10. Ash
Christ alive, I need to get the hell off this mountain. Every passing minute I spend here, it gets harder and harder to keep my distance from Tess. My patience is worn thinner than rice paper right now, ready to tear in the smallest breeze, and ever since I trudged back to my hammock yesterday, I can’t think straight.
Because—last night. Fuck me, last night.
The way Tess gasped and moaned at my touch; the hungry way she returned my kisses. The perfect way she fell apart in my arms, shuddering then collapsing against my chest.
Even now, a part of me thinks it must have been a dream. A vivid, magical hallucination borne of loneliness and longing. But it happened, damn it, that happened and blew down my house of cards, because there’s no way I can stay away from her now. It took a small miracle for me to end things last night when I did.
And how can I leave Starlight Ridge when my girl is here?
How can I turn my back on heaven?
We’ll have to figure something out. Break things to Rowan gently, with plenty of warning and Evie nearby to provide support. It’s risky, but we need to do this.
I’m done lying to myself. I can’t stay away from Tess. I won’t.
She’s mine, and I’m hers. End of story.
“If she’ll have you,” I mutter, swinging Rowan’s ax at another log. A growing pile of split wood is on one side of me; a waiting stack of whole logs on the other. And I get it now, I get why Rowan finds this chore so soothing.
It’s meditative and sweaty and it helps out the household. Win-win. Back muscles screaming, I swing down on another log with a tooth-rattling thud.
Besides, ever since walking Tess back to town last night, I have a lot of excess energy to burn off. Been crawling out of my skin all day, jumping at the snap of twigs. Ready to sprint or fight or just howl at the sky.
When Tess rounds the corner of the cabin, I blink hard, shaking my head, and straighten up with the ax dangling from one hand. The evening light is pink-tinged and golden, glinting in her dark hair, and she’s in that black polo shirt from Flint’s, the collar flipped up on one side.
Tess stumbles to a halt when she sees me and stares for a beat.
I stare right back, chest heaving.
Then I’m chopping the ax into a tree stump and leaving it there, striding away from the carnage I’ve made toward her. And Tess is already here, leaping into my arms—she’s kissing me hard, both hands gripping my hair.
Too long. It’s been too long without her, and I can’t do that ever again. Can’t be apart for a full night and day, not when my body cries out for hers every minute and my soul feels frayed when she’s gone and she’s mine, mine, mine.
“Where are Rowan and Evie?” Tess asks between kisses, her legs wrapped around my waist and her ass balanced in my palms. I squeeze her with a growl, kissing her so hard her head tips back.
“Went out for a walk. Only left a few minutes ago, so they should be gone a long while. We’ve got time.”
Could I stop anyway? I’m not sure.
But Tess moans with relief, her thighs squeezing my hips as she arches against my front, and I stagger to the cabin deck with a single purpose in my mind.
The steps groan, and the evening breeze cools our skin as I set Tess down on the wooden rail. Perfect. She’s at the perfect level now.
“Touch me.” Frantic hands yank at my shirt, pulling me closer as her legs spread. “Oh my god, touch me. This has been such a weird day.”
It sure has.
“Been out of sorts?” Slipping one hand beneath her polo, I grin as Tess quivers and thrusts her small boob against my palm. I knead her there, teasing and pinching at her nipple, as the trees rustle all around us.
She scoffs, still arching into my touch. “I’ve been out of my freaking mind. Woke up all electrified, like I stuck my finger in a socket or something, and all shift I had to keep forcing myself not to run out of the door. Just wanted to sprint up the mountain trail and hunt you down and—and—”
“And get this underway?”
I pinch her nipple one more time before stroking down her toned belly and flicking her shorts button open. Tess groans and lifts her hips, helping me shimmy those shorts and her underwear down her legs and away.
“Exactly.”
Me too. Me fucking too, because I might have died if I went another minute without my hands on this girl. And she’s everything I remember from last night, everything I thought couldn’t possibly be real: eager and hot and sweet, tearing at my clothes and scraping her teeth against my throat.
Like she doesn’t care that I’m too big—a freak of nature.
Like she likes my bulk.
Like she’s desperate to climb it, wrestle it, feel it settle on top of her in a bed. What did I ever do to deserve this angel?
“You need softening up?” My blunt fingertips probe along her slit and find Tess slick and needy already, pink and swollen and glistening. “Fuck, baby. You’re good to go, aren’t you?”
“Do it.” She yanks at my belt, tugs my arms, twists my shirt. Pulls at me with all the blind desperation I feel, except it’s so much sweeter on her. “Come on, Ash, please. Hurry.”
Don’t need to tell me twice. I’m already unzipping and pulling my cock out into the pine-scented air; already stepping forward and lining up with her entrance.
