15. Lilian
Chapter 15
Lilian
He yanks me into the heated water with him.
I shriek, the sound cut off when we’re submerged for one breathless moment before bouncing back up to the surface.
I sputter, pushing my hair out of my face. “You ass! I wasn’t—”
Laughter. Deep, unbridled, joyful laughter reaches my ears.
I blink the water from my eyes to find him next to me, his eyes crinkled at the corners, his head thrown back as he laughs and laughs.
A comfortable warmth spreads through my body. I can’t remember the last time I heard him laugh like that. Carefree. Happy. No shadows lurking in his eyes, no weight on his shoulders.
Just… pure, unadulterated joy.
My own lips twitch, and I splash him, catching him right in the face.
He sputters, his laughter cutting off abruptly. “Oh, it’s on, princess.”
He lunges for me, but I dart away, my own laughter bubbling up my throat. We chase each other around the pool, splashing, ducking, and grinning like idiots.
It’s fun. Easy. Like we’re two people with no history, no baggage, no complications .
But then he catches me, his arms snaking around my waist, pulling me flush against his chest. I gasp, my hands coming up to brace against his shoulders.
We’re both breathing hard, our chests heaving, and every inch of him is pressed against me, his skin hotter than the water. Droplets cling to his lashes and his lips.
“Lil.”
“Sebastian.” It comes out breathless, almost pleading.
He tips his head, his nose brushing mine. “Look up.”
The night sky stretches out above us, an endless expanse of inky black, dotted with twinkling stars. It’s breathtaking, but not nearly as much as the man holding me.
“Beautiful, isn’t it?”
I nod. My heart is pounding so hard. I’m sure he can hear it.
His nose brushes my temple. “Not as beautiful as you, though.”
It’s the same line, but this time it hits differently. He’s too close, too overwhelming. Too much. Not enough.
“What are you thinking?” he asks.
“Nothing.”
“Nothing?” His breath ghosts over my lips, the barest and most seductive whisper of a touch. “So, you’re not—”
A bell rings, and he groans. Saved by the bell.
“What’s wrong?” I ask.
“Dinner bell.” His voice turns hollow. “Guess our time’s up.”
I try not to let my disappointment show as he glides us to the edge of the pool, his arms still wrapped around me. He presses a quick peck to the tip of my nose before releasing me and hoisting himself out of the water. Rivulets run down his toned back, his muscles flexing when he reaches for his robe .
He catches me staring and winks. “I’ll be right back.”
“Yep.” I lower my gaze, hoping the heat in my cheeks can be blamed on the warm water.
Calm down, Lil.
No. Not calm down.
What the hell am I doing? This is Sebastian. My ex. The man who shattered my heart into a million pieces.
But… he’s also the man who makes me feel alive. Who challenges me, pushes me, and sees me in a way no one else does.
I sigh, pulling myself out of the pool and covering myself with the robe. I settle onto one of the lounge chairs. Waiting.
Sebastian returns, a large tray in his hands. “Bon appétit.” He sets the tray down on the small table between us. “Hope you’re hungry.”
My stomach rumbles in response. “Starving, actually.”
“Dig in, princess.” He hands me a plate.
The wooden board is a smorgasbord of delights. There’s a selection of cured meats—prosciutto, salami, and something that looks like bresaola. The rich, salty flavors melt in my mouth.
Next to the meats are an array of cheeses. Soft, creamy brie, sharp cheddar, and a wedge of what I think might be Manchego. I pop a piece of the brie onto a thin, crispy cracker and nearly moan at the perfect combination of textures.
“Good?” He observes me.
“Mmm.” My mouth is still full. “This is amazing.”
“Thought you might like it.” He takes a sip of his wine, his eyes never leaving mine.
I reach for a plump, juicy grape, but he beats me to it. He plucks it from the stem and holds it up to my lips .
My heart stutters. This feels intimate. Too intimate. But the challenge in his eyes spurs me on.
I part my lips, letting him place the grape on my tongue. His fingers brush my bottom lip, sending heat low into my belly.
I swallow. “Sweet.”
“Very.” He’s watching me, his expression unreadable. A heat in his gaze, a hunger that has nothing to do with the food in front of us.
“What’s that?” I point to a small bowl of something dark and glossy.
