18. Lilian
Chapter 18
Lilian
“Close your eyes, Lil.”
“Mommy, I don’t want to!”
“Please, let me stay with you!” I’m in a closet.
“Close your eyes,” she says. “Be quiet, and don’t come out.”
I’m scared. I want to see her a bit longer. “No. I don’t want to!” I clutch at her dress.
She takes my hands firmly and places them over my eyes. “You must be brave. Don’t come out until I say it’s safe.”
With a dull thud, the closet door closes, and my world goes black.
Something falls to the ground. “Shit.” Her steps disappear.
At first, there is only silence. Then faint shouts, growing steadily louder. Something crashes.
“Mommy?” Crying, I crawl out. “Mommy! Please, where are you?”
Fabrics are scattered across the floor, and I reach for the doorknob only to find it locked.
Another voice. One I haven’t heard in so long. But it’s different. Hollow.
“Why is that brat still here? I told you to take care of it.” The door handle rattles.
“No!” My mother’s voice cuts through the air.
I take a few steps back, staring at the door. Dark monsters appear, pounding on it.
One. Two. Three. Four.
The key turns in the lock. “Lilian. Come out. Daddy needs something.”
I stumble backward, staring wide-eyed at the monster scratching at my feet.
What’s happening?
Beneath me is red fabric. Or is it paint? I lift my hand, and it reminds me of those kindergarten days when we used to make handprints with paint on paper.
A scream. A heavy thud shakes the floor. My eyes snap back to the door. Red spills through the bottom.
“Daddy?”
“Daddy’s… Daddy’s going for a walk.” My mother’s voice is heavy.
I scramble to the door, yanking the doorknob. It clicks, but something heavy blocks it. It won’t open.
“Mommy!”
The sound of her voice reaches me, low and broken. “It’s okay. Get back in the closet. Mommy spilled something.”
Something scrapes along the floor.
“Mommy, please, I want out!” Now, it’s me pounding against the door.
“Lilian, get back—” Another thud.
I turn the doorknob again. This time, like magic, the door creaks open.
They both lie there. Red paint around them. The monsters got them.
Hide Lil. You need to hide.
And that’s what I do. My feet carry me outside. In my hurry, I stumble at the top of the stairs. Pebbles sink into the skin of my knee.
“Dummy. Who runs with closed eyes?”
I stare up at a boy, his hand extended.
“You don’t need to be scared. Not with me around.” His voice is gentle and soothing. “I’ll protect you.” His face is a blur.
I blink, trying to clear my vision. “Are you a—”
The world shifts. Darkness engulfs me, and I gasp, my eyes flying open.
“Lil?” Sebastian’s voice cuts through the haze. “Princess, hey, look at me.” His hands cup my face, his thumbs brushing away the tears I didn’t realize were falling.
I stare at him, my heart pounding, my mind still caught between the dream and reality.
“Sebastian?”
His head bobs up and down, his eyes filled with concern. “I’m here. You’re safe.”
I sit up. “I… I saw them. My parents. And there was so much blood, and I couldn’t…” A sob catches in my throat.
He wraps his arms around me, drawing me against his chest under the sheets. “Shh, it’s okay. It was a dream.”
But it wasn’t a dream. It felt like a memory.
“There was a boy,” I mumble into his chest.
His arms tighten around me. “A boy?”
Maybe Levi? Or Landon? Jason? “I couldn’t see his face.” But… he was familiar. Like I knew him.
“It was a dream, princess. You’re safe now.”
I want to pull away, to hide how vulnerable I feel. I’m still mad at him. But his touch feels so good. Safe. I lean into it despite myself. “I’m fine.”
“You’ re shaking.”
I hate you. “Just a bad dream,” I murmur. “It’s nothing.” I rub my eyes, trying to remove the images. The blood. The screams. His heartbeat is steady under my palm. Grounding.
“I’ve got you,” he whispers into my hair. “You’re safe.”
I want to believe him. But safety is an illusion. One I can’t afford to trust.
“For now.” I’m so tired of fighting. Of pretending I don’t need this. Need him.
His lips graze my ear. “Forever, if you let me.”
I squeeze my eyes shut against the sudden sting of tears. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”
“I’m not.”
“We should sleep.”
He presses a kiss to my hair. “One day left, princess.”
I wake to the sound of Sebastian’s muffled voice from the other room. “Son of a—”
What is going on? I glimpse at the clock. 9:42 AM. Who is he talking to?
Slipping out of bed, I tiptoe to the door separating the bedroom from the lounge. I press my ear against the wood, straining to hear.
His voice is tight with barely contained fury. A pause. “Keep me on the call. This is my sister.”
Sister ?
