32. Lilian
Chapter 32
Lilian
Roommates.
Ever since he agreed to that. We are just that.
Roommates.
The warmth from the oven caresses my cheeks while the tiles under my bare feet are cool. I take out the first batch of muffins and let them cool before transforming them into beautiful cupcakes.
Over the past month, Sebastian and I have fallen into an easy routine. In the mornings, he makes coffee and breakfast before going off to work. Later, I wake up, eat what he made, and head to the library. Then I come home, cook dinner, and bake or read.
The library is now my favorite place. Without the sewing machine. That one is tucked away in the farthest corner possible in this apartment.
I sway my hips to the beat and mouth the lyrics to Taylor Swift, cracking eggs into the bowl, whisking vigorously. The scent of cinnamon and brown sugar wafts through the air.
I glance at the clock. Sebastian should be back any time. Usually, he comes home and buries himself in his study. I don’t get why he doesn’t stay in the office, but maybe his study is more comfortable. However, sometimes, if he comes home earlier, he rolls up his sleeves to help me cook.
During dinner, we casually chat about our day and then retreat to our separate rooms, only to do it all over again.
Just like roommates.
Living together, but not really living together.
And every time I’m close to him, he distances himself.
Roommates.
I’m starting to hate that word.
The old apartment is tidied up, and I could go back if I’m honest, but then I would be alone again. Gem is with Elijah, and Mary is with Connor. We often meet up for coffee or dinner and still do our occasional movie nights. Living in the same building helps.
Besides, Sebastian already moved my books and the rest of my stuff into his apartment. It almost feels like our apartment.
Our.
Apartment.
It’s strange.
A smile tugs at my lips, and I scoop the batter into the second muffin tin.
Saying it feels—
“Didn’t know you were into Taylor Swift.”
Startled, I pivot on my heel. Sebastian stands in the doorway, eyes latched on me.
“How long have you been standing there?” I ask.
“Long enough.” He presses his lips together, the sides curving up.
Heat creeps into my cheeks, and I duck my gaze, fiddling with the mixing bowl. “You’re home early again. ”
He saunters over, the sleeves of his dress shirt rolled up and his tie hanging loose. How does he look so hot?
“I forgot some documents.” He dips his finger into the cream and sucking it off with a hum.
“Hey.” I swat his hand away. “You’ll get a cupcake later.”
“Can I take one now? You know, food for my nerves while going over the headache-inducing documents?” He points at the finished cupcake bases.
“The frosting is missing.”
“They’re delicious either way.”
“Fine.”
“Thanks.” He winks at me. “Can I help you with dinner?”
“No, I got it handled.”
He checks his watch.
“Everything okay?”
“Got a message. I have to make some calls. Sorry.”
“No worries.” I check the noodles in the pot and turn down the heat. They should be ready soon. “I’ll call when it’s ready.”
“Thank you.” He walks out, leaving me alone.
I set the table and plate the food with the roast chicken from the microwave, which kept it warm. Lastly, I add some pesto to the noodles and fill the remaining place on our plates.
I hope he likes it.
I peek my head into the hallway. “Dinner’s ready!”
No answer. No noises.
“Sebastian?”
Still no answer.
I make my way to his study, knocking and then pushing the door open. “Sebastian, the—”
He’s fast asleep on the couch, papers strewn on the table in front of him and a half-empty glass of amber-hued liquid clutched loosely in his hand. He even changed into more comfortable clothes.
I creep closer, scanning the documents on his table. The name MireTech catches my attention, along with pages of scribbled notes in Sebastian’s slanted handwriting.
So this is what’s been distracting him for weeks. Some new rival company he’s been obsessively researching.
I gather the papers, sorting them into a neat stack and placing them back down.
I could—No, that’s stupid.
But I could.
I mean, this was kind of my job before I came here, and if it helps him be at ease more.
I turn but then stop in my tracks. Roommates help each other out, right?
Instead of leaving, I sit down at the coffee table, my eyes carefully sifting through the documents. Several discrepancies and irregularities, which I mark with neon blue post-its, jump out at me.
By the time I finish, my neck is stiff, and I look back, admiring Sebastian’s sleeping form.
When was the last time I saw him at peace like this? Not since our college days, surely. No wait. The spa weekend.
That was the last time.
The stern lines of his face are softened in sleep. He looks younger like this, the usual tension eased from his features. The hem of his shirt is raised, offering a glimpse of his sculpted abs .