“Ah.” He dips a finger into the bowl and holds it up, a drop of the dark liquid clinging to his skin. “This, princess, is aged balsamic. Try it.”
He extends his finger toward me, and my breath catches. Is he really expecting me to…
“Go on. Try it.”
He really wants to play this game? Fine. We’re a couple. We’re pretending. It’s normal.
I edge forward and wrap my lips around his finger, my tongue swirling to catch the drop of balsamic.
It’s tart and sweet and complex. But it’s nothing compared to the taste of his skin, the obscenity of his finger in my mouth.
His pupils dilate, his breathing turning harsh.
I release his finger with a pop, feeling bold, reckless, and alive. “It’s good.”
“Yeah.” He sounds strained. “It is.”
This is torture. I want to climb onto his lap and kiss him. I want his hands on me, his body pressed against mine.
But I don’t move. Because this is dangerous territory. This thing between us… it’s not just physical. It’s never been just physical.
And that’s what scares me the most.
“So, what do you do when you’re not working?” I ask .
He shifts and balances his plate on his lap. “Not much, honestly. Work keeps me pretty busy.”
“There must be something. Hobbies? Interests?”
“I’ve been known to hit the gym from time to time.”
“I can tell.” My gaze drifts over his broad shoulders and his defined arms. Even relaxed, he looks like he’s ready to spring into action at any moment.
“Thanks, princess. Good to know you’re still into me.”
“You’re so full of yourself.”
“Nah, it’s called confidence.” He takes a bite of his food, his gaze never leaving mine. “There’s a difference.”
“If you say so.” I shrug, spearing a piece of asparagus with my fork. “So, working out. That’s it? No skydiving? No rock climbing? No…” I wave my fork in the air. “I don’t know, underwater basket weaving?”
“Underwater basket weaving? Really?”
“Hey, I found a book about that in the library recently. It’s a real thing, although, I think it’s more of a meme.”
“None of that. I guess I’m a simple man with simple tastes.”
“Simple?” I scoff. “You are many things, but simple is not one of them.”
“Oh? And what am I, then?” He tilts his head, his eyes glinting with amusement.
I pause, considering. Complex. Infuriating. Magnetic. Charming. My— “Not simple.”
“Not simple.” He studies me.
I’m probably very simple for him. An open book. I clear my throat, desperate to steer the conversation away from the dangerous territory we’re veering into. “Since we’re pretending to be a couple, what would our life outside of this little getaway look like? ”
Sebastian’s gaze sharpens. “Our life?”
“Yeah, you know…” I wave my hand vaguely, trying to be nonchalant despite the way my heart is pounding. “Living together, doing couple-y things. What would that entail, exactly?”
His gaze drifts over me in a way that makes my skin prickle with heat. “For starters, we’d wake up together every morning.”
I focus on breathing, trying not to imagine what that would be like. His warm body pressed against mine, his breath tickling my neck…
“And then what?” My voice comes out a little breathless, a little too eager.
“Then we’d have breakfast, of course. I’d make you my famous pancakes.”
“You? Cook?” I can’t help but laugh at the thought. “I didn’t know you knew your way around a kitchen.”
“There’s a lot you don’t know about me, princess.” He winks, and my stomach does a little flip. “But yes, I can cook. Quite well, actually.”
“Hmm.” I take a sip of my wine, studying him over the rim of my glass. “And after breakfast?”
“After breakfast, we’d go about our day. Work, errands, the usual. But we’d always make time for each other.”
“How so?”
“Little things. A quick lunch date, a surprise bouquet of flowers, a note tucked into your purse.” He shrugs, his expression softening. “Reminders that I’m thinking about you, even when we’re apart.”
My heart clenches, a wave of longing washing over me. It sounds nice. Really nice. But…
“And at night?” I’m not sure this topic was the right choice .
His gaze flits to my mouth for a second. “At night, princess, we’d barely make it through the door before I’d have you pressed against the wall, my hands and mouth everywhere.”
“Sebastian.”
“I’d worship every inch of you until you’re trembling and begging for more.” His voice drops to a husky murmur. “And then I’d take you to bed and fuck you until the sun comes up.”
Holy shit. I press my thighs together, trying to ignore the ache building between them. “That’s…” I give a soft, nervous cough. “We would be sleep-deprived.”
