I say nothing. Worried chestnut eyes gaze down at me as Ash hurries on.
“And I know it’s not really my place, but I figure maybe it’ll help if you hear it from someone else. Maybe you can trust it better if you hear it from a third party. So I just want to say: he’s doing okay, Tess. Rowan’s doing okay. You don’t have to worry about him every minute any more.”
A lump forms in my throat. I swallow hard, but it doesn’t go away, and my voice is raspy when I say: “How do you know?”
Something about Ash’s crooked smile makes my chest burn like crazy. I’m breathless, staring up at this handsome, gentle giant, so desperate to believe everything he’s telling me. And at some point over the last few seconds, I must have dropped my arms and stepped closer, though I don’t remember doing it. We’re so near now our bodies are nearly brushing.
“You don’t think I got to know your brother inside out over the years together?” Ash’s eyes crinkle at the corners. “I’ve seen him at his highest and his lowest, Tess. I’ve seen him boil with rage and belly-laugh and weep silently at a campfire. I’ve seen him be a hangry motherfucker in the morning, and I’ve seen him clench his jaw and keep stoic as a doctor reset his dislocated shoulder.”
Rowan dislocated his shoulder? When? How?
What else don’t I know about my only family?
“You don’t have to worry,” Ash says again, brushing his fingertips across my wrist. Nerve endings spark wherever he touches me. “Not like before. Rowan’s never going back to that cave.”
I don’t even realize I’m crying until Ash brushes away my tears, stroking the pads of his thumbs carefully across my cheeks. And we should step back, should get some air, should put some distance between us, but my brother’s best friend cups my face like I’m precious—and I let him.
“It’s been a rough few years,” Ash says solemnly, and I swear, it’s like he’s staring into my soul. Like only he could possibly understand how rough it’s been, and only he can make things better now. “But you’re strong, Tess. And you’re going to be okay. We’re all going to be okay.”
The yard is empty. Insects chirp, and heat shimmers above the distant surface of the road. All around us are mountain peaks and blue, blue skies, but I don’t see any of that stuff. Not when Ash slowly lowers his head, brushing the tips of our noses together.
His breath is minty fresh as it wafts against my lips. Like he got all spruced up and squeaky clean especially to see me.
I should step away. Instead, I grip two handfuls of soft navy t-shirt and twist the fabric so it strains even more.
“You said we couldn’t do this,” I murmur. “You said we couldn’t risk it.”
Callused thumbs stroke my cheeks, and Ash crowds even closer. His chestnut eyes are conflicted as they bore into mine. “Guess I’m weaker than I thought.”
His kiss knocks me off balance—not because he’s rough, but because I’m already straining forward, already reaching and yearning, already dizzy from forgetting to breathe. We groan and clasp and cling together in our tiny patch of shade, tiny rocks scraping beneath our shoes, mouths coming together again and again in bruising union.
Yes.
This is it. This is what I’ve waited twenty-five years for. This is what all the books and songs and movies were about, this feeling—like I’m soaring high above the mountain peaks, even as my belly plummets to the lowest valley.
A needy ache starts up between my legs.
If my heart thuds any faster, my chest will explode.
“Tess,” Ash says between kisses, all ragged and out of breath. He keeps groaning and yanking me closer, kissing me all the way up onto my toes, and sifting his fingers through my ponytail. There’s a flush on his cheekbones that says he’s as worked up by this as I am—and thank god for that.
I’ve been alone for so much of my life. I’d hate to be alone in this too.
“So fucking pretty,” he says now, ducking down to nip my lower lip. That shock of teeth makes my nipples hard beneath my polo-shirt. “So perfect. God, you’re the dream woman, aren’t you? My goddamn dream. You’re even tall and everything.”
I burst out in surprised laughter, and Ash grins and smothers the sound with another kiss.
And… this can’t happen. Not after today. This is the most fleeting of pleasures, a tiny slice of heaven that can never be mine again, but right now… it’s hard to remember that. Hard to feel bad about anything at all.
There’s only Ash’s huge, warm body, crushed against mine, and the smell of soap and pine on his skin. The rasp of his stubble beneath my fingernails, and the insistent press of his cock against the fly of his jeans.
What would it be like to unzip those jeans and reach inside? To touch my brother’s best friend that way, hot and hard against my palm? To squeeze my fingers and make him groan?
A chair scrapes inside Flint’s, and a burst of laughter drifts outside. Tearing my mouth away, I finally stagger back, head spinning.
This can’t happen.
I’m at work, damn it.
And Ash is Rowan’s best friend. Even if he’s right, even if my big brother is more stable than before, that doesn’t mean either of us wants to test that theory. Not for a fleeting hook up; not when Ash will be gone soon anyway, leaving me with nothing more than a couple of overheated memories to remember him by.
“S-sorry.” My fingertips brush against my reddened lips, feeling how sensitive they’ve become in a few short minutes. Did I kiss him first, or did Ash start this? Did we both move at the same time? Does it even matter?
“Don’t be.” Scrubbing both palms down his face, Ash takes a cartoonishly large step back. Out of the shade, the sunlight catches a few lighter strands in his brown hair. “God, don’t be sorry. Fuck.”
He squints at me from between his fingers. I stare back, my whole body wound tight and throbbing.
Cool. Yeah.
No big deal.
“Evie also told me to invite you round for dinner tonight.” His face is still mostly covered by his hands, and the tips of Ash’s ears are pink, but his voice sounds more level than a moment ago. “Enchiladas, I think.”
“Sweet.” I give a wobbly thumbs up, cringing on the inside at how lame I’m being. At least we’ve both lost our minds—small comfort, but I’ll take whatever I can get right now. “I’ll be there.”
Ash turns and strides away, waving awkwardly over one massive shoulder.
I watch him go, practically panting like one of those overheated pups.