An urge rises in me to run my fingers along that strip of bare skin. To trace the contours of his abs, chest, and face and smooth away the last remnants of the crease between his brows.
I should let him sleep. He looks more exhausted each day.
But that glass has to go.
I reach for it, trying to pry it from Sebastian’s fingers without waking him. But as I do, his eyes flutter open, still hazy with sleep.
“Lil?” His voice is rough, groggy.
I squeak as he yanks me onto his lap. “I was trying to—”
“Yes?” His hands settle on my waist, his thumb rubbing slow circles through the fabric of my sweatpants.
“The glass. I didn’t want you to drop it.”
He places the drink on the little table next to him. “Always so thoughtful, aren’t you, princess?”
I can’t tell if he’s teasing or not. My heart hammers against my ribs, and I try to ignore the solid warmth of his thighs and the firmness of his chest.
“I…”
His hands slide higher, his fingers grazing the bare skin of my back where my top dips low. “You what?”
I point behind me. “I should go. Dinner’s getting cold.”
“Is it now?” He brushes his nose along my jaw, his hot breath soaring over my cold skin.
“Mhm.” Every nerve in my body is attuned to his touch, his proximity.
“It’s nice coming home to…” His lips ghost over my pulse point. “…you.”
A whimper escapes me. “Sebastian. ”
“Yes, Lil?” His fingers tangle in my hair, tilting my head back. “Say my name again.” His mouth hovers over mine, so close I can almost taste him.
Roommates. Lil, you are roommates.
“We can’t.” I don’t want him to stop. I want him to keep going. To touch me, to use me. To make me forget everything but the feel of his hands on my skin.
“Can’t we?” His hand cups my cheek, his thumb brushing over my lips. “Say my name, princess.”
“Sebastian.”
A low growl rumbles in his chest, and then his mouth is on me, soft and sweet. Tasting of chocolate and whiskey and something uniquely him.
He deepens the kiss, his tongue sweeping into my mouth, and I open for him eagerly. Let him consume me. Possess me.
This is wrong. I know it is. But god, it feels so right. So inevitable. Like every road, every choice, was always leading me back to him. To this.
He groans into the kiss, his grip on my hips tightening to the point of pain. But I relish it, the bite of his fingers, the bruising force of his touch. I need it. Need him to ground me, to tether me to the present.
“I was dreaming of you.” His hands flex on my hips as if he’s barely holding himself in check. “It’s always you, Lil. No matter how hard I try to hold back, you’re the one I want.”
“Show me.” I roll my hips. The rough friction of his jeans against my core sends sparks of pleasure, skittering up my spine, stoking the ache building low in my belly.
His head falls back against the backrest, his eyes squeezing shut. “Fuck.”
Yeah. Fuck it. Consequences be damned .
I crush my mouth to his in a bruising kiss, all teeth and tongue and desperation. He matches my eagerness, his hands roaming my body, leaving trails of heat in their wake.
“I need you.” Fumbling between us, I yank at the hem of his shirt.
He gets the message, leaning back to rip it over his head and chuck it behind him. And then he’s pulling me flush against his bare chest, and god, the scorching heat of his skin sets me ablaze.
“You drive me fucking crazy,” he rasps against my lips. “I can’t think straight when you’re around.”
I rock against him wantonly, chasing the delicious friction. “Then don’t think.”
“Easier said than done, princess.”
He tugs at my shirt, and I raise my arms, letting him strip it off and toss it aside. His heated gaze rakes over my exposed skin, his pupils blown with lust. “You’re beautiful.”
Suddenly shy, I start to cover myself, but he catches my wrists. “Don’t,” he commands softly. “Let me see you.”
Pulse hammering, I drop my hands. He releases my wrists and trails his fingertips along the swell of my breasts, his touch feather-light. I arch into it, wordlessly begging for more.
He obliges and nuzzles my neck, his teeth grazing my pulse point while his other hand slides beneath the waistband to my heated core. I jerk in surprise and pleasure.
“So wet for me already, princess.” A low chuckle rumbles in his chest.
It’s been so long, too long, and I need this, need him.
He hooks his fingers under the waistband. “Stand up.”
I stand on shaky legs as he achingly slowly peels my pants and thong down my hips, his fingers skimming my skin and leaving goosebumps in their wake .
“Lil.” His voice is low, commanding. “Look at me.”
I drag my eyes to his, my breath hitching at the raw hunger I see there. He doesn’t say anything else, holding my gaze as I step out of them, now entirely bare before him. Exposed and vulnerable.
