12. Ash
In theory, it should take me less than ten minutes to pack up my makeshift camp. It’s just a backpack and a hammock, after all, with some gear strewn around for ease of use. A flashlight dangles from a tree branch; the book I’ve been reading is wedged beneath my sleeping bag. Guess the grab-and-go style of the military hasn’t left me yet.
Still, it doesn’t matter how long this should take me. In reality, I’m fumbling around like I’ve never used my hands before, chaos swirling in my brain. The birds are too loud and the evening sunshine is too bright and I keep flashing hot and cold under my clothes.
She doesn’t want me.
Or at least, she doesn’t want me to stay.
The one woman I’ve ever craved, the one person I’ve ever felt that kind of connection to, and she’s sending me away. After a lifetime of being the giant, the freak show, this should come as no surprise, yet I’m reeling.
Tess.
Can’t even blame her. She’s trying to protect her brother—my best friend. Doing the noble thing when I’m too selfish, too desperate to keep her in my arms.
This is the dark side of hope. It hurts like a motherfucker when it’s torn away.
“C’mon,” I mutter to myself, shoving my sleeping bag into its stuff sack. Normally, I can do this without thinking, but right now I’m uncoordinated as hell. Numb with pain. The sleeping bag keeps exploding right back out again no matter how many times I push it down, bursting all over the hammock like the ugly mess of my feelings. “Get in there, you piece of shit. Please. I’m begging you.”
A distant shout echoes through the trees. It barely registers.
I swat a bug away from my ear and keep stuffing.
The third time the sleeping bag bursts out, I inhale sharply and step back empty handed. Maybe this is a sign. Maybe I should forget everything except the easiest things to grab, leaving the worst reminders of this trip behind. Rowan will find a use for a hammock and sleeping bag—or donate them in town to someone in need.
Yeah. Okay.
This is it, then.
I’m turning for my backpack where it hangs on a stubby branch, heart dragging on the pine needle-coated dirt, when the shout comes again, louder this time. Birds burst from the trees high above, chittering out their alarm calls. I pause, hand outstretched.
“Ash!”
Tess bursts through the trees like a madwoman, red-faced and panting for breath. Even though I fixed her polo shirt collar to lay flat, it’s flipped up again on one side, and her ponytail is bedraggled as hell. She’s glowing with sweat.
And perfect. So fucking beautiful. So sweet and strong and caring, and… what is happening? Why is Tess here?
“I’m going,” I say quickly, holding up both palms. “Don’t worry, angel, I’m going.” I said I would, didn’t I? She doesn’t need to shoo me off this mountain like a stray dog.
But Tess doesn’t break stride, not even for a second. She keeps running directly toward me, arms pumping, hair swishing, before leaping into my arms.
“Oof.” You know, I may be two inches away from a fairy tale giant, but my girl’s pretty tall too. She’s not the lightest object to have collide with my chest at full speed, and I stagger back against the hammock, winded. “What on earth?”
The hammock ropes creak where they’re tied to the tree trunks. My sleeping bag slithers off the tilted surface and plops to the ground.
Tess buries her face in my shoulder, quivering, and wraps two arms around my neck like she’ll never let go.
“Stay,” she says, her voice muffled by my t-shirt. “I’m sorry about everything I said before. I take it all back. Stay, Ash. Please stay.”
My gut is queasy as I pat her back. For once, my girl’s asking something I’m not sure I can give, and having her back in my arms again is messing with my head.
Focus.
My words scrape out of my throat. “I would, angel, but staying here for the rest of the visit when I can’t touch you… kiss you… acting normal and like my heart’s not broken… I was never an actor, Tess. I’d do anything for you, but some things are beyond me.”
She shakes her head rapidly, arms squeezing tighter around my neck. Her hot, gasping breaths are making my shirt damp.
“No, you’re not listening. Stay, Ash.”
“For the rest of the week?”
Her laugh sounds broken—like none of this is funny at all. “No, you doofus. I want you to stay forever.”
Forever?
The ground shifts beneath my boots, and it’s a good thing we’re propped up by this hammock, else we’d go tumbling head over tail down the mountainside.
“You don’t know what you’re saying.”
“I do,” Tess insists, and she finally leans back to glare at me eye-to-eye. She’s brimming with tears, sweaty and red faced, but she’s determined. Those eyebrows pinch together, and lord, I’d never bet against this woman. She’s fierce when she means business. “I know exactly what I’m asking for. I want you to stay here, forever. With me.”
“While keeping my distance?”
None of this makes any sense, but Tess scoffs like I’m being dense. Hell, maybe I am.
“No, not while keeping your distance. While staying as close as I can humanly get to you.”
My heart lurches at her words, even as my brain struggles to keep up. Can she really mean that? What about—
“Rowan,” I say.
Tess shakes her head so hard her messy ponytail whips her cheeks. “This isn’t about him.”
And… Christ, after years of watching each other’s backs in the military, then worrying about him from a distance once we got back, the idea of taking Rowan out of the equation is an alien concept. Have I ever let myself be the main character in my own life? Even once? It’s a weird sensation to try it now, like I’m getting too full of myself, but I push through that prickle of shame and think: what do I want?
Tess.
Only ever Tess.
Her breath hitches when I lift her more fully against my chest, one forearm sliding beneath her ass. The hammock creaks madly, and finally, I take more of our weight.
My head’s not spinning anymore. My inner turmoil is quieting.
Tess.
Of course other people still matter to me. Of course I care about my buddy. But Tess is my number one, and if she wants me to stay with her forever…
“It would be my fucking privilege,” I say, announcing my decision to the trees. If this woman wants me, I’m in. All in. Already, I’m desperate to see my ring on her finger and my baby in her belly.
Tess moans with relief, and rocks up to kiss me. My whole body flares hot as I kiss her back, jaw working and heart singing.
The chattering birds fade away. The trees blur together, and the whispering breeze falls quiet. There’s nothing but my girl.
Her eager mouth against mine; our ragged breaths mingling in the mountain air. Her frantic hands yanking and twisting my t-shirt; her toned thighs squeezing my waist. It’s everything I remembered and more, because this time it’s not a stolen moment together in the darkness.
This time it’s for keeps.
How the hell did I ever get so lucky?
“Mine.” My words are muffled against her mouth, but Tess moans in agreement. “You’re mine, angel. Mine.”
She nods feverishly, barely breaking the kiss as she reaches between us to work at my belt. “I’m yours, Ash. Forever.”
It takes some juggling, but we shed her shorts and underwear once more, then I spin us around to rest Tess’s ass in the hammock. She swings a little, legs kicking, as I tug my belt fully open and unzip, then welcomes me between her spread thighs.
“Need you,” I mutter, lining up with her entrance. “Need you right this second. Are you ready for me, Tess? Christ, I can feel how slick you are.”
“I’m ready.” Fingernails dig into my shoulders as she yanks me closer, closer. “Do it. Oh my god, do it.”
She’s impatient, but she’s right. We’ve waited far too long.
Breath held, heart thudding… I press forward and sink home.