“Okay, not every night. But we could bake your famous cupcakes or curl up on the couch, you reading and me watching a game. Just being together.”
Just being together. It sounds… perfect. Too perfect. Like a dream I can’t quite let myself believe in.
“It could be real,” he says. “If you wanted it to be.”
“Why?”
He braces his elbows on his knees. “Because I miss you, Lil. I fucking miss you. And I’m tired of pretending I don’t.”
I hold up a hand, shaking my head. “No. We agreed, remember? No fighting, no rehashing the past.”
“Lil—”
“I mean it.”
He runs a hand through his hair, his shoulders slumping. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.” My voice wavers, betraying the emotions I’m trying so hard to keep in check. “Let’s… enjoy the rest of our dinner, yeah?”
Sebastian’s gaze lingers on me, searching. But then he sighs, leaning back in his chair. “Yeah. Okay. ”
We lapse into silence, the only sound the clink of our silverware against the plates. I try to focus on the food, but my mind is miles away.
This is pretending. And still, something is missing. Like there’s a Sebastian-shaped hole in my heart that no amount of pretending can fill.
It’s not perfect, but it’s something. And right now, something is better than nothing.
Even if my heart aches for more.
I sneak a glance at him, my chest aching at the tension in his jaw, the furrow between his brows.
“Sebastian.” I set down my fork, my appetite gone.
His eyes meet mine, guarded and wary. “Yeah?”
I open my mouth, but the words won’t come. What can I say? That I’m sorry? That I miss him too? That I’m tired of fighting this… this thing between us?
But I can’t. I can’t go down that road again. Not when I don’t know where it leads.
So instead, I force a smile, my voice falsely bright. “I was thinking… maybe we could go for a walk after dinner? Work off some of these calories?”
His expression softens, the corners of his mouth lifting, and I think I’ve never been that relieved in my life.
“Sure, princess. A walk sounds nice.”
After our little walk outside, we make our way back to our room, and Sebastian slides the key card into the lock, the soft beep sounding unnaturally loud in the quiet hallway.
The door swings open, revealing the single king-sized bed I almost forgot.
“You want to go into the bath first?” he asks.
“Yep.” I slip into the bathroom .
Get it together, Lil. It’s just a bed. Just sleep. No big deal.
I splash cold water on my face, trying to calm my frayed nerves. It doesn’t help. With a sigh, I go through my nightly routine on autopilot.
When I finally emerge, Sebastian’s eyes snap up, giving me a once-over and lingering on my thin tank top and shorts. Well, if I had known I’d share a room with him, I would have taken a closed-up pajama with me and maybe sexier underwear. Maybe.
“All yours,” I mutter, skirting past him.
“Thanks, princess.”
I make a beeline for the bed, choosing the side closest to the window. The bathroom door clicks shut, and I slide under the covers, sticking close to the edge without falling off.
This is fine. Totally fine. Two adults sharing a bed.
I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to will myself to relax. It doesn’t work. Every nerve ending is on high alert, my body thrumming with tension I can’t shake, and he’s not even beside me yet.
The bathroom door opens, and my heart rate spikes. He’s already done?
I keep my eyes firmly closed, feigning sleep and listening to Sebastian move around the room.
The mattress dips as he settles on the other side of the bed, getting comfortable before switching off the light
Neither of us moves. The only sound is our breathing, mine far too quick and shallow to pass for sleep. I’m hyperaware of every movement, every breath he takes. The heat of his body radiating across the expanse of sheets, warming me even from a distance.
Then, the mattress shifts again. I feel him move closer, his warmth directly seeping into my back.
“Lil.” His voice is low, rough. “Come here. ”
I stiffen. “What?”
“We’re supposed to be a couple, remember?” His fingers spread across my stomach, drawing me closer to his chest. “This is what couples do.”
I want to protest, but the words are trapped behind my lips when he nuzzles into the crook of my neck, his breath hot on my skin.
“Right.” It comes out as a breathless whisper, and my body molding to his like it was made to fit there.
He nuzzles his nose into my hair, inhaling deeply. “Mm. You smell good.”
“It’s the chlorine.”
“No, it’s you. It’s always been you.”
“Goodnight.”
I feel his lips curve against my temple. “Sweet dreams, princess.”
This is dangerous, a voice whispers in the back of my mind. But I’m too tired, too comfortable to care.