But the way he’s drinking me in, like I’m the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen, chases away any self-consciousness.
“What about you?” I bite my lip.
He smirks and undoes his jeans, revealing more of his toned body inch by tantalizing inch and… My pulse quickens, desire pooling low in my belly.
His cock is hard.
I want him so bad it hurts.
“C’mere.” He reaches for me, his hands gripping my hips and guiding me back onto his lap.
But this time, I’m straddling him, my knees bracketing his thighs and my arms wrapped around his neck. I use the leverage to grind against him. He groans into my mouth, rocking his hot, hard length insistently against my core.
I moan into his ear. “Please.” I need to feel him inside me, stretching me, filling me.
“Ride me.” He reaches between us, gripping himself and lining it up with my entrance. “Take what you need.”
I steady myself against his broad shoulders and lower my body, enveloping him. A primal sound rips from my throat as he stretches me, the exquisite sensation overwhelming me.
“Good girl.” His hands shift to my hips while he peppers kisses on my neck.
I start to move, slowly at first, savoring the slick slide of him inside me. But it’s not enough. I need him deeper and harder .
Planting my hands on his shoulders, I start to ride him in earnest, my hips rolling and grinding, taking him as deep as I possibly can. The leather of the couch is cool and soft against my bare legs, a stark contrast to the heat of Sebastian’s body pressed against mine and his fingers sunk deep into the supple flesh of my ass, guiding my movements, urging me on. He’s just as greedy for me as I am for him.
“That’s it, princess.” His eyes blaze with hunger as he watches me bounce on his cock. “Use me.”
And I do. I chase my pleasure shamelessly, wantonly, lost to the sensations crashing through me. The slap of skin on skin, the obscene squelch of his cock driving into my soaked pussy, the coil of tension winding tighter and tighter in my core.
I never want this to end. I want to stay here forever, wrapped up in him, in this moment where nothing else exists but the two of us. Where we are not just roommates. Where the past and the future don’t matter, where all the hurt and the heartbreak and the misunderstandings fall away, and it’s just us. Just this connection between us that’s always been there, simmering beneath the surface, waiting for the right moment to ignite.
And god, has it ignited. I’m burning up from the inside out, consumed by the heat of him, by the fire he’s stoked in me. I can feel it in every cell of my body, in every hitched breath and racing heartbeat.
I’m so close, teetering on the edge. “Sebastian.”
“Look at me.”
I drag my gaze back to his.
One of his hands snakes between us to find my clit. He rubs tight circles around it, and pleasure explodes through me, my head thrown back on a silent scream as I come apart in his arms .
He fucks me through it, his hips pistoning up into me, prolonging my orgasm. With a rough groan, he stills, pulsing inside me and finding his own release. Boneless and breathless, my head drops forward, resting on his shoulder and moving with the gentle rhythm of his breathing.
“You’re perfect.” He reaches for the blanket draped over the back of the sofa, cocooning us in our own private world.
My mind is blissfully quiet, the constant chatter of worries and doubts silenced by his presence. The monsters that lurk in the shadows of my thoughts chased away.
I’m so tired of running. Tired of pretending that I don’t want this, that I don’t need him like I need air in my lungs. I’ve been holding my breath for so long, suffocating under the weight of my own stubbornness. But here, in his arms, I can finally breathe again.
I burrow deeper into his embrace, my fingers tracing idle patterns on his chest. He hums contentedly, pressing a kiss to the top of my head.
“What are you thinking about?” he asks.
“Nothing.” I tilt my head back to look at him, a soft smile playing on my lips.
He brushes a strand of hair away from my face, his touch achingly gentle. “Stay with me tonight. In my bed.”
I want to say yes and forget the world outside this little bubble we’ve created. If not for—
The euphoria is gone, a cold, creeping unease taking its place. My gaze snaps to the papers I sorted and went through. I’m so stupid. What if he thinks that I was looking for information?
If I ever have to face that cold, betrayed anger in his eyes again, it would shatter me completely. Think, Lil. But how when every breath is filled with his scent, every thought consumed by his touch ?
Like this means something. Like we’re not just two people who keep falling into bed together despite our better judgment.
He’s going to accuse me again, isn’t he? And then he’ll kick me out.
“What’s wrong?” His arms tighten around me. “I thought you wanted this.”
I do… did. Whatever.
“I should start dinner.” My voice sounds distant. Foreign. Like it belongs to someone else.
“Isn’t it already done?”
“I…”