Chapter 21 #2
When I pulled back and met her gaze again, there was no panic in her eyes. She still looked nervous, but not scared. I realized I was nervous too, standing right on the edge of something I didn’t know how to name, and unsure if I had just crossed another line.
“Was that okay?” I asked in a whisper.
She nodded, her eyes dropping to my lips. My chest squeezed my lungs, making it hard to breathe.
“Don’t,” I said, shaking my head. “Don’t look at my lips like that, Milow.”
She looked back up at me, confusion flickering across her face.
Her brows drew together, trying to understand what I meant.
Her hand slipped out of mine and came to rest on my chest instead.
Her fingers curled into the fabric of my shirt, and she tugged me a little closer.
She was really testing me here, even if she didn’t mean to.
I didn’t move at first. I was stuck in my own head, trying to figure out what the right thing to do was supposed to be.
The problem was that I honestly didn’t know anymore.
Keeping my distance felt like the responsible choice, the one I was supposed to make, but leaning closer felt better in a way I couldn’t just push aside and ignore.
I had always thought of myself as confident, especially when it came to girls, but none of that confidence mattered here.
It didn’t help me at all. I had kissed two girls before, and neither of those moments had meant anything to me.
Both times were during forgettable games of spin the bottle with girls from school.
I didn’t think about those kisses afterward and didn’t really care to remember.
Kissing random girls was never something I wanted to keep doing, and after that, I never felt any real urge to kiss anyone again.
Not until now.
I knew she had never been kissed. That knowledge made my stomach twist with fear of doing something wrong.
So instead of kissing her lips and risking ruining everything, I leaned down slowly and pressed my mouth to her jaw.
It was another careful kiss, but this time, it lingered.
She sucked in a breath, and her hand moved from my chest to the nape of my neck.
I followed the line of her jaw, moving lower.
I moved slowly, still giving her time to pull away if she wanted to.
But she didn’t and instead tilted her head more to the side to expose her neck.
I pulled back and held my breath, fighting another urge to leave this bed immediately.
My mind wouldn’t listen. This was all my heart’s doing.
She was melting against me, and it was the sweetest thing I had ever felt.
The air in the room started to feel thicker, and the heat under the blanket grew, making me want to kick it off us.
But I knew the blanket was giving her some comfort.
I wanted to stay like this forever, and a need to taste more of her took over.
I wanted to explore this newfound territory with a devotion that bordered on worship.
I pulled back enough to see her face, to make sure she was still okay with this. Her lashes fluttered against her cheeks, and her lips were still parted. The sight was my undoing. “You’re so damn beautiful,” I muttered, unable to hold the words back.
I lowered my head, bypassing her lips, and pressing a series of soft, open-mouthed kisses along the side of her throat.
I started just below her ear, feeling her pulse beat against my lips.
It was a frantic but steady rhythm that mirrored my own, and I lingered there with my tongue darting out to taste her skin. She rewarded me with a tug at my hair.
My hand slid from her waist to the small of her back, pressing her even closer as my kisses trailed lower. I could have spent the rest of the night like that, just kissing her neck and learning what she liked. But I had to stop eventually, scared I’d push this to a point she wasn’t ready for.
I finally stopped, lifting my head to rest my forehead against hers for a moment.
Then, I looked down at her. Her eyes were still closed, and the serene expression on her face made me feel more at ease.
Unable to resist the pull that still tugged at me, I leaned in and pressed a final, lingering kiss to her cheek, close to the corner of her mouth.
“Come here,” I whispered, shifting so I could wrap her up completely. I rolled us until she was tucked into my side, pulling her into my arms until her head settled under my chin. I stroked her hair, her back, any part of her I could reach, and let myself settle until my heartbeat was steadier.
I didn’t say another word, and she fisted my shirt with one hand.
She didn't let go, and I kept stroking her back, listening as her breathing got deeper and more even.
When her grip on my shirt loosened, I knew she had fallen asleep.
My arm was starting to go numb pinned under her, but I didn't move.
I didn't want to wake her up. I waited a few minutes to make sure she was fully out, then carefully reached my free arm toward the nightstand. My fingers found the lamp switch and clicked it off, plunging the room into darkness. I settled back against the pillow, tucking her head under my chin again, and let myself close my eyes with the certainty that she’d stay in my arms all night long.