Chapter 17
Milow
His coach, Ruben, had been with him since he first started swimming, back when he was only four years old. Ruben had promised Ashby that he would stick by his side until Ashby won his first Olympic medal. That was a huge promise to make, but if anyone could win an Olympic medal, it would be Ashby.
While I waited for him to walk over to the main building, I organized my books in the order I would need them for the day.
Students stood around me in small groups or rushed past in the hallway, most of them clearly not as excited for classes to start as I was.
The halls always made me anxious, especially when none of my friends were nearby.
I kept my head down, half inside my locker, and tried to ignore everything around me until someone familiar showed up.
Juniors and seniors shared the same side of the building, and since I was now a junior, I had been moved to a new locker.
Not everyone was lucky enough to end up closer to their classrooms, but I had a feeling Mom and Dad had something to do with it.
They had probably emailed the school, asking for my locker to be closer to Ashby, Scottie, and Stan.
I was glad about it, but at the same time, I hated being treated differently. I was still perfectly capable of walking a few extra steps to get to class. And I would have seen my friends during the big break and lunch anyway.
This morning, Scottie was the first one to reach me. She leaned against the locker next to mine and smiled, but her eyes gave her away. She looked exhausted. “Hey, girly. How are you?”
I smiled back and closed my locker. [Good, thanks. You?]
She lifted one shoulder in a small shrug. “It’s Monday morning,” she said, as if that explained everything.
It wasn’t that Scottie hated school. She just wasn’t a morning person.
And when something was bothering her, it usually showed in her mood, even if she tried hard to hide it.
She never liked dragging other people down with her, and she always forced a smile, even when she clearly didn’t feel like it.
Sometimes I wondered if things were weighing on her that nobody else knew. Not even me. Or Stan.
[Something on your mind?] I asked. I was always ready to listen if she needed to talk.
“Yeah,” she admitted, letting out a quiet breath. “A few things, actually. But that’s something for another time. I don’t want to dump it on you first thing in the morning.”
[You never bug me,] I signed, giving her a reassuring smile.
Before she could respond, Stan appeared at the end of the row of lockers, already grinning like he was about to say something stupid. Scottie spotted him instantly.
“Oh, great,” she muttered. Then she pushed off the locker and straightened up. “I’ll see you later, okay?”
She gave me a squeeze on the arm and took off down the hallway before Stan could reach us, leaving me standing there just as he came to a stop in front of my locker.
He watched her walk away with that same look of longing he always had when it came to her.
Then he let out a breath and crossed his arms over his chest. They had fought again.
That much was obvious. Lately, it felt like that was all they did.
Either they were arguing, avoiding each other, or barely speaking at all.
And then, every once in a while, they were inseparable again, like nothing had ever been wrong.
It made me sad every time I noticed it. I hated seeing them like this.
I wished I knew how to fix it, or at least make it easier for both of them.
When Stan noticed the look on my face, his expression shifted fast. The heaviness disappeared, replaced with something more casual. “Good morning,” he said. “Hope you’re having a better morning than I am.”
I pressed my lips together, already preparing to let him know that things with Scottie would work themselves out. That they always did. That whatever this was, it wouldn’t last forever. But before I could sign anything, he spoke again, changing the subject.
“Is Ashby not here yet?”
I shook my head. [He’s probably still at the pool.]
“Yeah.” He paused, then pulled his backpack off his shoulder and dug through it until he found a single sheet of paper covered in scribbled math problems. He held it out to me. “Hey… can you look this over and check for mistakes? I really don’t want to have to redo the whole thing.”
I took the paper without hesitation. I liked helping my friends, and I loved math, so any free chance to look at problems like this, I took without thinking twice.
The page was filled with algebra. Basic stuff.
Easy for me. But I knew Stan hated math, and the fact that he had even attempted this was already a big deal for him.
“I didn’t even Google anything or use my calculator,” he added quickly. “I did it all with my big brain.”
I glanced up at him and smiled before looking back down at the paper. He really must have put all his effort into it, because as I worked through each problem, I realized there wasn’t a single mistake. Not one. I handed the paper back to him and nodded, then signed, [No mistakes. Good job.]
His eyes widened as he stared at the paper, then at me. “For real? Don’t mess with me, Milow.”
I grinned. [I’m not messing with you. You did great.]
He let out a heavy, relieved sigh and pressed the paper to his chest. “Thank fuck. I literally sat for three whole hours working on this.”
Three hours was a long time to spend on ten algebra problems, but I was still impressed. The fact that he could even sit still for that long said a lot. He slid the paper back into his backpack, and when he looked at me again, he smiled.
“You know,” he said, “I would give anything to have a brain like yours. But I just… like other things better.”
[And that’s okay,] I assured him.
“Yeah… I guess so.” His smile faded as his gaze shifted past me, and that familiar protective look settled in his eyes. I didn’t want to turn around. I was scared of what he was seeing. But then I heard Ashby’s voice, and my head snapped toward him.
He was walking toward us, and Aspen was right behind him. Ashby didn’t look happy about it, but he wasn’t pushing her away either. I felt that tight feeling in my chest again, the one I always tried so hard to ignore. It wasn’t jealousy. Not exactly. It felt more like betrayal.
I turned back to my locker and opened it again, forcing myself to focus on something other than the sight of them walking together.