“I’ll go slow,” I promise through gritted teeth, my forehead set with a determined frown, then I’m pushing forward into hot, wet heaven.
“Oh,” Tess moans, her ankles crossing behind my back and squeezing me an inch deeper. Her eyes are hazy, staring blindly over my shoulder. “Oh. You’re big. You’re really big. Duh.”
Heart drumming, I force myself to slow down and let her adjust.
Listen to me: I will never hurt this woman. I’d rather saw off a limb.
But Christ, holding back when I’m half-lodged in her sweetness is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.
Sweat trickles down my back. My abs tremble, clenched so hard that they vibrate, and when I grip the rail instead of Tess’s hips, I squeeze so hard the wood creaks.
Better to leave fingerprints in this rail than bruises on my girl, that’s for sure. I’m right at the edge of my control now, my heartbeat thudding inside my rigid cock. Inside her.
Going to pound her good and hard.
Going to make her sweat and thrash and cry out with pleasure.
Going to claim this woman once and for all.
Just as soon as she’s ready for me.
“Does it hurt?” I pull back an inch just in case, but Tess laughs weakly and shakes her head.
“It doesn’t hurt. It’s just a lot to take in—in all ways. But this is good, I promise. I really want to do this, Ash.”
Me too. Goddamn, me too.
Never wanted anything more in my whole life.
And I’m fixing to thrust forward, holding my breath and gripping her thighs, when a pair of voices float around the cabin.
There’s no time. No chance to pull out and get dressed; no chance to cover Tess up. All I can do is press all the way forward—the sweetest gasp—and block the view between her legs, horror jangling in my nerves as my best friend and his wife come into view.
They both freeze, expressions shocked.
Tess whimpers, so quiet only I can hear it.
And Evie beams, practically levitating off the mountainside with delight.
“Yay!” she calls out, clapping her hands. Rowan shoots her a baffled look, then zooms back in on me. There are dozens of emotions flitting across his face, but among them are shock and betrayal.
It’s a bucket of ice water down my back. My hands go clammy on Tess’s thighs, because this is everything I’ve feared; everything I’ve been trying to avoid. Rowan, tossed back into the darkness by my carelessness. Rowan, hating me.
But I force my spine as straight as I can manage, and curl a protective arm around Tess’s back. Regardless of whether I’ve ruined things for life with my buddy, I won’t have ‘em gawping at my girl when she’s vulnerable.
I’ve got new priorities now, and even though I’ll always love Rowan like a brother, Tess is my number one.
“Give us a minute.” My voice sounds all wrong—scraped raw. But Evie sobers up and grabs Rowan’s hand, tugging him back around the cabin out of sight. As they leave, they start muttering in hushed voices.
“Oh. My. God.” Tess sounds faint with horror, and when I look down at her, she’s ghostly pale. My chest squeezes with concern, but there’s nothing I can do except pull out, tuck myself away, then set to dressing her again, all while spouting off the most soothing bullshit I can think of.
“It’s going to be fine. Rowan’s tough. It’ll be me he’s mad at, not you. And you know, over time he’ll get used to it. The shock will wear off. It’s going to be okay, angel.”
“Over time?” Tess sounds dazed, swaying on her feet as I zip up her shorts and rebutton them. She keeps staring into the middle distance, eyes glassy with dismay. “Are you serious? This can’t ever happen again. Did you see Rowan’s face?”
I did, and it was not fun.
But the damage is already done. Right?
“He’ll get used to it,” I say again, fixing Tess’s polo shirt collar so it lies flat, but she bats my hand away and steps out of reach, still staring at nothing.
My body knows before my brain that something is terribly wrong, my stomach plummeting down to my boots.
“Angel?”
“We can’t. We can’t do this.” Finally those gray eyes land on me, glossy with tears, and it’s like a knife in the gut. “I’m sorry, Ash. I shouldn’t have—this is all my fault. I’m the one who started all this, but now…”
“You’re finishing it.”
My heartbeat is sluggish and weak, barely thudding in my chest.
Tess swallows, a tear leaking from her eye, but she’s resolute. “Yeah.”
I take a big step back and scrub both hands down my face. The mountain breeze tousles my hair, pine-scented and cooling already, and I take a moment to listen as the leaves shiver on the trees. Something deep inside me is trembling too, more delicate than any leaf.
I’m leaving.
It’s not what I want, but that doesn’t matter. Tess gets the final say, and she wants me to go. Did I ever really expect anything different? Could this ever have gone another way? Honestly, this feels more like reality than anything else from the last few days.
“Okay, angel. I’ll pack up.”
And I won’t ever trouble this woman again.