I chew on my lower lip, debating whether to open the door or not. But something in his tone stops me. I’ve never heard him sound so dangerous.
“That son of a bitch,” he says.
Did something happen to Gemma?
I press closer to the door, holding my breath, trying to catch every word.
Muffled curses. “I’m going to kill him.”
I’m reaching for the doorknob when I hear footsteps approaching. Shit. I scurry back to the bed, diving under the covers. Hiding.
The door opens, and it sounds like he stops in the doorway.
“Did I wake you?”
“Hm?” I sit up, feigning sleepiness. “Is everything okay?”
“Did you know?”
My heart skips a beat. Is this about our fight yesterday? I want to snap at him, to tell him to fuck off after how he treated me. But the way he’s looking at me, the tension in his shoulders…
“Did I know what?” I ask.
“About Gem and Oliver.”
“Oliver?” I pull the covers tighter around me. A barrier. I won’t let him close, not after yesterday.
“The divorce. It didn’t go through,” he says.
“Uh… Gem mentioned complications. Oliver’s lawyer was accusing her of cheating, throwing up roadblocks. That was the last I heard. I don’t think there were any new developments, so…”
His eyes narrow. “And now she’s gone. Left with him.”
“What?” I sit up straighter. “What do you mean, left with him?”
“She left Elijah. Went back to Oliver.”
“No. No, she wouldn’t. Not after… ”
His shoulders tense up. “Well, she did. Elijah called me. He’s a fucking mess.”
I stare down at the sheets, trying to process this. Gemma, back with Oliver? After the hell he put her through? It doesn’t make sense. Gemma is irrevocably in love with Elijah. She’s fallen for him head over heels. She would never go back to that cheating—
“There has to be a reason,” I murmur.
“Yeah. She’s lost her damn mind.”
I glare at him. “Don’t say that. Gem’s not stupid. If she’s with Oliver, there’s a reason.”
He meets my gaze, his eyes hard. “And what reason could possibly justify going back to that piece of shit?”
I open my mouth, then close it again. I don’t have an answer. But I know Gemma. She wouldn’t do this, not without a damn good reason.
“I don’t know.” I grab my phone from the nightstand, my fingers fumbling to dial her number.
It rings once, twice, then goes to voicemail. Damn it.
I try again. Still no answer. I shoot her a quick text.
Lil: What’s going on? Call me.
Lil: Are you okay?
One Checkmark. Delivered.
A sickening sense of dread settles in my stomach. I scroll through my contacts, finding Mary’s number. She picks up on the second ring.
“Lil?” Mary asks.
“Please tell me you know something,” I say into the phone. “What the hell is going on with Gem?”
“I wish I knew. I’m as confused as you are,” Mary says. “I’ve been trying to reach her, but she’s not answering her phone. ”
I pace the room. “This doesn’t make any sense. Why would she go back to Oliver after everything he put her through?”
“I don’t know, but we need to find out. We’re already on our way to the airport. Can you pick me up? We’ll go back together to the apartment and figure out what to do next.”
“Okay, good idea. See you in a bit.” I end the call and shove my things into my suitcase, not even bothering to fold anything. I need to escape, need to find Gemma and make sure she’s okay.
Sebastian watches me from the doorway, his arms crossed. “I’ll drive you.”
“I can manage on my own, thanks.”
“Come on. We have to talk. Work this out.” He points between us.
I pause, my hand clutching a shirt. I can’t think about us right now. Can’t think about the hurt, the anger, and the goddamn longing every time I look at him.
All that matters is Gemma. Everything else can wait.
“Okay.” I zip up my suitcase with more force than necessary. “But I’m not in the mood to talk.”
“So, what, we’re going to ignore everything that happened this weekend?”
“Yes. That’s exactly what we’re going to do. This weekend, this… trial, or whatever the hell it was. It’s over.”
“Just like that?”
“Just like that. You made it perfectly clear yesterday that you don’t trust me. That you think I’m using you for information or some crap.”
He steps forward, his eyes pleading. “I didn’t mean it like that. I was—”
“Accusing me of betraying you? Again?” I scoff. “Because that worked out so well for us last time.”
“Lil, please. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said those things.”
“But you did. And you meant them.” My voice cracks, and I hate myself for it. “You’ll always see me as the girl who betrays you. The one who can’t be trusted.”
He reaches for me, but I step back. “That’s not true. I trust you. I do. It’s… hard for me sometimes. To let go of the past.”
“I can’t do this right now. Gem needs me. Us. And that’s more important than… whatever this is.”
“Fine.” His jaw tightens, eyes narrowing. “But this isn’t over. We’re not over.”
I know.
I meet his gaze, my vision blurry.
It’ll never be over between us.