My body tensed as they came closer. When they stopped next to us, I peeked up from behind the curtain of hair that had fallen over the side of my face, only long enough to catch a quick look at Ashby.
He was already watching me. His hair was still damp, and he looked tired, like he always did after practice.
I looked away again, pretending to search for a specific book in my locker.
“What’s up?” Stan asked.
I was sure the question was meant for Ashby, not Aspen, but she answered anyway. “Hi, Stan. Ashby and I were just at the pool, swimming some laps. It’s sooo nice getting a little workout in before school. Totally keeps me energized for the day.”
My fingers tightened around the books tucked against my chest, and my other hand curled into a fist inside the locker.
The feeling that rose in me was unfamiliar and sharp.
It felt like anger, and I hated it. I wasn’t an angry person.
I simply didn’t like Aspen. And I really didn’t like the way she talked as if she and Ashby were friends. They weren’t.
“Um, cool,” Stan replied, clearly uninterested.
“Milow,” Ashby said my name softly. When I didn’t react—which I hated, because I didn’t want any of them, especially Aspen, to think she had gotten to me—he stepped around Stan and leaned against the locker beside mine. He tilted his head down so he could see my face better. “Hey.”
My heart did that stupid flutter again, and my eyes lifted to his without thinking.
The whites of them were a little red, probably from the chlorine.
The crowd in the hallway faded out the way it always did when I looked at him.
He smiled at me, giving me his full attention, making it clear he didn’t care that Aspen was still standing there.
I bit the inside of my cheek as a smile pulled at my lips. I lifted my hand in a small wave.
“Will you be at the pool again tomorrow morning, Ashby?” Aspen asked.
I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and closed my locker, watching as Ashby finally looked away from me and toward her.
“No.” That was all he said. No explanation.
No follow-up. No alternate plan. I was pretty sure he hadn’t even known she’d be there this morning, and that he’d just dealt with it because he wanted to practice.
Aspen pouted, but only for a second.
I was ready for her to leave, but then Hailie walked up. “As, here you are!”
“Oh, hi, Hails.”
They hugged. Then Hailie turned and flashed a bright smile at Ashby and Stan, very clearly ignoring me. “Hi, boys.”
Stan's face twisted in annoyance, unable to hide how he felt about them. Ashby stayed quiet, already done with the conversation. Hailie looked back at Aspen. “Where were you, As?”
“Swimming with Ashby. I told you I’d be here early this morning, remember?”
“Oh, yeah, totally. I must’ve forgotten.”
“Whoa, wait a second,” Stan said, amusement creeping into his voice. “You call her ‘As’?”
Hailie tilted her head, eyes narrowing. “Yeah. Why?”
“As in ‘ass’?”
“Yeah. Why?”
She still didn’t get it. Ashby and I did. I glanced at him, pressing my lips together to stop myself from smiling. One corner of his mouth lifted, just slightly, his eyes flicking to mine with quiet amusement.
“You don’t see an issue with that?” Stan asked Aspen.
“No. Why?”
While Stan tried not to laugh, Ashby shifted enough to reach for my hand. His finger brushed mine first, then curled gently around two of my fingers. Stan stood directly in front of us, blocking the view, hiding our touch from everyone else in the hallway.
I kept my eyes on Ashby and focused on that small, secret touch. I wanted to hold on to it. I wanted it to last.
“If one of my friends had a nickname like that for me, I’d be pissed,” Stan added.
“Well, I don’t mind,” Aspen said, sounding irritated now. “Anyway… Ashby?”
I pulled my hand back, my heart racing. I was too scared that someone might have seen it, even if the touch had lasted only a second. Ashby’s brows pulled together when he looked at her, clearly annoyed.
“See you around?” she said.
“Um, sure.”
When they finally left, Ashby let out a heavy sigh. “God, they’re obnoxious.”
“Tell me about it. She literally calls her friend ‘ass.’”
I hugged my books closer to my chest and waited for one of them to move.
Classes were about to start, and I didn’t want to be the last one walking into the room again.
Ashby clearly didn’t want to keep talking about them.
He shook it off and looked at me instead, his expression softening. “I’ll walk you to class.”
“Me too. I’ll walk you to class too,” Stan added, then muttered under his breath, “Because my girl walks herself to class.”
I pressed my lips together and reached out to touch his arm to get his attention, tucking my books under my arm to sign. [Do you want me to talk to her?]
He looked tired. “No. But thank you,” he said quietly. “I’ll handle it myself.”
I glanced at Ashby then, giving him a quick look that said everything I was thinking.
I’d ask Scottie later what was going on anyway.
I hated seeing them like this, and I hoped that, maybe, after school, they could talk it through.
Whatever it was. Ashby gave me a quick nod, reassuring me that he’d check in on Stan.
When we reached my classroom, I turned toward them and smiled. [See you later.]
“Yeah. See you later,” Ashby said, smiling back at me.
The moment stretched, and I could feel the same pull I knew he felt, too. The urge to reach out and to touch. But we didn’t. We just stood there a second too long, looking at each other, until I finally turned and walked into the classroom. I could still feel his eyes on me until I took my seat.
I sat down near the window like always, set my books on the desk, and opened my pencil case, ready for another morning of learning.